Major girl crush on now LA-based writer Mary HK Choi-- 'By now, I’ve already fessed up to speaking Korean, because I’d never want to dupe this woman into freely talking smack in the refuge of my perceived ignorance. But that sets in motion the rapid-fire interrogation that, unlike Monty Python and the Spanish Inquisition, you expect every time. Round after round about my education, my apartment, my job, my man, my decision-making skills.'

You're so good at being GOOD. But how good are you at being YOU? You know what makes a spark? A real human being with a bad attitude who's tired of moving shit just to sit down in a motherfucker's apartment. A woman who, after 18 months of doing everything together, doesn't sigh and say, "Okay. I'm hurt, but I totally get it." She says, "HOLY FUCK I THOUGHT YOU WERE ABOUT TO POP THE FUCKING QUESTION. THIS IS SUCH A FUCKING CURVEBALL." [Knocks a pile of books off a chair to sit down.] "I just wish I hadn't worn these fucking tall shoes, they're killing me, and I thought I should wear them in case we needed to go out somewhere nice to celebrate!" [Takes off shoes and throws them at the wall.] "GodDAMN IT! FUCK THIS!!!!" [Grabs a sketch from some pile of shitty sketches and rips it into a million pieces. Throws body onto filthy carpet and sobs, noting bits of filth in carpet while sobbing.] Okay, so that was a dramatization of some messy behavior. I'm not trying to tell you to be more of a psycho and someone will love you completely. But you DO need to be SOMETHING. Are you afraid of being something?

I know I was addicted to the oxytocin produced by having a man in my life -- no matter how awful a man. And if my brain didn't have cocaine, it would settle for the dopamine and adrenaline stimulated by the anticipation of physical violence. Abusive relationships are like most drugs: They get you high.