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I find it curious that, despite all their grievances, Fenris and Anders treat Merrill as an adult, as they should, because she’s presumably around the same age as the Hero of Ferelden, right? Unlike Isabela, who constantly calls her "kitten," "silly," and so on. I won’t complain about Varric, after all, for all her abilities, Merrill is completely unsocialized, and she really needs someone to watch her back in a foreign city with an unfamiliar culture. And it’s precisely because she lacks human socialization that she communicates so awkwardly, not because she’s stupid.

Agreed except I think you misunderstand Isabela’s terms of endearment and clear romantic and platonic affection for Merrill as infantilization instead of them being, well, terms of endearment and clear romantic & platonic affection. Isabela knows Merrill is an adult too, and watches her back just as much as Varric does. She just also enjoys seeing the chaos when Merrill does what she’s gonna do anyway because Isabela herself loves chaos to a degree too, AND she loves it even more when someone she cares deeply about does it, even if it’s unintentional.