Universe Me

I had a thought the other day: why not make a technical theatre edition of Cards Against Humanity? 

I need your help! We need A LOT of cards to make this work. Once I get enough ideas maybe we can all figure out a way of playing together. :)

Here’s some that I have so far:

Black Cards:

“_____. It’s the industry standard.”

Who’s talking backstage?

“You can never have enough _____”

What do technicians do for fun?

Why were you late for your call?

“Fly crew. Standby _____”

What’s that sound?

“I can fix anything with ______ and ______.”

Why was the Head Dresser angry today?

You want me to do build WHAT in 2 hours?

“We need a _______ sound effect in Scene III.”

 Why are you always so busy?

_____ is always a suitable substitute for _____.

TD: I’m putting an order in; need anything?

______: a technical director’s worst nightmare.

______ was discussed at the production meeting this week.

In lieu of nixing the ‘Best Sound Design’ Tony Award, the American Theatre Wing is making it up to sound designers by giving them _______.

How do technicians handle the long working hours?

Tonight’s load out was brought to a screeching halt after ______ was accidentally loaded onto the truck.

The successor to DMX will be_____.

“________ coming in downstage-right!”

White Cards:

Gaff tape.

I.A.T.S.E.

A palette of new Source Fours.

A palette of new Source Fours (with no plugs or lens tubes).

A Batman gobo.

A preoccupied director.

Skin shredding rope burn.

Community theatre.

A road case full of screws.

The forth wall, crashing down.

Glue gun burns.

Mistaking someone else’s multi-tool as your own.

Forgetting to bring your wrench to a lighting call.

10/12 days.

Scale drawings. With no scale.

Confetti drops.

Glitter Meat.

Equity breaks.

Napkin invoices.

Edible props.

Rattling chop saws.

Both ASMs not on headset.

Noisy scrollers.

The sweet, sweet smell of dust fusing onto hot stage lights.

Painting an entire set in gloss (and it was supposed to be in matte).

A highly detailed prop (that gets cut before opening).

An audience member who is giving you sound advice while you’re running lights.

Using actual bricks as stage weights.

SM58s covered in lipstick.

PRYO.

A coffee stained lighting plot.

Building a set to a 1/64th accuracy.

NFG equipment that isn’t actually NFG.

3 buckets of Elbow wrapped XLR cable.

12 crew on coffee break.

A shiny new sound board.

Gut-wrenching feedback.

A wardrobe Lead covered in safety pins.

Working 5 concurrent shows.

Cooking with PAR cans.

shoutout to the theatre kids that aren’t actors

to the stage managers who manage to balance friendships and being authoritative in rehearsals

to the technicians that do extra training in welding and access equipment and so many other things to make themselves more hireable

to the techs and stage management who just sometimes want to wear colour but are instead in show blacks all the time

to the stage managers who get stuck mediating the tension between directors and designers who are older and supposed to be more mature than you

to the techs who injure themselves, deal with it, and keep working (or are told they aren’t allowed and are so annoyed about it)

to the designers that have to compromise what they want because the director doesn’t like it or there isn’t enough time/budget/equipment

to the casual crew members who just like theatre and want to be involved but aren’t trying to make a career of it

to everyone who tries (and sometimes fails) to fit in friends and healthy eating during tech week

to everyone who has ever done a year-long unpaid (or barely paid) internship in the hopes that it will lead to a job opportunity

to everyone who has ever worked really hard on making/finding a prop only to have it cut in tech or dress

to the design assistants that have to figure out when and how to become designers in their own right

to anyone who has ever managed to avert a crisis backstage where there’s barely any light and you can’t talk

to anyone who has ever had to make the decision to stop the show because some crises just can’t be averted

to everyone who struggles to understand unions

and the list goes on and on