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guy from 6000 bc after having all human knowledge of the history of civilization and culture beamed into his brain: can you show me that "meta knight" fellow again? i find him quite bad ass...

morally grey in the club tonihgt hitting every move questionable style. latr ill go into the bathroom and stare at my reflection for like five minutes just because i wanna

being a vampire with DID would suck so fucking bad everyone would ask stuff like "what was it like when they invented electricity" and you'd have to be like i dont knowowww i was having some sort of episode and i think i lived in the forest alone for like a century around the time but im not sure i dont really remember. Then they're like "well you must have had a lot of time to hone skills and learn new ones?" and you're like no not really i cant stick to anything because some other guy in my brain will give it up so i mostly was making finger paintings in caves. and they're like "oh cool are you from like caveman times" and youre like no i was turned during the siege of constantinople 😭 and they're like "oh what was that like" and you're like I DON'T KNOWOWWW

"what if they fucked" WRONG. what if they ruined each other's lives irreparably. what if there was nothing left but a smoldering heap. what if everything that brought them together twisted and corroded and ripped them apart. and then they fucked.

I love the word "jamboree". If I had a daughter I'd name her Jamboree Lynn, and if I had a son, I'd leave him in the woods to be raised by coyotes.

childaborting hips

the terrifying beast of the darkness wants a kissy

Why don’t we let the guy whose every plan could be reasonably construed as an abstract suicide attempt take a crack it

boxers and a house robe. the thinking man's pajamas. the boxers say "i have worryingly low standards for what pizza i will eat" but the robe says "i have read at least one book"