from the ashes of captivity

okay, no family. damn.

she hopes it's just that he's (allegedly) from out of state. but seeing the spike of panic on his face, she doubts it.

as for the for the ambulance and a hospital visit, she assumes for his reluctance that he can't afford it. she just doesn't say that, because she's not fucking rude, unlike some people.

"uh... no? if you're concussed, you definitely should not sleep it off. which is the kind of thing an er doctor could tell you."

but alice has to admit... it's not his only option.

hallucination is definitely still on the table.

tony only half takes in what she says about concussion, eyes wide and paying far more attention to the suit than the human within. until----

"you can do a brain scan?" there's an incongruous mix of awe and disbelief there. something that would perhaps be excitement if not for the confusion ( and the quickly forming headache ) "how?"

"oh, man. kind of?" time-sensitive, she means. "i gotta get home soon."

she can't just pop home to change outfits and come back. (and she can't imagine any location she could meet him at later that wouldn't immediately clue him in, anyway.) not because anyone is waiting up for her, worrying—though julie might be, if she's home—but because once she gets back, she's going to fall into bed and pass out.

(khaji ren could protest about whether she, strictly speaking, needs to; after all, it's kept her going for much longer, in much worse circumstances. but it doesn't.)

armoring down in public would be impulsive and risky, especially now that he's bringing up paparazzi.

so she does something else impulsive and risky.

she lets khaji ren wire her into his earpiece—directly into iron man's motherfucking iron man suit. because what could go wrong with that. it's just a phone call minus the phone, right?

no, he does recognise it. but by the time he recognises it, she’s already explained herself. 

well, he was right about coincidences. what exactly were the chances of julie’s roommate being a superhero? definitely higher than they fucking should be.

they were meant to be having a conversation about trips into outer space, weren't they? goddammit.

his eyes are wide. shock plastered all over his face for a second before he dials it back. he had not been even close to putting two and two together.

"that's time sensitive? why couldn't you just tell me that later?"

The channels in his claws never fully empty, but when he is satisfied that they are not being refilled as quickly as he can deplete them, he changes his posture. Awkwardly, he lets his hands hang at his sides, then tries crossing his arms over his chest, then swipes a knuckle at the sweat beading at his temple.

“Yeah…”

It feels weird to hear his name; it stirs memories he’s not exactly tried to push away, but has just been too busy trying to make it on his own to dwell on. Rhett, with an open hand extended to him despite what he’d done to the other young man’s father-figure, had been the last one to use it, just before they’d parted ways

“It’s– nice. To meet you too.”

He’s not sure he feels that way. He’s not sure what he feels, to be honest. But even he knows that’s what he’s expected to say in return. Even if he’s not sure Tony means it either, or that he wants him to mean it.

The guy is smiling though, broad and bright.

Efren tries–and fails–to mimic the expression, too conscious of his teeth to show them and too drained to pull the smile wide enough to raise his permanently sun-dappled cheeks.

“You don’t have to do that,” he assures Tony, reaching into his pocket to assure himself that the old gator’s leather wallet he’d lifted from a poacher’s camp was still there. “I have money.”

And he cannot see why he feels that he owes Efren anything after bailing him out of trouble.

Still, he takes a half step toward the doors they’d bolted from. The cashier has seen similar things happen around him before, but maybe never quite so intense on the inside of the store itself. And he wants to apologize to her, and to check in with her, now that he’s calmed down.

"Uh----"

Faced with such a straight question Tony can only stare blankly at Efren.

Most people don't argue when Tony Stark says he owes them. Admittedly, it's not something he says often, because he's not stupid, he knows most of the people he hangs around with would only take advantage of that. Most of them already only hang around with him at all because they want his money or resources or connections.

"I don't know. Habit, I guess."

Tony scrubs at the back of his neck again, through dark hair starting to curl at the end in the heat.

"Normally when I get into trouble it's my own fault. Which I guess this still was, I was the one who provoked them, and y'know, that might come back to bite you in the ass more than it will me." He's still not sure what else he could have done instead. How was he supposed to get their attention off of Efren without riling them up?

( He's young still. Not as savvy as he will be one day. Doesn't mean that winding people up as a distraction technique ever stops being a major part of his arsenal. )

He takes a step forward, following Efren back around towards the front of the store. "Will the staff blame you for the, uh, scene? I can explain it was my fault. If that would help."

"I'm not looking to hitch a ride. I'm looking for help." After a long moment of staring like she's trying to measure his soul for a suit of armor like hers, her gaze finally turns to the ship. "Help goes both ways."

Thinking aloud, she asks, "What does it need?" Before the words leave her lips, scarab starts to feed her a nice, long list of problems it's picked up from a cursory scan. Yeah, no, not sea-worthy yet.

Alice is far from stuck on this station. That's the thing about wings. But it doesn't once occur to her just to fly away again.

Good with tech sounds great, he could definitely do with another pair of hands. But the mention of a map---- now that has his heart leaping again, his gaze torn back from the robot to Alice.

Tony's been hitching rides chiefly based on money. Any choices about a particular direction have been based on sketchy, half-informed mathematical guesses and a good amount of hopes and prayers.

But a map!!

"You want to help me?" he tests, needing confirmation of what exactly she just said. Not exactly disbelief but---- he's been alone for a long time.

"You deserve better than me."

"I don't know how to be loved."

"You're not… going to hurt me?"

"Why do you want to be around me?"

"Why would you choose to stay near me?"

"I can't believe you're still sticking around."

"No one's ever cared about me like you do."

"You… actually want to know how I'm doing?"

"You're too nice. You shouldn't be nice to me. "

"Why aren't you scared of me? Everyone else is."

"You're the only person who gave me a chance, so thanks."

"I've done a lot of bad things… why don't you care about that?"

"You shouldn't love me. Bad things happen to people who love me."

"No, there's nothing I need from you. There's nothing In need from anyone!"

"Nobody's ever treated me this nicely before. It's weird. What do you want?"

"I'm just gonna hurt you eventually. I hurt everyone. That's what they told me."

"This is all really new to me. So, just give me some time to get used to being cared for, okay?"

don't force it. advice her dad used to give her a hundred times a day, it felt like. you can't force it. people have to choose to stay, or they won't get what they need. you have to let people go; you don't know what they're going to.

even if she has a pretty good idea of what he's running from, right now.

his adrenaline hasn't dropped off. she feels like—it would be better, kinder to him, if he came with her outside, whatever else they do or don't talk about. but what she wants doesn't really matter. alice's head tilts, not quite a nod. nor does she acknowledge his exit line directly.

"i meant it, you know. we're gonna look out for you. you can be here whenever you want."

tony meets alice’s gaze, micro-expressions flickering across his eyes. guarded, confused, skeptic, uncomfortable. touched. 

tony stark lives in a world populated by sharks who circle up as soon as they smell blood in the water. as always, a genuine expression of care is an equation that doesn’t add up. an unexpected variable in the middle of his calculation. but this isn’t nick fury ambushing him in a barn, stuffed full of ulterior motives and secrets and shared understandings. alice doesn’t know him. 

he’s already unsettled. this might be the opposite end of the scale, but it’s still just as unsettling. he doesn’t have the slightest frame of reference to know if this is how people usually treat their friend’s siblings or if this is unique to alice. which isn’t to say that it’s not appreciated, but to cut a lot of introspection short: tony doesn’t trust easy. 

but you have to start somewhere. 

anyways. not the point.

point is, he really shouldn't have said that. it's— well, he does mean it, but given he's sort of kind of pretty much knows the guy like the back of his hand, because they're connected, harley really should've known better. he works his jaw. tries again.

❛⠀i mean, i'm not really doing anything except sometimes help you out of the chair or bully you to walk whatever required steps that you need, and sometimes help look after morgan who is really sweet anyway if you and pepper need to talk, which isn't much different than looking after my sister, but what i mean is— i ... yeah, i'm an asshole kid, but i'm, like, your padawan, y'know ? i'm your asshole kid. ❜

so yeah, he's been grumbly and probably more of an asshole than usual.

don't you have more important things to do? he's thought it more than once, since harley's been here, helping out. clearly he's been thinking it loudly enough that harley's felt it. the kid definitely knows him too well. tony's not sure that's a good thing.

"you're not wrong, kid." a pause, a frown, and because tony's gotten soft in his old age, he adds, "don't call yourself an asshole."

he sighs, trying not to wince as he stretches out, and finally looking over at harley. kid says that he doesn't mind, but tony does. calls himself his padawan, but what kind of apprenticeship is this? they should be mucking about in the workshop. building whatever stupidly brilliant idea harley has today. instead they're stuck doing physical therapy.

why are you here ?

drive .  drive fast .

i think we should make an informed decision .

are you coming or not ?

you’ve been avoiding me .

[ name ] ,  what were you thinking ?

this should be your priority .

let me hold you for a minute .

get out of my way .  i won’t tell you again .

that wasn’t supposed to happen .

can you keep a secret ?

i don’t know what i did to deserve you .

you seriously think i could’ve done something like that ?

you’re safe with me .

sorry isn’t good enough .

where is all this coming from ?

who told you about that ?

sorry i’m late ,  i got caught up .

you’re being paranoid .

why are you looking at me like that ?

you’re the single most important thing to me .

all i’m asking is that you hear me out .

whatever they told you ,  it’s a lie .

we shouldn’t stick around here .

hold my hand ,  i don’t want to lose track of you .

[ name ]  …  truth or dare ?

i love you .  nothing’s gonna change that .

can you tell me what happened ?

you can’t come around here anymore .

back off ,  okay ?

what ,  you don’t have time for me anymore ?

you’re asking for too much .

i’m trying to start a new life .

what do you mean ,  you aren’t coming back ?

sometimes i think you must hate me .

why can’t we just talk about this ?

i know i fucked up ,  you can stop rubbing it in .

you’ve got quite a reputation .

i’m not usually like this ,  i’m sorry .

please ,  just let me explain myself .

i love watching you work .

we’re on the same team .

did you ever tell anyone ?

you’ve got a lot of explaining to do .

really funny ,  you’re very mature .

you call THAT a PLAN ?

can we get out of here ?

i thought things would be different .

this is not up for debate !

do whatever you have to do .

karma’s going to get you for that .

it could’ve been a lot worse .

i asked you to leave me out of this .

maybe it’s time to take a leap of faith .

i never want to see you again .

can you see how many fingers i’m holding up ?

i’m gonna be there when you get what’s coming to you .

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me .

i’ve been waiting all night for this .

i told you not to contact me .

sometimes i really think you have a death wish .

what do you need ?  —  what can i do ?

i would do literally anything to keep you safe .

that was supposed to be a secret .

you haven’t called me that in years .

stop telling me to calm down !

we make a pretty good team .

i have so much i want to say to you .

i’m not going to let anyone hurt you .

can we please not do this right now ? 

wait ,  wait  …  just breathe for a second .

how are you holding up ?

why don’t you stay the night ?  i’ll take the couch .

i don’t need your protection !

you’re not making this easier on yourself .

are you going to let me in ?

i’m supposed to be protecting you .

i will kill you if i have to .

do whatever you have to do .

this is going to hurt ,  i’m sorry .

what happened to you ,  where have you been ?!

there was nothing you could’ve done .

you’re all i need right now .

i don’t believe in love at first sight .

have you been following me ?

i need you to believe me .

what do you remember ?

i’m not a good person .

what the hell’s going on with you ?

you’re being followed .

just when i thought my day couldn’t be any worse .

i’ve been having weird dreams .

so you’ve been lying to me this whole time ?

are you trying to get us killed ?

this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me .

i never asked for your help .

you’re being followed ,  pretend you know me .

why has it started to feel different with you ?

don’t worry ,  i have a plan .

i heard everything .

do you need to sit down ?

i have the right to know what’s going on .

i’ve just gotta catch my breath .

stay out of my business .

what did you think was going to happen ?!

don’t cause a scene .

tell me something about you that i don’t know .

can i buy you a drink ?

what if  …  we played spin the bottle ?

this was never a problem until  [ name ]  came around .

you can’t ask me to make that choice .

are you seeing anyone right now ?

i need you to listen to me ,  we don’t have long .

you’re lying ,  that doesn’t make any sense .

you look  …  stunning .

what are you trying to prove ?

who died and made you the boss of me ?

you can’t just show up here like this .

let me make it up to you .

there’s no way i’m leaving you like this .

can we stay like this ?  just for a little longer .

i don’t need you to fight for me .

so  …  you lied to me ?

you’re the only one that can help me .

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

i never introduced myself ,  i’m [ name ] .

i expected more from you .

you have no idea who i am ,  do you ?

are you real ?  is this real ?

can i stay with you ?  just for the night .

you’re going to get yourself killed .

why did you help me ?

tell me what i can do to help .

pick a card ,  any card .

i never wanted any of this .

do you wanna get out of here ?

what the hell are you talking about ?

i should have trusted you .

get your head out of the clouds .

how is any of this MY fault ?!

what aren’t you telling me ?

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

it’s never just one with you ,  is it ?

you’re not supposed to know about that .

shut your mouth .

i haven’t kissed you yet ,  today .

where is this coming from ?

come over here and make me ,  then .

keep lying to yourself ,  see where it gets you .

i’m not a bad person .

is that what you wanted to hear ?

we can’t be seen together .

i can’t give you what you want .

i need you to leave .

are you drunk ?

i’m here ,  i’m here .  i’m not going anywhere .

you might want to take a seat for this .

have you been listening to anything i’ve said ?

i haven’t heard from you in weeks .

you’re jealous ,  aren’t you ?

who do you think you’re talking to ?

what are you reading ?

you could’ve killed me !

come on ,  we don’t have time for this .

i just need ten minutes of silence .

really ?  that’s all you have to say ?

we could leave ,  you know .  go far away .

you don’t look too good .

i never want to see you again .

why can’t you just leave me alone ?

i thought you died .

you’ll do anything for attention .

how’s the weather up there ?

all you do is hurt people !

i’m sorry ,  none of this makes sense .

you need to get out of here before anyone sees you .

i told you i didn’t want you around here .

is that supposed to be a threat ?

you’ve changed .

don’t look at me like that .

it’s a beautiful day ,  don’t you think ?

i did what i had to do .

you never know when to stop .

i’ve got to get home ,  it’s getting late .

i have nothing to prove to you .

stop LYING to me  …  all you do is lie .

you don’t have to be nice to everybody .

don’t tell me what to do .

pull your head out of the past .

we are not talking about that right now .

are you new around here ?

you have no idea what you’re starting .

i’m gonna get us out of here .

everyone’s staring at us .

is there anything i can do to help ?

i won’t cause you any more trouble .

– just follow my instructions for once !

do you want to come in ?

i don’t know what you want me to say .

you’re not like anyone else i’ve ever met .

i feel like i’m going insane .

stop asking ,  you’re not going to like my answer .

i didn’t want you to see me any differently .

his friend, JARVIS tells her, and seeing it written so clearly by the AI, does something to her. she and tony had been working towards friendship, both having agreed that anything close to romanic wasn't wise given their profession and lifestyle. but they'd gone out for brunch, had an occasional dinner, and when she was gone on assignment, she'd occasionally reached out to him. they'd both made an effort to be friends.

it's different than any other friendship that she's had. all of them had been forged through work relationships, or trying to kill each other. but she'd wanted to get to know tony, and then she'd discovered that she genuinely likes spending time with him. absently, natasha rubs at her chest, and wonders if this heartache is because she lost a friend. and it's not because she blames him, his self-imposed isolation is his own guilt.

[ he's not answering my texts. ] she counters. she could reach out to him every single day through messages, and calls, but with distance and electronics, he can continue to ignore her, can continue to push them all away.

oh -- oh. the thought is sudden, because he can keep ignoring her electronically, but if she showed up -- if she made him confront her? of course, she'd need to be allowed into his home. there is no point in forcing it if she'd be left on his doorstep.

[ J, hypothetically, does tony have a list of people that are allowed entry into his home without direct clearance from him? and hypothetically, if i showed up, would you have to tell him to let me in?" ]

[ you have not been removed from any list that would allow you unannounced entry to the house. i would have to inform him if you approached the workshop. but he does not spend all his time in the workshop. ]

it might be a bad idea. it might make sir feel like he is being ambushed, again, and this time in his own home. but JARVIS thinks that anything is better than this holding pattern they find themselves in.

( JARVIS never used to like taking risks. anyway, risk doesn’t have the same meaning when you can calculate probabilities to hundreds of decimal places. but he was coded by tony stark. he’s learned almost everything he knows from tony stark. risk-taking is in his metaphorical blood. )

[ i would be very happy to see you ] he adds, and he’s not sure why, but it’s true. even if mr stark refuses to co-operate, continues to ignore them, JARVIS will be pleased to see agent romanoff.