Thoughts

As I walk outside the school for dismissal, I saw you walking with your friends outside the school. I already know it's you just looking your back. And when you turned around, our eyes met and I confirmed that it' s really you. You smiled at me. I congratulated you personally, and I'm really really happy😊 Enjoy your day engr. ❤

Micah🌙

Yours truly, micah

They say that “First love never dies”, I’m not a believer in this saying. I’m now in my early 20′s and I don’t know why I start to believe that saying. In the year 2010, I’m in my first year of high school, there’s this one guy who caught my attention. He does not smile too often, he is a snob and quite. I always see him downstairs whenever it’s breaktime cause their room is located right below our classroom. Every time I see him, I just can’t get my eyes off of him that’s when I realized I have a crush on him (too young to call it). There’s this one friend of him who had a crush on me, we chat and call, we talk and we casually say hi/hello. He confessed his feelings but sadly, I don’t feel the same way for him. We continued texting, talking, and greeting each other whenever we passed each other but with the guy who caught my attention never did I experienced those things even just a day. The first year passed but I never got the chance to talked to him. On the first day of my second-year high school, I saw him and again I realized I still have feelings for him, but still,l considered that feelings as an infatuation only. Valentine’s Day came, I saw him holding a flower, smiling. He walked past our classroom and continued walking to the room after us and that’s when the time he gave the flower he’s holding to a girl. I can’t explain the feeling but one thing’s for sure I was hurt. I questioned my feelings for him asking “why am I feeling this way? Why am I hurt? It is only an infatuation” but I can’t even answer my question and I cried, I cried because of pain. I thought that maybe it is love. I’m in love. I tried to move on and forget about it cause I’m just too young for love. I still see him during the second year of my high school but I tried to avoid him as much as possible. The second-year ends and I congratulated myself for not feeling too much and for not paying attention to my feelings for him. The third-year came, I had a boyfriend. I really love my boyfriend but I know deep down myself that I still have feelings for him but it is less compared before the early years of our high school life. I say lesser feelings cause if I don’t see him, I feel like I don’t like him but when I see him I like (love?) him. Fourth-year high school and I’m still in a relationship But the month of October 2013, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found him having an affair with some other girl. Graduation came, June 2014. I saw the guy who caught my attention well-groomed cause he’ll give a speech because he’s the Valedictorian of the class. There’s a girl who approached him and never did I know that she’s the girlfriend. I was shocked about the reaction of my heart cause it still felt pain about the thought of him having a girlfriend but I set aside that thought and feelings. After graduation, we part ways. I went to college, he went to college, different universities and different places. In my 2 years in college, I had a crush on one of my classmates and so he did not even cross my mind because I didn’t see him that long and because I’m in love with someone else but when it was in my third year in college, in August, there’s this event in our town so I went home to celebrate with my parents and also with my town and that’s the first time after two years of not seeing him, I saw him. My heart beats faster than the usual beat, I felt happy that I saw him and that’s when I realized I still have feelings for him and it’s shocking. Years passed, 2018 I graduated from college and I’m in a relationship with my college crush (laughs). Now the year 2020, I’m working as a Science Teacher and my boyfriend is also a Science teacher because like I said he’s my classmate. Earlier today, I went to school and there’s this guy who’ll walk past me wearing a black polo shirt and wearing a mask and my heartbeat is not normal AGAIN. Even though his eyes are the only thing I can see because of the mask I know who’s this guy walking in front of me, my first love. I can’t deny the fact that I’m happy to see him again but I just can’t believe the fact that I still have feelings for him. For the past few years of having a boyfriend, I thought I already and fully forgot him but then I realized that I never really forgot him, I may not feel the same love as I have for my boyfriend but I know that I still  do love him and is hidden in a place inside my heart no one can ever replace cause he's my first love and as the saying goes first love never dies and I can say I’m now a believer of that saying