Remer X Reader (18+) ✨

☄️"Come Here Often?" 🪞⚡️

"Another round on me!" Coop says joyously, lifting his foamy beer stein into the air.

"On you?" Remer chuckles, "We share a bank account, dude."

"Yeah." Squeak adds, "We do."

"Not me." You giggle in a sing-song tone, "Get me some chicken tenders while you're at it."

"Sounds good. Shall we, bitch?" Coop asks, gesturing toward Squeak.

Squeak rolls his eyes but reluctantly follows Coop, "We shall, asshole."

Once they've disappeared from view, Remer gets up and usurps what used to be Coop's seat next to you.

"Hey there, darlin'." Remer says with a cheeky, fake southern drawl, "You come here often?"

You feel your cheeks heat up at this, as you're reminded of the spark you felt upon first meeting Remer. In this exact bar years ago.

You chuckle, knowing exactly what he's trying to do.

"Oh, yeah. Sometimes." You say coyly, looking down and picking at the wood of the bar top in front of you, "I'm not a drinker, though."

"Then what's a beauty like you doing in a dingy sausage-fest like this?" Remer says with a sly smile, taking your hand and easing its anxious fidgeting.

"I like the attention." You grin, looking Remer in the eyes at last, watching his expression grow flustered at your newfound confidence.

"Well you've certainly got mine. The name's Doug."

"Like the bald kid from that one cartoon?" You tease.

"Hey!" Remer exclaims in his regular voice, before immediately forcing himself back into character, "I mean, yeah, I guess so. But I'm cooler."

You stifle a laugh, "What do you do, Doug?"

"Girls, mostly."

"Ha ha, very mature."

"I'm kidding! It's a healthy mix of all genders but regardless. You ever heard of Baseketball?" Remer remarks cockily.

"Nope, never." You respond sarcastically, biting your lip.

"That's for the best. What do you do?"

"Baseketball players, mostly."

"Shut up!" Remer chuckles, squeezing your thigh under the table playfully.

"Hey." Comes a voice from behind you two.

You and Remer spin around to see a tall, bald man with a serious but soft expression.

"Is this guy bothering you?" He asks you, in a hushed tone.

"Oh my." You sigh, "I'm so sorry, sir. This is my boyfriend."

Remer looks up at the man with an awkward smile, "Yeah, that me."

"Okay..." The man says as he hesitantly walks away, "Didn't mean to kink-shame. You do you, you guys."

You and Remer watch, horrifically embarassed, as the man walks away, before bursting into laughter the second he's out of sight.

"Holy shit, dude." Remer cackles, "We have to tell Coop and Squeak about that, that shit was wild."

"I mean, good on that guy for looking out for me at least."

"I can't blame him for thinking that I'm coming on too strong. I mean, I am a guy who you met a couple minutes ago and I'm already feeling you up."

"Oh." You giggle, "We're still doing this?"

"I mean, I know we just met." Remer says with a not-so-subtle wink, "But I think you're the most gorgeous, sexy person I've ever seen."

"Oh, really?" You tease, winding a hand into Remer's thick, soft hair, "What do you say we get out of here?"

"Wha-"

Before he can say anything, you take Remer's hand and begin to lead him out of the bar into the warm night.

You look around before spotting a small alley between the bar and the neighboring fireworks store.

"(Y/N), where are we go-"

Remer is cut off as you push him gently against the brick wall interior of the alleyway, your hands tangled in his hair as your lips move against each other, both of you collectively resigning to the kiss.

"We have to roleplay more often." Remer says between kisses, "I haven't seen you this excited in a long time."

"Absolutely."

Remer leans down and places soft kisses along your jawline and down your neck, before kissing his way back and taking your bottom lip between his teeth.

"I love you, (Y/N), so much." Remer says with a sudden tenderness, pulling away to look you in your eyes.

"I love you too, Remer."

"And don't you ever forget. We may have been together for years but every time we kiss, every time I see you it feels like the first time."

You're taken aback by his sincerity.

Your eyes begin to water but you blink those tears back, "Thank you. I think I really needed that."

"Of course, (Y/N)." Remer smiles, pulling you into a bear hug, "Now how about we go back and enjoy our drinks, what do you say?"

"Maybe a couple more kisses first?"

Remer’s hand was between your thighs, making small circles.

"Remer..." You chuckle, in an almost scolding tone.

"What?" Remer asks, coyly, as his grip tightens and starts inching upward, "What's the matter?"

"Do you want me to crash this car?"

"And why would that happen?" Remer whispers in your ear, nipping at your earlobe before moving down to the sensitive flesh of your neck, placing his kisses in a confident line.

You let out a small whimper, your eyes threatening to roll back, "Remer..."

"What, baby?" Remer teases, pushing your cardigan off of your shoulder, "Speak up."

You giggle, squeezing your thighs around Remer's hand. He traces your shorts with his hand, before moving up to tease your waistband.

"Can't we wait until we get home-" You feel your face getting hot as you look down at Remer's veiny arm.

"Watch the road, babe." Remer growls, reaching down to palm your vagina through your panties, "We're almost home anyway."

Your eyes get wide as you begin to feel your heartbeat against his hand, your pussy throbbing from his relentless teasing. His thumb slides over your clit, while Remer is trying to pretend as if he's not aware of exactly what he's doing.

"I hate you."

"What did I do?" Remer smiles, resting his thumb against your clit once again, flicking it slightly to make sure you're squirming while you respond.

"You love seeing me lose my composure like this." You say truthfully, a small whine escaping your lips moments afterward.

"This is true." Remer admits slyly, as he slowly wraps his fingers around your panties, pushing them out of his way, "Oh, and you're so wet."

You feel sweat beginning to form on your forehead as you finally see home.

You couldn't have possibly pulled into the driveway fast enough.

"Thank fuck." You grumble, unbuckling your seatbelt and stepping out of your side of the car, Remer's hand sliding out of your pants as you stand up.

He looks confused as you turn off the car and hop into the back seat.

"What are you looking at me for? Come here." You say, half-joking, half-pleading.

"We're not even gonna go inside?" Remer is amused by your desperation as he ducks into the backseat with you and immediately lays you down across the seats, settling himself comfortably between your legs.

"No time." You groan, leaning back as you feel Remer leaving what must be tens of hickeys on your sensitive neck, "After all, I like when the windows fog up. We can draw stupid shit on them."

"Oh, you're a genius." Remer laughs, kissing you passionately before slowing down a bit, "Is everything happening here okay? I know I didn't really ask before if I could touch you."

"I appreciate it Remer." You chuckle, "But can't you tell I'm having a great time?"

"I'm glad, baby." He smiles, "I'm gonna get naked now, okay?"

"Don't have to tell me twice."

Remer tosses his clothes into the front seat, not even looking to see where they went before leaning down to place a kiss on your shoulder.

From there he continues in a line downward, leaving small teeth marks on your breasts and stomach, all the while holding on firmly to your waist as he descends closer and closer to your twitching pussy.

"I've been thinking about this all day." He murmurs against your skin as he kisses around your inner thighs, still refusing to give you what you want.

You weave a hand into his hair, letting out a needy moan, "Please, please, please, please..."

Remer props himself up on his elbows with a coy expression, "What do you want, baby? Use your words."

"Can you eat me out, please?" You say in one breath, grabbing Remer's shoulders, "Please, please, please, please."

Wordlessly, Remer takes your legs and hoists them onto his shoulders.

"Okay, baby." Remer smiles, looking you in the eyes as he leans down and presses a kiss directly to your clit.

He ran his tongue in one large, broad stroke up your vagina, taking in as much of your wetness as he could, before beginning to lap steadily at your clit, as his hands reached up to tease your nipples.

You let your head fall back as you grow weaker and weaker in the knees at the feeling of Remer's strong hands grasping your tits and his soft, full hair tickling your inner thighs.

Your pelvis instinctually bucks forward as you feel the pleasure mounting in your core, Remer's tongue hitting that sweet spot over and over and over again.

In response Remer begins to pick up his pace and moves his hands down to hold your hips in place as you begin to tremble more and more.

"Oh fuck." You moan, your hands balling into fists and your eyes shutting tighter, "That feels so good, babe."

"I know." Remer says, smugly, shifting to suck gently at your clit, which is growing increasingly swollen and pink, "I love making you feel good."

You feel your muscles begin to tense as you can feel your orgasm getting closer. You begin to whine and moan as your grip on Remer's hair gets stronger and stronger.

"You're doing so good, baby. So good." Remer praises as he continues flicking his tongue faster and faster until he feels your entire body collapse in relief, as you cry out in absolute, unrestrained pleasure.

"How was that, darlin'?" Remer smiles, finding his way back next to you, letting you rest your head on his chest as you took deep breaths, trying to get your lungs back into rhythm.

"That was amazing." You sigh, placing a kiss on Remer's cheek, "But you knew that."

"Guilty." Remer chuckles, "Wanna get dressed and go back inside? The windows are opaque at this point."

"Not before we draw dicks in the condensation."

"Quit reading my mind."

...

Hope you guys enjoyed this! It's my first real foray into smut and I thought I'd write an original one-shot for once! I love you all so much and it blows my mind that 200 amazing human beings decided to be so supportive of me. I am endlessly lucky and grateful. I am trying my best to maintain my creative spark and make the best content for you all.

Love,

first of all how aesthetic is this

oooo guys don't interrupt them they're thinking

whoever made matt sad needs jailtime

they'll never tell you where they hid the body *cheeky wink*

✨🍄

the dead look in his eyes definitely screams 'i am not at all disillusioned with the hollywood machine'

gal gadot could never, i’m so sorry

bro the teaser for this new marvel movie is CRAZY

I made a Remer X Reader Playlist! Feel free to contribute if you like! It's very eclectic as I imagine his taste would be. He would play you these songs on long drives and on long nights spent cuddled up on the couch. He loves sharing his music with you and his music taste is a big sense of pride, just below his fashion sense.

"Isn't this Primus song kickass?"

"Yes, honey. Very kickass."

Also the songs are somewhat loosely organized by different phases of your relationship, the beginning representing his feelings for you before your relationship and continuing on from there.

I can totally see him absolutely melting the second Coop or Y/n starts running their fingers over his scalp. Getting his hair cut also is a big hit for him, the warm water the nice fingers, heaven. I can totally see him getting so into it he makes little happy sounds without thinking about it. 

"Mmm." Remer sighs, contently, as Coop runs his fingers through his hair.

He's sitting on the carpet with a bowl of popcorn in his lap. They do this every time they watch anything longer than an hour.

"Honestly, I think I'm enjoying this as much as you." Coop giggles, grabbing sections of hair and pulling them into horribly misplaced pigtails.

"Babe, you wish." Says Remer, eyes back and mouth relaxed into a wide, satisfied smile, "This is heaven."

"But I'd never be able to sit through this movie without knowing you're gonna stand up with the fugliest hairstyle ever afterward."

"You can't sit through Jurassic Park?" Remer chuckles, craning his neck backward, his hair fanning out on Coop's lap.

"I can't even sit through movies I like, man."

Remer gasps in faux-shock, "You don't like Jurassic Park?"

"Shut up, dude." Coop snickers, "So anyway, we got some butterfly clips, some neon-colored clip-on extensions and silly bands from middle school that I could repurpose as hairbands. Thoughts?"

"I'm your canvas, dude. Go nuts."

"Thanks." Coop smiles, placing an appreciative kiss on the top of Remer's head.

That ticklish little kiss sends a shiver down Remer's spine. He relished in the feeling of Coop's fingers in his hair, his entire body relaxing.

"Of course, dude."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you sure about this, Remer?" You ask as you plug the electric razor into the wall outlet, "You know there's no going back."

"I know." Remer retorts, looking proudly in the mirror, "It's undercut or bust, bitch."

"Alright, whatever you say. Coop, you got the hair-catching bag?"

"Sure do." Coop says with nervous enthusiasm, "But just in case I'm gonna put down at least one towel."

"Don't sweat it, I'll vacuum." Remer says.

"Still amazed you guys do that around here." You chuckle, parting Remer's hair so you can begin the process.

"Hey, we're not animals he-" And with that Remer breaks out into a fit of giggles as he feels the razor buzzing against his neck.

"Just try to sit still."

"My scalp is sensitive, okay?! Sue me!"

"Don't worry, Coop and I know. We exploit it as best we can."

later

"What do you think?" You ask, watching Coop look both impressed and horrified at the ground beneath you that is littered with curly brown hair.

"I love it!" Remer and Coop exclaim simultaneously, before looking at each other and letting out a similarly unified, "Aw, dude."

"Now it's time for your favorite part."

"Yes!"

To give Remer the true salon (on a budget) treatment, you both lean him over the kitchen sink and give him the hair cleaning of his life, all the while he's smiling widely and giggling in a way you wouldn't often see from him.

Afterward you, Remer and Coop sit down to play Mario Party, reaching over every once in a while to touch Remer's new buzzed undercut because it's so fresh and smooth.

SLIGHT NSFW?? not really but,

Doug remer x male reader 

** **

Remer’s skull throbbed as he held the baseketball between his clammy hands. This was the shot that could make or break the game. To be fair, losing this game wouldn’t have been disastrous for the team’s reputation, but it was the first time that Remer’s boyfriend was watching him in person. As insignificant as it might seem, this game meant a lot to Remer’s pride.

Lining up the shot, his focus was solely on the hoop; he didn’t even notice the guy trying to psych him out. And just as the ball left his fingers, he put too much force into the swish. “Fuck!” His face dropped as the ball flew over the hoop. The crowd erupted in boos and cheers for the opposing team as Coop made his way to Remer. “Hey dude,” he placed an arm around his best friend, “fuck man, I thought I had that.” They walked back to the dugout.

Remer thought to himself, getting caught up in his thoughts on how he managed to miss three shots throughout the game, and most importantly, the one that could have let the team win. He got up, grabbed his stuff to leave the locker rooms, and meet face-to-face with his boyfriend after this loss. “Fuck my life,” he muttered as his glasses fell down his face, pushing open the door to the car park. “Remer!” he heard a familiar voice pipe up.

“Y/N,” he smiled, dropping his bag to his side to embrace him. His tall stature made him hunch down to meet Y/N’s. Y/N’s hands met Remer’s tight-knit curls. “Hey,” Remer settled his head between the crook of Y/N’s neck, planting a tender kiss on his jaw. “You did great out there tonight.”

Remer nodded not really knowing what to say to express the disappointment he felt over himself. Y/N noticed Remer’s emotional absence and traced his hand down Doug’s shoulder to his hand, lacing them together. “Let’s just go home” Y/N tugged on his hand “you must be tired” he gave a soft smile. 

Remer and Y/N walked to the car, Y/N holding Remer’s hand the whole way kneading circles into Doug’s palm. They drove back to Remer’s place in silence, both lost in their own thoughts.

As soon as they got home, Remer collapsed onto the couch with a heavy sigh. Y/N joined him and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry, Remer,” Y/N said softly. “I know how much this game meant to you.”

“It’s okay,” Remer replied, his voice barely above a whisper. “I just wish I could have done better.”

Y/N kissed the top of Remer’s head and held him tighter. “You did your best Doug, and that’s all that matters. I’m proud of you.” Y/N’s soft voice filled his ears.

Remer snuggled closer to Y/N, feeling comforted by his words and the warmth of his embrace. Doug placed a simple kiss on the corner of Y/N’s mouth his hot breath tickling his skin. Y/N leaned in turning to kiss him back, Embracing the kiss Doug’s hands found their way to the back of y/ns head pulling him even closer “I love you” Doug said in between a desperate kiss, !

Y/N’s heart was racing as the passion between them intensified. He wrapped his arms around Doug’s neck, pulling him in even closer. The heat between them was palpable, and Y/N couldn’t resist the desire that was building within them.

As Doug’s hands moved down Y/N’s back, Y/N couldn’t help but moan softly into the kiss. The feeling of his hands on his body was driving them wild with desire.

Breaking away from the kiss, Y/N gazed into Doug’s eyes, filled with a burning passion. “I love you too,” Y/N whispered, their voice thick with desire.

Without another word, Doug’s lips crashed onto Y/N’s once again, their tongues meeting in a fiery dance. Y/N’s hands roamed down Doug’s chest, feeling the toned muscles beneath his shirt.

Y/N broke away smothering Doug with soft kisses on his face and neck sending him backwards so that Y/N was on-top. 

Remer’s hands found their way to his waist letting out a low hum out of tiredness and affection 

“God you know how to make me feel better” he arched into Y/Ns touch. “Not tonight,” Y/N said sternly but softly “ your tired, I’m tired and we should both go to bed baby” 

Remer pouted, but he knew Y/N was right. As much as he wanted to continue their passionate embrace, he was exhausted both physically and emotionally. He gave Y/N a gentle nod and got up from the couch, holding Y/N’s hand as they walked to the bedroom.

Once inside, they both got ready for bed, slipping under the covers together. Y/N wrapped their arms around Remer, pulling him close as they drifted off to sleep.

In the middle of the night, Remer woke up to find Y/N still holding him tightly. He smiled to himself, admiring the features of his boyfriend. He snuggled in closer, feeling safe and secure in Y/N’s arms.