a medical mess and her medical alert dog

The Bather

Remastered bisexual pride flag

I've seen Tumblr move mountains for people so I'm hoping and praying that you guys can move mountains for me.

I'm 26 years old. I've been with my husband since I was 16 and he was 20. I know now that he was attracted to me because I was young and manipulatable but at the time I was so flattered that an older college guy wanted to be in a relationship with me.

Looking back there were a lot of red flags. He didn't like any of my friends and he told me who I could hang out with and when. He told me that my school work wasn't important because I was going to be a stay-at-home wife after high school while he went out and earned a living. As teenager living in a household that was unstable and on the brink of collapse, the idea of having a strong man take care of me was very appealing and so I overlooked the red flags.

He liked to get me drunk. He'd take me to his shitty apartment and he would load me up with Mike's Hard Lemonade and Smirnoff Ice and then we'd fool around. I had a lot of pregnancy scares from 16-17 because he didn't like to wear a condom and when I was drinking it was harder for me to insist. When I was 18, I got on the pill at least. He was always pushing my boundaries in the bedroom. I'd say no to something and he'd give me the silent treatment until I let him do it. Or he'd just do it even though I said I didn't want to.

He graduated college the year I graduated high school, and we moved in together. From the beginning, he was controlling, keeping tabs on me and watching the bank account like a hawk, but I chalked it up to needing to be frugal. We were really poor, but he promised to take care of me.

Eventually, though, I had to get a job to make ends meet. He didn't like that. The first time he hit me was when I told him I'd been interviewing for jobs. It wouldn't be the last.

God, just. Ten years I let him tell me I was helpless without him, I was weak, and stupid, and only he would ever love me. I let him hit me. I let him separate me from my friends and family. I let him kick my cat.

But I'm done. I'm going to get me and Midnight out of here.

PayPal.me/iwillsaveher

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Let’s talk about white privilege. 

I know this is different from what I normally put on here, but this is something that needs to be addressed. I am biracial—half white and half Asian—though because of my appearance, I am hardly ever labeled as white. As someone who is not white passing despite being white, while I experience other forms of privilege, I do not often experience white privilege and have been on the receiving end of hate and racism more times than I can count even when living in what is supposed to be a more sheltered area. For those of you who might comment that you are tired of seeing politics in art, let me remind you that: 

1) I am tired of being discriminated against just because of my race. I am tired of being called slurs, I am tired of people pulling their eyes back to mock my heritage, and I am tired of stereotypes that plague the Asian community stemming from ignorance and hate. These examples just barely scratch the surface.

2) art has always been tied to politics somehow, and there have been countless instances where it’s been used to make political statements. This is no different. 

3) racism is a humanitarian issue that has been radicalized for political gain, and it’s something that everyone should be actively aware of regardless of your race. 

Text:

Slide 1:

The Origins:

“White privilege” is a phrase that was originally coined in 1988 by Peggy Mcintosh in her paper White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack. In simplest terms, white privilege is the unfair societal advantage that white people have over POC on the basis of their race. If you are white, the concept of white privilege pertains to you no matter who you are. When someone says that you have white privilege, they are not saying that your life is any better because you are white, but rather, that it is not being made worse because of it. You can be white and still face challenges in your life; the difference is that none of these challenges are a consequence of racism. In no way should you feel guilty for being white, but it is still important to acknowledge that the color of your skin gives you an advantage that others do not have.

If addressing white privilege makes you uncomfortable, good. That’s the first step to acknowledging its existence, and when talking about white privilege and racism as a whole, you are going to be uncomfortable if it’s not a topic you’ve breached before. This is how most POC feel every day.

Slide 2:

Important Terms:

Racism (noun) — prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.

Microaggression (noun) — a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination against members of a marginalized group such as a racial or ethnic minority.

White Privilege (noun) — White privilege, or white skin privilege, is the societal privilege that benefits white people over non-white people in some societies, particularly if they are otherwise under the same social, political, or economic circumstances.

White Fragility (noun) — White fragility refers to feelings of discomfort a white person experiences when they witness discussions around racial inequality and injustice.

Assimilation (noun) — The process of social, cultural, and political integration of a minority into a dominant culture and society.

Domestic Terrorism (noun) — Domestic terrorism or homegrown terrorism is a form of terrorism in which victims “within a country are targeted by a perpetrator with the same citizenship” as the victims. There are many definitions of terrorism, and none of them are universally accepted.

Definitions are taken from the Oxford Dictionary, Wikipedia, and MedicalNewsToday.

Slide 3:

Examples of White Privilege:

- Seeing yourself represented in popular media such as popular TV shows, movies, magazines, etc.

- Walking into stores and finding the main displays with cosmetic/hygiene products that cater to your skin tone and hair type

- Not being expected to change your appearance, culture, etc. in order to “fit in”

- Not having to worry about your hair being deemed as “unprofessional” when you wear it naturally

- Not having to worry about teaching your child that they might be discriminated against just because of their race

- Not having to worry about being called slurs based on your race

- Not having to worry about getting a job if your name is too “non-white”

- Not having to worry about being followed around a store by employees who think you’re going to steal

- Having a generally positive or neutral relationship with the police, as in, you aren’t worried that they’re going to harm/kill you without valid reason just because of your skin tone

- Being able to say that you don’t see color

- Being able to say that you “don’t like to get involved with politics” whenever someone brings up current events

- Being able to say that racism doesn’t exist

White privilege is a lot of things, both big and small. The storming of the Capitol in DC was an example of white privilege.

Slide 4:

Stop saying “we all know why” when pointing out the fact that rioters were met with little violence after storming the capitol—it’s because most of them, if not all, were white. The response to the storming of the capitol in DC vs the response to BLM protests over the summer and even fall is the textbook definition of white privilege. There were no rubber bullets, no teargas; out of the thousands of people that stormed the capitol today, only one was killed. Compare that to everyone maimed and murdered during the BLM protests, and compare how our President responded to the BLM movement vs how he responded to the storming of the capitol. This was an act of domestic terrorism, and it should be acknowledged as such; this was not a protest. This was an act of violence and an assault against the very idea of democracy.

Racism is a systemic problem that is so deeply rooted in our country that it’s sometimes associated with being American. Whether it be through thoughtful discussions or online resources, the only way to fight against it is to educate yourself and educate others. If you are white, use your privilege to help lift the voices of POC who are trying to be heard. It’s not your job to speak for us, but to instead listen to what we have to say. Progress is made through a willingness to talk and being open to change; remember that.

I don't want my dog's respect.

I want his love. His trust. His joy. His companionship. I want a bond that means we work together, not a relationship that means he works for me out of some weird obligation.

I never want to stop asking him if he can do things and then responding with joy and treats when he does. Because he totally doesn't have to. And he knows it as much as I do.