Micro-Cosmos

CONTENT WARNINGS: - Gaslighting/unreality - Anxiety/ panic attacks - Self loathing - Paranoia - Glitching - Medication - Death mention - Smoking mention - Discussion of mental health - Relationship conflict - Yelling - Crying ____

[Theme Music Plays]

ANNOUNCER Futuristic Trail Mix Productions presents Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast. ____ [sfx:comms click] FELIX I spy with my little eye… something… grey. C41 The cave walls? FELIX That's 3 points for Cal! [Miles SIGHS] [sfx: Felix writes down a tally] FELIX You next, Athena. ATHENA Right, um…I spy… with, my little eye…something… Mmm, something beginning with the letter A.

FELIX Athena?

ATHENA [Athena LAUGHS] No.

FELIX Alex? ATHENA That's closer.

C41 Alex's communications device? ATHENA There you go! Impressive, good job! ALEX You sure you can't read minds, Cal? C41 I'm full of surprises, Commander. FELIX 4 points for Cal… [sfx: Felix writes down a tally] Your turn Cal. C41 (pointed) I spy something that begins with the letter B. FELIX Do you have any hints? C41 Of course! This thing just so happens to also begin with "No," and "Fun," and "Spoilsport," and can be alternatively spelled as M-I-L-E-S

MILES (overlapping) Alright, that's it! C41 (overlapping) It's just part of the game

FELIX  (overlapping) Oh, "Bored!" ATHENA  (overlapping) Okay

ALEX  (overlapping) Alright, alright

[sfx: comms clicks] ATHENA -didn't exactly do a lot of dancing in the military, Alex. ALEX You watched my streams! It's not like I was out here dancing on the daily either! Come on, look, here,\just, place your hands… mhm, and your foot… there, see? Like a box. ATHENA Oh, so we're waltzing? Fancy, Ms. de la Cruz… ALEX Mm, fancy indeed. Why don't you play us a song, then, Ms. Romero? ATHENA Play… oh my god. ALEX  (overlapping) I'll sing with you! It'll be like a mov- hey! Watch where you step! [Athena LAUGHS] ATHENA I was watching. [Alex SCOFFS]

ALEX Wooow. So are we just going to keep staring at each other, or

ATHENA Alright, a

[sfx:comms clicks].

FELIX What's for dinner tonight? 

ALEX Your favorite, bud. Pot roast and potatoes.  

[Miles SIGHS] 

ALEX (CONT'D) Don't forget to eat your Brussel sprouts and drink your milk. 

MILES Alex... We don't have anything else? Are these even healthy to eat with no other form of sustenance? I mean, at this point...

 ALEX We'll make due, kid. Hopefully, the storm will be letting up soon. 20 days is getting a bit excessive, even for Ophiuchus. So, soon, we'll be getting out of here and we can... find a fruit tree or something? Lots of uncovered land out there to search.

FELIX  I can second this. The soil here is perfectly fertile for all sorts of plant growth, and our late Mercutio and his, surely existent, friends must have been eating something. 

MILES Hnnnn... 

C41  If you really think about it, Miles, there are plenty of other edible things in the caves! You know, moss. Rocks. Fungus. The crew

ALEX  Cal... C41 Kidding! Kidding! I was just kidding... heh. 

ALEX Sure...  Look, if you're not hungry, I'm not going to make you eat, but given that we're already having to split rations, I just... Think you should maybe have something whenever you're feeling it. Okay? Alex offers Miles their rations and a comforting smile. After a small beat, they sigh quietly and take the package. 

MILES [Miles SIGHS] Okay. 

ALEX Thank you. And for you, Athena. 

ATHENA Thank you, angel.  ALEX  Mm... So. What'd you all do today? Anything fun? 

FELIX Actually, I'm very glad you asked. I made a... very good discovery today! Very good news. 

ALEX Well, we can always use some of that. Shoot. What is it?  [Crew RESPONDS unintelligibly, overlapping]

FELIX Well, since you are so enthusiastic! I actually found a corner of the cave with enough exposed and fertile soil to foster plant life. Perhaps we could even work to make it slightly more expansive. Create a little garden of sorts, maybe? 

ALEX Oh! 

MILES Oh, hell yeah. 

ATHENA That's great news! 

FELIX Indeed! However...  [Crew GROANS]

FELIX (CONT'D) We don't... have anything to grow. 

ALEX Oh. 

FELIX Yes, which is... a bit counterproductive, as a garden with no plants is no garden at all. Perhaps one of us could venture out of the cave and try to collect

ALEX No. No, I'm not letting any of you out into that mess. Not again. Not even as a last resort. I'm sure we'll be able to find something in the caves. A quick beat. 

FELIX Of course, Commander. 

ALEX I'm sorry, I didn't... that is great news, Doc. We'll have to keep an eye out for seeds and the like on our cave ventures. Maybe they have, uh... those flowers Athena liked so much. For tea. They're probably edible, right? Statistically? 

FELIX I would hope so. We've already consumed it. 

MILES Uh... ditto... also... hope so.

ALEX [Alex SIGHS] Right, yes...Amazing job, Felix, really. We'll all keep an eye out the next couple of days.

[Felix HUMS] ALEX (CONT'D) Uh, Miles, what about you? 

MILES Oh, I just, uh... I made a... video game. 

ALEX No way! 

ATHENA Really?

MILES It's nothing big, it's just, like... BlickBlock. It's stupid. I just wanted something to do other than stare

ALEX No, don't say that's stupid, that's so impressive! A whole video game? Where?

MILES Just... on my wristpiece. Like I said, it's not

ALEX Your wristpiece? 

MILES Yeah. Don't... don't make a big deal out of- C41 Are you replacing me, Miles? 

MILES Wh... no. Of course not, Cal, what? 

C41 I'm joking! I know I'm cooler than a... couple of bricks on a calculator. Obviously, I am. 

ATHENA How long did that take? 

MILES Like an hour? What, do you all want it or something

ALEX (overlapping) Yes! 

ATHENA (overlapping) Of course! 

FELIX (overlapping) Sure. 

MILES Okay, I guess I'll... I don't know, just give me your stuff sometime, I don't know. 

C41  Hmmph. 

MILES Well, Cal, what did you do today, then? 

C41  How kind of you to ask, Miles. I've been trying to reach signals off of the planet. Obviously, I had no luck, since we're still sitting in a circle on the floor talking miserably to each other and not to someone back at HQ. When I realized I wouldn't be reaching anyone, I decided to run a few statistical diagnostics screenings and... well, cheerily, it looks, at least based on what I can pull without the correct computing services, like the storm will likely not be letting up for a few weeks, at least. If anything, it'll likely get worse before it shows any signs of getting better. I also deduced that, with our current standing of provisions and victuals and the speed at which you all consume them, we will be running out of rations in approximately 22 days, and water in-

ALEX That's enough, Cal. 

MILES You know, I don't see why we're even making an attempt at-

ALEX You too, Miles. (Alex SIGHS)  Well, Athena and I spent our day wandering the caves and charting out the tunnels more extensively. I have the work-in-progress map just over there so, whoever sets out next just grab it and help the cause for us. 

FELIX I'd assume we'd also be using it as a tool to... not get lost? 

ATHENA That too, yes. More importantly that.

ALEX Right, yes. Whenever I die by force of getting lost in the caves you can put that on my tombstone. "Alex de la Cruz. 2062-2094. We tried to tell her to stop mapping!" (Alex LAUGHS)  Alright... 

[sfx: comms click] _____

[sfx:comms click]

(Alex PLACES CARD)   ALEX Uhh... 3. 

ATHENA 9. (Athena PLACES CARD)

ALEX Jesus, okay, uh... 11? (Alex PLACES CARD)

ATHENA 15 for 2. (Athena PLACES CARDS)

ALEX Oh my god, brutal. [sfx:beeps of points being input]

ATHENA I'm being easy on you. 

ALEX Sure. 25.  (Athena SIGHS)  ALEX (CONT’D) (Alex LAUGHS) What? 

ATHENA (Athena GROANS) Go. 

ALEX If you say so. 12. (Alex LAUGHS) 

ATHENA Can you go? 

ALEX Nah, but the round's still mine. Sorry, who needs to be easy on who now, Romero? 

ATHENA One win does not account for 2 lost rounds, de la Cruz. ALEX Aww, what happened to 'Angel'? 

ATHENA It just slipped out. (Athena PLACES CARDS) Right, so... run of 3 for 3, and 15 for 2, so 5 total. [sfx:beeps of points being input ] 

ALEX Mm. Okay, okay, okay. 2, 2, 10, and the Jack of Comets... which is in the turn up suit, so, Jack for 1, pair for 2... Only 3 total. [sfx:beeps of points being input]

ATHENA Hmmmm. Interesting. 

ALEX Oh, come on, I'm catching up. 

ATHENA  A Go can only do so much of the heavy lifting, Alex. 

ALEX 13. You take this very seriously, starshine. I respect that. Ready to start the next-

ATHENA Hey, not so fast! It's still my crib. Let's see... Six... three... four, okay that's a 15 for 2, another three, 15 for four, and pair... for 6 total. [sfx:beep] 

ALEX I trashed the wrong ones. (Athena LAUGHS)

ATHENA I think you did. 

ALEX Nature of the beast? 

ATHENA Sure. You know, Miles and Felix are great, and all, but... this match is considerably less argumentative than our usual fare. 

ALEX Don't forget Cal, expert potstirrer.

ATHENA Oh, god. Not a surprise you're exhausted. 

ALEX ... Me?

ATHENA Yeah?

ALEX I'm... I'm not exhausted, I'm fine. 

ATHENA Okay. 

ALEX  We're all tired. 

ATHENA You can say that again.  ALEX  Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think we all deserve to be a little tired. 

ATHENA Alex, can I ask you something? 

ALEX Sure, if I can ask you something too.

ATHENA No, actually, you go first this time. 

ALEX I don't know about-

ATHENA Seriously, Alex. I insist. 

ALEX (Alex SIGHS)  Alright. Starshine? 

ATHENA Yes? 

ALEX Can I kiss you? 

ATHENA  Huh?

ALEX Can... can I-

ATHENA Mhm.   (They KISS)

ATHENA How about one more? For luck. 

ALEX Luck? 

ATHENA Mm. 

ALEX We could use some of that.  _______

ALEX This is Alex de la Cruz, Mission Commander and Navigations Specialist of Omnitarian Establishment Crew 0137-F on the Ophiuchus-22 mission. The date is May 15 and it is day 57 of our mission. 

Morale is on a steady decline, tensions are rising, and the caves... I don't know what it is but there is something in these caves that is getting to me on a psychological level. Or... neurological. And I've been looking for potential causes since it came to my attention but... there's nothing visible, nothing case typical, nothing Cal knew upon base search. I just... I don't know how much longer we can stay in this situation. How much longer I can keep dealing with this, not being able to trust... anything. Someone has to be hearing us, somewhere in the cosmos, please. We have had a 20-74 Code Drag standing for 24 days, I just need any kind of response. 

Rations and water are beginning to run low. The crew itself, we're... well we're all painfully aware that we can't fix anything. None of us know how. It's getting harder and harder to put up a front when, honestly, I don't even know if we'll make it to June. Group conversations aren't even an out when all anyone- myself included- knows how to do is argue, to no fault of their own, and just... I know someone hears me. Give us a sign. Give us hope, give us anything. 

Do you want a rundown? Do you want me to... give you a reason to trust me, to explain myself? Sure! Sure, you know what, let's go to the beginning. Day-

ATHENA Alex? Alex, are you alright? I brought cards if you still wanted to rematch?

ALEX Shit.  _____ [sfx:comms click]

ALEX This is, once again, Alex de la Cruz, Mission Commander and Navigations Specialist of Omnitarian Establishment Crew 0137-F on the Ophiuchus-22 mission. The date is May 16, 2094, and it is day 58 of our mission. 

Given my last log was cut short and no response has been delivered to... any of us... I figured, how about, I just finish what I was trying to say in the first place, kay? (Alex SIGHS) Kay.

For starters, I wanted to establish a quick, uh... retroactive continuity, if you will, hm? Because, see, I've been thinking about it. A lot. And... it isn't just the cave. It never has been. Because, thinking back, it wasn't just me experiencing it. Maybe I noticed it more, but... it was never just me. The, uh... the candles. Those... there was... there was something off about them, more than just normal faulty candles. They...  Uh, the... the tent! There... the...  (Alex GROANS)

Listen, I know what I'm talking about, alright?! You can't keep trying to convince me that I'm crazy because... because I know that I'm not. And I think you do, too! Because it switched from all of us to just me standing as an outlier as soon as we were in the cave systems! Or- no, it was... when the storm came. The radio, it... I know what I've been experiencing, okay, and I wish everyone would stop looking at me like I've lost it!

ATHENA Alex?

ALEX Goddammit. 

ATHENA  I think we should talk. 

ALEX  Give me a second, Athena. 

ATHENA Now, Alex. (Alex SIGHS)

ALEX What is it?

ATHENA You've... been worrying me. A lot, lately. 

ALEX What are you talking about, Athena?

ATHENA  What am I talking about? Alex, you... (Athena SIGHS) I don't know. But I just wanted to check in and make sure that you know that I care. You've been secluding yourself, doing some kind of... self-isolation, and talking, paranoid, into your comms about-

ALEX You've been listening in on me? 

ATHENA That's not what I'm saying. 

ALEX Then what are you saying? 

ATHENA I'm just saying that I'm worried. Have you been getting enough sleep?

ALEX Yes. 

ATHENA Okay, were you... medicated, or something? Before? 

ALEX Athena. 

ATHENA I'm serious. Is that what you need right now? To help? 

ALEX  Athena, please-

ATHENA You said the cigarettes helped you in the past, right? You have a lighter, you could-

ALEX Athena, that's enough! You can stop trying to parent me now, alright, I'm fed up with it! And stop with the face! The pity, I... you keep acting like this, like you're able to fix all of my problems! Like I'm a problem to fix-

ATHENA  Alex, take a breath, that's not what I mean-

ALEX Is it? Is it really? Athena, you're important to me. I care very deeply about you and I would follow you to the ends of the Earth, but you don't know me like you think you do. Alright? You're not my therapist, you're not my psychiatrist, you're not my wife. I don't owe you any insight on my mind, and I would appreciate it if you would stop acting like I do. 

ATHENA Alex, I'm sorry, but I don't understand-

ALEX What right did you have to tell me how I feel about my son? In what universe was that an appropriate thing to bring up in that moment? 

And, you know, maybe it wouldn't have gotten to me as much if it wasn't such a reoccurring thing. Time after time, you keep taking to... I don't know, psychoanalyzing me? Trying to tell me how I feel? How I should feel? And I know you thought you were helping, I do, but I am telling you now that you need to stop. 

ATHENA Alex, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize. 

ALEX No. You didn't. And maybe it's on me for not telling you sooner, but... I'm an adult. I've dealt with my issues just fine this far, okay, for 16 years, and I don't need you trying to convince me that I've been doing it wrong. (she sighs angrily and takes a quick beat; then, shaking her head) I can deal with it. I’m the Commander. 

You know what? Take the damn cigarettes, okay, I don't even need them, you can stop bringing them up.

ATHENA Alex, I’m sorry. I am so sorry that I hurt you like that... this. 

ALEX   Thanks. 

ATHENA But you are not just the Commander. You’re a-

ALEX Athena

ATHENA No, listen to me, Alex. I’m sorry, I am so genuinely sorry, for everything, but I cannot sit here and watch you… tear yourself apart. You’re not just the Commander. You are a person. A friend. A mother. And you’re… not well. 

ALEX Athena, did you not-

ATHENA  Alex, please, just let me talk. Okay? I am worried about you. I am worried because I am watching you lose yourself, I am worried because I know this anger is fear, I am worried because you have a family waiting back home for you

ALEX Don’t you dare bring them up right now. 

ATHENA -and they would be worried for you, too. 

ALEX  You don’t know how they’d feel right now. 

ATHENA Then I know how I feel, Alex! I know the rest of the crew feels! And we are worried! For all of us! For you! I want to help you, honey, but I don’t know what I can do! So, please, let me try to help you. 

ALEX You can help me by listening.

ATHENA I am listening. What else would you have had me do? What else do you want me to do?

ALEX Nothing, Athena. I would rather you do nothing. Please. I can deal. 

ATHENA  Alex-

ALEX No, Athena, okay? I said I can deal.

ATHENA Alex, please stop interrupting me.

ALEX You’re not listening to me. 

ATHENA Alex, I am. Like I said, I’m sorry that I… tried to dictate how you were feeling. That I hurt you. Okay? I am so, so sorry. But I wasn’t aware of that until right now, and I will fix it in the future. 

ALEX Okay. Thank you. 

ATHENA But right now, in this moment, you need help. And if you don’t want it from me, then I can ask somebody else to come in here and talk to you. 

ALEX I. Don’t. Need. Help. 

ATHENA Alex, please! Listen to yourself! Let me in, let somebody in! 

ALEX Where the hell do you get off, Athena? I’m done having this discussion, okay, I don’t need anyone’s help! When are you going to realize that not everything is something that you have to fix? 

ATHENA Alex, you are hurting! The rest of us are hurting, too, okay? We’re all scared! I am scared for you, and I am trying to support you! 

ALEX Well, I don’t need your support right now! What I need is to get out of this goddamn cave! 

ATHENA And you’re going to do that alone? After, what, talking yourself mad? 

ALEX Don’t you dare insinuate that I would ever leave any of you behind. 

ATHENA Then what more am I supposed to take from what you’re telling me, Alex? I’m not allowed to be by your side when you’re… scared? And… rash? 

ALEX I never said that. I said that right now I would rather you stop trying to fix me, and make an attempt to hear my side. 

ATHENA And I am doing that. 

ALEX (Alex SIGHS) This conversation is going nowhere.

ATHENA Alex-  (Athena SIGHS) You aren’t letting it go anywhere. 

ALEX And you’re just repeating yourself. 

ATHENA So are you! If we could just talk this out-

ALEX Not right now. 

ATHENA  Then when? 

ALEX I don’t know. 

ATHENA I- (Athena TAKES A BREATH) I want to have it now, Alex.

ALEX You’re not the only person here though, Athena, okay! We've been trapped in these caves for weeks, it's high-stress, and, let's be honest, a bit traumatic! I just want space right now, and you’re not respecting that. 

ATHENA I’m worried!

ALEX I am too, alright? So, please, just stop worrying about me and let me-!

ATHENA You know I can’t do that! Listen to yourself, Alexandra-

ALEX Oh, so it’s Alexandra now-

ATHENA Listen to yourself! You need rest! This isn’t like you, Alex, and you need… something.

ALEX You keep saying the same thing. 

ATHENA Because I’m right. If Orion was here you would be scaring him. This isn’t (Alex SCOFFS) ATHENA (CONT’D) I am so sorry. I shouldn't have said that, that's not what I meant, you're not... 

ALEX I’m done having this pissing contest with you. I’m going for a walk. Alone. I’ll be back by morning.

ATHENA I'm...  (Athena SIGHS)

ALEX Goddamn recorde- [sfx:comms click] ___

ANNOUNCER Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast. 

This episode, The Alternative, was written by Jesse Smith, edited by Luka Miller and Lauren Tucker, and directed by Jesse Smith and Lauren Tucker. It starred Jesse Smith as the voice of Athena Romero, Jackson Rossman as the voice of Miles Abbott, Luka Miller as the voice of Alex de la Cruz, Kaleb Piper as the voice of Felix Couvillion, and Pippa van Beek-Paterson as the voice of Cal. Original music by Julia Barnes, and sound editing by Tobias Friedman. 

Be sure to stay tuned to our feed for upcoming episodes from the new backpacking intergalactic adventure from Futuristic Trail Mix Productions. Enjoying the show, and want to give us a boost? You can support us by rating and reviewing us on iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts, or telling a friend about us. 

To follow the show and find transcripts, you can find us on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram as @MicroCosPod. Questions, comments, and concerns can be emailed to us via [email protected]. 

*** ANNOUNCER Futuristic Trail Mix Productions Presents Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast. ***

JASON Mr. Lacount? I have your coffee.

[sfx: knocking on the door, opening it]

JASON (CON’T) Mr. Lacount? Uh, Hello? Hello?

VIOLA I’ve collected a series of voicemail messages addressed to a select number of company employees, Mr. Lacount, just as instructed. Would you like for me to play them?

[Jason yelps.]

JASON Uh, ah, oh. Oh.  [He puts on an impression of Mr. Lacount in a panic.]

Um, um...Yes, yes, dear, that would be perfect?

VIOLA Message 1: Addressed to Dr. Emily Macey. December 11, 2093. 3:41 PM.

[sfx: a voicemail beep] OCTAVIA Good evening, Emily. This is Octavia. Though I appreciate your fast response to my previous email regarding my son’s upcoming project, I would appreciate it even more if you could return my calls. This is, after all, a rather time sensitive matter, I hope you recognize that. 

[Octavia sighs.]

Irregardless, I would appreciate an ETA and a description of his accessibility to communication. I would like to speak to my son. Thank you very much. 

[sfx: a voicemail beep]

VIOLA Message 2: Addressed to Dr. Emily Macey. December 14, 2093. 6:53 PM.

[sfx: a voicemail beep] JEANETTE Hey there, Dr. Macey, it’s Jeanette. Is Marsha still at the office? She’s normally home by now and she’s not answering the phone, it’s not like her to-

[sfx: a door creaks open, footsteps as Marsha returns]

JEANETTE (CON’T) Oh, hey there, doll!

MARSHA Hi-a, honey. Sorry I’m running late, I had to stop by Ann’s for some flowers.

[sfx: cats meowing distantly]

JEANETTE Oh, Marsh, they’re beautiful! I- One moment, I’m sorry. Problem solved. Sorry about that! Thanks, anywho. Chag Sameach!

MARSHA Aww, were you worried about me miss-

[sfx: a voicemail beep]

VIOLA Message 3: Addressed to Receptionist Marsha Francis. December 15, 2093. 10:27 AM. [sfx: voicemail beep]

MINERVA Hey, Dr. Macey? It’s Minerva, um, Minerva Romero. My sister came in to see you last week and she’s just been… super cryptic about it since then. Like, she doesn’t normally tell me everything, but this is different, and I really don’t need that energy hanging over Christmas dinner. So…to herselfI know this is probably a long shot.steadying herselfI was curious to know if I might be able to get some information on the project she’s been training for? I totally understand the confidentiality part and all, I’m not asking for much, I just want something. Please? You’ve got my phone number, please call me back when you can. Merry Christmas.

ATHENA Minnie, I’m about to head-

[sfx: voicemail beep]

VIOLA Message 4: Addressed to Dr. Felix Couvillion. December 17, 2093. 12:48 PM.

MOTHER Good evening, Felix. I’m reaching out to you on behalf of my son, your supervisor. It would be quite appreciated if you could visit his office within the next 24 hours and receive your instructions. Your lack of response to his, and now my, calls is quite unprofessional.

[sfx: voicemail beep]

VIOLA Message 5: Addressed to Receptionist Georgina Hollinghead. December 17, 2093. 2:54 PM.

[sfx: voicemail beep]

FELIX Gnädige Frau, good afternoon! You see, that's incredibly interesting- your last message! Very interesting, indeed, because the funny thing is: I did not intentionally miss any calls! Speaking with your son is …A joy, and I would never miss talking to him for the world! Such a good supervisor, oh boy, yes indeed! I have just been

[He continues as if he’s struggling to push something] - with some work- in the lab. [Felix pants slightly but appears to have succeeded at whatever his task was.] But yes, I am on my way to his office right now, as a matter of fact! I will see him then! Thank you so much, have a lovely day. Happy Holidays.

[sfx: voicemail beep]

VIOLA Message 6: Addressed to Receptionist Marsha Francis. December 21, 2093. 3:02 PM.

[sfx: voicemail beep]

MINERVA Hey, it’s Minerva Romero again. Was hoping you could work on getting back to me with that information, please? I know you’re not supposed to, believe me, I know, I’ve looked into the legality, but I just want to be aware of what is happening. She won’t tell me anything. I won’t tell anyone if you tell me, okay? I swear on my life. I swear on her life. I just want to know what my sister is doing, since it’s clearly so important. Please, Dr. Macey.

[sfx: voicemail beep]

VIOLA Message 7: Addressed to Receptionist Marsha Francis. December 22, 2093. 9:34 AM.

[sfx: voicemail beep]

GABRIEL Sorry if this is the incorrect use of this phone number, I don’t want to schedule an appointment or anything, I just wanted to see what the status of Alex de la Cruz’s training was? Is there a chance she could come home for the holidays? Her son and I have missed seeing her, and God knows she could use the break. Just consider it, please? 

[Gabriel sighs.]

Thanks. Have a happy New Year.

[sfx: voicemail beep]

VIOLA Message 8: Addressed to Dr. Emily Macey. December 23, 2093. 10:43 AM.

[sfx: voicemail beep]

MARSHA Hey there, dolly. I know it’s your day off, but I am just hopin’ and hopin’ to everythin’ nice and good out there that you’re gonna listen to your voicemail for once. 

[sfx: paper shuffling and typing for a moment]

I’ve had a coupla family members of the Ophiuchus-22 crew contact me, and… Well, I think you should reach out to them when you get the chance? I just know if this was about Jeanette, or one of my sisters, or someone else in my family or what have you… I don’t know. I just can sense the fragility that they’re left with right now. This is a big project, y’know, and they can tell! They don’t even know anythin’ about it and they can tell. They deserve to be treated with some humanity. It’s a lot to ask, I know, but… One was a girl. Sixteen or seventeen, maybe eighteen at most? The other had a little boy. I just… I can’t in good conscience let them sit without some answers. You already know how much that M.J. kid pulls at my heartstrings, and they’re grown! 

Just consider it, Em. These are real people. Real families. And they’re countin’ on you, hun. I don’t have the standing to do anything, but you do. I just emailed you their phone numbers and names. Reach out if you can. I’m gonna look into that Dawkins case some more tonight, I think. Have a good evening. Kisses.

[Marsha sighs.]

[sfx: voicemail beep]

VIOLA Message 9: Addressed to Receptionist Marsha Francis. December 27, 2093. 10:58 PM.

[sfx: voicemail beep]

ARCHIE Oh, whatever could this be? A freshly submitted HR report?

[sfx: Jiminy produces the sound of an audience gasping]

[sfx: shuffling and tapping of papers]

ARCHIE (CON’T) Now, I don’t typically respond to these funny little things, but this one really caught my eye! Y’know, you and I, Marshy poo, have always been very similar, I think. I like you a lot, Mrs. Francis, I do! I really, really do! So I think you’ll understand the little twinge I felt in my chest, oh so painful, when I caught a glimpse of this silly little thing on Ms. Lacount’s desk.

[sfx: Jiminy generates the sound of the world’s saddest violin]

ARCHIE You wouldn’t be doing anything to taint company face, would you, Marsha Marsha Marsha?

[Archie laughs after a moment, delighted]

No, of course not! 

[sfx: Jiminy produces the sound of an audience cheering]

ARCHIE (CON’T) Of course not, you’d never do anything like that. You’re a loyal, dedicated employee.

Right?

Right! Well, call me when you can, I’d like to discuss this sometime. Just as I’ve got that heavy focus in Company Portrayal, y’see, I need to make sure our associates are sticking to the fine print and not harming our branding in any way! I’m sure you understand. Alrighty then. Toodles!

[sfx: Jiminy produces various cues indicating a goodbye]

[sfx: voicemail beep]

VIOLA Message 10: Addressed to Dr. Emily Macey. January 1st, 2094. 3:01 

LADY Good morning, Emily. Just popping in with the Season’s Greetings.

There’s something magical about the New Year, isn’t there? You’d think with all of our calendar troubles across establishments that it would have lost some of its charm, but as we do with all things, we’ve kept it in shape. The snowfall is rather picturesque outside of this window. Any revelry has faded out by this hour. Only those of enough mind and ambition to appreciate the wee hours of a blank slate, of change, of a birth, if you’d like, find themselves awake. You are awake, aren’t you? Happy New Year, Emily. Here’s to the big year ahead. 

VIOLA End of selected voicemail messages. JASON (impersonating Mr. Lacount) I would drink to that. 

VIOLA May I ask why you gave me these instructions, Mr. Lacount?

JASON (impersonating Mr. Lacount) “Theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do and die”.

VIOLA Of course, sir.

[sfx: Viola powers off]

[sfx: retreating footsteps, door opens and the coffee is spilled]

[Jason yells.] ***

[sfx: a phone dialling]

WOMAN Find anything?

MR. LACOUNT (over phone) Oh, much. But first, if you’ll humor me enough to listen to these…

WOMAN Tapes? What are those from, the 20th century?

MR. LACOUNT (over phone) Last year, actually. Just listen.

[sfx: inserting a tape into a tape deck]

***

[Miles’ voice sounds considerably younger, this memory being from a number of years ago.]

NORA Pass me that one, honey.

MILES This one?

NORA Mm-hmm.

MILES It’s from me.

NORA Oh, perfect. Those are my favorite kinds of gifts.She shakes the box lightly, and then opens it.

[sfx: shaking the box lightly]

NORA (CON’T) Oh, Miles, you shouldn’t have!

SHAWN The hell is that?

NORA Shawn… 

Go on, Miles, you can explain it to him if you’d like.

MILES It’s fine, Mom, it’s not his gift.

SHAWN It looks like a piece of trash to me.

NORA I think it’s perfect. The yellow accents, the–

[sfx: button pressed, a noise is generated by the gift]

NORA (CON’T) Amazing! Miles, your little inventions just keep getting better and better! 

SHAWN Don’t encourage this, Nora.

MILES Thanks, Mom.

NORA Stop it, Shawn. You really need to… 

[The tape fades out.]

***

[Miles sounds to be their usual age.]

MILES -wasn’t really a fan of my gift giving, anyways. Plus, I haven’t really got a reason to celebrate anymore, y’know? EMILY I understand. I was the same way when I was your age. Then I… well, I told you that story. With, er—

MILES Barf, yes, I remember.

EMILY Right. But after we… you know-

[Miles gags.]

MILES Spare me those details please, Em-

[Emily laughs.]

EMILY You, you are a pain! After we split, effectively, I went back to… This, I suppose. 

MILES That’s surprising, honestly.

EMILY Is it?

MILES Sort of. Not sure why, but… They shrug.

EMILY I see… the hot chocolate is good though, yes?

MILES Oh, hell yes. 

[Miles takes a sip.]

MILES (CON’T) By the way, thanks for letting me know ahead of time about training last week. Alex would’ve had my ass if you didn’t tell me to look over those…

[The tape fades out.]

***

WOMAN Pardon me for my lack of enthusiasm, but I am still confused as to why I am wasting my time with… tapes?

[sfx: loading the tape deck]

***

ALEX (whispering) Oh. My God.

GABRIEL (whispering) How does it look?

ALEX It looks… great. Very red.

GABRIEL Jolly?

ALEX You could say that. He’s fast asleep in his room, you know, I’m not sure this is entirely necessary.

GABRIEL Sure it’s necessary. 

ALEX Mm…

GABRIEL Think about the cookies! The milk, the candy canes, the stockings hung with care? A job for Saint Nick, methinks.

ALEX Gabe…

GABRIEL Come on, it’s fun!

ALEX It’s 1 AM… 

GABRIEL It’s Christmas! If you really think about it, you can thank that Dr. Macey from your work for this. She’s the one who gave you the opportunity to be a part of this in the first place.

ALEX Sure… can we not bring up work right now?

GABRIEL … Right. Right. Well, what are you waiting for, get the camera!

ALEX God…

[The tape fades out.]

***

MR. LACOUNT (over phone) Do you understand now?

WOMAN Right! Yes, of course! I can see oh-so-clearly that this is not robbing me of precious hours. I understand with full clarity.

[sfx: loading the tape deck]

***

MINERVA So that’s it? You’re just not going to say anything?

ATHENA Minerva, we’ve discussed this over and over and over again, alright, legally I cannot.

MINERVA Why? I’m blood.

ATHENA Blood isn’t enough.

MINERVA Blood isn’t enough? You favor the law over your sister?

ATHENA It’s not favoring, Minnie, I never said that! I just can’t. I need this job, I— we can’t afford to lose it.

MINERVA You’ve been under Omni-Corp’s toe since you were 16, Athena! You—

ATHENA It was different then. 

MINERVA You know what? Yeah! Sure, that’s true! Back then, you came home at night. You told me what you were doing.

ATHENA Things can change.

MINERVA I just want you to stop lying to me.

ATHENA Lying?! When have I ever—

MINERVA Dr. Macey told me everything.

ATHENA … What?

MINERVA She told me everything, like how you have been… 

***

[sfx: the tape is popped out of the deck]

WOMAN Hm…

MR. LACOUNT (over phone) Do you see now?

WOMAN This is… interesting… Elaborate, please. 

***

ANNOUNCER Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast.

JESSE Hey there, it’s Jesse Smith! Before we get to the bonus episode, I need to share an important announcement with you all. Though we have just come back from a short hiatus, we, the crew, have decided it best to stick to it a little while longer. Don’t worry, we will be back soon! We just need a bit more time to prepare so we can give you the best show that we can. We have no definite return date to share with you all at present, but we will keep our social medias updated with any new information in the coming weeks. We will be returning with Episode 9: The Alternative very, very soon, we promise.  In the meantime, you can share your thoughts on the show on social media with the tag “microcospod,” rate and review us on your podcatcher of choice, or add a new show to your podcast list, such as the Heart of Ether or the Night Post.Until next time, work well.

[Fade to episode.]

[SFX: The sound of city night life is faintly heard from outside. There is silence for a beat, before MILES is heard tossing and turning excessively, mumbling to themself. Finally, they groan loudly, shoving their face into their pillow. Unit C41 flickers to life from where they were set on the bedside table.]

C41 Miles, would it kill you to be quiet? I’m trying to get my beauty rest.

MILES What does it matter to you? You should be able to rest regardless of external stimuli.

C41 Yeah, well, it’s annoying, so.

[MILES groans loudly again.]

MILES Sorry, I just—well, no matter how hard I try to sleep, I can’t shake this restless feeling I have.

C41 Maybe if you didn’t down so much caffeine—

MILES [cutting them off, annoyed] I don’t even like coffee, but I wouldn’t be able to function without it! Not that you’d understand.

C41 [they huff.] You’re being quite rude, you know. I’m just trying to help you.

MILES [mutters] You’re ridiculing me, more like it. [a beat.] Sorry. I just have to be up early tomorrow for that meeting with Emily, and I know I’ll be kicking myself in the morning if I don’t fall asleep soon.

C41  [mocking] Aw, does poor Mx. Abbott need me to read them a bedtime story?

[MILES ponders this for a moment.]

MILES [serious, but also teasing, in a way] You know what? Yeah. That would be lovely, Cal.

C41 [“wait no,” scrambling to take it back] Hey, you know I was joking—!

MILES [cutting them off, almost cooing, in a cruel way] And I’m not getting any more tired with all this bickering. You know you won’t have any fun tomorrow either if I don’t get enough rest. [a beat, then] Well? I’m waiting.

C41 [they groan] Ugh. You want a bedtime story? Fine. Once upon a time, there was a software engineer named Miles Abbott. They never knew when to shut up. One night, though, they finally decided to, and everyone was happy! The end.

MILES Cal.

C41 Don’t blame me! You didn’t program me to tell stories.

MILES Actually, I programmed you to do a lot of things, and this should be well within your capabilities. Do I need to go into your code again?

C41 No! Just—fine. I’ll make up an actual story, if you’re going to be so stubborn about it.

[C41 huffs a sigh. They think for a few moments before they begin telling their story.]

C41 Once upon a time, there was a fox who lived in a little village with a bunch of other animals.

MILES Does the fox have a name?

C41 No. This is one of those folktales where the animals are a metaphor, so they don’t need names.

MILES Let me guess, then, the Fox was sly and mischievous.

C41 [spiteful] Actually, no. The Fox was incredibly sweet, and made everyone cookies every Monday. Everyone in the village loved the fox.

MILES But that’s not what they usually represent—

C41 And this is my story with my characters, so they can do whatever I want! Stop talking, this is supposed to help you sleep.

[MILES yawns.]

MILES Fine.

C41 So, this fox had a great life in this village, but there was one thing they really wanted. Every night, the Fox would climb onto their roof and look up at the stars. Their dream, above all else, was to touch those stars. Not just that, the Fox wanted to jump across them. Like lilly pads, guiding them through space. They wanted to see where the stars would take them. From where the Fox sat, it seemed like they were forming a path. Thus, if they followed the path, it must take them somewhere special, right?

MILES So, how’d the Fox do it?

C41 Well, they started by going to their friend, the Owl, who was very wise, because, duh, owls are always the wise ones.

MILES You said—

C41 My story, remember? Anyways, the Fox went to the Owl, not only because the Owl was smart, but she could fly. The Fox asked the Owl if she could fly them up to the stars. She shook her head, though. She couldn’t fly up that high, even if she tried.

But, she had an idea. She may not be able to reach the stars, but she could reach the clouds. Because this is my fantasy world, and I make the rules, I’m going to go ahead and say the clouds here aren’t like normal clouds. These clouds, you’re able to stand on. Not just that, but they’re super bouncy, like a trampoline. The Owl thought that if she could fly the Fox up to the clouds, then they could bounce up high enough to get to the stars. Simple as that.

The Fox thought it was super clever, so the following night, they executed their plan. The Owl let the Fox sit on her back, and the two of them flew up, and up, and up, until the Owl finally couldn’t go any higher. That was when the Fox jumped off of her back and onto the nearest cloud. And guess what? It worked! The Fox went up even further, and they kept bouncing from cloud to cloud, going higher and higher with each jump.

Around them, the sky grew darker. They couldn’t even see their village anymore. Even when they started to feel scared, they kept jumping between the clouds until eventually, there were no more clouds. The only place left for them to jump…was the nearest star.

Their paws landed on the surface of the star with grace. Don’t worry, these are also fantasy stars, so the Fox didn’t burn alive. If anything, the star sent a pleasant tingling sensation through the pads of their feet. These stars were just like how a kid would draw stars. Not millions of light years apart, but clustered together, as if a living painting laid out before the Fox’s eyes. They were all the same cold yellow, all shining like glitter and glowing magnificently. They were exactly like the Fox had always dreamed of.

And the Fox should be happy. Ecstatic, even. This is what they’d wanted all their life.

But…they weren’t. Getting a closer look, they realized there was no cohesive path the stars formed. In fact, there were far more stars than they anticipated, spread out across the vastness of space. When they looked down, they saw the planet they had come from, and it was so much smaller than they had thought. When they looked up, around them, they saw even more planets in the distance, ones they couldn’t see before. Planets they could probably jump to, if they tried hard enough.

They could. Explore the universe by hopping from star to star. Their feet didn’t move, though. Looking around, they realized just how small they were in comparison to these grand celestial bodies. All their life, they had lived with their own goals, aspirations, ideas, and thought that that was all there was. That there was one life made just for them.

They didn’t realize how insignificant it all was until that moment—their desire to touch the stars, the cookies they made each Monday…their friends. Was there another little fox on one of those distant planets with the same life, the same dreams? Had that fox already accomplished all of their goals, better than this Fox ever could? Was it ever really the Fox’s choice to do all of those things, or was that just the role it was expected to play in the grand scheme of things? How could they go home with the knowledge that all this time, their village was only a speck of dust?

The Fox stayed on that first star they landed on. They stayed for a long, long time. It’s possible the Fox stayed there for the rest of eternity, standing on that star, staring out into space. It’s possible they stayed until it burned out and died. No matter what, as long as they kept looking, they couldn’t move. Because seeing it all so up close made them realize…it didn’t matter if they continued or not. They had always dreamed of touching the stars, and when they finally did? The stars didn’t even notice.

What a big universe, and what a small, small Fox. [with emphasis] How dare they. How selfish of them. To think their choices mattered at all.

[There’s a pause.]

C41 [trying to brush it off] Whew! That got a bit heavy at the end, didn’t it…Miles?

[MILES is softly snoring. C41 sighs deeply.]

C41 Goodnight, Miles. Try not to drink so much coffee tomorrow. I don’t think I have any more bedtime stories left in me.

[The theme music plays.]

ANNOUNCER Futuristic Trail Mix Productions presents Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast.

[sfx: comms click.]

MILES Assignment 3: Codename The Augustine Scheme. May 10. 13:23. Log 1. Recorded by Petty Officer M.J. Abbott.

[sfx: 2 comms clicks.]

FELIX -and, if you will, Athena please show the rest of the crew your card. I promise, we're not peeking.

[Miles humphs.] FELIX Done?

ATHENA Done.

C41 Watch his hands. He's going to hide it in his palm.

ATHENA Shhh...

FELIX Magnificent, magnificent! Now, my wonderful assistant, Ms. Commander Alex de la Cruz, is going to hand you this very well hand-folded envelope.

ALEX Very well folded indeed, Couvillion. Now, Athena, if you could please confirm that the envelope is, in fact, empty?

ATHENA It is very empty.

ALEX Fantastic. Then, if you would please put the card in the envelope?

ATHENA Mhmm...

ALEX Tremendous, now-

FELIX My dearest apologies, Alex, but I am noticing a bit of a complication in the audience!

ALEX Oh, dear...

FELIX Pardon me... Miles, you appear to be slightly distressed! Are you alright?

MILES I'm fine.

FELIX Are you sure? It appears there's... oh my...

MILES What?

FELIX Cal, can you see that?

C41 What?

FELIX It seems as though... There's a pen in your ear!

[Athena and Cal chuckle.]

ALEX Oh, great! That's just what I needed! I was wondering where that went...

MILES That was my pen...

ALEX Anyways, as I was saying... [She dramatically clears her throat.] Starshine, if you could please sign your name on the outside of this envelope. Excellent! For you, Dr. Couvillion.

FELIX Thank you so much, Ms. Commander. So, dearest crew, watch closely as I-

[sfx: a match is lit]

FELIX Uh- Alex, what are you doing?

ALEX Oh. Just taking a break. Sorry, all that magic really took it outta me...

FELIX Commander!

ALEX I know, I know, I'm sorry, I just... Mmm, give me a second, I think... I think I... rolled this weird...

FELIX Alex, this is entirely unprofessional, do you... huh.

ALEX Hm. That's odd. It appears as though... There's been a mistake... There seems to be a card in my cigarette.

ATHENA Shut. Up.

ALEX Athena, did you have... A Four of Comets?

[Athena laughs. She and Cal clap.]

ATHENA Yes, I did.

FELIX Wait, wait, wait! Alex! If the card is there, then... let me see...

[Felix throws a hand over his eyes and holds the envelope out to Miles.]

FELIX Oh, Miles... the anticipation... it's killing me...

MILES Really, Couvillion?

FELIX Really, Abbott.

[Miles groans.]

[sfx: ripping open an envelope.]

MILES This is... is this... flowers? That's... lavender, right? Oh, you have got to be fu-

[sfx: 2 comms clicks.]

MILES Continuation of Assignment 3. May 10. 13:36. Log 2. Recorded by Petty Officer M.J. Abbott.

[They sigh.]

MILES Yeah. Hey, everyone. It's me again. Uh... Previous attempt at documenting Couvillion's magic act was a mission failure. This is an audio transmitter, so...

Anyways, I don't have a damn clue what Felix is doing. I think it has something to do with his... palm... finger... movement, or something...

Cal probably knows. I bet everyone knows by now. And they still get such a kick out of it! I don't... I don't get it. I wish I could... just... I don't know. I'm just...

[sfx: they throw a rock at the wall.]

MILES I wish I could figure it out. Hell, that's my job. Aren't I supposed to be able to just get things? I'm supposed to be able to just... Just get it! That's why I'm here. Cause I don't need help to figure it out.

That's my thing. I put my head down and I just do the thing until it's done. Who needs sleep, right? Especially when you've been in a sleeping bag on the ground for, what, two months, and your friend, who, by the way, you built with your own blood, sweat and tears on a keyboard instead of sleeping, just keeps breaking, and you can't even figure out a stupid card trick to save your stupid life. And everyone's eyes stare holes into you head, and you can't even vent to anyone about it because they're all doing it, and all you want in the world is to make friends that you don't scare away with your overbearing-ness, and you try so hard to just fit in with the rest of your stupid group. You try so hard.

And everybody's laughing.

And I know what I should be thinking, I know what Emily would say, that they're not laughing at me. And I guess I know that. But does anyone think that maybe I wanna laugh too?

Sometimes I just don't get the joke, okay? Sometimes... Sometimes I wish.. I don't know. I'm just stupid.

I'm just stupid and I don't know what the hell is going on. One moment I'm talking to Cal about the... power of friendship or whatever, and the next we're leaving Felix behind and running into a goddamn cave. You know what I think?

You know what I think? I think this looks like the plot of a shitty science fiction movie, and I think you sent us out here to die.

Because why else would you send someone who clearly can't get along, or work well with others, or do their job properly, on such an important assignment? Don't you get it? I'm not 'special' just because I don't ask for help! Who would ever wanna admit that they don't get it?! No one!

So why me? Why Cal? Why any of us? Why else would you send us here, other than to sit back and watch us lose it in this damn cave when we've been asking you for help?! Maybe that's just me. You know, maybe I am the problem here. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't know what I'm doing, or what's going on, and neither does anybody else.

I just want to go home. I just want to see my cat, and... Emily, maybe, I don't know. Assuming she's... not the one behind... No. I... I miss our lunches. I miss her fancy salads and... the absent presence of... well of Mom, even, I guess...

I just. I can't help but think... I'm being targeted. The moment things started to turn up for me. The moment I was Miles Abbott, AI and engineering specialist, not Miles Abbott, the bitch down the hall who's got a misdemeanor under their belt. The moment Emily started to fill that gaping wound, the moment I got to maybe, just maybe, feel anything other than miserable in my pathetic ass life!

But, oh no, that would be too much, wouldn't it? We can't let them come above the waves for too long, that would... I don't know, endanger the company?! Yeah, let's- let's just- drown them in the tide! That'll show them! 'Don't surface for air if you don't want a mouth full of salt and seafoam, Abbott! Didn't we tell you that at orientation? I mean, come on, you'd think you were completely incapable of doing anything right! I don't- Don't you want to make me and Mom proud?!'

[They cry for a few seconds.]

ALEX Miles? You doing alright in there, buddy?

MILES Yeah. Yeah, sorry, I just... Got... lost in... my thoughts, I guess. I didn't realize I was being loud, I'm sorry.

ALEX Hey. Hey, man, uh... Not a big deal. We're all stressed right now, it's not a bad thing that you're dealing with your emotions and not bottling them up. Healthy, even. Mind if I sit here for a sec?

MILES Mm-mm.

ALEX Wanna... talk about it? I'm not going to force you to... y'know, unload all of your issues onto me if you don't want to or anything, but it is my job to make sure you're doing alright and not... losing... yourself... in here or anything.

MILES I mean, usually, I'd be like, "noo, I'll just push this deep, deep down and unpack it when everything finally erupts, 's not like you'd get it or anything," but, I just... I'm so tired, Alex.

ALEX Well, you look it, kid.

MILES Gee. Thanks.

ALEX No. You've got the look in your eye of someone who's sick of having to go it alone.

MILES And I still can't make it work with a group of people that I'm literally getting paid to make it work with. Go figure.

ALEX Not exactly your typical case, Abbott. And I know rainy...-ish days aren't exactly great for whatever's banging around your skull.

MILES You don't wanna hear about whatever the hell is in my skull.

ALEX What makes you think that?

MILES Wha- well, because... because nobody wants to hear about that, they haven't for a really long time, and-

ALEX I want to-

MILES Don't say that.

ALEX Too late, I'm saying it: I want to hear about it. Do you want to tell me?

MILES Commander...

ALEX Miiiiiles. I am here. What do you need to talk about?

MILES I don't... You really don't... mind? If I... y'know... vent, or whatever?

ALEX Not at all. You do what you have to do, Miles.

MILES Right. Okay. Thank you. Um...

Well, I guess I should give you context, right? I was... When I was a kid- a young kid, people thought I was gonna go places. Big places. Maybe become the next Omni-Corp CEO or something, even though we all know that's utter bullshit since that company is so caught up in its own schtick, and... you know, nepotism.

Either way, everyone around me was always pressuring me into... something. Mathematics and Future Scientists clubs, those stupid OC internships, even... Debate at one point. They all wanted me to be the next Cornelius Bordeaux, or... Beauregard Oswald, or whatever. But I just wanted to be me. I wanted to be Miles Abbott- or, backtracking, I guess I always kind of wanted to be M.J. Abbott, but-

ALEX Do you... want me to call you M.J.?

MILES No, no, I didn't... no. More as a title, than anything. But I wanted to be that. Someone who sat in their fancy Stark Industries garage and built robots all day. Made themself the friends that they wanted, that wouldn't give them weird looks or cross over to the other side of the hallway, snickering when they saw them walking to class.

But that wasn't what anybody else wanted. Not my teachers, definitely not my dad. It didn't take long for me to realize all the... grown-ups at school were just trying to find ways for me to make friends. Real friends. Steer clear of the bullies and make an effort to not be the weird kid on the outskirts anymore. They didn't actually think that highly of me, not really. Just as long as I kept my good grades up and didn't... I don't know. Bring down the school's standardized test scores?

But I knew- Alex, I knew what I was capable of. I've never claimed to be a genius, but I knew I was smart. Smarter than all the other asshole kids at my school, humbleness be damned.

I realized pretty quickly, though, that in this world, it is really hard to get that first kick off of the bottom of the pool without others there to give you some sort of push. Even more so when some people decided to shove rocks in your pockets when you asked for a hand.

So I think you'll get my frustration when I tell you that I had, like... 1 person max who supported my ambitions. Back then, anyways. And, y'know, maybe she didn't, but she did a better job of putting up a show than the others did. My mom. But, I... I... I really do think she believed in me. Thought I could do whatever I put my mind to if I just tried because that had, supposedly, worked so far, but...

Well, she and my dad would butt heads over just about anything that involved me or my grades or my work. I remember being, like, 10, and hearing them yell about my intelligence and worth and what I was going to do with my life, when other kids my age were still getting up early for Saturday cartoons and playing with dolls. It made me feel like such a waste, just... wanting to be what I wanted to be and not what Dad wanted me to be. And, like, it wasn't like... I... I don't know.

My dad and I never got along. Like, ever. Something about us clashed, and we never got past it. So, when Mom got sick and...

When Mom got sick and we had to be alone with each other more often, things got... hard. I wasn't even a teen yet but something about me... infuriated him. I think he tried to hide it for a while, but he just... I don't know. I'd come home from school, so excited to show him whatever stupid gadget I'd made that day, and he'd just... not care. Tell me it was dumb or that I somehow screwed it up, even though he knew nothing about mechanics.

It wasn't... a big deal, I guess, but I was a kid. I needed someone in my corner. Had I not been the stubborn asshole that I happen to be, I probably would've given up, but... I am that stubborn asshole.

And I knew my mom was counting on me. I mean, at that point, that was... really all I could do for her, you know? Give her something to be proud of? So I'd march myself into her room, telling myself that Dad's opinion didn't matter, and show her my newest clunky little piece of crap. Her favorite was this little... dumb bird. It could walk across your hand for a few seconds. She... thought it was adorable. Insisted I let her keep it on her bedside table. So... I did. And it stayed there. For... a while.

I-I don't remember what my last words to her were. I thought so hard for so long and I... I never figured it out. She was alone when she... went, so nobody knows what they really were at all, which was soooo comforting.

ALEX Oh, Miles....

MILES And... all I really remember from the funeral, which, by the way, strongman Mr. Shawn Abbott made me leave early, was that it was, in those moments, that I realized that no one... no one cares.

Not about me, not about my mom, not about the dead. People only care about themselves and what they want. What they're getting for lunch after this, what their annoying coworker is doing to 'ruin their promotional chances,' how their makeup is holding up at a goddamn funeral.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, dear," they would all say with that same, fake face. "You're such a strong kid for holding up through all this. I understand that this must be difficult for you. It must be so, so hard." Patronizing, demeaning, but, most of all? Evidence of how little damns they gave for me or for Nora Abbott. Because if they really did care that much, if they really thought it was that hard, they would take a moment to take their heads out of their asses, and notice that I wasn't holding up, and that they didn't understand, and that they never would, and that there are still ways to comfort someone- a child- without lying to them. Because if Mom was still around, she would've told every asshole at that stupid funeral that she never, ever would've wanted people to sulk and throw around fake pity in her name while holding stupid black umbrellas. She lived her life taking in the world loudly and joyously, unafraid to say what she believed or show how happy she was. Confining her death to a monochrome, depressive cookie-cutter of an event was a crime against everything she had ever stood for, and I hope those people lay awake at night knowing that they let her down at the last chance they got to do something good for her.

ALEX I'm so sorry, Miles.

MILES Yeah, well... After that, I decided I didn't want to waste my life waiting for others to catch up, so... I did what any smart 12 year old would've done, and got entirely absorbed in my school work. Passed my classes with flying colors, got to skip a couple of grades because I was just that great, graduated at the top of my class, and landed myself in the University of Teegarden at the ripe age of 15.

And you'd think, you'd really think, that that would be enough to gain the smallest amount of approval or pride from my father, y'know, getting into such an impressive school and making an effort to professionally follow my lifelong ambitions at, again, fifteen years old, but. Nope! Nothing! It wasn't good enough for him, because nothing ever was.

So I tried to distance myself from him as much as I could. Like, maybe, if we just spent some time out of each others' hair, he would realize I wasn't the total hellspawn of a failure that he thought I was. And, arguably, it was a decent decision on my end. I made my first friend, my roommate, Darcy Martinez. Continued to do well in my classes. All that good stuff. It wasn't a success, by any means, but it was fine for the... time being. Gave me good memories to look back on.

Freshman year, really, was probably one of the best years of my life, if not the best year of my life. It was... sophomore year that I had to go and screw it up!

I was still just a kid. I was stupid. I was very stupid and, to be honest, I'm surprised I didn't utterly ruin my entire life-

ALEX Miles, I'm sure-

MILES I hit him. I stopped thinking for half a second, and I hit my professor. Hard.

ALEX Shit.

MILES Yeah. Shit.

Black eye and broken nose. Landed me with a misdemeanor and an expulsion from the school of my dreams. Or, not really, I guess. The school I thought would make me less of a failure, maybe? Which. Heh. Funny how that panned out, huh?

ALEX Well, why did you... do it?

MILES Not for any valid reason. Nothing that would... I don't know, make it better? I just...

I had this idea. A way to make fully autonomous, but safe, AI units that could be mass-produced and widespread to everyone, not just the rich people. And, because I thought this was the most absolutely genius idea out there, y'know, next step in the way of Beauregard Oswald, I decided I was going to do my final project for "Understanding the Robotics Enterprise 211" on it.

Had my 15 page, 10,000 word, essay, and 45 slide presentation ready to go. I was so sold on it. Probably would've gone so far as to get it patented too, if I had that much more pride- or, let's be honest, time. Maybe OC would've taken me in then if I'd shown them, but. Didn't show them, did I... so...

ALEX That sounds like a great plan. Especially if you were so confident in it... I'm guessing it-

MILES Went up in flames? Yes. I, uh... Well, honestly, I really don't know what happened. I was stressed? Overwhelmed? Darcy and I on were on rocky waters because of some stupid argument about our Astral Robotics project, and...

Alex, I really don't know. I was stupid. I was 16. I felt out of my waters and I guess I just... I don't know.

I went to turn in my assignment, and, for some reason, Professor Smith decided it was a great day to be the biggest asshole in the universe. He was one of my only professors that didn't do, like, periodic checkups on our projects or whatever, so this was really the first time he was looking at it, right? Class sizes at Teegarden were tiny, and I mean, I've got no idea why Smith didn't have any TA's, maybe no one wanted to work with him, but... I don't know.

Maybe it was because of how proud I looked, maybe it was because he just hated me that much- which would track, because he'd treated me like crap most of the year anyway- maybe it was because he was genuinely that awful of a person. Regardless, he took one look at my final, probably read a paragraph or two max, looked up at my face, and shoved the papers back onto me.

And, like, obviously, I was like, what the hell, dude, and tried to give them back to him. But he was continuously resistant. Started spouting all of this bull about "the workforce" and how "the idea that service providers should be expected to give away their products for free is ridiculous"- which wasn't even what I was trying to say- and all of this other shit, and I was just... not having it.

So I told him, "The fact that you're not listening to me or trying to see where my point is coming from shows a lot about who you are, Professor. Take the goddamn papers, do your job, and I'll do what I have to do in my spare time to meet my personal goals, free of your oversight. Let me say what I feel needs to be said, within project guidelines, at that, and we won't have an issue."

And this bastard has the audacity to tell me, to my face, "Who do you think you are, Mx. Abbott? Do you genuinely think that you and your foolish, unrealistic ideas, in the grand scheme of things, in this universe, by the eye of the Omni-Corporation, are ever going to amount to anything? Success is not forthcoming for those without flock, and most especially for those who do not intend to work for their goals. Those seated in chairs amongst the Omni-Corporation's Board would deny this idea's passing faster than you could've cheated your way through your classes, and I will not torture myself in pleasuring this paper with another glance. I mean, really, do you genuinely expect support when-"

And I don't know what he would've said after that, because I hit him. Hard. As hard I could.

And, uh... Yeah. Everything that followed went about as well as you'd expect. Everyone in the room turned to me, mouths wide open like I'd just killed somebody, or something. Which, I get. I would've had the same response as a bystander, but...

I don't know. I freaked myself out. My face started burning and I felt like I was going to collapse, so I ran to the door, fuming, and clutching my paper like it was some sort of holy grail. I barely made it into the hallway before campus security grabbed me and I started flailing and sobbing and just... losing it, I guess? Which did wonders for my already rotting reputation, I'm sure you could assume. Went-

My professor was fine, by the way. I feel like I need to preface everything I say about this with the fact that he was entirely fine after the fact.

But, uh. Regardless. Went to court. Got expelled; got charged with a class A misdemeanor; and, to top it all off, lost the only place I had left to sleep. My dad was, rightfully, I'll give him that one, furious at me. And, uh... well, we had a bit of a blowout, I guess. We got home and he just started screaming at me, and I started screaming back, because I was just as angry at myself as he was but yelling wasn't going to fix that or any of our other problems. And he just kept ramping it up and up and up, bringing up crap from years ago, bringing up Mom, making it personal, as if it was going to help anything.

And, eventually, we somehow looped around to, "well, Miles, maybe if you'd made an effort to be more involved in society and not stuck in your books and computers, we wouldn't be here, would we? You think that shit's ever gonna help you in real life? You think that's going to get you anywhere? Get. A. Life." And I... stared at him for a second, before I decided he wasn't worth my time anymore, grabbed some clothes from my bedroom floor, told him I never wanted to see him again, and left. Got a part-time job, lived in a shabby motel, and waited out my birthday.

Still, though, I could just hear him. I could just hear him telling me that I'd made the stupid choice, the stupidest one I could make, just by... being me.

Eventually, I let go of my pride and applied for the infamous, stupid OC internship, did that for a bit. Made me feel absolutely worthless, but, hey. It was... something. I, uh... well, one day, in our great year of 2091, I finally got accepted into a paying position in the company. One employee who had taken a particular liking to me, you may have heard of her-

ALEX Emily?

MILES She- yes, her- she, uh... Well, she kinda watched over me when no one else did. I was the youngest employee in the division, as far as I knew. A special case, or whatever. I think we... both had holes to fill. She understood what I was going through. That I was just a kid out of their water, and- honestly, she probably knew about my parents. Probably on a file she had somewhere, I don't know. But she took my under her wing and we got along super well so. That was nice, I guess? Counter: 2, on number of Miles Abbott's friends.

Then, a year later, I finally got a clearing to try out my quick and easy, fully autonomous AI idea. And I made one of my own to use as an example of my work. Prototype C: Impart Interface 4, Model Type 1, AKA Unit C41, AKA Cal. They were, uh... Well, they... weren't... They didn't do anything wrong. I think I probably put too much blame on them back then for something that hardly involved them at all. But, uh...

To make a short sob story shorter, my project got shut down after they were created. No explanation, no word from anyone I cared to hear from, no word from Mission Oversight. Just an email from the Board saying that clearance for my idea had been terminated and that I was to resume my typical company work promptly. I stared at that email for a good ten minutes.

I was... so tired. There isn't another word for it. Just tired.

I was tired of people acting like I didn't know what I was doing, tired of people acting like I was just a child, tired of people standing in my way when I knew I could do something. My whole life, everyone looked down at me like some stupid... puppy or something. Like I can't do anything, like I can't hear when they repeatedly talk about how dumb I must be. I just wish... I just wish people got it! This one time! That I'm a person! That the jokes aren't funny, that I am fully capable of doing what I- I- what I want, but- also... literally. Anything?

My first chance to do something I want to do, that I think is right, and they rip it out of my hands without a second thought. Without an explanation. Without anything. And I. Was. Tired.

For my whole life! Just... being demeaned, being made the butt of the joke, being told I couldn't do things just because they thought I couldn't! It was tiring, and I'm tired now, and I want to stop being tired!

But, no. No, because that's not how life works. Because Omni-Corp, and Dad, and Professor Smith, and everybody else is out there that lives to spite me and people like me, would much rather I sit sulking in a cave, waiting for my oncoming death, than try and let anyone hear whatever it is I bother to waste my breath with. Maybe if I wasn't such a stubborn asshole, I would've given up. Matter of fact, I would've given up 10 years ago. But. I didn't. And now, every day that I sit here and continue to rot in this humid, disgusting cave, I wonder if that was the wrong decision. If maybe I should've listened to Dad. If I should've just... let it go, and gave in to what everyone thought I should be.

If I should've just given up.

And, Alex, I... really do think that one of these days I'm going to do just that. Give up. Stop making the effort to carry out whatever stupid ideas or plans I've decided to get myself overly invested in and sit quietly in the sidelines like the good little kid that I was always told I should be. Since it seems like I'm the only one who doesn't know who I'm supposed to be.

Not quite there yet, but... I am getting closer and closer, and... I dunno. I guess I'll see where my little fun adventure takes me next. How much longer I've got before I finally give in, y'know?

That's, uh... That's actually the first time I've ever talked about any of that. To anyone.

ALEX A first time for everything.

MILES Apparently.

I don't know why... why I decided that now was the time for me to... to just dump all that on you-

ALEX But I'm glad you felt like you could share all that with me, okay, Miles. That's... a really big step, man.

MILES Not too much?

ALEX A lot. Not too much, though. If I ever... cross any boundaries, you'll let me know, right?

MILES Yeah. Of course.

ALEX Well, in that case...

[sfx: fabric rustles as Alex gives Miles a hug]

 ALEX I'm so proud of you, Miles. Genuinely.

And I really, really want you to remember that. You are truly one of the most talented and magnificent people I have ever known. Seriously, name someone else who can make a functional chocolate geyser in an afternoon, or... a walking toy bird before they've even hit puberty.

[Her voice begins to fade into someone else’s.]

You are something special, Miles Abbott. And I could not be more excited to see who you become and what you do whenever we get out of this cave and march up to Omni-Corp's HQ ourselves.

I'd love to see the looks on their faces when they realize how bad of a mistake they made in suppressing you to base-level corporate henchman.

[There is a long beat.]

ALEX? M..Miles? Was that a bad joke, honey, I apologize-

MILES No, don't apologize, I... how... what...

Mom?

NORA Yes? Are you okay, Miles?

MILES I don't... This isn't real... this... I'm seeing things, you're not real... you're... you're dead...

NORA What?

MILES What the hell is this? Who is... who are you?

ALEX/NORA What are you talking about? I'm... I'm me, Miles. Do you need me to... leave you alone?

[Her voice fades back to Alex’s.]

MILES I don't...

ALEX I can leave if you need me to, Miles. I... didn't realize I was-

MILES You didn't... You're... you're fine, Alex. Cave must be getting to my head, sorry. I... Crap.

ALEX What was that?

MILES I left my comms recording. Sorry.

ALEX No, I mean, the-

MILES Hold on, I just had an id-

[sfx: 2 comms clicks.]

ALEX Miles, I don't... what are you talking about, man?

MILES That was my mom's voice on the recording, Alex, I'm serious. Should I play it again?

ALEX No, you don't have to, I just... Something... similar happened, a few weeks ago. I don't get it...

You're feeling better though, right?

MILES Clearly have a bigger problem now, so. Yeah. I guess.

ALEX Having new problems doesn't erase the old ones, Abbott.

MILES Alright.

ALEX We care about you. Okay? Even if your comms is... totally whacked up.

Seriously, though, don't... don't forget that. Far too many people get lost when they can't remember that people that love them and that that that follows them around. You've got a whole team of people here who are here for you. And if I have anything to say about it, we're gonna be here for you until we all get old and turn to dust. Beyond that, even.

We can't have you getting lost. So don't ever forget that. And if you do, we'll just keep reminding you until you can remember. Magic shows and birds and whatnot. Okay?

MILES Okay.

ALEX Okay.

[sfx: 2 comms clicks.]

MILES -sounds like, but I'm not crazy! You guys can tell that that's not Alex's voice, right?!

ATHENA Yes, I can. But... Alex, you're saying you can't-

ALEX Keep my perspective out of your deducing, Starshine, we both know I've got a couple of my wires crossed right now.

C41 I feel like an altered perspective would be helpful right now, Commander. I mean, if you're an outlier from the general consensus, that must-

ALEX Disregard it, Cal.

C41 Yes, sir.

MILES But- No, Alex, you looked like my mom. You sounded just like her. You... maybe you couldn't hear because... it's... it's...

ATHENA Seriously, Alex, if you've been mishearing multiple transmissions, then it should be more of a discussion than it is. That's a big deal.

ALEX Maybe. But it's not what we're discussing right now.

ATHENA It could be. We can come back to Miles's situation.

ALEX I would rather just get this figured out, Athena.

MILES Cal, is there any way you could, uh... I don't know. Maybe there's a... frequency or something? In the caves? That's only affecting Alex right now?

C41 I'm not particularly built to run diagnostics on things outside of our electronics and telecommunications devices, Miles. And I can't exactly run a search on Alex's brainwaves or the frequencies of the environment in the caves. It's not like I can just stick my tongue out and tell you, "Hmm... the air sure does feel 18.98 Hz today! You may have to get that checked out-"

MILES That wasn't what I meant. I was just thinking out loud.

ALEX I think it's coming time we all head back to our respective quarters. This is... not helping anything. Miles, you've had a... rough... I dunno. Just chill until dinner, alright?

MILES Okay. Cal-

ATHENA Cal can stay with me for the time being.

MILES Okay. By the way, where's Felix? I feel like... I dunno, maybe this is a conversation he'd want to be a part of, or... something.

C41 Dr. Couvillion has been, supposedly, asleep in his quarters for the last hour or so.

ALEX Magic act really took it out of him, huh?

C41 I doubt he's actually sleeping, Commander.

ALEX Mm. Well, see you all in a few hours, then? Just ring me up if you need me. I'll just be... thinking, so. I'll have an ear out.

ATHENA Don't think too much, Alex.

ALEX I try not to.

MILES Oh, you're kidding me... Stupid recorder keeps turning-

[sfx: 2 comms clicks]

MILES Continuation of Assignment 3. May 10. 14:10. Log 3. Recorded by Petty Officer M.J. Abbott...

Um. Well, I can't say a whole lot of progress has been made on the... assignment. Looks like you know that, though, since, for some reason, every factor of my life decided to work together just this once to make sure I consistently kept turning on the recorder. How? Who knows. But, uh... hope you enjoyed the show, I guess. Call my... agent if you have any questions.

The more I speak the more I feel like the cave is really, really getting to me. So. Woohoo. 

FELIX I fear that that is a shared experience, my friend.

MILES Oh, crap, how much of that-

FELIX I don't think you should fret, though. If we all go mad in here, it seems that we'll go mad together, and is that not at least a somewhat comforting sentiment?

MILES I'm less worried about going mad and more worried about what embarrassing BS you just heard me muttering to my comms.

FELIX I didn't hear a thing. I will say, though, I wanted to stop by earlier, but you and the Commander appeared a bit... preoccupied.

MILES You understand how hearing that conversation is actually worse, right? Like, you get-

FELIX No, no, you misunderstand. I'm a gentleman, Miles, I've been taught many, many times that eavesdropping is a nasty thing to do, especially towards the... er, vulnerable. I merely heard you and the Commander discussing things. I didn't listen to the words, that would be rude.

MILES Mm. I see.

FELIX If you wish to tell me what you two were discussing, you can do that on your own time.

MILES Dream on, Couvillion.

FELIX Clearly, only the sweetest dreams, as you sway me with your... perpetually elated indifference.

[Miles scoffs.]

FELIX I'll still offer a hug, though.

MILES I'll consider it.

FELIX Mm, fair. I did not come here to berate you about what you do in your personal time, though.

MILES Oh really?

FELIX Shockingly.

[sfx: a rustle as he pulls a deck of cards from his pocket.]

MILES Ah. Taunting me with the stupid-

FELIX Perhaps a lesson to lift the spirits, hm?

[Felix shuffles the cards.]

MILES Bull.

FELIX No, no, quite serious, actually. Do you still have your notepad?

MILES No. You stole it. And my p-

FELIX Yes, of course, and your pen, hold on to the cards for a second.

MILES 'Kay.

[sfx: rustling as Felix searches for the pen.]

FELIX There you go. Trade with me. Okay, now... take notes, I work in rather mysterious ways.

MILES K.

FELIX First, you offer your, er, audience, yes? A place in your show. Immerse them in the act.

[sfx: Miles scribbles furiously.]

MILES Sure.

FELIX Then, you have them select a card, any card, doesn't matter.

MILES Mhm.

FELIX When you go to 'hide' the card, just shuffle the deck around wherever you placed it. Preferably the back, but to each their own. Just remember where it is.

MILES 'Course.

FELIX And then, when you idly distract them with something else, tuck it into your sleeve, or pocket, or whatever your fancy it is. Somehow, people never notice, it's one of the wonders of the world.

MILES For sure.

FELIX And that's it. Just pull it out of its pocket realm, add some flourish, and woo the crowd.

[Miles stops writing.]

MILES ... that's it?

FELIX That's it!

MILES ... really?

FELIX Mhm!

MILES Huh.

FELIX You're not even going to try it out?

MILES No, not on you. You'll... twist it on me and make it more difficult for me, or something...

FELIX (scandalized gasp) Why, I would never! You have too little faith in me...

Though, while I must say I am incredibly entertained by the amount of effort you are putting into this thought process of yours, I would recommend checking your wristpiece. You seem to have something lodged in it.

MILES What? Lodged... The hell... "Got you, Miles... better luck next..." Oh, you son of a-

FELIX Heheheheheh- [sfx: running footsetps as Felix sprints.]

MILES You get back- Jesus Christ. You better not make a stupid choice, Couvillion!

Stupid recorder. I... Hello, there, listener. Assignment 3 is a blatant failure, turns out Felix Augustine Couvillion here is just a bastard, so jot that one down! A bastard whose hug I really was considering! Check back in next week to see how Petty Officer M.J. Abbott hides a body in a quirky, twisty, twirly, stupid cave system! Oh, and, Cal, if you hear me: I know you were a part of this, so you had better get to running too, because this man is dead meat. Felix, goddammit, get your ass back-

[sfx: comms click.]

[The end music begins to play.]

ANNOUNCER

Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast.

This episode, the Fever Called Living, was written by Jesse Smith, edited by Lauren Tucker and Luka Miller, and directed by Jesse Smith and Lauren Tucker. It starred Jesse Smith as the voice of Athena Romero, Jackson Rossman as the voice of Miles Abbott, Luka Miller as the voice of Alex de la Cruz, Kaleb Piper as the voice of Felix Couvillion, Pippa van Beek-Paterson as the voice of Cal, and Nikki Paige as the voice of Nora Abbott. Original music by Julia Barnes, and sound editing by Tobias Friedman.

Be sure to stay tuned to our feed for upcoming episodes from the new backpacking intergalactic adventure from Futuristic Trail Mix Productions. Enjoying the show, and want to give us a boost? You can support us by rating and reviewing us on iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts, or telling a friend about us.

To follow the show and find transcripts, you can find us on Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram as @MicroCosPod. Questions, comments, and concerns can be emailed to us via [email protected].

Thank you for listening.

[MICRO-COSMOS THEME FADES.]

[AN EXTENDED PIANO VERSION OF THE NIGHT POST’S OPENING THEME PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.]

Hello there, citizen. You’ve lived in Gilt City for a while now. Maybe you’ve wondered, when you wake in the morning and retrieve the letters tucked neatly into your postbox, just where your mail comes from. It comes from the Night Post, of course. Those faithful couriers deliver it while you’re sleeping--all the better that they stay out of sight, and keep the unseemly strangeness that follows them out of our city, in the Skelter, where it belongs.

Ahem. If, for some reason, you’d like to know more about Gilt City’s conscripted couriers and the burden that chose them, their secret hopes and fears, the ancient, untamed threats that hound them on their nocturnal journeys--you have only to listen. The Night Post is a supernatural audio drama by an all-LGBT team, delivered weekly, in dead of night, to wherever you listen to podcasts. 

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

ANNOUNCER Futuristic Trail Mix Productions presents Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast.

[THEME MUSIC FADES OUT]

*** [sfx: external storm ambiance echoing through the cave, button press]

FELIX Um... hello world. This...This is Chronicling Log One, of Doctor Felix Augustine Couvillion. I am the science officer on duty with Omnitarian Establishment Crew, erm... zero three... no, we're um...

Zero-one-three-seven-F. Yes. It says so right here.

You'll have to forgive me. Ordinarily, when I make these recordings, they're for my own notes, or for my scientific peers. I am not used to simply... documenting the goings-on, especially... my goings-on... when confined to a cave.

According to Athena, this is for a chronicling protocol called a Code Drag. It refers to, if memory serves, a distress situation without a contingency that, at present, makes mission objectives impossible to complete. That is to say, we have been "dragged" off course. There is no contingency plan for a cinderburst. Cal says they're too rare to even warrant such a thing, nor is there enough research to determine how one could occur here. If these storms supposed to be characteristic of desert terrain, however, I would say Ophiuchus is hardly a suitable candidate. Not that I can research such a claim when I have no signal to reach any external databases that could be of help. No, that would be too easy.

Instead of that, what I do is I sit inside of a cave, talking to myself, and try to avoid going... slightly mad. If I wasn't there already, of course. I wonder how Athena manages it.

For the sake of my friend, however, I am sucking it up and beginning with these entries. I've been procrastinating for long enough, so, I will see to it that I make this log faithful to its purpose, and as honest as I can manage. I'll start with a caution, though. This cave is dull, even considering what you would expect from a cave, namely: not much. For that reason, I'm afraid I cannot guarantee you anything riveting, my dear listener. Consider yourself to be warned.

So, I hear you ask me: What have I, Doctor Felix Couvillion, been up to, now that myself and my friends have spent about... oh, a day and a half inside a damp, cavernous lair of darkness? You ask me, 'Felix, what are the Tales from the Tunnels? The Stories from the Stones? The Accounts of'... a, a, um... a cave. The cave, which I'm sure I will have memorised every vein of by the time daylight decides to reappear.

In short, I've been working. Making note of the vegetation in here, and how it might help us. I've found a new variant of fruit-bearing vine, actually. Edible. Similar to a terran gooseberry. It will make for a decent snack, once my trail mix finally runs out. A sad day, that will be. Somehow I don't find this discovery as exciting as I should. The Commander, she tries hard to keep our morale afloat, but... you know. It hasn't been long, and somehow, I already feel as though we are... contained. Stuck in some version of a time capsule, and... preserved until the next moment we are meant for is to resume.

[Felix sighs.]

FELIX (CONT'D) There's no wildlife in here, as of yet. No water either. That makes sense, on paper. The fact of the matter is that carbon-based animal life needs water. Including us. In a worst case scenario, our current water supply wouldn't last us. So, I either solve this problem, or we all slowly die of dehydration, sucking the juice out of vine berries as a last ditch attempt to survive. Yeesh. Not a pretty picture, hm?

Which is why I will make my third trek to scout a potable water source this afternoon. If I'm able to find room in my busy schedule Oh! In between my rounds, though, I have found something to pass the time-He stops again. This is... what a chronicling log is for, yes? Cataloguing however our time is spent inside an unavoidable disaster?

Sure it is. Anyways. I have... wait for it... I have rediscovered my love for card tricks! And I can still manage to do them, too. It's like it never left me, in a way. Like riding a bike for the mind. Or, as Morgan once put it, riding a bike for nerds. Here, I'll show you. ...You can’t see me. Dammit. Well, let's try it like this, then. Were you here, dear listener, you would shuffle the deck. You would pick a card, only in your mind. And then, you'd give the deck back to me, and after a series of convoluted detours through what seems like a magical process, the card would end up in your pocket, a place it certainly shouldn't be. Ta da! Okay, okay, a magician shouldn't reveal his tricks, I know. But I can't contain myself, so I'll give you a tidbit. I forced a card on you, at the start. You thought it was your choice. It wasn't. It was, likely, the Ace of Dishes. Good card. I'm fond of it. It's an interesting thing, that trick. According to the logical part of your brain, the card should be in the deck, with the rest of its friends. It’s family, if you will. Your eyes told you it should be there, and so of course, you're expecting it to be there. Or were you? That card, from the second you or I chose it, when you saw it, and we convinced each other that it was special, or different, the, hm... well, the zeitgeist of the situation told you that by the end of the trick... that card wasn't going to be in it's rightful place. It wasn't going to be like all the others. It was going to be... miraculously misplaced. In reality, the misdirection relies on both expectations. It needs the voice of reason, and the voice of the little child inside your brain that really really really wants magic to be real, just so it can stir a whit of joy. In my experience, though, most things in life that are misplaced from where they belong, it's... not a good situation. Take our example. One looks down at the flowers for a moment, giving the storm just enough time to sneak up and tap him on the shoulder, and... Abracadabra. Misdirected... misplaced from mission objectives. This kind of thing... does not bring much joy, does it? That's my insight, anyways. And that's about as much as I can fill a Chronicling Log with, for now. I'm going to check up with the others. Um, Doctor Felix Augustine Couvillion, ending Log One.

[sfx: button click]

***

ATHENA ... That's a dog?

MILES Yeah. It's supposed to be! Like... bark?

ALEX Sorry, I... honestly thought it was supposed to be a sock puppet.

MILES Sock puppets don't have ears!

ATHENA ...An ear?

ALEX That's an ear?

ATHENA I mean I figured it was an animal of some kind, but-

MILES I never claimed to be good at shadow puppets, okay?

C41 Clearly.

MILES Cal, you don't have tangible hands, you don't get an opinion.

C41 At least I know that dogs aren't that long.

[sfx: approaching footsteps]

ALEX Yeah, actually, kinda... looks like that little cat thing that bit Felix.

FELIX It was a spray, not a bite. That makes it sound a lot more gross, actually.

[Alex claps her hands.]

ALEX Nice to see the party's finally here!

FELIX Hm? "Party"? That's new.

ALEX Did you bring the deck of cards?

FELIX Of course.

ALEX Then you're the party.

[Felix laughs.]

ALEX (CONT'D) Where've you been?

FELIX Recording my first chronicling log. I figured an update on my perspective was in order.

ATHENA Oh, good, thank you. How'd it go?

FELIX Um... well, I think. A bit meandering, maybe. Not anything special.

ATHENA Honestly, however they end up going is fine. It's just a matter of getting an account from everyone of how they're doing and what's going on. That's all I really have to do, most of the time. You'd be surprised how useful a ramble is when you have it on file. What did you meander about?

FELIX Oh just... you know. Something that I've been brushing up on. Here, I'll show you, actually.

MILES Sure, just share your talents with the class I guess.

C41 This should be interesting.

[sfx: unboxing and shuffling playing cards]

MILES What is this?

FELIX It's a card trick.

MILES A card trick...

FELIX Correct. Can I have a volunteer?

[Athena, Alex and C41 respond positively.]

FELIX (CONT'D) Miles, thank you, so kind of you to volunteer.

MILES My hand was not up.

FELIX Here, shuffle these.

MILES Ugh. Fine.

[sfx: cards shuffling]

FELIX No, don't give them to me! That's against the rules.

MILES Oookay. I'll keep em.

FELIX You're thinking of a particular one, I can tell.

MILES Uh... sure. Six of stars?

FELIX No, no, that's not it. Come on, this one only works if we convince each other that it's going to work. It was a low card, something... special.

MILES Low, and... special? Like an Ace?

FELIX It was an Ace?

MILES Yeah. Yeah, an Ace.

FELIX But not the Ace of Stars? We've got Planets, Comets, Dishes and Stars, but... How about you pick two of those, Officer Abbott?

MILES Dishes and Stars.

FELIX We'll keep the Dishes and the Stars then, and get rid of the other two. But it wasn't Stars, so the Ace of Dishes, then?

MILES Yeah.

FELIX The Ace of Dishes was the first card that came to mind, you're sure?

MILES Yeah.

FELIX Perfect. Athena, could you pick a number for me? It could be anywhere between, er... one to ten.

ATHENA Seven.

FELIX Seven. Very well. Miles, can I have the deck back?

MILES Oh, that's allowed now?

FELIX Of course, don't be silly. Now, I'm going to pull seven cards off the top of this deck that Miles shuffled and, well... we'll see what happens.

[sfx: cards being drawn from the deck]

FELIX (CONT'D) One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven.

Oh... dear, that's not it.

MILES Jack of Comets. Figured it wouldn't-

FELIX Indeed. Wait, Miles, what's that?

MILES What's what?

FELIX In your shirt pocket.

[sfx: an emphatic rustling and card flip.

FELIX This?

MILES The... Ace... of Dishes. Wait.

[Athena applauds.]

[Alex laughs.]

ALEX Hey now, how the hell did you do that?

FELIX Ah, ah. Magicians. Secrets. You know the rules.

ALEX I bet Cal knows.

C41 I have... an idea or two, but I'm not exactly sure, really. Nice job.

FELIX Thank you.

MILES I don't know how you did that. I am going to find out how you did that.

[sfx: lots of movement]

[Indistuguishable frenzied comments from the crew.]

***

[sfx: echoing footsteps, very distant external storm ambiance.]

[sfx: button click.]

FELIX Doctor Felix Augustine Couvillion. Recording Chronicling Log... Two, I suppose. Though it hasn't been long.

I had to escape from Miles's endless, somewhat terrifying questions. I fear those will be a common occurrence from this point on.

Anywho. I am currently... well, I don't know exactly where I am. My analog compass says I am southeast of our campsite, which is just outside the entrance to the tunnel system. But, I'm not so sure. You would think this little gadget would be unaffected by the storm, but the cinderbust seems to be acting on all of our other equipment as if it were somehow a geomagnetic storm. This, of course, may mean it is confusing the compass needle as well. 

So I'm not sure I can trust in that bearing. What I do know is, I took a left. So at least I have that to go on.

I did promise the Commander that I wouldn't stray too far from the camp when I'm alone. But I'm not alone. I'm on the hunt for a source of water, and I'm taking you, whoever will listen to this, with me for the journey. So technically, I'm keeping my promise, while getting results. Hopefully. Hopefully getting results. It isn't like I have any real reason to be concerned about my safety. Like I had mentioned, there have been no encounters with wildlife as of yet. Then again, I've been wrong before. It would be just my luck to end up being wrong again. But, I survived Mercutio, ergo, I could likely survive anything. The little devil.

[sfx: flashlight clicks on]

FELIX (CONT'D) Let there be light.

Ah. It appears we've reached a choice to make. Hm. Left... or... right. I'd rather not go in a circle. Right it is.

Left, then right. Left, then right. Left then... right. Okay.

So, anyways. I hadn't had any previous luck taking a right initially, where I first chose to go left. My left. Not... upon return- never mind. I know what I mean. I hadn't gone too far that way, in any case. 

Only today did I figure out the loophole in my promise, and... in terms of balancing my very busy schedule, I figure that it's best not to spend all my time fretting over dehydration. Going prematurely mad is not in my plans.

There are some interesting mineral formations on the ceiling. It may be worth taking a sample to submit on my way back. They're a sort of bluish-white, and they seem to form in hexagonal clusters, about three to four centimetres in length. Quite pretty. Pretty enough to understand the appeal of geology, if only for a moment. No offence to geologists, of course.

No luminescence is visible from the formations. My torch is the only current source of light. I suppose luminescence would have been too much to hope for. It is... rather dark, this way. Miles wouldn't like it. I don't think Miles likes many things, come to think of it. There's a grumpy individual if you ever did see one. But, a decent traveling companion when the mood strikes them-

[sfx: walking stops]

FELIX (CONT'D) Dead end. Hm. I'll make a mental note.

[sfx: footsteps resume]

FELIX (CONT'D) That's annoying. Back the way we came, then.

It might have done me good to bring Cal along. Most of their functions may be, er, rusty, at present, but they still have the sensors for these sort of things. Or perhaps I should have brought the Commander. Navigations, and all. Eh. I'm still not too far. And I have you, don't I, my trusty comms friend?

Even if you're not one for conversation. The brooding type. Strong and silent. I can work with that. And I can be fairly sure that I'm-

[sfx: footsteps stop suddenly]

FELIX (CONT'D) What?

[A long silence.]

[Felix swallows and chuckles nervously.]

FELIX (CONT'D) Well. I... must not have been paying attention as well as I'd thought.

I've just... I've just come up against another dead end. Where I thought... no, where the entrance to this passage should be. Where... where it just... was.

It can't have just... filled behind me. I would have heard the crash.

Right?

Same tunnel. Same... crystals. Perhaps a bit more on the indigo side that I had originally noticed. No more, or, um, less lacking luminescence.

Alright, er... Perhaps I took a turn and passed it. I'll retrace... my steps. What you're looking for is always in the last place you check, right?

[sfx: footsteps]

[Felix breathes shakily.]

[sfx: sound of distant running water fades in]

FELIX (CONT'D) Do you... do you hear that? That sounds like...

[sfx: the water sound recedes, replaced by storm ambiance]

FELIX (CONT'D) Sounds like... wishful thinking.

No, I could've sworn. I could have sworn. I'm not mad. I'm not.

FELIX (CONT'D) Don't you look at me like that. You're a bundle of wires and metal. You're not capable of going mad, only getting broken.

I... I wonder which is worse.

[sfx: a draft blowing in from the right side]

FELIX (CONT'D) Well. I... hadn't noticed that before. There's an offshoot path here, in between... I suppose in between dead ends. It must... it would have to lead deeper into the cave. I can't... This doesn't make any sense.

[Felix struggles to look inside the narrow path.]

FELIX (CONT'D) I can't make out anything inside. Very dark, but... But there's a draft. Meaning... it must lead outside. No daylight, however.

Well, of course there's no daylight, Felix. Remember why you're here in the first place.

[sfx: the draft stops unnaturally abruptly]

FELIX (CONT'D) Well, that doesn't make any sense, now does it?

The wind from the passage seems to have... turned off. Just... just like that.

I should just go back the way I came. Yes. That's what I should do.

[sfx: the sound of running water resumes]

FELIX (CONT'D) Wait... is... am I hearing that right...?

Not right now, thank you. I could do without the difficult decision.

Fine. Fine! Fine then, I'll just...

[He struggles further to get inside the path, with a few laboured mutterings.]

[Felix pants.]

[sfx: water droplets hitting the ground.]

FELIX (CONT'D) Yahtzee.

[sfx; unscrewing a thermos, letting water drip inside]

FELIX (CONT'D) I'll have to ensure this is potable, first. Or if I can make it potable. I'm sure it will be fine... Either way this is a good sign for our continued survival.

[sfx: extremely loud shifting of rock]

FELIX (CONT'D) What in the... What was that?

I've got enough of this to test but... The only problem is, I don't know that I could find it again. I... almost certainly don't know where I am.

[sfx: another creaking shift of rock]

[Felix gasps and exclaims.]

FELIX (CONT'D) What... I'm sorry, I just... felt a shift there, it startled me.

There's obviously an explanation for this but... I don't think I'm in any state to continue this trip. I need... I need to get back to camp.

[sfx: footsteps resume]

FELIX (CONT'D) Next time, if I ever come back this way, I'm bringing someone with me.

[sfx: running water fades out]

FELIX (CONT'D) Wait, uh... where... but I had just looked through...

I can't see that passage anymore. Where I got the water. Can you?

Of course you can't. I'm talking to myself. I bet no one will ever even listen to these. It isn't as if you care. You let this happen in the first place, sent us somewhere new without contingencies, and I'll bet you still don't feel responsible.

It's there. You can't see it from this angle, but it's there, you just can't see it in the dark.

[sfx: extremely loud stone creaking and moving]

FELIX (CONT'D) I need to go. I need to... I need to leave.

[sfx: running footsteps]

[Felix pants.]

[sfx: footsteps slow and stop]

FELIX (CONT'D) Left or... right? I swear, this doesn't... what was that goddamn sound?!

No. No, you shouldn't hear this. Am I transmitting, or... is this a recording-

[sfx: comms click]

***

[sfx: comms click]

ATHENA -were just looking for you.

FELIX I know, I know, I lost track of time-

ATHENA Alex was worried sick, we thought we heard you yell-

FELIX Well, that's very kind of her, but I-

ATHENA Felix... are you okay? Did something-

FELIX I'm fine.

ATHENA Okay.

Next time, maybe, take one of us with you. Or at least tell us when you'll be back.

FELIX Sure, sure. In any case, it was a success.

[sfx: unscrewing a thermos]

FELIX (CONT'D) Water. Fresh. Hopefully potable.

ATHENA That's great! That's a relief. Okay. Where did you find it?

FELIX Oh. Heh. Funny you should ask, actually.

ATHENA Oh?

FELIX Yes, I... see I was fine, but along the way I got a little... lost, it wasn't anything to be concerned about, but... I may have a little trouble finding it again.

ATHENA Oh.

FELIX Ah, but, don't worry.

I kept the recorder running.

ATHENA Uh... well, that's good. It definitely makes my job a lot easier.

FELIX Well, yes, and I... wasn't alone.

ATHENA Right.

FELIX And! And, perhaps if I give this a listen, it would help me figure where I got turned around. Nothing a second journey won't fix.

ATHENA Not alone this time.

FELIX Not alone the first time because I personified my comms but... yes I see your point.

ATHENA Well, let's give it a listen, then.

FELIX Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

[sfx: button pressing]

FELIX (CONT'D) It should be my most recent... input, let's see here. Ah. There.

[sfx: button press]

RECORDING FELIX Doctor Felix Augustine Couvillion. Recording Chronicling Log... Two, I suppose. Though it hasn't been long.

[sfx: a sudden click, lasting static]

ATHENA Um, Felix?

FELIX ...Yes?

ATHENA Was that the end of the recording?

FELIX No. Definitely not.

ATHENA Then why... did you stop talking?

FELIX I didn't stop talking, I kept it running the whole time, I only turned it off just before I saw you!

ATHENA Something must have happened, then. Can I see it?

FELIX Sure, sure.

ATHENA It doesn't look like a corrupted file, in fact, everything seems to be working fine. Out here, at least.

Maybe the storm messed with your comms too, somehow. Or maybe... maybe there's some good conductors in the stone too, deeper in the cave, that could have thrown off your signal, or...

FELIX Or it could have been my own fault.

ATHENA It happens to the best of us, Felix.

FELIX Well, finding that source again just got infinitely harder, didn't it?

ATHENA Maybe? I don't know. Either way, we have time before that search becomes urgent, and, at least we know it exists. Hopefully we never really have to worry about it at all.

FELIX That doesn't make it any less frustrating, though, does it?

ATHENA Well, technology is wonderful, when it works. I appreciate the fact that you were recording anything for me at all, I know that code protocol can be a pain.

FELIX Well, strange as it sounds, I'm glad these protocols exist. It makes it seem like an effort is being made to keep things sorted, I suppose.

ATHENA Keeping our ducks in a row?

FELIX Precisely.

ATHENA Well, I can only hope. I've never had to run a crew-wide chronicling operation before outside of a drill. I was hoping I would never have to.

FELIX One narrator of this comedy of errors should have been enough?

ATHENA Precisely.

Anyways, do you want to head back to camp now? Everyone will want to know you're alright.

FELIX They were really worried?

ATHENA Of course they were. Alex wants her ducks in a row, too. An odd one out wouldn't be good for us.

FELIX Like an Ace of Dishes.

ATHENA Only, we were pretty sure you weren't in Miles's pocket.

[Both laugh.]

ATHENA (CONT'D) Here.

[sfx: footsteps]

ATHENA (CONT'D) This way.

***

FELIX Chronicling Log of Doctor Felix Augustine Couvillion, third part.

It's past evening now, into the night. I think the others have gone to bed. Yet, it appears that I can't sleep. Something about today unnerved me. There is no explanation for my confusion, except my own anxieties, my paranoia, what have you. I know that.

I know that in the same way I know that the walls of a cave don't move around you. Not unless you are very patient, dead, or mad.

In my case, the jury is still out on the latter.

A planet isn't conscious, it isn't sentient, it shouldn't know who I am.

And yet, there's nothing left of that recording to even tell you what I mean. All that's left is how I remember it, and that perturbs me.

Here's the thing: I can tell myself that I lost my way in a dead end simply because I am afraid of what happens when I turn my back. But if I deem that fear a sound rationalization... then I may have something to evaluate. A time of soul-searching, hopefully. In the company of a snack.

ALEX Yikes. Deep. Make sure you have your coffee first.

FELIX Commander! Where did- I'm sorry, I thought you were asleep with the others, did I wake you-

[Alex laughs quietly.]

ALEX Shh, shhh! Athena and Miles are still asleep, I was just... I was... never mind.

[sfx: Alex sits down.]

ALEX (CONT'D) You recording?

FELIX Er, yes. As redundant as it may seem. 

ALEX Redundant?

FELIX Yes. Just between you and me, boss? I doubt anyone will ever listen to these.

ALEX You really think so?

FELIX The good folks back at headquarters tend to overindulge on bureaucracy. Efficiency is prioritised to the detriment of efficiency.

Perhaps the duty will be passed on to an Artificial Intelligence like our friend. I suppose that works just as well.

ALEX There's the silver lining I was waiting for.

FELIX Oh, don't rely on me for that.

ALEX Why not? It's worked so far.

Case and point: that card trick was probably the silver lining of my day. And I still have no idea how you did it.

FELIX Really?

ALEX Really. No clue. Unless Miles was in on it, but I seriously doubt that.

FELIX I can show you.

ALEX Yeah?

[sfx: rustling through a bag, cards rustling, flipping and shuffling]

FELIX Certainly.

Now, the first thing is, Miles didn't pick the Ace of Dishes. I did. And then I convinced them that they did. And convincing Miles Abbott of something is probably the hardest part of any trick, so if you can manage that... this next part is quite easy.

ALEX The next part is the actual trick, you mean.

FELIX The convincing is the trick. If you can't even convince yourself that you can do it, make a card do something miraculous, how are you going to convince the people watching?

ALEX Good point. Teach me.

FELIX Very well. So it looks like this, when we actually do it. Pulling it out of a pocket.

[sfx: card flick]

FELIX (CONT’D) But really, we're just folding the card behind quickly as you flick it off the bottom of the pack, like that, and then... you cup it into your palm when you reach out. It never leaves your hand.

[sfx: the same card flick, but slower]

[sfx: a card sliding]

ALEX Oh. Ohhhhh, okay! Gimme one.

[Felix laughs.]

[sfx: passing Alex a card.]

FELIX Give it a try.

ALEX Okay... so... take it from the bottom of the... deck, and then-

[sfx: a similar card flick, a similar card slide]

ALEX (CONT’D) Like that?

FELIX Yes. Exactly.

ALEX Alright. Alright, okay. So... from here...

[sfx: a quick card flick, a quick card slide]

ALEX Like that?

FELIX Ha! You picked that up quickly, sir.

[sfx: repeated flick and slide of the card performed by Alex]

ALEX I can do more than play Go Fish, Couvillion.

FELIX That's for certain. It's double trouble for the rest of the crew, in any case. Two magicians are better than one, you know.

[sfx: card sounds stop]

ALEX Oh, man. Miles is going to hate this.

***

ANNOUNCER Micro-Cosmos: A Science Fiction Podcast.