@theartofmadeline
romaā
todays bird
Discoholic šŖ©
Origami Around
Misplaced Lens Cap
occasionally subtle
blake kathryn
Kaledo Art
ojovivo
One Nice Bug Per Day
#extradirty
Peter Solarz
AnasAbdin
DEAR READER
ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation
oozey mess
wallacepolsom
seen from Italy
seen from United States
seen from TĆ¼rkiye
seen from Netherlands
seen from Russia
seen from Netherlands
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Iraq
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from Brazil
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@mercuryonthewind
Tracking Service, as helpfully as possible: Your order is out for delivery! It should arrive by 8 PM today!
Me, sitting by the door at 8:12 AM: pakige
Me opening my apartment door anytime I hear the outside door open despite it being 10AM: Bƶx?
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When itās days past the nsfw ban and thereās still pornbots everywhere
#who is doing alchemy on the tennis court again
what the hell do you mean again???
who is doing human transfigurationĀ on the tennis court
someone who both watched fmaĀ
and clearly did NOT watch fmaĀ
I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I justā¦ answer itā¦
The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.
Scary nurse in a creepy voice: āDo you have an appointment to see the doctor?ā
Me: āUh. Do you accept walk-ins?ā
Scary farmer: āI like to kill people!ā
My friend, brightly: āI like to die!ā
Zombie : āAARRRGHā
Me : āDo you get dental insurance?ā
Zombie : āTEETH!!ā
This happened to me.
Scary prison dude: HELLO
Me: Nice to meet you!
Him: (pause) No itās noooooot
My worst horror house experience was when I couldnāt find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying āplease scream as loud as you can when you run out thereā and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that
Guy: They are all my friends.. (motioning to hanging corpses; then grabs a noose) Will you be my friend?Ā Me: Sure totally, you made me a friendship necklace? Oh my god your so sweet?Ā Guy: ā¦ Yes.. Please, let me.. I cant I cant just go (laughing).Ā ā Got to walk a second time throughāĀ Same guy: My friends -wailing-Ā Me: I came back I just really wanted to be friends so bad Guy: (laughing more) Please, Im not allowed to laugh.Ā
I went to a Haunted House and literally befriended every actor there.
Specifically, I remember;
There were zombies walking around in the waiting room. I said āHi!ā and he gave me a high five. Every time he passed from then on, I got a high five.
Near the end, there were these twin little girls. āCome play with us.ā They said. āOkay!ā I said. āForever.ā They said. āOh, sorry, canāt do that. Iām busy.ā
I could hear them giggling.
Guy playing Freddie Kruger: Remember, you are all my children!
Me: thanks dad
A small chorus of teenagers: thanks dad
I went to a haunted corn maze once. Someone ran at me with a chainsaw. I just stared at him. He hung his head and walked away. I left.
The Real Horror Is The People We Dissapointed Along The Way
IM CRYING
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Why is this so funny
Someone couldnāt fight their feelings anymore on my library book
@lanadeldaddykink
A dating service where matching is based on peopleās search history exists. Youāre a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.
Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?
Writer: Air shot between the toes, itāll look like a heart attack.
Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok
Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts
Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes
Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks
A++ addition
Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene theyāre writing* babe, iām not sure if this would actually work?
Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, youāre doing great
I LOVE THIS
Oh no, murder comedy is my jam
I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? Itād be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it theyāre a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so itās completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.
Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and itās a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that thereās something to the theory, but itās all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the authorās home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they donāt seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, thatās it. Most they do is leave for groceries.
So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough heāll FINALLY have proof.
Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal.Ā
āYou need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.ā
Serial killer breaths in.Ā āLook-ā
ā¦perfect
I donāt like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect
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mutuals look out your window
hahhah, okie dokie! lol!
apparently porn bots are now hacking into in-use accounts (Iām assuming larger accounts) and posting while the blog owner is still active.Ā
holy fuck.
why are staff so incompetent
rather than fixing their obviously very flawed code and development, theyāre deciding to ban tits? fucking tits?
that being said, although itās so unlikely this will happen to me, please know that itās not me posting these links and photos. Please dont click on the links.Ā
oh my god.
Image Prompt
This is the installation wizard
Ask me about that time I signed up a classmate I disliked to receive a free mormon bible in the mail every 2 weeks
Why is this so great
because
it wasted mormon church money
the classmate was hella confused and had no way of figuring out what the hell was going on
and no way of stopping the mormon bible influx
this was in boarding school. the mailroom was a common area. so i got to watch, repeatedly for months, the growing look of concern on my high school classmateās face as they unwrapped yet another mormon bibleĀ
they never found out. i never told anyone. itās been 10 years
You should find out where they live now and subscribe them again
You. i very much like.
you learn to take the little victories
I always got very excited when it would spell out ACDC
OMG SAME FOR BOTH
I always got very afraid when it was the same letter 4 times in a row
when I was 4 or 5, my mom was a prof at a college and she used to hand me the scantron sheet before she wrote the exam and let me colour whatever lettered bubble i wanted for each answer. if i coloured two by accident, she made an āall of the aboveā option. one time she gave me it and i coloured the āaā bubble for each of the 130 questions except for the second last one and she just went with it later on, she told me that it was the most entertaining exam she had ever watched her students take
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Welcome to Kingdom Hearts where thereās 5 Soras, 4 Terras, 3 Rikus, and 13 Xehanorts
I canāt put my finger on the energy of this gif but itās Powerful
