mere

“What the fuck is that?” Emilia screams as you snatch the piece of cloth, revealing a small tank with a hairy creature inside.

“A tarantula,” you beam, bending your knees to observe the spider.

“I can fucking see that. What the hell is it doing here?”

You straighten up, catching a glimpse of Economos as he rounds the table to see what the commotion is about.

“Oh my God, what the fuck is that?” He exclaims, bringing his hands behind his neck and locking his fingers there, acting like a bomb has just dropped on the building.

“Can you guys calm down?” you frown at both of them, because their reactions are, in your opinion, slightly exaggerated. “It’s a present for Adrian. I just picked it up and I wasn’t going to drive all the way home just to drop it off and drive back here.”

There was quite a few options to choose from in the pet store, and since Adrian has never mentioned his favorite spider, it made it easier for you to pick one. You asked the pet store employee for a beginner-friendly spider, and she showed you bunch – the brown wooly tarantula, the Brazilian black, the beautiful Gooty Sapphire. But as soon as you saw the orange Mexican red-knee, your mind was pretty much made up. It is just perfect for him.

When a new sound of the door being open reaches your ears, you quickly move your body to shield the cage in case Adrian has arrived at the scene. You turn around in the process, only to see Ads strutting towards you, sliding her headphones from her ears, and looping them around her neck. A frown overtakes her face when she watches you release a breath of relief, then her eyes jump to the see-through box on your desk as you step aside, her eyes widening.

“Woah, what is that? Is that Adrian’s?”

“It’s for Adrian. For his birthday.”

When Adebayo approaches the three of you, she leans over, watching the spider with a minor distaste.

“Man, he’s gonna love that,” Adebayo says.

That only makes your smile grow and your body rock on your feet. But as much as you appreciate her approval, her reaction doesn’t really mean anything compared to what Adrian’s going to say. His reaction is the only one you truly care about.

“Whatever, just keep it away from me,” Harcourt grumbles before trudging back to her working space. You cover the tank and hide it under your desk for the time being, hoping Adrian doesn’t notice.

Since it’s Chris’ turn to host, the birthday party takes place at his house. It’s not your usual rave, because this is supposed to be a quiet neighborhood and you don’t need his neighbor calling the police on you. But the music is still on, drumming against the small speakers that Adrian brought, Emilia is already relaxed enough to cozy up to Chris on the couch, and John is delivering new gossip to Adebayo, while you gaze at Adrian as he dances around the coffee table.

You stand up and disappear into Chris’ father’s bedroom, because he refused to let you hide the tarantula in his room. When you return to the living room, you get everyone’s attention by lowering down the speakers.

“Okay, Adrian, come here,” you say, waving him over. He steps over Chris’ stretched out legs, catching himself on the table as he almost loses his balance, before towering over you with a dimple-forming smile. “I hope you’re having a great birthday and that this will make it even better,” you say, handing over his present. “Happy birthday. It’s from all of us.”

It makes him look around, sending every one of his friends a smile of gratitude as they say Happy birthday, Adrian in unison. Then he removes the cover, and you swear you could watch over and over again, the way his eyes light up, growing comically wide as his jaw drops to the floor, his lower lashes creating downward crescents and crinkles adorning the corners of his eyes.

Damn it. You should have asked Ads to record this.

“No fucking way! I love spiders! That is so fucking cool.” Adrian lifts the box above his head, rotating it and trying to get a good look at it from every single angle. He turns to you then, “I could literally kiss you right now,” he says before finding a space in the kitchen to get a closer look at his new pet after Emilia lifted a finger at him with a don’t you dare as tried to fit next to her on the couch.

You are glad that he didn’t wait for your reaction to his words, because otherwise he would see your breath hitch, your eyelids flutter, and how sweaty you’ve suddenly become. You sink into the armchair next to Ads, your eyes never leaving Adrian.

“Girl, you’re down so fucking bad.” A nudge from Adebayo brings you out of your trance.

You roll your eyes when you see the smirk she’s giving you. “Shut up.”

“Dude, do not take this thing out inside of my house,” Chris tells him when he sees Adrian reaching for the lid.

The very next day, you help Adrian pick a bigger terrarium, some substrate and decorations to create a proper habitat for the red-knee.

“He’s gonna be so pumped when he sees the scrubland we’ve prepared for him,” Adrian beams, filling the tank with peat moss while you spread it around and fluff it up a little. When there is enough substrate for the spider to burrow, Adrian’s hand joins yours and as you spread it around, your fingers brush against his. A surge of electricity runs through you, making you flinch away like you just got burned.

You clear your throat.

“D’you think of a name yet?” you ask, reaching for a piece of bark.

“Michelangelo.”

So that is a specific name, clearly intentional, and you wouldn’t expect nothing less from Adrian – except maybe finding inspiration in his best friend and naming the spider Spidery. It takes you a minute, and he patiently waits for you to make the connection, but eventually, you do.

“You’re gonna name your spider after a turtle?”

“Yeah. Cool, right? He’s, like, the best Ninja Turtle and his favorite color is obviously orange. Did you know that orange is complementary to teal? What a coincidence, huh?”

 Of course you did. That’s why you picked it in the first place.

“Yeah,” you smile. You move towards the smaller tank where the red-knee is still waiting for you to build his new home. “Did you hear that, Mikey? It’s gonna be hard to tell you apart from the other Michelangelo if you end up being a mutant ninja spider.”

Adrian rushes over to your side, a serious expression on his face as he watches him. “You think he’s a ninja spider?”

“Well, if he is, he’s probably gonna want to keep that identity secret, don’t you think?”

You grab his wrist and guide him back to the vivarium, handing him some fake plants for him to pick a place for. You put in a broken flowerpot too, some other bark pieces and branches and finally a bottle cap with some water.

“This looks great, Adrian,” you say, admiring the habitat.

“Well, it probably wouldn’t look so great if you didn’t help,” he says, poking you into your hip.

You smile at each other, and before the silence gets too awkward, you speak up.

“You wanna move him into his new home?”

Adrian leaves your side to retrieve the smaller tank before coming back just as quickly. He opens the lid and without flinching, he sticks his hand inside, letting the spider climb over his fingers and into his palm.

“Here you go, buddy,” Adrian says to him as he transfers him into the newly set up tank. “Gosh, he’s so freakin’ cute.”

“Yeah,” you say absent-mindedly as your eyes follow Adrian’s features, teeth gleaming, creases apparent in his cheeks and around his eyes. God, you want to kiss them. His lips, his teeth, his wrinkles, every part of him. You have never lied to yourself about the feelings you are harboring for Adrian, but you have lied about how easy it is to be around him without being able to wrap yourself in his arms.

The truth is, it is becoming harder and harder, almost to the point of it being painful, your heart lurching into your throat every time he smiles – at you, at Chris, at anyone. Your love for him has been spreading through your organs with every passing day, and now, it has finally reached the depths of your bones.

“You okay?” His voice is soft when he speaks, and his eyebrows are pinched together. It makes you finally blink, moisturizing your drying eyes.

“Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

You stare at him, contemplating whether or not you want to take the risk of ruining the mood or even your friendship by offering him insight into your brain.

“I think Chris is jealous that he’s not the only one with a sidekick anymore.”

Adrian grins again.

“Totally.”

“I think you need to tell him how you feel. What’s the worst that could happen? He rejects you? So you move on!”

You thought that confiding in Ads would set your mind at peace. So far, it’s kind of the opposite. At least you’re giving her another thing to gossip about with Economos.

“Gee, thanks, Ads,” you scoff, taking a sip of your water before you fold your legs under you, leaning your elbow against the back of the couch, palm cupping your head.

“Tsk. I didn’t mean it like that. He probably won’t, because you’re like his favorite person, but trust me on this one. Not knowing where you stand is the worst. That’s what’s truly eating at you.”

She is right, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not combined with the fear of being rejected by Adrian. Two things can be true.

“Chris is his favorite person.”

She gives you a pointed look.

“Please. I don’t think even Adrian believes that. They have history and that’s all there is to it.”

“Still. Adrian’s brain is like a fucking kaleidoscope. All the fucking colors blur together and I just can’t see through them.”

“That’s the thing, though. You can. Why do you think you two mesh together so well? Not just as friends, but in the field, too? You’re made for each other.”

You shook your head dismissively, not buying anything she’s saying. You have never been insecure about stuff like this, not to the level where you went fishing for reassurance from your friends. Love feels pathetic at this moment but dare you say it’s one of the most exciting feelings you’ve ever experienced.

“Honestly, I thought he was just fucking around with the spider stuff.” Ads speaks, pulling you out of the thoughts that have piled up on you. “Personally, I wouldn’t trust him enough to give him a live spider. He didn’t even know how many eyes they have for God’s sake.”

You frown. “It’s all he talks about, though. Didn’t you hear him when he talked about the dispersion of the jumping spiders throughout Europe?”

She stares at you, eyebrows raised. “Right,” she drawls out. “See what I mean? And don’t even get me started on how he behaves in front of his mother when you’re around.”

“What do you mean?”

“Imagine how mean he is towards someone who fucks with Chris. Now multiply it by ten. But subtract the killing part. He treated her like shit whenever we came to his house. And then you joined, and suddenly, he’s like a baby angel.”

Honestly, it sounds like Adrian. He still curses her out from time to time when you visit him at his home, but never to her face. You can’t say you blame him, though, because if your parents fussed over you in front of your friends like that, you’d be embarrassed too. But seeing as you are not in his shoes, you find it quite sweet, the way Mrs. Chase cares about him, and even sweeter how flustered and red he gets. You are pretty sure he is a mama’s boy, and it makes your heart grow warmer whenever you think about it.

“Also, no offence, but you’re a freak, too.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, first, when that tarantula escaped. Too fucking calm. Normal people just don’t go and pick up a big hairy spider like that.” She’s talking about the day you brought it  into work. It appears that the placement under your desk wasn’t the best, and you accidentally tipped the cage over with your foot, the lid swinging open and setting the tarantula free. It made Economos gag at the thought of a big ass tarantula wandering around, and Emilia also left, barking at you to find it ASAP, which you did. “And then there’s the time when you killed a guard your first week in prison.”

You clench your teeth at the memory. Yeah, the asshole fucking deserved nothing less. To put it lightly, he was taking advantage of your fellow prisoners, and when you saw the state some of them were left in, you decided to take matters into your own hands.

But wait.

“I only told Adrian about that.”

“Yeah, and it looked like he was going to write a poem about it. I swear, he had heart eyes the whole time he was telling me that story. Seriously. You should tell him.”

You find yourself sitting on a barstool at Fennel Fields, completing a quiz on Alpacas created by Adrian for you to fill the time that you spend waiting for him until he finishes his shift. You’re already reading question number five, when an arm stretches next to you, palm flat on the bartop, the digital watch shifting as he flexes his forearm. Your nostrils flare at the familiar smell of cardamom, making your pupils dilate. His other hand brushes against your back and then you feel a hot breath tickle the shell of your ear.

“I’ll give you a hint. The answer to the third question is not A, neither B, nor D.” He whispers enthusiastically like he’s providing you with a groundbreaking revelation. You cross out the already circled letter B and make a new circle, marking the only answer left.

“A baby Alpaca is called Cria?”

“Yeah, and so are baby Llamas. In Spanish, they call human babies crias, too.”

“Cool. Now, shoo, I can do this on my own,” you say, elbowing him lightly into his chest, making him stumble backwards. He refills your water before he makes his way around the restaurant, cleaning and refilling other customers.

It is quiet at this hour, only a few patrons left – a couple in the far corner, a family of four close to the entrance and two friends chattering right in the middle of the restaurant, already pulling out their wallets. You glimpse at your watch – only twenty minutes left until the closing hours. The kitchen has already closed, and you saw the cook leaving, as well as some of the waiters.

The only employees left were Adrian, Dave, some waitresses you did not recognize, and Blake, who was pretty familiar with you at this point. She always took your order – either from you or Adrian, because he had a habit of interrupting her when she was serving other customers, just because he refused to keep you waiting.

You talked to her about it, because you felt bad that Adrian was making her job harder, but she just laughed, telling you that there are customers that make her job harder tenfold. She has also said that she isn’t one to stop a man from pampering his girlfriend, and even though it made you blush and your stomach twist, you sadly had to strip her of that assumption. She chuckled again with a sure, honey, and strutted in a direction of new customers.

“Hey, stranger,” you lift your head to Dave’s voice, just to see him make his way over to you. “Are you doing crosswords again or what?” Dave says teasingly as he looks over your shoulder.

“A quiz on Alpacas, actually.”

“Hm.” His eyes scan over the paper, nodding along. “Bet you’re top of the class. Do you have Science before or after recess?”

You roll your eyes at the remark, shaking your head as return your focus to the quiz - it does look like it's made for first graders, aside from your own doodles of little Alapacas, there are pictures of all kinds of cartoon Alpacas scattered around the edges of the paper, and you can't help but imagine Adrian as he giddily plays around with the design in Canva.

Anyway.

Dave is a decent guy. More than decent, actually. Funny, kind, patient. And as bad as it makes you feel, you can’t help but enjoy all the flirting engaged in whenever he ran into you at Fennel Fields.

“I actually was top of the class, just so you know.”

“I don’t doubt it for a second.”

You don’t fight the smile, but you don’t dwell on the compliment either. You circle letter C after you read all the answers to the ninth question.

“Hey, so listen. I know you’re probably waiting for Adrian, but I was wondering if you wanted to hang with me after.”

You pause, eyes flitting to the top of the paper where you play with the corner, forming a small crease in the sheet. You turn to face him, squinting at him.

You did not expect that. Sure, you know he has been flirting with you this whole time, but you assumed it was something he did with a lot of people. You never expected him to take it this far. And you hate yourself for considering his invitation, even if it’s just for a second.

“You think I’d ditch my friend just like that?”

Dave shrugs. “It was worth a shot.”

You hope that is the end of it, but before you can focus on the quiz, he speaks again.

“So what about tomorrow night? I have the day off.”  

His tone is hopeful, and this time, you give yourself more than just a second to consider his ask, but before you can give your answer, a new person joins the conversation.

“Hey, Dave. Don’t you have some money to count?”

Both your heads snap towards Adrian.                     

“Excuse me?” Dave’s eyebrows shoot up, lips parting at Adrian’s faux order.

You wince. Uh-oh.

“Yeah, you’re paid to do your job. Not to pick up girls who are clearly uncomfortable in your presence,” he says, sticking his free palm out towards you, fingers spread so wide that the skin between his digits tightens.

“Adrian, relax, please. I’m good. He’s not making me uncomfortable.”

You know that harassment is in Adrian’s book of violations pretty high up, and you don’t need him killing his boss first thing he gets off work.

“Oh! Oh, so you do wanna go out with him? Great!” He forces his body between Dave and you and slaps his palm on the quiz before lifting the sheet and scrunching it up in the process. “Then he can make you his own quizzes from now on.” He says, turning on his heel before heading towards the back. You spring from your seat and rush after him, indifferent to the eyes of customers that currently follow you.

“Adrian, wait, I didn’t agree to anything!”

You follow him, grabbing at his suspenders that hung from his hips in an attempt to stop him, but he ignores you completely. You can think of six different ways to effectively stop him, but as there are kids present, you’re sure their parents probably wouldn’t leave a good review on Yelp if you were to carry on that here, and Adrian is already in enough trouble as it is.

You wouldn’t have a problem with following him into the restricted area, though, half expecting Dave to stop you, but to your mild surprise, it’s Adrian. He stops in his tracks, spinning around right in front of the door before he jabs his finger against the sign, reading the words aloud.

“Staff. Only. Don’t you dare stepping a foot over this threshold. Or I’ll have the security escort you out.”

This place doesn’t have any security guards; he’s just being too fucking dramatic. But you listen anyway, hoping he will cool off and then you can talk to him. You return to your seat, slumping over and gulping down the water you had left. Dave is already gone, but you catch his eyes when he’s going table to table, probably trying to do some damage control. He offers you a small, understanding smile, before returning his attention to the patrons.

Fuck. You should be the one apologizing. Dave's EQ score definitely falls into the right range. But what does it matter when he’s not Adrian? Who probably isn’t going to turn up until the end of the shift. You check your watch, twisting the strap around your wrist nervously. Three minutes. The kitchen entrance opens, and you straighten up, hoping it’s Adrian. Instead, you see Blake with a mournful expression on her face as she makes her way over to you. She squeezes your arm in comfort. “Honey, I think you’re gonna want to go out back.”

Confusion is replaced by shock of realization in a span of seconds, your eyes widening before you grab your jacket, hurtling towards the exit. Shit, you didn’t even thank her, but you make a mental note to do it next time you’re here. You round the building just in time for Adrian to exit through the back door, dressed in his own clothes – a polo sweater and regular washed out jeans; hair slightly flat from wearing the Fennel Fields hat. He still looks gorgeous.

“Oh, fuuck,” he groans, tipping his head back as he frowns, his fingers tightening around the strap of the bag slung over his shoulder.

“You wanted to bail on me?” you asked, incredulously, even though you aren’t so surprised in the end. “What the fuck was that? Are you trying to get yourself fired, Adrian?”

He walks past you without even looking at you. “I don’t give a shit. I’ll probably quit anyway.”

“What? Why?” you ask as you stay in place, only twisting your body to face him and hoping he will acknowledge you. He doesn’t. Not with words, not with eyes, he just keeps on walking. Angry tears well in your eyes and it’s enough to make you run after him, swooping past him and blocking his pathway. “Talk to me, asshole.”

He laughs manically, but he does stop walking.

“I’m an asshole now? I am? Well, I guess it takes one to know one!”

You stare at him with glossy eyes, grating your teeth as you try to stop yourself from saying something hurtful, something he probably most definitely deserves, but you might regret later. Your fists are clenched at your sides, nails biting into your palms.

“How am I the asshole?” you ask.

“Well, maybe because you’re flirting with my enemy?”

You know Dave isn’t exactly Adrian’s favorite person, and vice versa, but despite Adrian acting like a brat towards Dave from time to time, you thought that there must have been at least some mutual respect shared between them, otherwise Dave would have already fired Adrian a long time ago. And Adrian wouldn’t have gushed to you about Dave being a fucking icon when he had thrown out a customer who was trying to pick up a fight with one of the busboys for not doing the job the waiters and waitresses are supposed to do. He said that Dave was essentially defending every busser’s honor.

“Since when is Dave your enemy?”

“Since he’s been stealing away my friend I guess.” Your heart skips a beat. Wait, is he jealous? Could this possibly mean that he… feels the same way? “Next thing I know, he’s stealing Chris, then Eagly, then Economos, and even Harcourt.” Okay, stupid, nevermind.

You take a deep breath, tilting your head towards the sky as if gravity is supposed to stop the tears from beading in the corners of your eyes. Then you face him again, lips trembling before you finally find the courage to reveal your most vulnerable self to him.

“You know, I’m so fucking tired, Adrian.” A tear finally slips down your cheek, and you quickly wipe it away as you sniff. “Ads says that you follow me around all the time like a lost puppy. But I feel like I’m the one following you, wagging my tail all the fucking time like a Goddamn poodle and waiting for you to throw me a bone, but you never even notice me.” Your voice cracks at the last words.

His eyebrows knit together, and his lips form a confused pout. You force the heels of your palms against your eyebrows, squeezing your eyes shut. There’s nothing soft in the way you massage your forehead, bone against bone as you dig your hands into your forehead like it’s supposed to free you from some of the strong emotions that are flooding your brain. You drop your arms to your sides again, and more tears streak down your face. This time, you let them.

“I never thought that loving somebody could be so fucking exhausting, and I’m honestly running out of fuel.”

You bring your sleeve up to wipe the mixture of tears and snot away. Adrian stands there, eyes jumping over the small fragments of rocks scattered around the ground as he mentally rewinds to the beginning of the night. He adjusts the strap on his shoulder, looking back at the backdoor he walked through a few moments ago before his eyes meet yours.

“You’re in love… with me? Not with Dave?”

You want to smack him, you really do.

“Jesus Christ, Adrian, did you listen to what I just said?”

He strides over to you, outstretching his arms as if to stop you from running away. But he doesn’t touch you.

“Yes! I’m just making sure. I don’t want to make a fool out of myself.”

You give him a pointed look, raising your eyebrow. Little late for that, no?

“Not any more than I already have, anyway,” he adds when he reads your expression.

You cross your arms over your chest. You sure as hell hope this is not all he has to say.

“Right, okay. So first of all, if you were a dog, you’d totally be a Dachshund. Poodles aren’t so stubborn, and they are too afraid to take on bigger animals like Dachshunds do. I have nothing against Poodles, but Dachshunds are way more cooler. Second of all, how can you say that I never notice you? I’m looking at you, like, all the time.”

He says it like it’s the most obvious thing, like you’re supposed to somehow know that. But is he even talking about the same thing? Fucking kaleidoscope.

“But you don’t look at me.”

“Ehh, I just said–”

Ugh, fuck.

“No, just… I look at you. Differently than I do at the rest of our friends.”

“But that’s what I’m trying to say. I literally told you that I wanted to kiss you. At the birthday party! See? I’m not the only fool here,” his smile stretches.

You twist your face, shaking your head as you try to make sense of his words. “But that’s just what people say. It’s an expression.”

“Well, I’ve never said it to anyone else.” He shrugs.

Your mind is hazy from all the crying and confusion, from all the overlapping emotions, from Adrian. You don’t know where you stand anymore.

“I have no idea what you’re trying to say, Adrian.”

“Okay. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced love for another person. I’ve said that I love Chris, because I thought I did. But then you gave me Michelangelo, and I immediately fell in love with him too. I realized that love can be even stronger.” He stops, eyebrows knitting together as he thinks. “Different might be the right word.”

Your heart flutters. You had never doubted that he would like the spider before you gave it to him, but you didn’t expect him to grow this fond of him.

“And then I thought about the time when Ads had caught me 'gazing' at you one day – when we went to the farmer's market with you and you were taste-testing all the different kinds of honey?”

Yeah, you remember Ads telling you afterwards that she’s never going somewhere alone with you and Adrian ever again, because she refuses to reduce herself to a third wheel.

Adrian bought five jars of ginger honey for you that day, because that was the one you took most samples of and the one you were feeding to him until he agreed that it was the best out of all of them. Truly, he was not convinced.

“She told me that I look like I’m ready to make the moon shine just for you. Which didn’t make sense because I can’t light up the moon, especially not in the middle of the day...” Adrian’s arm waved to the natural satellite, the waxing gibbous moon reflecting in his glasses when his duh expression is replaced by a scrunch-up as he tilts his head. “But then I started thinking about what I would do if you did ask me to make the moon shine, so I decided to watch Despicable Me, thinking it would give me some answers, but it actually–”

You ignore the churning in your stomach caused by his words and step forward, grabbing his forearms to stop him from getting sidetracked. “Adrian.”

He stops rambling, his green eyes connecting with yours.

“I think I’m in love with you, too. I have been for a while, I just didn’t realize it until Michelangelo helped me see that.” God, he’s such a fucking oddball. “I care about you more than Chris, and you’re basically on par with Michelangelo.” Adrian’s face twists into a grimace as he mulls over his words. “Even though I don’t think I’d want to steal the Moon for him. And I definitely don’t want to kiss him,” he finishes, licking his lips before chewing on them with his teeth.

Fuck. You have no right to be angry at him for not telling you this sooner, because you didn’t exactly set a good example, but Adrian is a blabbermouth and if you expected anyone to share each and every single piece of their mind with other people, it would be him.

You grab the lapels of his sweatshirt and tug him down, your lips colliding harshly and foreheads bumping together, making Adrian whimper a small ow into your mouth. The kiss is messy at first, teeth clashing together before you manage to find a rhythm. You let him suck on your upper lip, lightly nipping on his bottom one before soothing the dent in the thin skin with your tongue.

Goosebumps swarm every part of your body as you feel his fingers thread into your hair, your roots tightening when he forms a fist in order to hold you firmly to his body. An invisible force pulls you to your tiptoes, eager to get swallowed by him as you let your palms travel upwards over his shoulders, folding your arms behind his neck. The fingers of his other hand find the loop on the side of your jeans, curling his thumb and index around it and tugging you closer.

You are literally consuming each other in the quiet alleyway, the hooting of owls accompanied by the sounds of your lips smacking and puffs of air escaping through your noses. When you pull away to take a proper breath, Adrian’s lips chase after yours, catching them in one last peck before he pulls away with a smile, mirroring yours.

“Fuck. I can’t believe I didn’t do this sooner.”

Yeah, you can’t either. You try not to dwell on what could have been, instead choosing to embrace this present moment and cherish the fact that he’s finally yours.

Adrian leans in one more time, kissing away the remaining tears that glimmer under the night sky only to realize he's smearing them rather than removing them. He brings his hand up, his long sleeve stretched over his palm, swiping at your skin with the soft material instead, soaking it in the process.

You let out a light giggle, bringing your hands up to cup the sides of his neck, thumbs brushing over his jawline and nicking his earlobes, enjoying the feeling of his skin under your fingertips. Both his hands fall to your hips again, preventing you from moving further away. Not that you want to.

“You wanna go over to my place?” you ask. You were supposed to into the woods to practice combat in complete darkness – no night vision, no flashlights, relying solely on your instincts and senses – but it was really hard to ignore the bulge in his jeans when your bodies were pressed up against each other.

He tilts his head, his glasses inching down the bridge of his nose. You bring your index up, shifting them back into place. “Are we gonna have sex?”

“Probably. If you want to.”

“Sick.” Adrian grabs your hand, compressing your fingers in his big palm as he drags you towards his car. He opens the passenger door for you before rounding the car and slipping into the driver’s seat with the backpack on his lap.

“Want me to take it?” you ask, reaching over for it, but he just shakes his head, tugging onto the zipper.

He fishes out a crumpled-up piece of paper. You are surprised that he didn’t just tear it up and throw it into the trash.

“I graded your test. Not bad, just a few errors. We can go over them after the sex. Or before, I don’t care. I gave you some bonus points for the Alpaca doodle, but then I had to deduct them for… flirting with Dave.” The last part of the sentence is said with a hint of guilt, his head hanging low. You lean over the console, one hand on his thigh as the other squishes his cheeks together, turning him to face you before you peck his plushy lips.

“Maybe I can earn them back?” You smile, tickling the tip of his nose with yours and batting your eyelashes before you pull back.

“Fuck. I take it back. Definitely after,” he says, stuffing the paper back into his bag before throwing it onto the backseat.

No.

Bear in mind that:

Since she had Marco's gear during the inspection he had reason to suspect she knew how he died. He's a smart guy there's no way that possibility missed him.

He was one of the first to notice she was the female titan and when made aware of her feelings weaponised them as part of Erwin's plan.

After her crystal encasing he doesn't mention her except to manipulate and mind torture Bertholdt and Reiner in the season 2 finale.

In season 3 there's also no significant mention of her and he only starts to visit after eating Bertholdt during the time skip. Which is telling.

She caused many deaths by leading titans to the hole the Colossal titan created (indirectly killing his grandfather, his last living relative. Yet she has the nerve to use her dad as an excuse to leave the alliance)

Butchered the scouts and Levi's entire squad.

Was 50% responsible for the collateral damage in Stohess.

Slaughtered many soldiers while part of Marley's army (and was probably instructed to commit war crimes)

And what else...?

Oh yeah. Has yet to show any remorse over it (expect Marco, for some reason). All she's done is talk about her dad and mope. Armin has done some horrible things, nuking the port was an irredeemable act, but the thing is he knows and he hates himself for it. It was part of the plan, it had to be done, but he hated every second of it...just look at his face before he transforms.

Annie meanwhile remains apathetic and infuriatingly preachy (why does she keep asking Mikasa if she'll kill Eren? She probably has a pretty shallow understanding of there relationship, and going off her characterisation...she shouldn't care?)- which in a twisted way makes sense, after all why would she be forced to grapple with the weight of her sins when she was accepted way too quickly and was never held accountable. Reiner bore the brunt of all lingering animosity, she was an afterthought.

In season 1 she laughed when her identity was revealed, smiled before trying to transform, and sure, she was crying at the end if season one, but it wasn't out of remorse but because she'll never see her dad again. Even worse is that Armin's actions were born out of necessity, the continued survival of him and the Eldians...but Annie? When Marcel was eaten they had the chance to go back home but didn't, every life taken was a choice.

Now ok, you could make the argument they were brainwashed. Reiner woke up to that lie fairly early on and created a split personality to deal with the guilt, a guilt that almost killed him. Bertholdt died believing the rhetoric that the Eldians are devils somewhere deep down...but does Annie see them that way? Has she ever seen them that way? This is where her lack of meaningful characterisation comes back to bite, because we don't know. Throw whatever headcanon you want at it, it's still just headcanon.

I'm of the opinion that she isn't a fan of people in general, dislikes all of humanity (except Armin, her dad and maybe Mikasa), thus was able to see the Eldians and scouts as the beetles and grasshoppers she crushed under her heel as a kid. She has a crush on Armin and has never had any conflicting thoughts about catching feelings for a devil. Her flashbacks in the season one finale were of her dad, not the shady military that trained her for war. Her reason for doing all this was because of him, his training and wanting to return home, not specifically to destroy the Eldian devils. Or maybe that was a part of it?

Again, we don't know, and it's never hinted at let alone fleshed out.

Let's ask more questions: What's her opinion on Eren's plan? Does she feel humanity outside the walls deserves to die or not? How does she feel about Hange (the last time she saw them they were threatening them with a sword to the pupil, looking pretty scary)? Or Levi? Having murdered his whole squad and injured him, forcing him to sit out season two's events (had he been there the titan shifters wouldn't have gotten away and there would have been so many less deaths). How does she feel about seeing people who were once her friends after years? Jean? Connie? Historia? Ymir? Why did she never ask about potato girl? Sure she seemed like she didn't care about them, but to have her slowly start to nonchalantly ask would not only help with character growth but also be...cute? Much more tonally appropriate than have her show up eating pie.

But anyway, regarding all those questions, we don't know, because she isn't a character anymore. Just Armin's love interest. Unbothered and weak, without conviction or even a functioning moral compass, the broken needle instead pointing at 'dad'.

It's disappointing because having an opinion outside the established moral framework, not for Eldia, not for freedom, not for the greater good but rather self-preservationist apathy is inherently interesting. In fact it's vaguely similar to season 3 Historia: the worst girl in the world who wanted all of humanity to die out, and that stuff was great. But Historia is a great character partly because she rises to the challenge, after an arc of apprehension she kills her father, becomes the queen and punches an Ackerman. But cold-hearted Annie remains in that apprehensive state, does fuck all when the boat sets sail, there's no pay-off or closure and she gets to live happily without consequences.

So yeah, the ship makes no sense. Not when Armin hasn't consistently put in enough effort and interest, and because Annie isn't even a 2 dimensional character. Or even a plank of wood.

~~~

Thanks for reading.

Disclaimer: I am biased, I haven't liked Annie and Armin since season 1's finale and reading the ending respectively.

Fics for Jean fans:

Recruitment at Sunset (Jean x Reader oneshot)