Do you think anton would ever be capable of 'loving' someone in his own way? how would that look like?
Personally, I don't think Anton would ever be capable of loving anyone in the way most people understand love. The closest thing he could possibly feel would be a fixation or an obsession, and even that feels difficult to imagine because obsession is such a deeply human, emotional state. If he ever "wanted" someone, I don't think it would be affectionate or romantic. It would be possessive in the sense that he'd quietly incorporate that person into the rigid order of his world. He wouldn't become softer, jealous in an emotional way, or openly protective. Instead, he'd simply decide that their continued existence matters.
He wouldnโt change for anyone nor show warmth. His version of attachment would be more like a predator who decides to โclaimโ or โrespectโ someone within his own arbitrary rules (like coin tosses).
If he โlovesโ someone, he might eliminate any real or perceived threat to that person in a brutal, methodical way, without asking. He wouldnโt do it out of affection, but because he sees you as โhisโ or part of his fate. For example: he would kill anyone who looks at you the wrong way or tries to keep reader away from him, but then remind them they only survived by his โgrace.โ
2. He would use his coin-toss ritual to โdecideโ important things in the relationship (whether to stay, whether to forgive reader for something, whether to move forward). To him, this would be a form of honesty or supreme fairness: he is not imposing his will arbitrarily, but letting the universe decideโฆ while still controlling the conditions.
3. He would appear at unexpected moments just to observe you or make sure they is still โin orderโ There would be no romantic gifts or soft words, only precise, efficient actions like quietly fixing something dangerous in your life without explanation, or simply sitting in silence, drinking milk, while staring at reader.
4. He would require complete transparency and acceptance of his nature without any attempt to change him. Any deception or emotional weakness could lead to a cold confrontation (โyou chose thisโ). His โloveโ would manifest as not killing reader when he โshould,โ viewing it as an enormous concession.
5. At a โpeakโ moment, he might choose to walk away or sacrifice something important (money, his own safety) if โfateโ dictates it, believing that is what is correct. Or, conversely, he might drag reader into his chaotic world because โthatโs how things are.โ There would never be tenderness or a shared future only a temporary, fatalistic bond.
