milf scholar

i am joining the war on problematic age gaps on the side of problematic age gaps

Even if I were running for mayor I would still vote by mail

pulling increasingly archaic music playing devices and earbuds out of my pockets

gently touching her shaved armpit, will you stop? for me?

they’re calling her mr legs

now look here: hits you with a brick

i think my dream job is having 15-20 women who pay for me hourly to hang around and they can show me their art or like memes or i can watch them game and say things like “that’s lovely honey” or “you’ll beat that boss next try sweetheart” or hit my most motherly giggle

ah the ocean. natures most gorgeous garbage can

everyone loves to kill nuclear things by asking “but what if something that will never happen actually does happen in a million years?” sure what if? it won’t but whatever

asking my search engine riddles just to see it squirm

darling i must confess, i have far too much in my hands, it defies reason. this is going to end unimaginably poorly

you probably really only ever need three. think about it. points in a plane, entries in lists, legs on a stools, kisses on my forehead, number of hearts one has broken. three is perfect for all of them

i think gaining 20lbs and becoming a sloppy woman would, well i dunno maybe not “fix me”. but a lot of pieces might start falling into place