Melisa Laura Garcia

Hello again, it’s been over a year and a half the last time I’ve been here and we meet again. We all know why I’m here and it’s to vent about shit just happening in my life right now.

It’s been the only place I’ve been able to write about stuff and not feel like I have to know exactly what I’m feeling.

Someone has recently came back into my life and has rocked my world. Good and bad. I was doing so well going to end the year of 2022 like my best year, knowing everything I wanted I had conquered. Had a great year, was able to get close to nature more, mending issues with immediate family, focused on my health, met new friends, a new job with great coworkers and met someone so amazing I had knocked down a few walls because he makes me feel so comfortable it’s crazy! Everything was gliding thru until the ending of the year..

Someone that I’ve always had something for came back into my life. It’s not like we’ve ever had the chance to ever purse it for timing purpose. Timing hasn’t been a fan for us, especially when wanting it so badly, and shit maybe we’re just blaming time but in fact we are probably just scared to ruin a so call “friendship” for a “relationship”. We’ve ran with telling everyone that we’ve been friends for roughly about 15 years and nothing has changed between us. But in fact since then we’ve always seen each other as more but never thought it would work because we worked so well as friends.

I know as I’m writing this I feel like it a bunch of excuses and bullshit, tell me about it. I honestly want to go over there and have the best sex ever ... but I’m thinking that while I have someone in the next room happy to be with me.. wtf am I now the fuck girl who couldn’t get her feelings together and not drag a good man along for the ride.

The sad thing is I had to make the move and actually talk about it. I had a short but good conversation with my “friend” and told him exactly what I wanted moving forward and explained I’m at a point in my life I want to move forward with life and can’t have anything stopping me especially games. He replies with “I can’t give you exactly what you want now so maybe you should stay with your man because I can promise you anything but a great relationship for now.” ....... I paused and *gasp* HERE WE GO AGAIN WASTING MY DAMN FUCKING TIME!!! DON’T EVER COME AROUND... I REALLY THOUGHT MAYBE FINALLY TIMING AND LIFE IS READY FOR THIS.. I really hate this, man.

Now the question is how do I go on from here? I was ready to cut everything with my bf for someone I thought was going to be good for me, someone I thought maybe it’s meant to be... What a fucking joke? right... Shame on me for allowing this shit to go on. So I’m so lost because how can I move forward when I have this on mind every time I see him, am I suppose to tell him even though I finally now know he’s exactly what I’ve been wanting and I was just stuck on the toxic shit. Or do we agree, maybe I should let him go and just live with the mistake I always commit when this asshole comes back into my life?

I haven’t been on this platform for a while now maybe over 2 years. But I felt like I need a place to vent, and which place would be more perfect then here.

I had a break down tonight, because I’ve been so stress about by vacation trip. Which is kind of ironic, right? Like who stresses about a vacation trip. I’ve spent a lot of money on my Cancun trip because this is the first big trip since covid happened. The only thing that is making me stress out is my passport I haven’t received it at all and I leave Thursday. Ugh!! 

I don’t know what to do, and I’m just very sad about how much money I will lose. Airlines suck. Hopefully this week doesn’t end bad and something good happens.