Jul 24
#ami's ramblings#ik before i had a hard time when it came to reaching out to others#but back then i'd not have this hard of a struggle to do so and even when i felt isolated it wasn't this bad#i've been so increasingly hopeless and like i can't even feel like i can fully ever vent even in say a vent channel bc i'd get yelled at#like i legit don't know what to do anymore existing is difficult i only do so for those around me#i know that's such a depressive way to express it but like... what do i do?#i hate that i also just don't ever feel like i really belong anywhere anymore i feel like i'm just there#idk 'd just kinda... wish i could feel like i'm wanted for once and not just bc i can search smth up for someone else#like wanted for me not for what i can do for ppl#i love helping but idk i just don't feel like i am welcome anywhere#i just exist and i'm not wanted i'm just there when i'm needed#i've gotten so used to masking all my hurt it's just hard to know what to do#idk i needed somewhere to vent#is this a means of trying to reach out? idk i mean idk who know that uses here as much#but idk i just need smth wwhere it's not just a hug emote and nothing#i'd like for once idk... actual attempts to help#it's always like everyone elsehas problems but i'm not allowed to have them#i keep being so close to just writing 'what if i jumped in front of a train' and see how little ppl care#but i won't bc then in some messed up way i feel like i wouldn't believe if any concern was shown#it's that bad
