Undergrad Under Scrutiny

It's been a little unnerving being single at times, especially at night when your bed seems empty & soft sheets do little to assuage the new loneliness. I've been involved in long term relationships since I was 19, four years of my life spent living for another person's happiness. 

It's difficult to imagine people we've never met, but I had an enormously reassuring thought yesterday; my partner & companion is probably someone that isn't in my life yet. I've never met him, but we could have crossed paths. He might have been someone sitting in the truck next to me at a stoplight, or been shopping at the same grocery store and our carts passed by each other once, or maybe we've even spoken over the phone without realizing how significant the person on the other end would turn out to be. 

You know what's great about Tumblr? No ones' parents "like" & "comment" on everything their child has to say, and the child doesn't have to feel obligated to respond. I love my mom very much, but she has been crawling all over my Facebook page lately. Every status update, BAM! She likes it, comments on it, then calls me to talk about it. 

It's been a month since I broke things off with my ex, & now more than ever I want to reach out to friends & rebuild the relationships I neglected while being part of a cooped-up couple. Every time I seem sad, introspective, or even just lacking general enthusiasm, I get mommy jumping in to save her poor, pathetic, & chronically lonely duckling. It's like the online version of having your mom hold your hand & walk you to class...in college...during my senior year...and while I'm newly single. 

So thank you Tumblr, my mom's generation hasn't figured out how to use you or even what you are yet. 

Hey Anonymous, you're right, you don't know me, and this is crazy, but I could really be a 300 pound fat guy, and this just got shady...

I have a had a disappointing & frustrating 24 hours. I wrote out an entire agitated post, thinking that sending it out into the anonymous universe of the internet would make me feel a little better. That could be the second glass of wine talking though, because it's really not so anonymous here & it really wouldn't help that much in the long run. 

My life is boring & infuriating at the same time. How is that possible?

I was going to write about how a certain family member of mine is flirting with the man I broke up with two weeks ago, but then the little grey bunny, Thumper, from the Disney movie Bambi, suddenly popped into my head & said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

Every morning a wake up, usually groggy, frustrated, & running late. I would say that I free myself of the tangle of sheets & roll out of bed, but because I broke up with my boyfriend I now live with my mom again, I instead roll off of the cool leather couch to start my day. Either way, whatever resting place I may roll off of that morning, the auto pilot in my toes points me towards my Keurig brewing system. It sits, patiently waiting for me to flip the switch and watch the blue light ignite beneath the water reservoir. The time of day I wake up varies wildly, & because of this (and maybe because I am just being lazy) I never set the auto-brew function to make my coffee for me, but I suppose I enjoy my daily interaction with my cheerful little barrista. 

Once the deep brown liquid has filled my cup I pour a stream of delicate porcelain creamer & watch as the heterogeneous concoction dance in shades of walnut, sepia, & bronze. My day has begun. 

Sipping my coffee with reserve, I savor the smooth blend & invite it to become a collaborator in my morning tasks. It helps me sift through piles of emails, browse my various social media sites, accompanies breakfast and watches contently as I water the potted plants & emerging baby grass in the backyard.

I am fond of my morning partner & often let it linger with me until mid-afternoon, by which time the early morning dredges have settled into a stone-cold facade at the bottom of my mug. Rings of brown are left inside of  my clean, white mug, rings that signify the passing of time, like those inside of an aged tree trunk. And so I bid farewell to a most supportive friend until tomorrow morning, or my next caffeine craving. 

There are other, more engrossing topics I could probably write about today; my extended family who held me as a baby & watched me grow up now continually back-stab & insult me, and yesterday I spent an entirely lovely day out on a lake in the middle of a desert watching the afternoon sun glisten off the water, which made it look like shimmering fabric, but there's only one thing that's on my mind right now.

It's him.

No, it's not my ex-boyfriend whom I dated for almost three years & broke up with only two weeks ago; I thought about him enough today, but right now he is not on my mind. The man who is has been a part of my life for a lot longer than my ex. He's intelligent, witty, & sweet and has offered me words of encouragement throughout my breakup, among other things. He is actually a roommate of a past boyfriend (not the ex that I recently broke up with). This man (I'll call him MG because we happen to have the same initials) both admitted that there was a time when we had feelings for one another but neither of us owned up to those feelings at the time. I think MG's was more of a sexual attraction than anything. My attraction to him was much deeper than that. Since that revelation we've been having trouble keeping conversation light & friendly, at least I'm struggling with it. His communication is sporadic & uninterested. It was dumb of me to think we would suddenly find ourselves in the relationship that I have craved for so long with him. We both know that I dated his roommate, who also happens to be his best friend, so there is no place for a romantic relationship between us. Which is why I don't understand why I feel so disappointed.  

So I have entered into a period of mourning...I finished a great book last night. And no, it wasn't a spiritual reading that opened new horizons for me, or a how-to book that plopped me onto my correct path in life; I just recently broke up with my boyfriend, and this was an excellent love story. 

The plot is centered around a successful big-city lawyer from Manhattan traveling to a small town in Maine to fulfill the dying wish of her grandmother: to deliver a letter her grandmother had written to a lover she had scorned in her youth. Her first day in Beacon the protagonist, Ellen, is caught in a dangerous situation, only to be saved by an onlooking hero. As she becomes comfortable outside the big city she starts to forget about her big upcoming wedding in New York, her high profile fiance, and finds herself repeatedly running into her attractive hero. Slowly she begins to see the complex story of her grandmother's life unfold before her, which helps to guide her through the complexity & uncertainty ahead. 

If anyone has books they have mourned after finishing & are up for a swap, I love sharing great stories. This one is definitely a feminine, sit-by-the-pool & read kind of book, but it still tugged at my heart strings. 

Here's the link to get The Irresistible Blueberry & Cafe it on Amazon:

2+2-2 

So yesterday in the early afternoon my little brother got out high school & stropped to pick up something to eat...He brought home more than pizza and wings. He spotted an older chocolate lab and younger black lab playfully running through the busy intersection next to Barro's pizza. He & his girlfriend wrangled them into his little Honda civic & brought them home to meet Darcy (my golden-dachshund) & Cali (mom's mini sheltie). Having four chaotic K-9s gallivanting through the house and all over the newly planted grass in the backyard was not ideal, but the labs sisters seemed grateful for the large mixing bowl of water and the cool wood floors.

After reaching out on Facebook, Craigslist, & the County Animal Control website we finally got a response late this morning from a women claiming that the chocolate lab (named Boots for her white paws) & the black lab (named Blanket for who knows what reason) had gotten out while she was at work. 

About an hour ago we reunited the pups with their grateful owners (the women's young son was super excited to see his pets returned safely). 

I know the first rule of creating content, or marketing in general, is knowing your audience...but I don't have one yet, so I'll have to figure that out as I go. 

A little about me...

My dog's name is Darcy, after Mr. Darcy in Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice. I think she's a dachshund-golden retriever mix (don't ask me how that happened), so I call her a golden-weenie. She & I recently had to move because I broke up with my boyfriend of almost three years a couple of weeks ago. Things are still raw, but the situation we were in has made the break more of a release of tension than a cause of pain. Hmm...What else? 

You know I'm a student, graduating soon & mortified by the idea of moving into unknown territory of challenging & satisfying work (I don't count my stints in food service, retail, or retail management as the starting point of my career). 

Yesterday I stayed late after my Advertising Management class to hear a guest speaker that is an ASU alum & currently working at a start-up company as their Digital Marketing Manager in New York. Waiting outside the classroom for the lecture to start, a man in a casual collared t-shirt spoke to a women in a flowery purple blouse and conservative black heels, she had to be a professor. I shamelessly eavesdropped as they spoke about the time allotment for the lecture. The man voiced concern that they would not be able to fill an hour & a half, & that he hoped the audience would ask questions to bridge the gap. 

Once inside the cramped lecture hall the man in the collared shirt took his space behind the podium & the women with the low black heels took a seat against the wall.