Spectre Love Posting Account

   Carnivores ate the herbivores when they died or were killed. Herbivores ate the grass. Carnivores would become the grass when they died or were killed. Then, carnivores would once again eat the herbivores who had eaten their kin turned to grass. That’s just how it was. 

   In the end, Yuki had eaten enough. She didn’t feel hungry anymore. Just needier than usual for Mayu. She knew it was her time but she had long since been hesitant to mention it to Mayu as Mayu was so sensitive. There were no good words for this kind of conversation as it was so far from wonderful. Though humans were animals, they were different to other animals in that they kept on wanting to live. They were scared of that great unknown. Yuki was content to leave it a mystery but she had her suspicions.

   It was hard not to, having been a saviour of the Niko Garden, a most mysterious sanctuary which made her wonder what exactly lay ahead of that final nap. There could be more, there could be nothing at all but the dirt she would be buried underneath and the worms who would feed from her body and the roots which would be nurtured by what remained in her rot. 

   Yuki was content either way. If there was more, good, if there was nothing at all, fine. She had lived a good life and that was thanks to Mayu and her kindness.

   Denial, meanwhile, was a long river of lily yarn as Mayu tried to keep herself occupied far and away from the thoughts of mortality but they both knew. Yuki was so close. But not yet, please not yet, at least let her finish her latest project: the repair of Yuki’s favourite blanket.

   That blanket had been through thick and thin, through all the moves and changes, too. It had been a haven on long, cold winter nights and a place to lie on in the warm, gossamer sunshine of summer. It was there when she needed it, was there when she did not. It was a dear gift from Mayu to Yuki. 

   Store bought to begin with: it was a soft, teal thing with a pink heart emblazoned upon it, cornered by yet more pink in the form of blanket stitches. Or at least that’s what it used to look like. As it aged, it gained holes and Yuki got her claws stuck in loose threads, she pulled them loose for entertainment, too. Then, Mayu would patch it up with whatever she had. Cute scraps of spare fabric, embroidery which she wanted to practice. Anything and everything until it was a unique quilt of memories.

   Even now it was a work in progress, far flung from the form it had once been in its pristinely new form. Mayu’s hands trembled as she tried to fix it. Her Yuki deserved nothing but the best, but a neat and complete blanket but the more Mayu’s eyes watered, the harder it was to repair. She used a crochet needle and pulled it tight, even when she messed up her stitches and lost count. How unusual for such a talented girl brimming with concentration but that’s just how she felt.

   “Thank you for all your hard work.” Yuki mumbled as she reached out to disturb Mayu’s yarn.

   Her paw was frail. Her aim was poorly but she was glad she tried. A smile tugged on Mayu’s lips, no matter how reluctant. Yuki was so cute even now as she tried, and failed, to play with the yarn that Mayu crocheted with. 

   “I-I’ll be done so.” Mayu eked out a reply but her voice was frayed. She was on the verge of tears.

   Yuki’s whiskers twitched. She rested for a moment. She could wait. When it came to Mayu, she had infinite patience, infinite love. She put her snout to her paws as she laid in front of Mayu’s knees. They sat together, on the floor. More and more, it was difficult for Yuki to get to different places without assistance so sometimes, it was just easier to enjoy the sunbeam from the middle of the floorplan.

   This was one of those times. The weekend, the middle of the day. The sun was positioned just right through the window. It was perfect, the temperature was mild and the atmosphere clement despite the hardly restrained grief which welled up inside of them both as Mayu tried to finish the blanket’s latest repair.

   Yuki hoped to be buried in it, wrapped up and kissed goodbye with it. That would bring her peace. If Mayu could bear to part with such a precious treasure as well, of course. She would understand if not.

   Several minutes passed in the reverie of heartache that Yuki indulged as she closed her eyes. She listened to the sweet rhythm of Mayu’s crochet. The in and out of the needle, the intricate lacing of yarn that she made. The use of white and mint blue, it was a peaceful bliss until. Mayu spoke up in a small, hesitant voice.

   “T-Tada.” Mayu hiccuped. “I’m done.”

   “Mrow…?” Yuki mumbled as she opened her eyes.

   Slowly but surely, she got up. Mayu waited and when Yuki was sitting upright, her head high and her ear turned inside out by accident, she watched as Mayu unfurled the blanket in its final state.

    It was beautiful. Yuki had truly never seen something more beautiful before.

   She studied it closely. It looked a far cry from its original state. It got less and less pink as time went on, in favour of their preferred colours of blue, turquoise, and white. It had new patches and extra stitches. It was kind of a mess but it was truly full of heart, even if it was no longer obvious from the pattern long since overwritten by Mayu’s efforts to repair it. A snowflake motif evolved over it instead.

   It made Yuki so happy. She bowed her head to it, nuzzled into the softness and Mayu made sure to support Yuki as she enjoyed it at her own pace. The fabric had become so heady with Mayu’s smell over time and that was what Yuki loved about it most now.

   “I love it, Mayu.” Yuki confessed. “I want to sit in your lap and use it.”

   “Y-Yes, of course.” Mayu stuttered.

   Yuki kneaded the carpet in front of her. She scratched it up. She knew she shouldn’t, Mayu and her parents, too, had roused her about ruining the carpet numerous times in the past but now wasn’t the time as Mayu beamed. Even if her eyes were shiny with tears not yet shed as Yuki prepared herself to enter into Mayu’s awaiting lap.

   “Shh, shh, just relax.” Mayu said as she coaxed Yuki into her lap. “Take your time.”

   “Thank you, Mayu.” Yuki replied courteously.

   She hefted herself up and over Mayu’s knees. She turned herself around again and again in Mayu’s lap. At least three times. Even if every turn caused her joints to ache and heavy her frail body with exhaustion. It was worth it to be comfortable. Mayu didn’t interfere but her hands, as she clutched the blanket, were up in the air, ready when Yuki was. 

   Finally, curled up tight with her head to her hindlegs, Yuki was comfortable. She purred contentedly as Mayu laced the blanket over Yuki’s body and they both knew what this reminded them of. A certain moment from almost a decade ago when the truest fortune there was, was revealed: to be loved unconditionally.

   “I’m ready, Mayu.” Yuki murmured over the rumble of her engine’s purr. “But I know you're not. I don’t think you ever can be.”

   “Yuki, what do you mean by that?” Mayu asked.

   “I think you know.” Yuki said as she snuggled in closer to her own body. 

   She trusted that their words could go unsaid explicitly because their hearts had always been aligned. Even when Yuki was fickle or capricious. She was a cat after all but she was Mayu’s cat and Mayu was hers. 

   Mayu swallowed her fears bravely. Yuki felt relief as those tiny, little mouth noises that Mayu made conveyed so much in the quiet that descended as Mayu readied herself for the event that she had always dreaded.

   But for what it was worth… Yuki was at peace and it hadn’t even happened yet. This was her bliss, her euphoria, her rainbow bridge. Mayu was her nearest and dearest, the treasure of the blanket that they shared. It couldn’t be more perfect as time dwindled and Mayu found her words to quell the shakiness that she felt.

   “Oh then, um… I-Is it true?” Mayu asked hesitantly. “Do… Do cats really have nine lives?”

   Intrigued, Yuki opened one eye and then the other. She took her time as she looked up at her pityingly to inform Mayu, “It doesn’t matter if it's true or not because I would trade all I had left for more time with you, my love.”

   Yuki’s ear flicked. She could hear the way that Mayu’s heart reacted to that: the way it skipped, the way it now thudded against her ribcage. She was so full of life. She had so much time ahead of her and Yuki hadn’t a shadow of a doubt in her mind, Mayu would be strong and she would live forever and a day in the glory of all there was to experience in this big, wide world. The ups, the downs, the good and the bad, the farewells and the people she had yet to meet but would adore her.

   That was the faith that Yuki had as she decided. There was no further delaying it. She was content. Her hour had ended. She closed her eyes, she moved inwards again as she snuggled in Mayu’s lap.

   Mayu touched her. That was the sugar, too, as Yuki was pampered and spoiled even now with scratches and head pats and belly rubs. There was no end to the physicality of the love that Mayu gave her. It was wonderful. Mayu’s hands were slender and deft, they were Yuki’s favourite thing about Mayu: what she created, how she loved, the food that Mayu gave her. It all came from her hands and Yuki opened her mouth to exalt the gratitude and love she unto Mayu.

   “Goodbye, Mayu.”

   Yuki imbued all that and more into those two, simple words. Her own heartbeat slowed. The breaths that she took were running short but they were enough to ignite the worst of it Mayu who wanted her to fight, to live just that little longer even though it was impossible

   “Please, Yuki, don’t say that,” Mayu sobbed, “I’m not ready, I-I don’t want to say goodbye.”

   Yuki placidly looked up at Mayu. She blinked slowly. Her eyes weren’t as good as they used to be, her vision often misty and murky but even through the deficit of age, Yuki knew what Mayu looked like, how big the tears she cried were and how devastated she was.

   “Meow.” Yuki mewed. There were no words, no human ones, anyway.

   She crawled further into Mayu’s lap. It was difficult. She wasn’t as lithe as she was in her youth but she managed. Even elderly, she was still a kitten at heart as she rolled over and showed off her belly. 

   “Yuki…” Mayu called Yuki’s name again.

   Mayu crumpled in on herself. Her tears stained and wet Yuki’s fur but Yuki didn’t mind. For once. 

   Mayu held her so tight. Yuki passed away in her arms. She slumped, lost her spirit and soul, the energy magnetic to her flesh and bones and then it was nothing despite it being everything to Mayu. Mayu’s heart raced and she cried. She cried enough to fill the room with a flood like Alice. 

   In those final moments, Yuki felt it all and she appreciated it: proof of a life well lived and well loved. From the tears that Mayu cried, the weight of her hands on Yuki’s body, and the way the blanket clung to her, these were among the last sensations that Yuki felt as she faded out of existence. It was a strange thing. A relief, in some ways, a horrid feeling in others but then.

   It was all so far away from planet Earth, from where she belonged in Mayu’s ;ap. Just as she drifted off, she really did see it. 

   A place amongst the stars for her to play endlessly with mice-shaped toys and yarn. It was a sanctuary for all, full of shady trees, soft grass, and basked in gentle sunbeams, a place where she could eat wet food to her heart’s content, and that there would be no misery, no suffering. A place where every animal could get along. This place was paradise but it was not Heaven. And it had a name, and Yuki had known it far longer than she had known.

   “Welcome back, Cure Nyammy.”

   Yuki knew that voice. She smirked on her little, feline lips. She was welcomed with open arms and a sweeping bow from a certain sheep. This was never a place she had intended to come to, she had only gone there because Mayu and the others dragged her along but she couldn’t help herself. She changed her mind as cats were known to do as perhaps, a reward could be in order…? She had done so many wonderful things after all, as Cure Nyammy. Even if heroism didn’t come as naturally to her like it did the dogs but even a cat could be protective and strong.

   To be welcomed by Queen Niko, was an honour. What followed was a short conversation, after all, how dare Yuki leave the love of her life waiting. Especially if Queen Niko was going to compensate her for her acts as Cure Nyammy. She might have already been rewarded once but she was a cat, she was naturally selfish and wanted more but Queen Niko obliged kindly to the request.

   And so, Yuki opened her eyes again. Blue, wide, and clear. Born anew, she was naked and lukewarm. Even with the blanket draped over her body. It did little to warm her, nor hide her form. It was the wrong size for her as she appeared before Mayu in a form that neither of them had seen in over ten years.

   Mayu peeled herself back, horrified and gladdened at the same time. Her tears dried, shiny and crinkly, on her cheeks as she smiled. 

   “H-How?” she asked, her voice hoarse from all the crying.

   Yuki pondered briefly how long she had been gone. She never considered that time could flow differently in Niko Garden. It never seemed like they were gone all that long way back when. But she merely smiled, and then expressed an explanation as she looked herself over idly as she admired the rainbow iridescence that turned a glamour on her form.

   The shimmering magic of Niko Garden lingered on her smooth, hairless skin. She was that girl again. The cat who pretended to be human, who went to school and who learned not to use her claws on the innocent. Except now, as she inspected her nails, they were blunt, and she was a little older. A little wiser.

   “I saw her,” Yuki confessed, “during the transition as I passed away, I saw Niko-sama and she asked me what I wanted. So I answered honestly. Truthfully. I said "more time with you” and you won’t believe it.” Yuki paused, a sardonic giggle. “But it is true. Cats really do have nine lives but I traded them all away in a heartbeat for more time with you.” She removed the blanket off her body but she didn’t discard it, she held it lovingly in her hand. It was so small now, it hadn’t looked like that to her before. 

   “Yuki…” Mayu exclaimed, eyes watering and her heart soaring. 

   Her whole body trembled. She was excited, she was horrified but her arms opened wide. She embraced Yuki with everything that she had and more. She curled them tight around Yuki’s body – now human, smooth, angular, so many things a cat was inherently not – and buried her face in the crook of her neck and shoulders. She was hard and slender. But she smelt the same and what she smelt of was similar to Mayu.

   Yuki accepted the embrace. Even if it caused a wave of an inertia that her hair flew back in and it was a little over the top. She was willing to learn what it was like to be human: not just a cat pretending to be human. She wrapped her arms around Mayu and hugged her.

   “Thank you for finding me,” Yuki murmured, “for saving me. I truly believe I was born to meet you and the thought of being born again, without you, that would be punishment worse than anything else imaginable.”

   “I… I think I was born to find you, too.” Mayu confessed. “A-And I think I would have found you again and again but this… This is much easier, admittedly. I love you. In this life, the next life, in all lives, I promise.”

   Yuki felt her own heart jump to her throat. She swallowed it all, the feelings that welled up but there was no stopping her tears. Her fingers dug into the small of Mayu’s back, of the cardigan that she wore and she didn’t want to let go. Not now, not ever because deep down.

   She didn’t want to say goodbye, she hadn’t been ready to say farewell to Mayu. The first sign of her budding humanity, perhaps. It was guilty, it was selfish, whether it was for a little while longer or something far longer, Yuki was overwhelmed with love at the reunion with her Mayu. She met Mayu’s gaze, water and overjoyed, and smiled. She leaned in and she kissed Mayu the way only a cat would.