you gave me these feelings, and named that moment 'love'

"Come here. I promise, that dagger of yours needs not taste blood again tonight. If you truly think yourself unworthy in my eyes, dear Camellia.. ..then please, allow me to demonstrate *exactly* what worth you hold to me."

(comments/reblogs are appreciated but never required. further context is under the readmore!)

the start of the callout with zale was handled a pretty long time ago now. i don't know why that was included. i even made amends and friends with some of the people involved in all of that and i'm so grateful for it. i was since informed that zale liveblogged the stalking of my blog for over a year to multiple people, sending every post i made out and saying it was about them. i barely knew zale. everything with zale was a misunderstanding. i didn't send zale anything and i certainly didn't tell anyone to. i trusted friends to try and help me be safe and i was wrong about those people. but i am not the only one who knows about this stuff. i hope for their own safety that they'll stay out of it too. i'd rather take the fall as i go.

then there's the abby thing. it is so nonsensical that i don't even know how to explain. i didn't know the creator of tlou was a zionist. i genuinely didn't. a bunch of my friends here also didn't know. i had a priv tumblr at the time where only close friends followed me and i asked their opinions about what i should do before i dropped her (i only shipped with her for several days). this wasn't because i wanted an excuse but i misunderstood the details about the creator. i was confused by the post i read and thought it said his newest unreleased game was the one based on zionism, not tlou, which is why i asked if tlou was still bad to engage with. that was my error that i admitted to and apologized for. there are screenshots of me apologizing. i donated money to palestinians in apology too. i'm not sure what more i could have done here. the posts were also taken out of context because i was reacting/responding to a single person who wrote up a big post about me, and how i must be lying about not knowing. this person made a post full of strange slander. my words weren't for anything but criticizing the way someone talked about me, not other people, not in general. many others saw the post they made so they know what i am referring to.

i have nothing to say about the transformers thing because it quite literally had nothing to do with me? the people involved had their names blurred out because... they're not me. i don't know transformers, i've never been a fan of transformers, so i still do not understand why this incident between users in dms is tied to me. besides saying "they must have talked about it to ariane"? that's just false gossip... please understand the concept of hearsay. not just for this, but so many of the reblog tags - some of which even admit to being hearsay.

there were so many things taken out of context, half of those being me making a reply post to something a mutual said/posted and talking about very specific things that no one has the context for now. but lastly, i have always been open and apologetic about my behavior in the past when i identified as a trans man. i posted about this many times in fact. it was years ago now, and i was in a bad place with bad people. i let being around their toxicity cloud my opinions and my judgment. that isn't their fault, it's mine. it's only an explanation. i have changed so much since then (as you can see, i'm a lesbian and not a man lol). i saw things in response to this callout saying "i did bad things and said bad things a while ago but i wouldn't repeat that behavior". so why am i the only one exempt from this? i know it's gratifying to have someone to blame for all your problems and your lasting anger with me, but i'm a person the same exact way you are, and we are both capable of growth and change. we can't chase each other for our past mistakes forever.

it hurts very much seeing people i thought of as good friends and loved saying "she made me uncomfortable so it must be true, she's a liar". nothing i've ever said about anything has been a lie. i don't know what anyone gets from these screenshots that i'm lying about something. people are using this as an excuse to air personal gripes and grievances with me that are just that: personal. a ton of which i didn't even know existed. people i adored saying i made them uncomfortable all along and i was blissfully ignorant. no one talked to me. i ask all the time if i'm doing something wrong. nothing. even lesbians turning on me for saying lesbians aren't attracted to men? i don't understand. if you think lesbians are attracted to men you should have just blocked me like i've always encouraged a long time ago. there is even a misogynist in the notes talking badly about me because i once reblogged a 100k notes post saying men shouldn't have opinions on women's bodies. said man actually stalks and harasses f/o doubles constantly. there are people i cherished deeply when we were friends who blocked me out of the blue and i never knew why, saying i did horrible things to them when i know i never did. if something happened like they got anons and think it was me, that is heartbreaking. in self ship, these interpersonal issues and gossips go way too far and end up harming so many people. not just me, but all these people who think i was sending them hate or stalking them. they get hurt no matter if they believe it's me or not. and when i'm gone it will continue just as it always has. i'm sorry for when you come to realize that is the internet, not one brown woman terrorizing you. i encourage ip trackers to see who is landing on your ask pages when you get hate.

in the end, i didn't delete because the callout was "right" - i deleted because a group of people who know my personal information like name, phone number and where i live found it, and it immediately became a dangerous situation. there have been threats made. i didn't have time to post more or try to talk to anyone individually. i hope you can understand doing this to protect myself irl, because it has now gone beyond just tumblr. thank you again. i loved the friends i made even if they showed their true feelings about me by now. i loved having fun with you. i loved seeing people i once knew still thriving out there. i hope it only continues. thank you for everything.

Camellia and Lorenza are getting married in FFXIV at the end of this month, and you are cordially invited to attend if you would like to! This is something we've had planned for a fair while now, and it's very exciting for it to finally get to happen in-game ^-^

Invitations are open to any friends and mutuals who wish to attend, even if you don’t already play the game - as long as you can install it, we can in theory send you an invitation (it’s just a bit more of a multi-step process, the first part of which must be done before the 17th if we want the best chance of it working!).

Please see the guidance under the readmore for more information - and, if you have any questions about any part of this event, then please feel free to contact me or @milfyuri! Thank you~

How to get to the wedding ceremony:

Eye strain + Gore warning! Here's a video to the song that basically created the OG Panda Pearl premise!

hi i’m sea, wednesday is my birthday, my dog is dying, and i’m sick.

at this point, all i want for my birthday is to stay home to be with him in his last days. we may have to put him down today, but i selfishly want to give him a night to see if things turn around.

unfortunately, i can’t take a day off financially. i have extremely limited hours and can’t get more to make up for what i miss.

i need about 84 dollars per day. ideally i’d take the rest of the week off, but i know that’s a hard ask. getting tomorrow off would be my main goal.

please only donate if you can afford to

10/84 (or 252 if possible)

here’s my paypal:

Ever since I saw this tweet from the voice actress about being cast as Wuk Lamat, I haven't even considered headcanoning the character as trans out of respect for the VA!

wishing sapphic selfshippers a very happy pride month!!!! ^-^

we forget about killed swine, but the pain will not be gone.