Stressed Satan (◕︵◕)

"You’re welcome."

“It’s like kissing my brother/sister!”

“Why haven’t we ever hooked up?”

"You’ve got crazy-eyes..”

“I think I’m really in to her.”

“I’m surrounded by children.”

“It’s just really hard when someone you care about moves on before you do.”

"..I'm also gay."

“Have you read my blog? My life is a mess.”

“Truth is, I can’t hate someone I don’t care about.”

“You’re never gonna be alone, okay? You’ve got me.”

“In case you were wondering, I’m calling from hell.”

"Friends... With benefits."

“You don’t know what it’s like to be surrounded by all of the girls who can eat everything and do everything and they’re perfect!”

“You have nice abs... I get it!”

"I thought I was okay with seeing other people, but I'm not."

“As your best friend, it’s my job to embarrass you.”

“Figure out what you want, because I’m tired of being your secret.”

“I fucked your girlfriend!”

“Thank you for being my hero.”

“If you drink enough wine it tastes like love.”