only you

úgy szeretnék neked mondani valamit

de nem tudom, mit

és lehet, hogy nem is szeretném

I double majored in history and political science at the College of Charleston.

And yet, my profession since graduation has been on the field of acting, so one could defensibly argue I have not used my College of Charleston degree for one second since receiving my diploma from this very stage.

This begs the question…

What the hell was the College of Charleston thinking when they asked me to give the commencement address? I’m a guy who has never used his College of Charleston degree, and yet they want me to speak to the graduating class of 2018 on one of the most important days of their lives, right before they receive their degrees from the College of Charleston.

Well, truth to be told, I don’t know the reasons as to why I have been invited here today.

And up front, I need to further admit to this, that my own journey in life that has brought me here with each of you in this moment, is just as confounding for me to understand as perhaps it will be for you to listen to me speak about it.

Point being, I don’t have things figured out in my life. And I certainly I don’t feel that by simply being asked to speak here today, I should tell the class of 2018 how to lead theirs.

What I have to offer you today is my truth, my unique life story.

So, I accepted this deeply special invitation to speak here at Charleston, with the simple intention of sharing a few quick tibits of my life perspective in the hope that it might aid in yours.

That being said, my dad used to always tell me “The great thing about advice is that you don’t have to take it”. So in that spirit, I would like for you to consider this speech as just some advice, advice you don’t have to take.

Now circling back to my original question of why I have been invited here, perhaps one explanation is that the college liked the idea of a person who could stand up here and justifiably shout from the rafters that after you walked under the arch back there today as newly confirmed graduates, know that your diploma from the College of Charleston is just a piece of paper, and that diploma does not guarantee you anything; nor should it be the focus of your celebration today.

Some might say that sounds a bit harsh, but my candor on diplomas represents a core piece of my truth, my unique life story.

Throughout my studies here at Charleston I planned all of my days towards the intention of going to law school, hence the history and political science majors I mentioned at the top of this speech.

But then when it came time to actually deliver on all those years of work here at CoffC and get into law school, I completely bombed the law school admission test. Somebody else also blew the test.

I blew the test that was the gatekeeper to my law school future.

So in a instant, after receiving these tests results, a once assumed open door to my future was for all intents and purposes swept away.

So I had failed at my first primary goal in life. Note to self, we all fail.

And now because my failure I had to figure out a way to change my entire life’s course.

So in this moment of crysis, I followed up my horrible performance in the Lsat test, by saying ,hey, I’ll become an actor. Now let me through that choice.

I decided at the time of my graduation, with degree in hand, that it was a super smart idea to purse a career in which I had no degree, no understanding of the art or business of acting  whatsoever, and I had no job prospects in my chosen profession.

That was the reality of my potential acting career on my graduation day. Sounds ridiculous. But that’s my truth. That’s my unique life story.

Now in the present moment her today with each of you, upon reflection looking back, I can say that my choice to become an actor looks like a pretty decent enough idea because I have had some successes in the business of being an actor over the course of these years spanning from graduation till now.

But from first-hand experience, I can tell you this. Steve Jobs was spot on when he said in his commencement address in 2005 that, quote, you can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somewhat connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. End quote.

On graduation day for me looking forward, my future life and career was completely unknown. And yet despite all the unknowns after graduation I crafted a strategy to pursue a career in acting that centred around a move to Los Angeles. So I drove west, roughly 2,379 miles from South Carolina to my final destination LA.

And upon seeing a sign on interstate 10 nothing 675 miles to Los Angeles, for the very first time my choice to pursue the profession of acting became terrifyingly real. And in that moment of realization, instantly I began to weep uncontrollably tears streaming down my face because I felt so much doubt, I felt so much fear, I felt so much anxiety, I felt what we all feel in times of trasformative change in our lives. I felt the vast unknowns of life thrust upon me, and I was struggling mightly, as I continued down to that interstate towards LA, in the background playing through the car speakers I started to notice a song called “Lie in our graves” from the Dave Matthew Band. My ears perked up. And as the song reached its conclusion the lyrics rang out like this.

“I can’t believe we would lie in our graves wondering if we had spent our living days well, I can’t believe we would lie in our graves dreaming of things that we might have been” hearing that lyrics, this was a light bulb  moment for me and suddenly I found myself firmly in the present moment. And in this present moment three things were now crystal clear to me. One, I knew that I was going to give this acting thing my best shot. I promised myself – ridiculous or not – I would fully committed to the pursuit. And that commitment to the pursuit gave me a sense of purpose.

And two.

I still had no idea how it would turn out. Even with a sense of purpose, the unknowns were still strong as ever.

And three, because I had a sense of purpose, to just give to this endeavor my best shot, the fear was gone. I became fearless and focused on being in the present moment. Focused on the pursuit rather than on the unknown. And so the fear was replaced with trust. Just like that Steve Jobs’ commencement speech. I had trust in the unknown, that somehow the dots would connect and make sense later. We have to accept the unknown challenges in our lives because they are the reality of our lives.

Hardships are guaranteed for all of us  but they are not guaranteed to define us. We control that what define us by understanding that sometimes we just we have to slog through the tough stuff to get to the good stuff. And further, we can’t worry about the past. That’s done. We can’t worry about the future. That’s not happened yet. The present moment that is the only moment in which we are truly alive. And our attitude towards the present moment, whatever the present moment reveals to us, that is what will define us. That is where we must live, in the present moment, before we live in our graves. And before we lie in our graves I want you to be able to say the gap between what you want to do in your life and what you actually did was nil. My Tv Dad, on “The Resident”, Glenn Morshower, he impressed that upon me. Now the closer gap is to nil. Now, the closer the gap is to nil, the closer you are to your fulfilled sense of purpose.

How many of us can say that the gap between what I want to do in my life and what I am actually doing is nil. Very, very few. I can’t say I’m there 100 percent, but I can promise you I’m taking my best shot. And that’s what I want for you. I want your life to be lived in the present moment in a way that captures uniquely who you are with a sense of purpose. I want you fulfill whatever aspirations you may have for your unique life. To be a mother. To travel and invest in experiences. To be great at your job no matter what that job is. To enact change in the world. To be a friend who can be counted on. The opportunities of purpose to seek are just as limitless as that which is within you.

And what is within you, what is within uniquely you, that is what we are celebrating today. Today is not a celebration of diplomas and objects of achievement, but rather it is a celebration of you, the individual you. It is a celebration of what it took within you to make it to this day. And that is the beauty of your college education. The true gift of college is not about diploma or what you learned in class. No, it lies in what you have learned about yourself because you were required to go to class. The College structure of majors, tests, grads, deadlines, that is all outside stuff. A diploma is an object discovering and harnessing what is uniquely you for your work and your personal life, that’s inside stuff. And that inside stuff is where everything lives. Figuring out what strengths and weaknesses are, in good times and bad, and in turn to coming to understand them in a way to make you powerful in your own skin, that’s beautiful.

And it’s up to you to figure that out. And here the great news. You have already done it. Maybe without even realizing it fully, but you have done it. You tapped into your essence to figure out how to meet the demands of college and at the same time have a blast in your personal life. Over these years in school to make it to your graduation day, you tapped into all that is within you.

You called upon your grit to make it to that 8 a.m. class despite your hangover. You found the strength to address you social anxieties and went out and made new friends. You had the courage to overcome the loss of a loved one and still pass your test. You loved someone, and they broke your heart.

You loved someone new and you broke their heart.

All of this is within you.

This is why you made it here today.

This is your truth.

This is your unique life story.

And this is why we are celebrating you today.

You’ve done it to get here.

Now moving forward from this point, the magic trick for you in life is understanding is your responsability to continually evaluate and try to understand that constantly changing self within you. That exploration and then turning it into purpose, that is what makes you uniquely you and your life, your best life.

Your life as individual demands the constant reevaluation of the daily routine every day.

And further, the world needs your constant examination of who you are. Because our individual lives are now deeply interconnected to the world, more than ever.

Your life and the lives of others are intertwined by the tentacles of technology. Now is the time to take that connectivity between the self and the world that has magnified in your lifetime by computers, apps and social media, and turn it into human unity.

And on this point in particular, the world needs change from you, this generation. The world needs your truth, your unique life story, to inspire others to live their best lives. Because if we can now be so personally connected through images liked on instagram or through the stroke of a key on a keyboard, we can most certainly see that all of us behind the  image, behind the keyboard crave an equal shot at our best lives. Therefore, there’s no place in this world for racism, gender inequality, ageism, and the denial of rights to the LGBTQ community. Just as vast technological advancements creating interconnection is the new normal of your generation, historic issues such as ensuring equality for all have found a renewed strength and voice in your time, because of you. And as result, now your generation has the power to finally guarantee that all of us gain access to our own unique shot at our best lives.

History is watching what we do with our own lives and how we connect our lives to positively impact the lives of others. And I learned that from that my history and political science degrees. Charleston also taught me how to find my purpose, my truth, my unique life story in order to aspire to my best life. The College of Charleston is the place where I not only earned my degree, but mostly importantly, I learned that what you take with you after you leave these grounds is that which you have found within you. And today each of you among the class of 2018 continues in the long tradition of graduates across the world who have come before you. Today you take all that you have discovered within you and you continue to shape your own truth, you continue to crave out your own unique life story. And I want you to take your best shot at creating your own best life. And while doing so, in the process make the world around you a better place. So to honor the class of 2018 taking their best shot at their best life, I would to like to close using the lyrics from the musical “Hamilton”. This is from a song titled “My Shot”.

(Singing)

”I’m not throwing away my shot”

“I’m not throwing away my shot”

“Hey yo, I’m just like my country”

“I’m young, scrappy and hungry”

“And I’m not throwing away my shot”.

Thank you.