BARREL ON THROUGH

Turns out Davey wasn’t done with the surprises. Frankly this one was more shocking than any of the fighting Death Eaters stuff had been. And more unbelievable if he was being honest. Davey was dating Dorcas Meadowes. Dating! Sure she was hot but she was also scary as fuck. And frankly a little out of their league. Even with the whole secret army shit probably elevating Davey’s league out of his, she still felt out of it. Not that it stopped him from deciding Dorcas was the lucky one because his mate was awesome. He was just surprised as fuck. “You’re dating Dorcas? Now you’ve got to be fucking with me. Dorcas? Whoa. Things really are different.” He wasn’t so sure about the liking her part. Sure he got along with most people so he might but he wasn’t so sure she’d like him. That was probably gonna be as much fun as one of those dinners Ludo sometimes dragged him to. Only this would probably involve a pop quiz of some sort.

Otto smile at Davey’s words, glad Davey wasn’t made at him for not trusting him. It was kind of a bummer he couldn’t tell Ludo but he wouldn’t. “Promise,” he said solemnly. That didn’t last too long once Davey told him about what everyone had been doing. That and the idea of Davey following a rule had him laughing. “Guess there was a reason for not following them before after all,”  he quipped. “Imagine all. The arse biting you saved yourself from. Kinda makes all those detentions worth it.” He smiled over at Davey glad things were good again. But he still had loads of questions. “So crazy Toots really fights Death Eaters? That’s wild, mate.” Almost as wild as the whole Davey dating Dorcas Meadoes thing. Maybe people were right when they said the world was all mixed up now. Sure felt like it right now.

Davey couldn’t help but chuckle when Otto asked if Davey was fucking with him. That was the same reaction he’d have had if Otto told him he was dating Dorcas Meadowes. And quite frankly, the fact still shocked Davey most of the time. His smile turned sheepish, though, when Otto mentioned just how different things were. “Yeah, you can say that again,” Davey agreed, taking another sip of firewhiskey. “I sorta keep expecting her to wake up one day and realize how out of my league she is,” he admitted with another chuckle. Merlin, he was glad he could talk to Otto again.

“Thanks.” He smiled at the other’s promise. That was all the assurance Davey needed to know Otto would keep his secret safe. And just like that, things felt almost normal again. Davey laughed. “Hell yeah it does! Only lesson I’ve learned is there are no rules worth following, I mean fucking hell,” Davey shook his head, still aghast that this was how his one attempt at rule following turned out; it had almost lost him his best friendship. Again he laughed when Otto asked about Tilden, his reaction the same as Davey’s had been. “Yeah! Weird, right? Still, I don’t think anyone was more shocked than they were when I showed up. Wish you could’ve seen the looks on everyone’s faces when they all saw me for the first time.” Davey grinned. It hadn’t felt so funny at the time, but talking about it with Otto now, Davey was almost proud of how much he’d had everyone fooled.

Otto wrinkled his nose a little at the whole quiet thing. Living at home since Ludo had moved out had been too quiet for Otto. Living alone sounded even worse. But Davey left him wondering about something completely different. “Wait, Meadowes isn’t just Doe now she’s coming over to your place? Are you two legit mates now?” That seemed weird. Not Davey being friends with a bird but Dorcas Meadowes wasn’t just a bird. She was a crazy intense, uptight bird who’d been housemates with Galvin. That was a whole lot of weird regardless of what Davey said about it not being weird.

Maybe it was shallow of him to feel good about the fact that Davey was basically saying he was cooler than all his new secret army mates but he did. Mostly though he was just glad to get his best mate back. “You were but maybe you weren’t the only one that was an idiot,” Otto decided. “I knew something was going on with you. I should have trusted you. It’s just everything was changing and if you were living up to your potential where’d that leave me?” Otto knew he really didn’t have any potential. But he was also not so dumb that he didn’t know Davey was a lot smarter than most people thought. Something that had never mattered but once Davey had started lying and sneaking around he couldn’t help thinking maybe it did now. “I’m glad we’re best mates again but I don’t want you to get kicked out. What you’re doing sounds important and pretty groovy. So do you have to like wipe my memory now or something?” He knew they did it to muggles all the time so it was probably safe. But he wasn’t sure where that would leave him and Davey now which sucked. “Can you leave the part where we’re back to being mates?”

Of course Otto would understand Davey’s distaste for living quietly. But before he could dive into that one any further, Otto was reminding him of something else Davey had yet to fill him in on. “Oh. Right, sorry, erm, I guess I thought you saw her at the hospital. I uh...well mates probably isn’t the right word for it,” he smiled sheepishly. “We’ve, er...sort of been seeing each other, actually.” Which was still strange to say out loud, though this one at least was good strange. Definitely strange though, and he could only imagine what Otto would think of it. “She’s actually a lot cooler than she seems at first. I really think you’d like her if you got to know her. Like -- actually got to know her, ‘cause it took me about a month before I stopped wanting to jinx her mouth shut,” Davey admitted with a sheepish chuckle, mostly so Otto would know he hadn’t just done a complete 180 overnight. He trusted Otto not to repeat that to anyone, though he also knew that Doe knew perfectly well how he’d once regarded her, and it had been mutual. It was wild to think how far they’d come since. But brilliant as she was, Doe couldn’t fill the hole that Otto’s friendship left behind. 

He was surprised when Otto said Davey wasn’t the only idiot. As much as Davey appreciated the sentiment, he shook his head. “Nah, you didn’t do anything wrong, mate. I don’t blame you for being pissed.” Davey would have been, too. And he could only hope he’d have been as forgiving as Otto was being right now. Especially at the next thing he said. I’m glad we’re best mates again. Just like that, they were best mates again, and just like that Davey felt a giant weight lift off his shoulders. A wide grin pulled at his lips and he laughed as he shook his head at Otto’s questions. “Wha -- no way! Just -- y’know, don’t tell anyone. Ever. I told you, the problem was never that I didn’t trust you. Turns out everyone was just talking out their arses about the whole ‘don’t tell a soul’ thing. I mean -- it is a huge secret. But apparently just about everyone’s told somebody they trust outside the Order.” Davey shook his head, pissed that he hadn’t known that for so long. “Figures the first time I actually cared about following a rule it’d bite me in the arse, doesn’t it?” He grumbled. Talk about irony.

At least Ludo wasn’t right about Davey turning into a know-it-all git like his brother. Or changing so much that he thought thick arse books were fun. It was probably more of a relief than it should have been considering everything else Davey was telling him. Especially that mention of weird injuries. But hadn’t Davey always gotten weird injuries? It was kind of normal in a sea of not normal. Though normal would have been him and Davey getting them together. Or him at least knowing about them. Instead it was from dueling of all things. Something they didn’t really do. Or hadn’t. Apparently it was something Davey did now. But not for fun so it didn’t feel too different. Just a different version of sticking up for someone he supposed. “You like it at least, living on your own? Must be kinda nice. No one to tell you not to eat cereal in your underwear in the living room at three in the afternoon.” Not that Otto had ever tried that but Ludo had plenty.

The job thing was the thing that stung the most because that had happened about the time that he’d dropped Otto. All Otto’s feelings about everything had gotten all tangled together.  But even he could admit what Davey was saying made sense. After all those last few weeks at work he’d been a pretty shit employee which was saying something because he and Otto had never really taken the shop seriously as it was. The rest of what Davey had to say was a lot. Otto didn’t know what to make of it all. Davey’s explanations were living him with more questions really. Like since when was Meadows, Doe? Or since when did Davey like working? Especially to the point where he might wanna work for the Ministry? Though Otto had to say if you were gonna work for the Ministry the Department of Mysteries was probably the coolest, if you could call any part of the Ministry cool. While he didn’t admit it out loud he kind of didn’t like that Davey wasn’t miserable in his new job. Which made him feel like a shit friend because what sort of friend wants their best mate to be miserable at work?

It was hard to keep up with the last of what Davey had to say. Otto was pretty confused till the very end. That at least he knew what to say to. “Glad about that cause I didn’t really like that version.” Davey had been a little too good at being a shit friend. Though with everything Davey had just told him he was left with yet another question. “Why do you wanna be friends with me again? I mean it kinda sounds like you’ve got all these new mates that you’re fighting Death Eaters with and shit. I’m still just me, a bloke living with his parents and working at the quidditch shop.” Not that Otto didn’t like his life, it was okay. He really wasn’t sure what he’d be doing if he wasn’t working at the quidditch shop, probably working at another shop. He didn’t even mind living at home. Well a little more now that the creepy house elf was there but before Ludo had brought her it hadn’t been too bad living at home. But Davey’s new life sounded decidedly cooler than his. While Davey hadn’t said anything about new mates Otto figured if you were in some sort of secret army together you kinda had to be mates. I mean why wouldn’t you be?

Did Davey like living alone? Of all the questions Otto could have asked, this was one of the least expected -- but Otto had always been good at unexpected. It was one of the reasons he and Davey always got along so well. Davey chuckled in spite of everything else at the comment about eating cereal in his underwear. “It’s...I dunno, it’s alright,” he said with a shrug. “I guess I haven’t had that much free time to really enjoy it. It’s...quiet.” Davey had never minded living with his parents and Gladys before his own lies became an issue. And he’d never much liked quiet. “Good thing is I can have Doe over without it being weird.” Or without her deciding he was too much of a loser for her, which Davey was still sort of surprised had yet to happen. 

It was even harder to talk to Otto about his new job. Not caring about that sort of thing was something they’d always shared. What if Otto didn’t like this new version of Davey that cared about things? It hadn’t occurred to him that Otto might think Davey didn’t want to be his friend anymore. “What?” Davey blurted in surprised. “So? I worked in the shop and lived with my parents until about a month ago.” As if Davey cared about that sort of thing, now or ever. “And the people in the Order are cool but they’re not really my friends. Definitely not my best mate. That’s you, man. Always has been. I -- I know I haven’t done a good job of acting like it. But I swear it never had anything to do with you. I was just an idiot. I was scared they’d kick me out of the Order, and...I guess I was scared of how fast everything was changing. But losing you as a friend is worse than either of those things.”

“Fuck,” Otto breathed out when Davey mentioned Azkaban. That was an actual consequence, something Otto really hadn’t been thinking about. In fact if it hadn’t been for how not excited Davey seemed he’d have thought the whole thing was pretty fucking awesome. Fighting Death Eaters as some secret auror sounded like an adventure. But maybe it wasn’t that cool and Otto was glad he hadn’t said it. If he had taken the time to consider that death maybe was an actual consequence he might have not thought the whole thing was some grand adventure. But death wasn’t something Otto really considered as a real consequence. Not even with Davey flipping the bird to the old Grim Reaper lately. In fact that just sort of solidified the idea that it was something to escape not something that happened despite the fact that there had been plenty of people their age and younger that had been in the papers lately. It had just been easier to keep his head down and keep living his life. Something that had been getting harder even before Davey gave him this news.

He shook his head at Davey’s words about the bees. “That’s crazy, mate,” he replied before taking another swig of what was left of his firewhiskey. “Don’t have to worry about bees at the shop.” Otto couldn’t help adding that because he was still bummed that Davey had decided to ditch the shop in favor of working for crazy Toots. “So all this time you’ve been training to be in some sort of secret not Ministry sanctioned army led by Dumbledore to fight the Death Eaters?” Something that sounded pretty insane but Otto still thought if Davey was gonna lie to him he’d have told him something more believable. There was just a few details Otto didn’t understand. A lot of details actually but a few that came to mind easier than the others. “What’s that got to do with you reading thick arse books, changing jobs, and moving out.” Something he’d heard about from other people.

Crazy was an understatement, but at least Otto wasn’t telling him to get lost. Yet. Davey just nodded and took another swig of his firewhiskey. He grimaced at Otto’s next comment, giving him a slight nod. “Guess not.” There were lots of jobs where Davey wouldn’t have to worry about bees. But it wasn’t like he’d sought this one out because of them, either. He just hadn’t let their presence stop him from taking it. “Pretty much, yeah,” Davey nodded, though he doubted Dumbledore would like to hear the Order referred to as an army. That was what it was, though. From anyone else it might have been a surprise that after everything Davey just shared, he was being asked about the books and the job and the move. From Otto, it felt normal. Davey couldn’t help a slight grin and a soft chuckle. 

“The books were for training,” Davey started with the easiest answer. “And they were as boring as they looked.” At least that was something that hadn’t changed. “As for moving out, it was hard enough lying to mum and Gladys about where I was when I was just training. Once they started sending me out, I was coming and going at all kinds of strange hours and with weird injuries I couldn’t explain away. The lying was just too hard, so...I moved. My parents and Gladys can’t worry about why I’m not coming home ‘til 4 am if I’m not living with them.” Davey shrugged. It didn’t feel great, but that was the truth. 

“The job’s sort of the same. Tilden’s in the Order, too -- that’s how I overheard him talking about needing a potioneer - so I don’t have to make up excuses when I need to come in late or reschedule a shift. It’s easier.” Davey paused, his fingers tapping the side of his bottle. It would have been easy to leave it at that. It was all true, after all. But it was only part of the truth. He took a breath. “But...it wasn’t just that. I mean -- I wouldn’t have even thought about it if it wasn’t for the Order, but...I dunno. It’s the first place where fucking around and being an idiot isn’t a good thing, ya know? I have to actually work at it, and...it turns out I’m sort of good at it? And Doe started telling me I could be doing more, and that maybe there were other options besides the shop or the Ministry, and...I dunno.” Davey’s eyes flickered down to his firewhiskey bottle. “I was actually going to apply to the Department of Mysteries,” he admitted quietly, knowing exactly how that would sound to Otto. Exactly how it had sort of felt, or felt like it should feel to Davey. “Then I heard Tilden, and -- well, he was probably the only person who had any reason to believe I’m decent with potions, and I don’t have to wear a tie or anything, and so far it’s not bad. It’s not as fun as the shop. But...I don’t hate it.” That felt like a bigger admission than it should have been. Because it was admitting that he might be changing. And what if Otto didn’t like him as much anymore? 

Davey met his eyes again. “I wanted to talk to you about all of it but I didn’t know how without tying in all the Order stuff too. It’s like...everything’s flipped upside down and I can’t tell which parts I actually want and which parts are just ‘cause of the order anymore. It’s just all different and I don’t --” Davey ran a hand through his hair. “I feel like….I’m two different people or something, and neither version works with the other, and -- I dunno which one is right and which one is -- I dunno. I just don’t wanna keep being the version of me that’s a shit friend.”

Otto just looked at Davey with a raised eyebrow when the other pulled out his wand and cast a spell. Maybe he was more afraid of Ludo than Otto had realized. Sure Ludo could be a hot head but Otto was sure he wouldn’t hurt Davey. Certainly not if Otto asked him not to. Or maybe what he was about to tell Otto was bat shit insane. As Davey talked a lot of things played out on Otto’s face. Disbelief, surprise, concern, the top three. There was a lot to take in. Otto didn’t fully understand all of it. Anyone else and the doubt might have been the primary reaction. But Davey didn’t make up long winding stories like this. And if he was gonna wouldn’t he have done it right from the start? Otto sat in stunned silence for a few moments after Davey finished trying to take it all in.

“I think I’m gonna need one of those fire whiskey’s mate,” he finally said, still clearly overwhelmed by everything Davey had told him. He drained almost the whole bottle before speaking up again. “So you’re like an auror now?” He didn’t know what Dorcas Meadowes did but he knew Mike McKinnon was an auror. “Hang on, Death Eaters? Was that why you were in the hospital, not bees?” The thought just connected for him. Had Davey nearly been killed a second time by Death Eaters? He had said he was fighting Death Eaters. A thought that was insane. Not because he doubted Davey’s ability. His best mate could handle his wand and had never backed away from telling people what he thought, especially those Slytherin losers. And everyone knew that Dumbledore had defeated the biggest dark wizard ever so him being a secret auror made a lot of sense. There was probably not much that bloke couldn’t do.

As Otto stared at him in stunned silence, Davey braced himself for the worst. For Otto to not believe him, or not believe parts of what he’d said, or maybe even just to laugh him off. Davey had never made up stories like this before, but he’d been acting so oddly lately, he wouldn’t even blame Otto for deciding that Davey was starting now. Only that wasn’t what happen. Davey let out a slightly relieved chuckle when Otto grabbed a firewhiskey. “Reckon I could use one, too,” Davey agreed, taking one of his own and sipping on it until Otto finally spoke up again.

“An auror?” Maybe it was a good sign that was the first thing that Otto was asking, and not something along the lines of, why should I believe you. “I -- only sort of. There are a lot of aurors working with us, but...we’re not Ministry-sanctioned. Actually, the Ministry is a huge part of the reason we have to keep things quiet. They’d probably send us all off to Azkaban for working outside the law or some other bullshit,” Davey scoffed. “Like we’d be taking it on ourselves to fight Death Eaters if the Ministry was actually doing it themselves.” He shook his head, though Otto’s next question surprised him enough to distract him from that train of thought. Davey let out a dark chuckle. “You’d think, wouldn’t you? But no, ah -- that one was actually bees, believe it or not. I took that job with Tilden Toots, he’s got loads of plants everywhere so...guess it was just a matter of time.” Davey shrugged and took another swig of his firewhiskey. There were too many ways he could die these days, it seemed. 

So he did know Otto had come by. Rats. Or not. Otto wasn’t really sure what to think about that ‘sorry I missed you.’ After all Davey had been pretty clear on the state of things the last time they’d talked. Maybe almost dying a second time had fixed whatever the first time had messed up? Otto had probably almost died a few times but not really in the way Davey had recently. His was usually the result of some dumb shit that hadn’t worked out. Fun, and usually worth the trip to Saint Mungo’s or a healer if need be. Davey’s were decidedly not fun and so not something Otto knew about. Just like he didn’t know about what Davey was saying so he didn’t say anything back. Instead he just nodded and let Davey know he wasn’t in the mood for a repeat of last time.

But apparently Davey wasn’t looking to rehash that conversation. Instead he was offering the truth. “Yeah, you are,” he agreed without any venom as he tried to decide if he should trust Davey. He was swayed by the ‘I miss you,’ because he too missed Davey. Not that anyone who knew him would be surprised at his acceptance, Otto never held grudges. “Yeah, alright,” he agreed. Two steps to the house he stopped. “Er, let’s go to the garage.” Otto wanted to hear Davey out, not have Ludo slamming doors in his face again. Not that he hadn’t appreciated his brother for doing that. But twice in one night was too much. Especially when he really did wanna hear Davey out. He led the way to the garage, knowing Davey would follow rather than face Ludo again. Once inside he pulled out two crates his dad kept out there to use when he had to have man-to-man talks with him and Ludo. Not the most comfortable things but Otto found the chats way worse than the crates. A quick cushion charm and they were passable.

“Glad your okay now,” he finally said as he settled on one. Thanks to the charm the only uncomfortable thing was the weirdness between him and Davey. “I maybe missed you too, a little.” A massive understatement. Sure his other mates were fun but they weren’t Davey. Work hadn’t been as much fun either. Otto had almost owled Davey a dozen times at least before remembering that Davey was being a jerk. It sucked, a lot. “So uh, let’s here it.”

Perhaps Davey should have been offended at Otto’s quick agreement that he was an idiot, but Davey just felt relieved that the agreement didn’t come with the bitterness or venom that was, quite frankly, deserved. But Otto had always been kinder than that. Davey had always done his best to make sure that kindness wasn’t taken advantage of. Now it felt like he was the one taking advantage. But still Davey was relieved when Otto agreed to hear him out, and even more relieved when he stopped short of heading into the house and chose the garage instead. Thank Merlin for that. This was going to be a delicate enough conversation even without  considering the fact that everything Davey was about to tell Otto was top-secret Order secrets. 

Leave it to Otto to offer him privacy for that even when he didn’t know that was what Davey needed. “Thanks,” he gave Otto an appreciative smile and followed him inside, taking a seat on the crate opposite Otto and giving him another small smile when Otto offered more kind words that Davey absolutely didn’t deserve -- but he was relieved to hear all the same. Their friendship wasn’t completely over. Not yet. 

“Right,” Davey nodded, but before he launched into his explanation he pulled out his own wand and cast another spell, this one to ensure no one would overhear them. “Okay, I…” Davey paused, realizing that he had no idea how to explain any of what had been going on. He settled for just laying everything out there, and then filling in the blanks and answering the inevitable questions later. “There’s a group. A secret group, led by Dumbledore. And -- we’re fighting the Death Eaters.” Davey paused a moment to let that sink in, then continued, “I joined after the attack at the quidditch shop. Dorcas Meadowes is a member, that’s how I found out about them. Well -- Mike McKinnon told me about it after I started asking questions about why Doe was so good at fighting Death Eaters. Anyways, I -- she trained me for about two months. Combative spells, jinxes, shield charms, non-verbals -- all kinds of stuff. That’s why I was so busy, missing shifts, rearranging my schedule. And then after that...the actual fighting started.” Davey’s shoulders drew in slightly, his gaze drifting away for a moment before he focused back in on where he was and why he was there. “I wanted to tell you everything so bad, Otto,” the words came out in a rush, the anguish and stress he’d been carrying for months seeping into his voice and rising as he continued. “Everything started happening so fast, mate, and I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, anyone, and it wasn’t just something I could -- I knew I could trust you, Otto, I never doubted that for a second, but they give us bloody truth potions, Otto, and if I told anyone and they found out then they would stop trusting me, and they’d kick me out, and then I wouldn’t be able to do anything, and after that night at the shop I just -- I couldn’t not do anything anymore. I can’t. And I was so scared that if I told you, someone would find out and -- and that would be it, and I’d be helpless again, but -- I was an idiot, Otto, to think I could just deal with all of it without you, and I was an idiot to lie to you because you deserve so much better than that, and everything’s changing so fast but you’re my best mate, Otto, and I just -- I’m so sorry.” Finally Davey’s voice broke off, and it was all he could do to look helplessly at his best mate -- because that was what Otto was to him, even if he would respect Otto’s decision to decide Davey was no longer his best mate -- and hope that he hadn’t lost him forever.

A house elf opened the door to the Bagman’s house and peered up at Davey. “Can I assist you, sir?” The question was no sooner spoken than Ludo Bagman’s voice boomed out from in the house. “Is that the food, I’m fucking starving!” Another voice, this one Mrs. Bagman’s, called out softer than the first but with an unmistakable firmness. “Language Ludo!” His reply sounded closer giving away that Ludo was coming towards the door, “Sorry, mum!” The sound of Ludo muttering under his breath preceded him coming into view. As soon as he recognized Davey his face showed first disappointment and then anger. “You’ve got some nerve showing your face around here. You can fuck right back to where you came from. Otto would tell you himself but he’s out.” Ludo pushed aside the house elf so he could slam the door. Pausing before he did so to add, “Let Galvin know I got my mum a house elf. There’s no way those losers pay him enough to do that.” With a grin he slammed the door in Davey’s face. Through the door he could be heard telling the house elf, “ That’s exactly what you do if he shows up here again. He’s not welcome.” Followed by a slightly louder, “It wasn’t the food mum.”

Otto hadn’t seen the whole thing but he’d seen enough to know what was happening. He could have snuck away and waited till Davey had gone. That was sort of what he’d done at the hospital. He still wasn’t sure why he’d even bothered going. Except Gladys’ owl said he’d nearly died and well just because Davey had turned into a massive asre didn’t Otto had to. Still it had been a relief when Davey had been sleeping because Otto didn’t know what he’d say. Even though he hadn’t said anything about visiting he had a feeling Davey found out somehow and that was why he was here. It didn’t dawn on him that he’d bought the same gift, Davey’s favorite candy from Honeydukes, that he’d given Davey after the Whomping Willow. Or that he’d nearly signed the card, stopping after O. Or even that after all their years of friendship Davey would have been able to recognize his writing. Instead he’d thought he’d been pretty stealthy about it all. Except here was Davey.

With fire whiskey like the night Davey had decided they weren’t gonna be mates anymore. Otto didn’t know what to think. But he decided he wasn’t gonna sneak off anywhere. He deserved an answer as to what Davey thought he was doing. And why Davey had apparently not told his family they weren’t mates anymore. “Out of the hospital, eh,” he called out from behind Davey. That probably wasn’t what you said to an ex-best mate who owed you a hell of a lot of answers but Otto had never been aggressive. Or had any experience on what to do with ex mates, let alone a best one. He didn’t make any move towards Davey and his house. Ludo would have lots to say if Otto let Davey in and he didn’t really wanna hear it. He loved his big brother but some things a bloke had to do for himself. He figured this was one of those things even if he didn’t know exactly what was happening here or what to do with it. “If this is you deciding we need to have another one of those talks where you just decided we’re not mates anymore you can just leave the fire whiskey and spare me the half-arsed apologies and what-not.” The words didn’t have the heat he’d have liked them to have but there was still enough to get the point across that he wasn’t in the mood for another chat like their last one.

It was something of a relief when the house elf answered the door, but that was short-lived when Davey heard Ludo’s voice, close and getting closer. Shit! “Uh -- y’know what, I think I’ll just --” Davey’s excuse to the elf was cut short when Ludo appeared. Fuck. Davey knew he deserved the look Ludo gave him, as well as the words that followed. What felt uncalled for was that last dig at Galvin before the arse slammed the door shut in Davey’s face. Honestly, Ludo should have known Davey at least well enough to know that he couldn’t insult Davey by insulting Galvin. And yet, this time it sort of bothered him. 

Davey let out a defeated sigh, wondering what his next move should be. Should he leave and come back later? For all Davey knew, Otto wasn’t even out, but had instead instructed Ludo to slam the door in Davey’s face if he showed up. He didn’t have to wonder about that one for long, though. Davey jumped in surprise when he heard Otto’s voice from behind him, whirling around to face his -- mate? His ex-mate? Davey had never stopped thinking of Otto as his friend, but that didn’t mean Davey had been a good one. “Uh...yeah,” Dave nodded awkwardly. “Thanks for the candy. I um, I was sorry I missed you.” Maybe Otto wouldn’t believe that, but it was the truth. It also hadn’t escaped Davey’s notice that Otto had brought Davey the same thing he had after the Willow Incident. How different things were now. 

Davey knew he deserved the harsh words from Otto, but he winced all the same. “No, I --” Davey hated how poorly that had gone. Hated that Otto thought Davey didn’t want to be his friend anymore. But he couldn’t blame Otto for that. “I’m here to tell you the truth. ...If you want to hear it,” Davey tacked on. He couldn’t blame Otto if he didn’t want to hear anything else Davey had to say. But he had to try. “I’m an idiot, mate.” That felt like the understatement of the century. “And -- I miss you. Please, just -- hear me out?” 

And yet, it wasn’t Death Eaters that landed him in St. Mungo’s. It was bloody bees. So now here he was with a small vial of antidote weighing heavily in his pocket, an ever-present reminder of how close he’d just come to dying and how easily it could happen again. ‘Not if you just take the potion, dumbarse,’ Doe’s voice echoed in his head. But Davey had always struggled to see past the small disclaimer he’d noticed on the bottle he was given after his first bee sting: 80% effective. 

Sometimes it felt a little bit like the universe was telling him something. From that first bee sting when he was a kid, to the incident with the Whomping Willow (though Davey had quite literally flown right into that one), to the attack on the quidditch shop, and now his latest bee sting, Davey wondered if his entire existence up to this point was a fluke. Or if this was a sign; everything in his life was changing so quickly, it was becoming harder to pretend he didn’t care. Or maybe it was just that before now, he hadn’t been pretending. He’d gone with the flow, and that worked for him. Only it hadn’t, had it? That was what landed him at the attack in the quidditch shop in the first place.

Whatever the universe wanted for him, though, the fact of the matter was Davey hadn’t died yet. He was still alive. And he was tired of lying to the people he cared about -- especially Otto. Maybe he couldn’t tell his family about his new hobbies, but he also wasn’t going to lose them over it. Davey thought he’d already lost Otto, until he woke up in the hospital to discover the other had been by to see him. The fact Otto left said plenty about the state Davey had left their friendship in -- but Otto had come. That had to mean he could still save it. So thanks to an eye-opening conversation with Doe, Davey stood at Otto’s doorstep just as he’d done a few weeks ago, with a 6-pack of his and Otto’s favorite firewhiskey in hand. But this time he wasn’t just going to apologize. This time he was going to tell the truth. All of it. Bracing himself for the sight of Ludo or Otto’s parents, or even for Otto to slam the door in his face -- if he didn’t just ignore Davey’s presence altogether -- Davey reached out and knocked.

It wasn’t about who found out first, Otto didn’t really care about that. It was about showing up to Davey’s house to help him out only to find out it’d been a lie. It was about Otto not knowing how long Davey had been lying to him or what all had been lies. It was about Davey changing. And Otto feeling left out by that change. Left behind. It was about Otto not knowing what to do because he wasn’t sure he could trust Davey, Davey had lied to him. The thought made him feel sick. Was Davey telling the truth about this being the only time he’d lied to Otto? Was he telling the truth about anything? Had he ever been? Otto hated this. He hated not knowing if Davey was being honest or not. He missed when things were simple. When he knew without any doubt he could trust Davey completely. Knew that the pair of them were best mates. This was all so complicated. “We haven’t had plans to cancel in a while,” he mumbled out looking at his firewhisky. It wasn’t important to the conversation but it was easier to think about that than what he was supposed to be thinking about. If he wanted to stay mates with Davey despite Davey telling him nothing was going to change. Which fucking sucked! Why was this on him when it was Davey? “It felt like you’d already made the choice not to be friends for me.” Before Davey showed up at his door it had felt like that. Now he was supposed to make the choice? And what choice? Did they count as friends if Davey jsut popped by randomly? “I dunno what you want me to say. That it’s okay you’re lying to me and blowing me off? Cause it’s not okay. It pisses me off. I was really worried about you, man. I thought you were having some sort of meltdown or something.” And then he’d found out Davey was just blowing him off for other people. Only Davey wasn’t even being honest about that part.

Otto had a point. They hadn’t had plans to cancel for a while. Because Davey hadn’t tried to make any, and he’d been busy every time Otto asked. That part hadn’t been lies -- it was just the why that had been. Not that that mattered; of course it didn’t. Why should it, from Otto’s perspective? Maybe he was right. Maybe Davey had already made the choice. Only it wasn’t a choice he wanted to make. He didn’t want to lose his best friend. But he also couldn’t blame Otto for not being okay with lies. Davey wouldn’t have been, either. For a bloke who’d always prided himself on creativity and invention -- he couldn’t think of a single way out of this one. Couldn’t think of a single way to fix this. “Who says I’m not?” Davey couldn’t help asking softly, a humorless laugh following. It certainly felt like he was having some sort of meltdown; his life unrecognizable in such a short amount of time, no one he could truly confide in. The one person he might have hurt because of him. “Guess I should go then,” he said after another moment, words spoken to the carpet. Davey wasn’t a quitter. But he didn’t know how to fix this, couldn’t wrap his mind around something that worked, and he couldn’t bring himself to risk getting kicked out of the Order. It was too important. More important than keeping his friendship, because if the Order didn’t succeed none of that would matter, because the Death Eaters would win and he and Otto would be lost regardless. He was doing the right thing; Davey was certain of it. 

He just wished it didn’t feel so horrible. 

Otto didn’t know what to do. He wished Ludo was around to tell him, or his parents. Davey used to be on that list. A thought that just upset him more. “Sure, it’s got nothing to do with me. I’m just getting blown off, lied to, the last person to find out my best mate quit. But it’s nothing to do with me, whatever.” Otto kicked the carpet under his foot. Sure felt like it had something to do with him. “Hell am I even going to see you anymore now that you’re not gonna be blowing me off at work?” It was sad that felt like what their friendship had been since Davey got attacked. This was starting to feel like maybe the six pack was a goodbye for good and not a ‘sorry I’ve been such an arse.’ Otto sighed, his head felt jumbled up, his heart too. Davey had been his best mate since they were eleven. They’d done stupid shit together. Davey had always had his back. Otto knew he could get talked into shit too easily but Davey was always there to make sure Otto never got talked into anything bad. He’d never have guessed that Davey would be the one to lie and treat him like this. “I dunno what to do,” he confessed. “What would you do if I was the one blowing you off, lying and avoiding you? Getting some new life and only telling you after. Saying all this shit about not being able to tell you why. Making you feel like some idiot loser because you were worried I was in a bad place mentally and didn’t know how to help but turns out you were just doing secret stuff.” Otto got turned around at the end, switching him and Davey had gotten too complicated. But he didn’t notice it, he was too busy thinking that he was proving he was an idiot loser by asking the person who was treating him like crap what to do. He just didn’t think Davey would let him get away with treating him like this. Davey never let anyone treat him badly. He’d even stood up to Jones and she scared the shit out of Otto.

All of this was Davey’s fault and he knew it. Otto had every right to draw whatever conclusions he wanted about what Davey was doing and why, because Davey wasn’t telling the other anything himself. But it still stung, that Otto seemed so set on taking this personally when Davey wanted so badly to tell him the truth. If it was just a matter of trusting Otto he’d have broken the damn rules already and told Otto what was going on. But it wasn’t. It was a matter of the Order trusting Davey, or that was how he saw it. Wasn’t that why they’d all been pumped up with truth potion that night? What if that happened again, and Davey was forced to reveal he’d told someone about the Order? He doubted Moody would care however much Davey vouched for the person he’d told. It would be a betrayal. He was stuck with this, all bottled up inside himself while his whole life spiraled further and further from what it used to be. Otto included. “It’s not got anything to do with you,” Davey insisted again, even though Otto didn’t believe him. “And you’re not the last person to find out, the only others I’ve told are my parents.” Like that really mattered. What mattered was he hadn’t told Otto first. What mattered that he was a shit friend. He’d known trying to tell Otto he couldn’t tell him the truth wouldn’t fix anything. Hadn’t come here planning to say that much. But it spilled out, because he was desperate, because he missed his best mate, and all he’d done was make everything worse. Everything Otto said, everything he accused Davey of doing was true, each statement a knife in his gut. Davey wanted so badly to explain everything away. But Otto wasn’t asking for an explanation, at least not any explanation Davey could give. He was asking what Davey would do. The least he could do was be honest. “If our positions were reversed?” He asked, letting out a long breath. “I’d do whatever I could to make you tell me what was going on, because you’re my best mat and you’ve never lied to me before. But you wouldn’t tell me. No matter what I did. No matter how much you wanted to.” Davey forced himself to look at Otto then, because that was the painful truth. He couldn’t tell him anything. “And at that point? I’d have to decide if it was worth being friends with you, knowing you were going to have to lie to me and cancel plans all the time.” Davey swallowed hard, eyes finding the carpet, his words nothing more than a whisper. “I won’t blame you if it’s not.”