This Is The Place Where I Love You

there's something stupid going inside my head

currently razing my island to the ground so i can design it from scratch 😵

A relationship where y'all fuck like mad but dance in the kitchen at 2AM making brownies

If a zombie apocalypse started during christmas, then every place would forever be christmas decorated, which would make a weird looking survival scenario

u can spend 2 years with someone who never really learned how to love u & meet someone & within 2 months give u all that u had ever wished for in a partner

no but seriously one time i ordered something from adam & eve (surprise a big ol dildo) and the order said discreet shipping and i was like cool ya know cause i lived with three dudes in an apartment and also had to go to the apartment office to pick up my package so discreet is dope and i got the package delivery notification like sick im about to dick myself so i walked my happy horny ass down to the office and told the lady my name and she went into the package delivery room to grab it and it took her a minute and she came out with a dick shaped bag just grasping the shaft of it and i looked at it mortified and had to grab the balls part of the package from the woman and she let go and it just wiggled and i could feel the squish through the bag and it was just horrible

LMAO YOU DROIPPED YOUR DICK MAN

😅😅😅

brilliant

I legitimately thought this was individually wrapped vegetable slices and I was so mad about it

visualexaltation

difference between emperor penguin and king penguin is that a baby emperor penguin is a kind, gentle, benevolent creature, and a baby king penguin is the devil.

Me on two hours of sleep vs me on nine hours

A man: *is nice to me* Me: please don’t have hidden motives just be a decent human, I appreciate it but don’t be weird

All i do is listen to music and overthink shit

#i know exactly what I’m doing #I’m buying dice

whoever has the most dice wins

choking on water is the worst because how do you stop choking? drink something? well ive got some bad news for you

Lean your head forward, preferably to knee level, and let the water kind of drain out of your mouth. When your are able to, take deep slow breaths. No heimlich maneuver or physical assists from somebody else should be used beyond this, otherwise you could vomit and escalate the issue. Its about keeping the larynx open. Hopefully this helps.

Reblog to fucking save a life.

The Heimlich maneuver and upper back slapping should only be employed if someone who is choking stops producing coughing sounds and is unable to talk at all.

o