MEL TAING | a photo diary

the last day of Ta’s funeral was the most surreal for me. it was filled with anxiety and the anticipation of actually saying goodbye to this man who built my family, who saved my mother’s life and brought her to montreal. i had a lot of shame because i felt that i barely knew him. growing up in america, i did not spend half as much time with Ta as my cousins did -- they saw him regularly for birthdays, holidays and any family event. my beautiful cousin Kelly has his name tattooed in khmer on her arm. sometimes, during his funeral, it felt like he was more of a grandpa to my cousins, and that i was a kind of usurper... a cursory granddaughter. i know that these are silly insecurities. and the presence of my brother and the deep, awesome kindness of my cousins reminded me that i belonged, and that we share genuine connections.

the most intense moment was walking with Ta’s casket through the crematorium. because montreal is SO INCREDIBLY COLD, we needed to walk through the individual memorial buildings to stay warm from the entrance to the final destination, where Ta would be cremated. i walked slowly, holding Colin’s hand and staring at the back of my sister’s head and occasionally taking pictures. my mom wept loudly, still furiously snapping pictures through her tears. despite our closeness, i knew that i could not comfort her, and that she needed to express this.

dozens of people outside of the immediately family crowded around us, and tried to cram into the tiny cremation building where they would slide Ta’s casket into a small metal chamber to be burned.

it’s been a long time since i've posted here. mid-2017 i built a new website and brought my portfolio there. i didn’t know what i’d do with this space until now.

i tend to shy away from the personal nowadays. whatever i post is always about the latest commission i've done, a career-building image that reminds folks i take nice pictures of people. i’d like to break away from that now, and share these photographs from my grandfather’s funeral. the cambodian (khmer) word for grandpa is Ta, so i will refer to him as that.

after the vietnam war and the cambodian civil war, my mother’s side of the family all gathered in montréal, canada - that’s where most of my family lives today. Ta rebuilt his family here, and became a huge part of the community. there’s a photograph of a man holding the flag of Ta’s home village - kampuchea krom. anytime someone from cambodia would emigrate to montreal, they would call Ta. he would help them find a home, tell them what jobs to get, ride his bicycle to their new apartment to deliver groceries and medicine. the group of people holding the flag are all of the individuals from kampuchea krom that got help from my grandpa.

my mom is the youngest of 9 children, so you can image i have an enormous family. there was an uncle i had never met until this event and countless cousins i reconnected with after years and years. for three days, we sat on a prayer mat in front of Ta’s casket + body, listening to the sanksrit speech of the monks. to be honest, my cambodian is terrible, and much of this experience was kind of floating for me... language barriers during family events is nothing new to me, but i longed to understand the words of the monks, to hear for myself the the well-wishes and prayers that Ta’s soul be brought safely into the afterlife.

question (no answer) | august 2017

rosa in bloom | june 2017

lover (with diva nail) | march 2017

signifier / signified | march 2017

old ways in a new place (aimee’s apartment) | march 2017 . last month, i got to escape boston for brooklyn. i was commissioned to photograph an album cover for a musician living near aimee. i brought my lover along, and we took a bus to nyc at 7am.

safe from the rain (chicago couch surfing) | march 2017 . a few weeks ago, i went on a work trip to chicago. my company was sponsoring a photographers’ event at low res studios. i was feeling nervous and anxious about it - the folks that work at low res are EXTREMELY COOL. and i’m still trying to figure it out. bumbling, stumbling... dreaming of that optimal self, the adult woman i’ll become in maybe another 10 years or so.

but i was extremely lucky to stay with two couples during my stay in chicago, and they grounded me, and reminded me that the journey is much more important than the destination (lol that was extremely cheesy).

the first image is from dan & victoria’s apartment. i met them both at massart, and knew them individually before they became the delightful couple they are now. endless life chats, sipping (more like gulping) on japanese plum wine and diving into our younger selves, the mistakes we made, the weird things we noticed about our parents that we never understood until now. the three of us were glowing with happiness at having connected again, and i hope to see them again soon.

hello, hello | february 2017

my lover | january 2017

this was a portrait i took of colin during our trip to d.c. for the women’s march. we stayed at matt & marissa’s house with almost 20 other wonderful folk. i am continuously surprised by the amount of genuine people that colin attracts... it’s been a gradual but rewarding process in getting to know his network of friends. i find that my own chosen family keeps growing and growing.

gratuitous hotel portraits | november 2016

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o’hare | december 2016

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business trips are strange. it was my first business trip, my first time in chicago, my first time flying in a plane in four years. there are many times at my job where i feel like a little girl who was suddenly allowed to hold a camera and make significant branding decisions. my youthful insecurity was a wailing scream that slowly turned into a low burn over the first few months of full-time. now, it’s a gentle ache that comes and goes in different situations.