found some coltlandgentry x noah kahan thoughts in my notes..enjoy
the line 'i'm an astronaut' makes it misleading that this is gonna be about ryland...nope!! it's about colt!
well, it's colt's perspective but about ryland after he'd gone to space
'some will never know theyโre beautiful until the crowd points it out for them', when they were younger, ryland would always put himself down or not think of himself as smart as he was; colt and six would always try to boost his ego
i think of the chorus to be about when colt and six went back to their old house after ryland left - 'alien ground', he doesn't feel attached to the town anymore, it holds no comfort to him
'i'm a college kid', he feels the memories coming back from when they were younger when he's there again
'i'm an astronaut, you're the moon, i stare at you, i sing to you, i circle you', every time colt looks up to the sky, he looks to the moon and talks to it as if it's ryland. he doesn't know where his twin is but he feels like talking to the moon will be the closest he can get to talking directly to him again. 'i circle you' specifically hurts. his life is revolving around ryland even though he's not there anymore, he's constantly sifting through all of his memories of him
'i'm an aging wolf who lost the taste for blood', years later, he doesn't feel anger towards what happened but 'even anxious pups need the moon, i howl for you'. he still talks to the moon as if it's ryland he's talking to, he still thinks about him 24/7, but instead of 'singing' he 'howls'; he's desperate for any connection to ryland again, he misses him sosososososo much. the repetition of 'i circle you' at this part just emphasises how much he'll always be thinking of him. decades later and his life still has ryland in the centre
i think most of this is from rylands perspective but i see the first section as colt's perspective
to me this song is about six moving out as soon as possible and ryland wishing he would come back
'something 'bout the window seats got you feeling like a poet...i'm leaving towards a subject change in a sentimental moment' i imagine this to be the six driving after he's moved out and colt's in the car. six has started to try find some peace or giving colt some 'tips' on how to deal with living at home, he figures he knows certain things now that he's distanced from their home life but colt (as an angry teen) is almost mocking him with this line, saying how the help six is giving is just him stringing together unhelpful words in a way that makes him seem well-versed in this, comparing him to acting like a shitty poet. the second part is when six is saying something that hits. hard. and colt, not wanting to feel that vulnerable when he's still angry, says something to get off of that topic
'we'll be strangers in the morning', after this drive when six leaves again it'll be as if this talk never happened and they won't see each other again for ages
'you know you never really could quite place when i'm angry and when i'm joking' i personally think colt and six weren't the closest of the trio and six would often take things personally when they were younger even though most of the time it was just his humour or sarcasm
'i'm cursing...my damn Christ-like devotion to hoping you might change your mind and to hating you for going' colt was always mad at himself for hoping six might come back home..or even taking him and ryland with him. but he's also mad about how spiteful he is towards six, he still loves him, they're still brothers, but he can't +not+ feel angry about him leaving them
the rest of the song is completely ryland desperately wanting his older brother to move back, 'i'll be keeping the house the way it was,' i see ryland always going into six's bedroom to see if he came back but it was always untouched after he'd cleaned it for him the first time after Six moved out in hopes he might come back.
' i won't rub it in your face'. ryland doesn't want to make a big deal of it if six does come back, he won't host a huge welcome home party or a parade, he won't tell people that he just couldn't hack living alone, he only wants his old sibling life back
'and i'll keep rooting for your downfall', if six figures out it's too tough being away from his family in his new life, he'll come back home and be with his brothers again and that's all ryland really wants.
the next verse about hoping that everything's bad in *whomever's* new life, in this case, six's, is ryland thinking that if things are so bad where he's moved that he'll come running back
'i don't mind being your dead end, i think it's fine to never move on' i believe ryland strugglessss with change and he wholeheartedly thinks that things should just stay how they are forever, even though they aren't good. once again, all he wants is six to come back home. he doesn't mind being seen as a block to him ever growing if it means that they get to be close forever
this song ruinssss me and im just like ryland and just want the three of them to have a tight bond:((
this song is 100% sixโs perspective of wanting to be close with colt again.
โi wrestle the feelin' you're still thinking about that, wide awake in your room, just seething about thatโ six tries to not think about how mad colt is that he left, he knows how colt feels from ryland telling him and it brings him so much pain when he remembers how his brother is eternally angry for him trying to save himself
โWhen I make my flight, I'm the devilโ to colt, heโs such a bad person for moving away
โI'm willing and able, If you wanna kick this rock around, If you've got a bone to pick with meโ six wants to talk to his brother again, he wants to know exactly what colt thinks of him and what he did, he just wants to have a full conversation with him even if itโs about how shitty colt feels about what he did
โOh, we can fight like we used to fight, Bony-limbed, red-faced, and teary-eyed, Under the glow of the TV light, I'd be willing and ableโ when they were kids theyโd fight a a lot, maybe play fighting or maybe actual arguments, but at least back then they were close. now that six has moved away, he just wants to have a relationship with him even if itโs made up of fighting and arguing
โLook at you leaving again, it's all you know how to doโฆThey all say you're a light, all I see is a shadowโ whenever they do talk, it never lasts for long, colt always leaves or hangs up the phone before they can really connect and even though everyone in their lives loves colt, he finds it difficult to see him like that. when people talk about him being โa lightโ, six can only see his younger self as that great person, whereas now heโs only someone who doesnโt try to understand why he had to leave
'Cause if I call you out, I'm an assholeโ if six does try to say that coltโs being unfair then heโll be shamed for it - he moved away, he left them, heโs in the wrong so whatever colt might do that hurts him isnโt bad enough to be called out.
โAnd I wish I could know you much more sometimes, Wish I could do nothing with you, Sit in the yard while the day dies, leave it all on the tableโ once again, all six wants is to be close with his brother again. he wants those moments back from their childhood of just being young and doing nothing but being together. he misses it so much
โSay I'm sorry for everything else, If we found a way to the other side, I'd be willing and ableโ he wants to be able to apologise but colt wonโt let him, no matter how much he truly means it. if colt does let him apologise though, he would take that chance in an instant and talk everything through
lighthouse is DEFINITELY about after ryland went to space..like hello? its so obvious and so sad
'They're turning your house into a parking lot, one more outfitter store that only the tourists want, in the corner of town that just you and time forgot' years after ryland's left, everything they used to know is changing, they're tearing down old buildings and renovating others. it's nothing like they remembered anymore but neither colt or six forget what it was like before everything happened
'But I look out at the wreckage of you, for as long as there's light, for as long as you last' colt and six hold on to anything that can remind them of ryland, all the tiny notes or figurines he'd saved that they can find, anything at all. as long as they remember him they'll keep on looking for more memories, more proof that he was there
'I curse them all out, when they pick up your story, I tell it the way that you told me' when either of them hear someone talking about their hero of a brother, they'll always interject and tell them stories of him, painting him in a humanely light. they get so angry hearing any officials talking about him in televised conferences and such as if they're messing up the memory of who he truly was
'you had something misplaced that you'd spend your life trying to find' ryland always wanted to do something big as a child, wanted to change the world (which he realised he could do by inspiring future generations) and his brothers realised that him saving the world is the biggest change to humanity that he could ever do
'I still hear your name from some of the local guys, said they always placed you for the leaving type' whenever either brother visits their hometown or sees someone from ryland's newer life, they hear stories of him, maybe ones that they weren't there for and hadn't heard before. it makes them so sad that they couldn't hear these things from ryland himself
