Heartless

I was sitting in a small table in the corner of the coffee shop, drinking my morning coffee, it was a little hectic, full of people, full of voices. A little boy sat next to me. He was playing a game with his iPad. I smiled, remembering how much you used to play that game too. It was for a few moments that I allowed myself to think about you. To remember the sound of you laughter. That smirk on your face whenever you were about to win. It’s been months since the last time I saw you. But I can still remember every single freckle on your face, the exact green of your eyes, the deep of your voice. I can remember it all. But decided not to. Because forgetting you hurts a little bit less than remembering you.

You always find a way back to me. In words, in movies, in songs, in that coffee shop we used to walk by. In memories. In every posible way, you always come back. And I can’t keep pretending you’re not in every corner I see. In every thought. In every feeling. Your memory is consuming my life. And the worst part? I don’t want you to stop.

The rain is poring down. It’s sound crashing through the silence of the room. You fell asleep. Your head is resting in my chest and your arms around my waist. I feel your heart beating through my skin. Your breath near my heart. It’s been a few minutes since the world turn silent. Stoped. This love. This right here, that’s how it feels.

Here I am, laying in bed, wondering about everything we could have been but didn’t have the chance to be. I remember how easily we connected when we first met. How everything seemed so easy with you. How vibrant it was to be around you. How we could spent hours talking about everything and nothing at all. How our eyes would meet in the middle of a sentence and smile instantly. How we could laugh and kiss and repeat. I wonder how we could have had it all but couldn’t at the end. I wonder why it wasn’t enough. Why it didn’t work out.

I hope she makes you happy.

It’s been a while since you’ve been gone.

Sometimes it’s okay to walk away from people, maybe for a month, a year, a lifetime.

Tonight I’m think of you, while you’re thinking or talking to someone else. And it hurts, knowing that I’m no longer the one you used to call late at night to talk about your day. I miss that. And I definetly miss you more.

I miss you, but I can say it. People believe I’m over you, you believe I’m over you, but the truth is, that it doesn’t matter if it’s been moths since you left, I still miss you like the first day. How do you stop loving the person you thought you will spend the rest of your life with? How do you forget all the memories? How do you stop feeling?