The Bones They Are Mild

he was actually a forestry graduate student who was doing research on bristlecone pines (Pinus langaevea) and got his increment borer stuck in the tree. this tool costs almost $800, so he asked the forest service if he could cut down the tree to recover the tool. after cutting it down, it became apparent that the tree was actually the oldest living organism. ever. (around 8,000 years old). so, not just some asshole. the guy feels extremely guilty and has even broken down in tears during an interview about the accident

its so different to know it was an accident and that NO ONE was aware until after. its not like this was one ignorant guy cutting down a fucking relic.

It is possible that somewhere off the coast of Newfoundland there is an iceberg shaped like a giant dick.

AND THE PHOTOGRAPHER COMES FROM DILDO, NEWFOUNDLAND

Mr. Pretty from Dildo, Newfoundland photographed a Giant Penis Shaped Iceberg

This reads like an article in the postillion

I'm like if a chivalrous knight kissed a fair maiden's hand and said "my lady, I fight for you" and then walked off and immediately tripped over his own armor and fell on the ground

"As I was saying, milady," he springs to his feet, declaring proudly, "I worship the very ground you - " before tripping again.

#my knight in stumbling armor