I just want any teens on here to know that life does not stay this bad forever.
It hit me today that I was 14 a decade ago and I swore that there was no light at the end of the tunnel I was in. My mom was a raging alcoholic, I couldn't make lasting friendships to save my life. I spent the great majority of my time passively fantasizing about suicide, unable to imagine that someday I wouldn't wake up without a massive weight on my chest.
Today I hung up curtains in my new 1 bedroom apartment and put up posters. I've spent the last three days with my partner over and we cooked together and watched movies and shared each other's company and warmth. I'm upset that I have to work tomorrow but I love what I do. I work as a clinical lab scientist and I get to help people who are sick from behind the scenes. I have friends in my life who I cherish and spend time with every chance I get. I went no contact with my mom a few weeks ago and she can't hurt me anymore.
A lot of adults around me at the time would say, "oh, enjoy being a kid. It gets worse from here!" I couldn't stand the thought of growing up because of it. Things were bad and the promise that they'd get worse made things feel so utterly bleak and hopeless.
If you tried to tell me, when I was a teenager, that someday I'd be living a life rich with warmth and love, I wouldn't have believed it.
Stick around. The future won't be perfect, but it will be brighter than you expect.