always almost perfect

Im about to graduate next weekend and im fucking terrified. No more school just life and from what i here, life after school isn’t too great unless you’re rich or something. Just another step closer to death; i know thats a little dark but its true. Death is the only rest a everyone really gets if you think about it. You dont have to worry about bills, that doctors appt where that biopsied piece of tissue may or may not be cancerous, or trying not to stress about your thinning hair because it’ll just make it thin out even more.. from stress. 

I know everythings gonna work out for me eventually, but i also know, its not gonna be easy. i might be able to move to the PNW and get the regular middle class house i want, i might be able to get my dream truck and have my two dogs. And live out my days safely at my accounting job. but one thing i definitely know is: Ill always be tired. lol. and the only thing that will quench the level of exhaustion of trying to safely stay afloat financially, is death. 

Made a recap video of the SF trip. Came out better than i thought. Quick snippet still doesn’t show how much fun it was.

** The title is Frisco Ankle because both me and my friend have fucked up ankles from past injuries lol. and the hiking made it worse. **

INSTAGRAM: @Mediocre.Perfectionist

|| Thinking ||

Ive been being lazy since the San Francisco trip. oh well. i regret buying that blue dream; it feels like a waste of money cuz i barely feel the high it gives me. and gave my friend a headache; never again lol. im sticking with hybrids from now on.

Certain things have been bothering me lately, but its not stressing me out too much. Im really good at not letting things stress me out. i used to be so anxious and stressed when i was younger, my mom took me to see the doc a few times because of it. He just said to stop cause it can cause an ulcer and its not worth it. i still did, until well into college, i understood what he meant. Most of the shit you let stress you out, literally means nothing. You’re going to die one day and stressing over grades, or life comparisons, putting pressure on yourself won’t change that. im not explaining it in depth, but you get the gist. im 100% sure im not the only person who has a blog entry like this lol.

|| San Francisco ||

The random SF trip was definitely a good idea. i hope to go back again one day. we went to golden gate bridge first. didn't know they charge $5 dollars to drive across it. then we went to the Sutro baths, which was way more fun than the golden gate bridge, some asshole made his own parking space next to me car so i couldn't open my door, i had to crawl through the passenger side. Its ok tho, we left him a letter. fucking prick. anyway. after that we went to Delores park and drove through Castro. castor is congested as fuck. idk if id be able to live there dude.

Made a short little video about that solo smoke sesh before bed with leftover pizza. check it out.

INSTAGRAM: Mediocre.Perfectionist

|| Free Money ||

So, my school awarded me a grant for some reason and its good chunk of money. soooo i decided to use it to go to san francisco for 2 days. Im probably never gonna see this amount of money anytime in the near future so im taking advantage of it. why tf not? 

invited my best friends, Friend1 can go. Friend2 doesn’t want to go because she has a kid now. That sucks. kids are cute but i don’t see the hype over them tbh. i remember my english teacher in high school telling me to never have kids as they are quote, “Just Expensive Accessories”. my granny told me the same thing. don't have kids. just find a guy friend to have sex with and adopt if you ever want a kid. that talk with my grandma really confused me cause she had 7 kids herself. like huh ?? wtf.... ?

|| FIND WORK? ||

So, Weed’s legal now. and its about to be taxed out the ass lol. im just gonna get my rec. ive been in stoner mode since Christmas eve. I usually dont smoke heavily, or daily. but i have a lot of weed and just bought this bong, so.... why not? I dont feel like a loser or anything.. yet? shit idk. I DONT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT.

Its just a pain in the ass trying to do it without my parents noticing. i just need to move out. im trying so. im not too worried.

but am i really? holy shit. i need to chill. lol. Maybe i shouid look for a job. fuck. i really liked my last job but i was just seasonal. maybe i rubbed them the wrong way so they didnt keep me. Need to remind myself that i couldnt have control over that. control my anxiety.

Strain: Sherbert Cookies.

|| Risks ||

Invested the little bit of extra money i had, into bitcoin/Litecoin. I’ve never understood economics and stocks etc. but this is whole cryptocurrency thing is making it wayy more interesting than any classroom did. Idk if its a generational thing (tech oriented trading) or if it is a legitimately boring subject. Either way, its an opportunity to make some money or lose a small amount. a risk.