my hands, your bones.

          “   i mean  …  i’ve never been able to leave.   ”   she shrugs,  for it’s nothing  NEW  to the blonde haired girl.  not being able to leave was a part of her usual,  every day routine.     “   i’ve never had a boyfriend;  i have had a few hook-ups,  though.   ”    as far as she’s concerned,  most boys  are a waste of time.    “   good,  as long as he’s treating you right.   ”    that being said,  jude figured there’s always  SOMEBODY  out there for everyone on this earth.  maybe peter is jean’s somebody.    “   sure thing;  gotta get my good karma somehow,  right  ?   ”

“not that i can remember.” cole amends because maybe he had gotten a shadow when he had become more human and just never noticed it or maybe it had shown up when he had arrived at the park. he stares at the dark mark on the ground and moves an arm out, watching as the movement was mimicked. “i’m mostly sure. i know that other people have shadows but being a ghost…” his lips purse together before he continues. “i never had one.”

         “   oh,  you know.  sitting at the front desk,  dealing with angry customers about being stuck here,  pretending to care  –  i should really be an actress at this point.   ”   and she folds her fingers,  looking at the brunette curiously.    “   you just gotta do what you gotta do,  really.  ooooh,  a boyfriend  ?  i’ve never had one of those.  is he nice  ?  he sounds so.  oh girl,  you just gotta go in and demand it.  besides,  they’re looking for people all the time.  want me to go with you and be your back up  ?  ”

there’s a long pause before she responds. she can think of what to say, she’s just having trouble with the concept. “...never?” he seems human enough to her, though she’s never seen anyone who wasn’t...at least, not to her knowledge. lara jean was admittedly sheltered but who could say they’d met someone without a shadow? she glanced behind him just to make sure his shadow was still there. “are you, um, sure?? what do you mean?”

            “   uh,  no  !  i’m actually the front desk manager at the hotel.   ”    that meant jude could pull  ALL  the strings to make customers happy,  even if she took a lot of the blame for them being unhappy.  it was an impossible situation,  but she  …  worked through it creatively for the most part.    “   i just did it myself,  after a lot of nagging from my parents.  but boys aren’t the same as jobs  !  jobs are more within reach;  and,  well yanno,  probably more worth the time than boys anyways.   ”

she knows she’s asleep, but it feels like waking up. it feels like she wakes up in a tree house -- not hers, it belonged to a neighbor. they used to hang out in it, all her friends from middle school. awake, she remembers these friends, she remembers the general details of who they were and what they meant to her, but there’s so much that feels fuzzy.

at first, she’s alone. then suddenly, peter. he says she asked him there. all she remembers about peter kavinsky was that he was her first kiss, but they don’t talk anymore. she doesn’t talk to anybody from high school anymore.

“i know sex is a big deal to you. i didn’t want to mess it up. you’re so innocent, lara jean. and i have all this shit in my past.” there’s nothing he could have said to surprise her more. except, in the dream, she doesn’t look surprised. she wants to say something, but he asks her in a rush what her wish is. the logic of the dream is hard for her to follow: what wish, why peter, why here?

the lara jean in the dream answers quickly, but it’s like the dream has a mind of its own. this is a different version of herself, one who feels like a stranger yet eerily familiar. it’s almost more like a memory than a dream.

dream lara jean says, “i wish that things could go back to the way they were between us. that you could be you and i could be me, and we’d have fun with each other, and it would be a really sweet first romance that i’ll remember my whole life.”

it’s getting hard to focus on what’s happening when she has no idea where this is coming from. subconsciously, she has no desire to date peter, she has no desire to...date anyone, now that she thinks about it. not until he says he loves her does she jolt back to attention. this is where she finally feels a kinship with this dream version of herself: it’s nice to feel loved by someone else, to have someone else declare they love you.

there’s mention of a contract, of heartbreak, her almost daring him when she says her heart is his. then he kisses her, and she wakes up.

           “   neither do i  !  we get treated well,  and i basically get to do whatever the want when i’m not working.   ”   and wasn’t that all an 18 year old girl could really ask for  ?  it was like  …  the perfect thing to do before going off into the real world.    “   for sure  !  the managers are super nice,  all you gotta do is get the guts to just  –  do what you want and tell them what you want.   ”

“and where exactly is here?” maggie asked, her brows furrowed as she looked around, a hand almost instinctively going to her stomach, despite the bump being barely even formed. “i ain’t the person you should ask ‘bout that stuff. i got no idea.” what use would kitchen hours be in an apocalypse anyway? 

“you’re in beautiful syracuse point!” she said brightly. lara jean loved where she lived but she rarely ever took vacations, so she romanticized her current location. she almost remembered being on a long plane ride, but this certainly wasn’t the destination, and she wasn’t sure if the memory was real or not. “oh, man, you’re not the only one. everyone seems to have more questions than answers when it comes to...well, anything around here.”

“It’s actually really nice here.” The male said as he listen to the female talk about college and stuff like that”Where did you want to go to college? I mean if you explain your reasoning I don’t see why they wouldn’t”

   ‘ i’m sure you could just USE it even without a job– ‘ a shrug pushes ponytail off of her shoulder, ‘ what? it’s not like they could kick you out of the amusement park or whatever ?  ‘

     “then you know best.” if she really had tried all of them like she claimed, he was in safe hands; there was nothing to worry about. “people giving you a hard time around here?” he only assumed by her words. “i’m security for a reason.. anyone annoying you or giving you a hard time.. let me know.” sure, it was technically her job — but they had it just as bad.  

“oh, yeah, after this i can add ‘dippin’ dots expert’ to my resume.” before this, lara jean couldn’t remember having another job. thankfully, getting a summer job at an amusement park wasn’t too difficult. “mm...only sometimes. and at least if someone got mad at me for spilling, it would actually be my fault. thanks for the offer, though. if someone ever tries to flip the cart over, i’ll be sure to let you know.”