The Memeporium

"It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care."

"Why should I change? He's the one who sucks."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

"What would you do if you had a million dollars?"

"The ratio of people to cake is too big."

"It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us."

"I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work."

"Fuckin' A."

"I could set the building on fire."

"I gotta get outta here. I think I'm gonna lose it."

“Everything I've done, I've done for you.”

“You have no power over me.”

“You're horrible!”

“Well? Laugh!”

“What did you have to go and do a thing like that for?”

“It's so stimulating being your hat.”

“All right then! I can conquer this mountain!”

“I have to face him alone.”

“How's that for brainpower, eh?”

“The way forward is sometimes the way back.”

“It's not fair.”

“Was that my stomach or yours?“

“Throw down your weapons, and I’ll see that you’re well treated.”

“It’s very rude to stare!”

☱: falling in front of them

☠: kissing mine's wrist

♥: muttering something threatening

☯: offering trail mix

§: spontaneously combusting

ヮ: bursting into song

✯: pulling mine's hair

"If you was from where I was from, you'd be fuckin' dead!"

“Feelings? …Professionals have standards. Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.”

"I'm a grim bloody fable, with an unhappy bloody end."

"Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together. IN HELL!"

"As long as there's two people left on the planet, somebody's gonna want somebody dead."

"How am I gonna stop some big mean mother hubbard from from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind?"

"Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe. Maybe. I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."

"And that's how I lost my medical license."

"Oh, don't be such a baby. Ribs grow back!"

"One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that mask."

"If you managed to kill them, I assure you they were nothing like me."

"We killed everybody and took a briefcase!"

"This was a huge waste of my time."

"I am not one of your fried-chicken tramps!"

"Congratulations! You're a failure."

"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!"

"I'm drunk - you don't have an excuse!"

"Don't fret boyo, I'll be gentle!"

"Now I've seen everything..."

"Don't test my mettle, son!"

"MY FLESH! IT BURNS!"

"Would you like a second opinion? You are also ugly!"

"Is anyone even payin' attention to me?"

"That funeral ain't gonna be open casket."

"Pain is weakness leaving the body!"

"I never really was on your side."

"Whilst I rest, read to me a while from Shakespeare's "Gay Boys in Bondage"."

"It's NOT a balloon! Balloons is for kiddy-winkies. If you want to play with balloons, get outside."

"Hello. I'd like to talk to you tonight about a minority group of people who have no mental or physical handicaps and, who, through no fault of their own, have never been deprived, and consequently are forced to live in conditions of extreme luxury."

"Spoken like a gentleman. Now, are you going to give me a fish license?"

"Yes, a poet is essential for complete home comfort, and all-year round reliability at low cost."

"You have the wrong map here, you silly old leg-before-wicket person."

"Dear sir, I am over three thousand years old and would like to see a scene of two people in bed."

"In the old days, we used to make our own fun. At Christmas parties I used to strike myself on the head repeatedly with blunt instruments while crooning."

"The blancmanges are really Australians trying to get the rights of the pelote rules from Czech publishers!"

"No need to thank me. It's all in a day's work for... Confuse-a-Cat."

"And what exactly are the commercial possibilities of ovine aviation?"

"And now for something completely different."

"But by lunch, the situation had changed dramatically."

"Mount Everest. Forbidding. Aloof. Terrifying. The mountain with the biggest tits in the world."