My thoughts about Kemutai Hanashi - Chapter 2 and 3: Relationships and labels
I was working on another fan-art drawing for Kemutai Hanashi while writing these thoughts down for my website. It has been a long time since I shared my first feelings on the very first chapter. Life gets busy, and so many things have happened to me and around me since then. I needed some time to process everything before I could sit down and write again.
There is not a lot of big action to talk about in the second and third chapters. But reading them gave me a very strong feeling. It made me think deeply about what it means to share a life with someone and how we try so hard to define the connections between people. I want to pour my own life experiences into this piece, but I also want to look at how this affects other people. These are just my personal feelings mixed with what I see in the world, so please read them gently.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way. So many people in this world find it incredibly hard to figure out what kind of relationship they actually have with someone else. Take my best friend, for example. We met and started talking back in middle school. From my side, the way I feel is definitely not the standard romantic love that people expect you to feel. But I cannot call it just a normal friendship either. It is not a simple mix of the two, and it is definitely not just being regular friends. There is simply no accurate name for it.
I think a lot of people go through this exact same thing. They have someone in their life who means the world to them, but there is no word for it. When the rest of the world sees two people spending a lot of time together, they instantly assume things. They want to put you in a box. They ask if you are dating or if you are just friends. But being close to someone does not automatically mean you fit into a standard relationship box. Sometimes you just exist together, and that is enough.
Society often looks at an unnamed bond and calls it a situationship. People usually think it just means both sides want freedom, hate rules, and refuse to play the roles society gives them. People assume it is just a dead end that will never grow into anything real, like a waiting room for a real relationship. But is that really the whole truth? I do not think so.
As we grow up, many of us start to see the heavy problems that come with named relationships. Sometimes the labels carry too much weight, more than anyone can easily carry or explain. I saw this happen with my own parents, and I know many people who have seen the same thing in their own families. The label of love ended up creating messy expectations. They felt they had to act a certain way because they were a married couple. It ruined the bond between our family members, and seeing that hurt me deeply. It makes sense why so many people are afraid of labeling their connections. They do not want to destroy a good thing by forcing it to follow society's rules.
I have never been in a traditional relationship in my life. Even if I tried, it never went anywhere. I hate pretending to like someone just to fit in with the crowd. I hate making up a fake crush or a fake friend just to have a normal answer when people ask about my social life. I know many young people feel this exact same pressure to pretend so they do not feel left out. But I like being on my own. I have good bonds with my friends, and that is just really enough for me. Things do not need to change just to please other people.
People who study language often say that the words we use actually shape how we think and act. Language is the main tool we use to build our view of the world. It is how we connect with others. Society works because we tend to believe that words make things real. Saying "I do" at a wedding magically makes you married in the eyes of the world. Swearing a promise binds you to it. Declaring war changes history. Since humans rely so much on talking, we end up shaping our lives based on the words we choose. Saying "I love you" might trick you into acting out a specific romantic script from a movie. Calling someone your partner forces you to think as a pair instead of an individual person. You start acting the way you think a partner should act, instead of just being yourself.
The words we have for human connection are just too black and white. We are taught from a young age that things are either just friends or lovers. They are either casual or serious. But the real world is a huge, confusing mix of feelings. So many people have deep connections with someone without wanting any romance at all. You can care deeply and respect someone in a playful way without wanting to be a traditional couple. We just do not have the right words for these beautiful middle spaces, and that leaves a lot of people feeling totally misunderstood.
I wrote a tweet a while ago that said: "I think every art form matters. Writing is how the inside finds the page, and art is how we say the things words cannot reach. Music is the shift of the heart. Dance is the body finally following its own desires. Art is everything, really."
I truly believe that. We use art because normal talking is not enough to show what is inside us. But just like words have limits, drawings have limits too. Dance lacks a way to form proper sentences. Every form of art falls short in some way. Because of this, it feels wrong to let a single relationship name act as a label that limits us. Why should a single word force us to play a certain role when even an entire painting cannot explain how we feel?
Even with writing and art, I still find it so hard to explain my feelings toward my best friend. I do not have the urge or the brave heart to say all these things out loud to him. We actually have nothing in common. But somehow, life has allowed us to keep talking for all these years. My biggest fear is that our chances to talk will slowly fade away. Without a label to lock us together, the only thing keeping us connected is our choice to talk today. I am terrified that one day life will get too busy, we will drift apart, and I will never see him again. It is a very common, very human fear to watch someone slip out of your life.
While reading the manga, I found myself relating to Arita a lot. There was a time when I truly wanted to ask my best friend to live with me. The thought of sharing everyday life with someone you care about feels very comforting. Right now, we are both college students. In the eyes of society, two college students sharing an apartment is completely normal. People just call it being roommates. It is a safe and easy excuse to use, and many young people hide behind that excuse to stay close to someone they care about.
But underneath that safe word, I feel a deep sense of fear. I am scared because I do not know what would actually happen between us if we shared a home. When you live with someone, you share your mornings, your late nights, and all your vulnerable moments. Invisible walls naturally start to break down. Without a clear word to define our connection, our boundaries are already blurry. If we live together, what happens if things slip and change into something even more confusing?
I also worry about the outside world. I wonder how my parents would look at me and him. I wonder what my other friends would say. Would they start looking at us differently? Would they start asking questions we do not know how to answer, or force us to pick a label just so they can feel comfortable? It is a heavy kind of fear in my mind. You want to be closer to the person you care about, but you are terrified of ruining the fragile balance you currently share.
Relationships and labels often fool us. They trick us into thinking we have to change ourselves to fit neatly inside them. They make us think that if we do not have a name for what we are, then what we have is not real. Maybe we all need to look at this differently. At the end of the day, human feelings are not a puzzle to fix. There is nothing that can be perfectly solved.
Instead of letting the fear of the future freeze us, maybe we just need to take a deep breath. What happens if we simply stop trying to find the right word for it? Maybe we can just keep going, holding onto these connections, and walking forward without ever really knowing how the story will end.
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