LOSER / LOVER *

@medsbrak  / nye kiss from richie.

It’s been long overdue. Ben and Beverly had hosted this party. Well, no, it had been technically something Beverly’s fashion company was hosting, but all the losers were in attendance, including a recently divorced Kaspbrak man. Richie had told himself he was going to calm down, not go after him. In fact, the whole night had been Richie avoiding even looking at Eddie, but he was a few drinks in and thank god for liquid courage, sometimes. He didn’t know how to really talk to Eddie if he wasn’t drunk.

Sliding in next to Eddie, he put an arm around the other man and grinned. “Remember when we were in that hell hole of Derry and you drunkenly said ‘let’s take our shirts off and kiss’? Well, I think Bev’s business friends would find that highly entertaining, and it would add some spice if we did it at midnight, wouldn’t you think?” What a way to start a conversation, Tozier.

It was weird to be out celebrating something such as a new year, but for Eddie it really held some intense meaning for him. He was busy focusing on all the good that the new year was going to bring him, after surviving a lot of the bad that had happened over time, he was eagerly excited and pleased that he was going to be able to start a new. Practically dying was definitely not something he wanted to dwell on so once that clock struck midnight he would be living his life to the fullest. Already off to a good start in regards to ending his marriage to Myra and simply allowing himself to really be the man he wanted to be.

The drive in silence is killing Richie to the point where he finally puts in a tape, something to fill the air. A mixtape he had been working on. Apart of a series that Eddie would never know was dedicated to him. Casettes lay all over the bottom of the passenger floor in his car. All marked with the same three letters in pen on the clean lines ‘Y O U’.  He had hesitated to swap out for a different tape. Something a little bit less… laying it on thick, not that Eddie would know. Nor did he ever ask any time he was in Richie’s car anyhow.

As they pull up to the bar and get out, Richie just stops and looks over at Eddie, sighing. He doesn’t even know why he’s bothered driving Eddie out here. This is a stupid idea but he wants Eddie to have fun. To remember the nights of them and just them, no one else. Richie’s desperate for that loser to hold onto memories of just Richie that Richie knows he’ll hold onto of just Eddie. 

Walking up to the bar, Richie orders himself a beer and then looks over at Eddie before thinking. “Please give my fine gentleman here a mojito– bacardi, please.” Eddie really doesn’t look like much of a beer drinker anyhow. This bar already knows Richie. They know that he’s loyal to them. He pays his tabs. They also probably know he’s underaged, but he brings in people sometimes so it makes up for it. He motions for Eddie to follow him.

“C’mon, there’s a dance floor upstairs. We can just dance and not have to worry about anything.” He’s glad that he had the fakes, though he knew that if they didn’t have their fakes, they could have just washed the ink off their skin like the majority of people did at concerts and bars underaged. 

“ i’m sorry your mom is a shithead,” he says, finally, as they’re dancing– the beat just droning behind them. “ i’m sorry she’s taking you from us. fuck your mom, dude.”

eddie was thankful that richie decided to put music on. he was drowning quietly in the silence and he needed something to keep his mind stable. all he wanted was to just stay here and live in a moment with richie. one that he wouldn’t have to give up and one he would never end up forgetting at any time. but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to live in any memories. they would just be a memory he would think of often.

when he has the drink that richie ordered him in his hand and he’s taking small sips of it because alcohol was not his friend, he was ready to get upstairs and away from the really intense crowd of being downstairs. by the time they’re really upstairs dancing eddie has most of the dirnk downed and is feeling a lot better, a lot more free.

“ it’s... it sucks. “ he mutters knowing that richie was still going to be able to hear him because of how close they were dancing. “ i don’t wan to leave you. “ he adds softly, his eyes lifting up to catch richie’s before adverting somewhere else, anywhere else. “ i’m going to miss you all. “

“my ideas are almost never good ideas, eddie kaspbrak, you should know that of all people,” he explains as eddie and him climb down the side of eddie’s house and back down onto the god awful derry dirt. he doesn’t want to focus on the fact that eddie’s leaving. he has two months. that’s… not long… but it already seems like it’ll be next week. as he goes to his car, he glances over as eddie asks where they’re going. 

“ i know a bar that’s 45 minutes away. progressive. fun. i’ve gone there a lot. they all know me there already, but i figured you should bring your ID anyhow just in case,” he explains as he gets into his car, seatbelts and turns on the car, glad that he had parked a little bit away from the kaspbrak house.

you can’t drink away the fact i’m leaving, rich.

richie tears up and slams his hand against the steering wheel, gripping it tightly as he looks away. “ i want to enjoy the last months i have with you. i might not be able to stop it but i want you to have so many fucking memories of me eddie kaspbrak that you know you’ll never forget me. “ 

— seeing richie like this destroys him, because richie was the one person that eddie never wants to see hurt. he’s the most important person to eddie and he would do anything for the boy. he loves richie tozier and it kills him that he can’t even say it. the words sit at the tip of his tongue consistently dying to come out because he just wants to scream it. but it wouldn’t make a difference and at this rate it would leave them on a sour note right when he was about to leave.

“ i’m never going to forget you, richie. never. “ he immediately promises, reaching his hand over to grab richie’s, holding it tightly and giving it a squeeze of reassurance. “ i have so many memories, i have so many pictures and laughs and so much of everything to remind me of you every single day of my life. and it’s not goodbye forever. i’m going to see you again. “ eddie knew he would never be able to say goodbye to richie.

another second too long on holding his hand and he pulls it back, resting them both in his lap now as he gazes out the window, occasionally wiping the angry tears that are falling down his cheeks. it’s not until the car comes to the stop that eddie is climbing out of it and waiting for richie to lead the way into the bar. he doesn’t know what more to say, words right now aren’t enough.

richie doesn’t say something at first especially when eddie mentions how little time they have. two months. that’s nothing. you have to let me go. richie’s face drops and he just tries to keep positive. eddie’s already close to tears. he doesn’t want to start making this worse for his friend. “ you’re living,” he protests at eddie saying that sonia thinks eddie is abandoning her. “ she realizes she can’t hold you hostage anymore so she’s dragging you because you’re not 18 so you’re forced to be with her again until you can be on your own.” the brunet curses under his breath and then looks over at eddie noticing the tears. 

“no. no. edward kaspbrak stop those fucking tears right now,” he says, moving to wipe them away as he devises a plan. “if you only have two months, then we’re going to live it like you’re a god damn make a wish kid. c’mon,” he moves over towards eddie’s window and opens it again. “ still have that fake i got you for your birthday?” he asks, winking at eddie. “ i’ll have you back before she even notices.” he needs to go out. he needs to not think about the fact that they’re all leaving. it doesn’t even help he hasn’t talked to stan in months. everyone is slipping away from each other. 

— “ richie no, i can’t. “ he whispers to his friend but he knows that richie’s mind is set and so he doesn’t argue. he just moves to his closet, taking off the shirt he was wearing ( he was getting ready for bed ) and throws on one of his polos that he has lying in the closet before heading over to her drawers. “ found it. “ he mutters pulling the fake ID out of one of the socks he has in there. it was his only way to hide it from his mom. “ this going to be a terrible idea, rich. “ he states but he doesn’t hesitate to follow richie out of the window and down the drainpipe.

“ this is bullshit, “ he snaps at eddie before looking towards the door. he’s about to bolt and yell at sonia. but he also knows eddie’s about to burst into tears and richie isn’t sure he can deal with that either. it’s going to go badly. shit. shit.. “ when? “ is all richie can ask as he sits down on his knees in front of eddie’s chair, genuinely concerned about eddie. sonia’s just going to drag him away with her like that? she already has eddie wrapped around her fingers. it’s not fucking fair. 

“ no. no. no. i’m not fucking letting my senior year go without you,” he fights, making small fists as he tries to center himself. “is your mom home? i’m about to tell her to go to hell or something,” he gets up and looks around, knowing he damn well won’t cause issues in eddie’s home because he’s not like that. he knows eddie needs a stable home. “this isn’t fair you can’t just leave. eddie you’re better than her. you’ve been so freaking good.”

— he doesn’t know how to make this better, he doesn’t know what else he can say because it’s final. the moving is final and that’s just how it has to be at this point. “ richie you have to let me go. “ he says, grabbing his hand and tugging him so he doesn’t go anywhere. he wasn’t letting him go and yell at his mom, that was exactly the kind of behavior that sonia was trying to get eddie way from. and it sucked, it truly fucking sucked. 

his head snaps over to his best friend– wait. what. he’s sitting up and richie looks concerned. “ new york? why the fuck would your mom go to new york?” he asks, narrowing his eyes. “minus to mate with one of the rats since y’know they’re just as big as her,” he pauses and looks over at the door to make sure sonia isn’t about to come in somehow aware that richie and eddie are talking about her. 

what. eddie can’t leave. “ what do you mean looking at apartments? like for you to board at for college?” he knows the answer and he almost hesitates- about to get up to go yell at sonia. “ no. fuck no, kaspbrak. you’re staying here. we already lost bev– now you? i already know stan’s going away for college. how the fuck am i supposed to keep on?” he asks, moving to turn eddie’s chair so he’s looking at his best friend. “ i can’t do our senior year without you, eddie. “

— he knew that this was a conversation that was going to have to happen at some point. he knew what his mom had planned and he knew why it was planned. he knew that she wanted to get him away from the remaining losers that were still here, which was everyone but beverly. “ richie, stop. “ he mutters under his breath before his chair is spun and he’s facing his best friend one on one right now. he couldn’t handle this right now, even though he knew he brought this upon himself. he knew that this was going to end poorly.

high school reddie discuss their feelings for each other. but then eddie moves away before senior year and forgets everything that happened.