reclaimed life / 5 years sober

let me forget let me live 

i hate myself and i want to die 

i’m scared and full of anxiety 

buy i guess you gotta make an ego out of yourself to survive. either or. your choice and i’m heading toward survive 

breakdown 

i’m seriously not okay and I would be better off dead. dead, as people already assume I am. 

this is not good 

i don’t feel i’ll live past 40. i’m so sad. i’m so sad. i’m so sad. i’m so sad. no one can handle this. i got told that my stress is too much for one person to handle. it’ll all bottle up. i’m so sad and there’s only so much to live for. 

i get the urge to cut everyday. i’m not okay. either i stay silent or i go full blown dead. but i have so much to offer, but society sees me as trash. i’ve made mistakes. i want to cry. 

i’m NOT okay. i’m trash. i’m a letdown. i need another beer. and i want to DIE. kill me. nothing is OKAY. I wish i were dead and things would be better and no one would go to my fucking memorial. i’m fucking trash. i wish to be in heaven. i want away from earth. somehow i’m pure but use substances as an escape. please God save me or something. i hate myself. 

i just wanna get so drunk i forget about everything and finally feel at peace 

i have no community anymore. i need physical relationships. i need an emotional connection. am i just fucked up or just had a bad upbringing where I had to emotionally fend for myself? not sure. i’m in constant self-destruct mode 

everyday is depression. everyday is trauma. i hope everything will be okay. i miss being carefree. i miss being like that so i could help with drama besides my own. i have no energy right now except to deal with my own stress. i don’t. the world is hell and i’m scared. i need a man. they’re all players though. i’m probably just bi even though i can’t have emotional feelings towards a woman. i just want a companion. i’m drunk. these are my true feelings.