when james deflates his head and matures a bit, he actually manages to become friends with lily evans
like, really good friends who have comfortable conversations and make each other laugh, and it’s great, really great
but there’s a problem: james is still in love with her
like, crazily in love and he tries to hide it, but he automatically smiles when she walks into the room, and his eyes soften when he sees her, and his gaze flickers to her lips when she speaks and he cannot help it
and it is painfully obvious to literally everybody… except lily
she somehow remains oblivious to the fact that the boy who is quickly becoming one of her closest friends just wants to hold her and run his hands through her hair and tell her every day how desperately in love with her he is
(he also wants to push her against a wall and snog her senseless, but that’s neither here nor there)
and james can accept things as they are because lily really doesn’t see him in that way and he’s not going to risk losing what they have
so he just swallows his feelings and feels like he’s dying a little every day, no big deal
but then they’re all in the three broomsticks, squeezed into a smaller booth than normal, and when james ends up next to lily, he’s positive the universe hates him and he’s going to go mad because he’s never been so close to her in his life and it’s simultaneously ecstasy and torture
but he manages to play it cool because lily seem completely unperturbed by their proximity (damn)
what he doesn’t realise, because she manages to play it cool too, is that lily is actually very aware that james is pressed up against her; they’re literally shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, knee to knee
‘oh,’ she thinks. then it clicks. oh. oh no
because it suddenly hits her that maybe the way she’s been thinking about james lately, like admiring his physique in his quidditch uniform or the cute way he adjusts his glasses or the captivating way he runs his fingers through his hair, hasn’t been exactly platonic
and now it’s all she can think about; he’s all she can think about
and suddenly it’s her turn to try and hide the fact that she’s in love
she does about as a good a job of it as james does
and he does about as a good a job as her at being oblivious
(everyone else in the school is going mad)
at the next hogsmeade visit, when they somehow end up alone together because everyone else is conveniently busy, they both try not to make too big a deal about it and fail horribly because it’s a massive deal when you’re in love with the person sitting across the table from you and shit, did this count as a date?
but they’re still friends, so they somehow manage to get through lunch despite the romantic and sexual tension between them
then james steals some of lily’s food
“oi!” she moves to slap the back of his hand, but it’s too late and he laughs as he comes away with a handful of chips
she shoots him a murderous glare which just makes him laugh harder and she adores the sound of his laughter so she laughs, too
she shakes her head. “you’re incorrigible!”
they’ve both frozen; james has forgotten how to breathe and lily is wishing she could sink through the floor
“do…” he starts, but trails off because he’s scared, terrified, of finishing the question, because maybe she’ll give him an answer he doesn’t want to hear
and lily does briefly consider taking it back; she knows she could add, ‘as a friend!’ to the end of that sentence and they could pretend it never happened and everything would go back to the way it was and they could stay friends
except she’s so bloody sick of being his friend, she’s so tired of pretending that friendship with james potter is enough for her when it isn’t, it’s never going to be enough
so she takes a deep breath before whispering, “yes.”
she watches in awe as a familiarly warm grin spreads slowly across his face
“you’re the only person i’ve ever been in love with,” he finally admits and when her face lights up, it feels like he’s swallowed a sun
