To think that another year's gone by. It's bittersweet, watching the sky turn the color of tangerines, with none of you are here to see it. I never understood that, but forgive me, I struggle with it as much as anybody else, and I reckon I will continue to struggle with it.
Time has become something tangible, when it used to pass me by like strangers in the night. It escapes me, even now; that the finity of memories runs its course. I do admit, I understand the old man a little better now, avoiding his own like that.
The loneliness that comes with it is a curse, one I do not wish anyone to bear. I used to like birthdays, each day I'm grateful you were there. I don't mean to put a damper on today, though I suppose every rainbow starts with a little rain after all.
When I close my eyes, I can still feel the fire, the taste of rotgut on our lips and the promise that tomorrow would bring more than today. So why did tomorrow never come? Perhaps it did, and went and gone too fast for anyone to notice. It's hard to catch something that flows like sand between your fingers, maybe that's why I couldn't hold onto you. Just kidding.
I don't regret the time we spent together. Those were the best days of my life, one I was blessed to have. I don't have much in my life, but I had you. That's all I could have asked for, even if the time we had was short. We certainly didn't leave on the best of terms, but knowing you all was worth each farewell on the moors.
Forgive me, I might have gotten a little greedy. Each moment, each memory I keep away, just for myself. It's hard to let go of people I love. But you'll just have to bear with it for today okay? It's not everyday I get to indulge.
I bought myself a cake for today, nothing quite too grand, no. I don't think I could finish one by myself anymore. It's nice, strawberry with whipped cream, candied lemons. Simple pleasures. Today is supposed to be happy after all, who knows how much any of you would nag my ears off if I didn't at least try.
It's soft, and it tries. Not too sweet, a little sour. I think it fits me just fine, I ain't made of sugar or anything particularly fine. Something to go well with the tea I picked. Perhaps I'm thinking too far ahead, but next year I'd like one with sweet potato. I think it would be good.
The suns are warm on my skin and I can see the stars adorn the sunset. I can almost pluck the ones I like the most out of the sky.
Once, I shared it with you. I'd like to share it again, if we ever see each other. I want to get it right this time.
With all my love,
Solais Lévesque.
P.S. I love you.
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