Can't Brain Today....I Has The Dumb

Im back! Actually, i havent really been gone, just lurking, quietly in the dark.

Life things have changed, anf im so ok with everything thats happened.

I got out of my 18 year relationship with my kids dad, spent about 9 months single, lost a lover and a best feiend in the same month, then met a man 10 years younger than me, who has changed my life for the bettr. He moved in with my 3 kids and I 4 months after we met. Were currently looking to buy a house and planning a baby. Now that im old, my body isnt getting pregnant like it used to. We both have some fertility factors, and will probably end up doing intrauterine insemination to get me pregnant. Were both ok with it though. Its still super fun to practice. Luckily, i work at a fertility clinic and i will be able to do everything for a fraction of the usual cost.

My 18 year old graduated in May (moved out of my house right after her 28th bday last September) my 16 yr old girl has had some struggles over the last year, but i think shes finally starting to get a grip on life and settling down a little bit. Pretty sure my 9yr old boy has adhd or something. Not really sure why im willing to start all over again, but i am. Oh yeah, because im madly in love with someone who has no children of his own and love makes people do stupid things.

I've been watching Sons of Anarchy for the last couple weeks, and I'm just starting season 5. But what does my dumbass do? Goes and searches the #SOA tag and see how everything plays out for the next 3 seasons.

 Now I don't want to watch it so I don't get to all the sad parts, and I hve all those thoughts in my head like "oh, this must be the part where XXX gets stabbed/shot/dismembered/blown up/burned to death."

I did the same thing with Breaking Bad and Weeds.

I wish I could stop. But I cant. I must ruin everything for myself forever.

I am absolutely terrible at answering stuff! I don't have the app on my phone, and I rarely use a PC-sorry this has taken so long to get back to you!

There's no simple answer.It's complicated. I have a 16 year old daughter who has steadily "dated" someone for the last 1.5 years. She's gone through him cheating on her, she kissed another boy while she was dating someone and felt so guilty about it that she broke up with her boyfriend, she'd dated a boy who is such a derp, that has stoned himself stupid in his young little 15 years. She's also dealt with all the rumors of social media, and dated too closely in her circle of friends (basically, everyone has dated everyone). She comes to me when she needs advice, and I try to keep an open mind, and not be judgmental. I make sure she knows I always am, and will always be available for her to talk to. I'm so blessed that we are still friends, because so many of her friends have no relationships with their parents.  

If it were as simple as "listen to your mother, mother knows best" I'd leave it at that. But these kids have to learn on their own. they will try and fail, over and over again.

I've been craving for months, and its been 16 years since my last, and only tattoo.

I'd love to get something that's watercolor style over both legs, because I have awful scars from 10,000 mosquito and bed-bug bites that I couldn't stop picking. I used to have my drug days, but even then, I wasn't a picker. But years ago, when I had bedbugs in my house, they loved me, and I'd wake up at night with 50-100 bites each night. I didn't have the money to get my house sprayed right away, so I had to live with it for months, and my legs paid the price. But even now with tax refund money sitting in the bank, I don't have that kind of money, or a friend that wants to trade for tats. Also, I think I'd feel extremely selfish for wanting something so grandiose. Im not a one-man wolf pack. 4 others depend on me.

For the one I have, I found a tiny little picture in a national geographic magazine, cut it out, and held on to it for 2 years until I was a) old enough to get a tattoo without parental consent and b) not nursing my newborn daughter any longer.

I've never found anything that I loved as much, and I don't want to just get something trendy, but part of my just wants to say F it, and just get something. Its not like I'm getting any younger over here.

My sweet little pit bull puppy is almost 60 lbs. He's 7 months old. Hes gonna be a giant.

I did gel nails on 3 girls today. I bought one of those acrylic "quick dip" kits, which makes getting a gel manicure simple, cheap and convenient to do at home. My back however, is not happy with the amount of sitting and poor posture I had today.

Ive been sick since Wednesday. Ran a fever Thursday and Friday, was out of work, and spent all day today at my moms house. On the plus side, I found an old box of pictures that I have never seen before, and spent most of the day crying and missing my daddy.

I think ive missed a few days o my anti-depressant, and I need to double up on that tonight befroe bed .

Oh look at the time, its past midnight. Now officially Vday. however, I will not be getting any sexy time because the boyfriend is on Ambien, and is talking up a storm to himself about Peyton Manning, installing countertops and glass block tile sheets, Also, his snoring makes me want to kill him. Like every single breath he gasps, irritates me down to my soul. I threaten him with his murder almost daily.

I had the most amazing sex dream last night. I don't usually have dreams like that, but when I do, I make sure that I snooze a much as possible to make the dream keep going. There are so many details that I don't want to forget, but I don't have a blog for that. It was with one of the Lab reps that come into my office on a regular basis. I may blush next time I see him. Also making a special appearance, was Zac Efron. Im an old lady. I feel dirty.

I made Valentines gift bags with my daughter for her to take to church tomorrow for her life group. Shes a good girl, and im glad she enjoy going. ive been in a bit of a funk lately, which I do every few months, and am having a hard time connecting at church. Maybe I need to get back into it so I stop having nasty dreams about people I have no business dreaming about.