Who will GUARANTEE fairer weather for all Scots? only the SNP...!
âOur Weather in Our Haunds!â
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@mcmet
Who will GUARANTEE fairer weather for all Scots? only the SNP...!
âOur Weather in Our Haunds!â

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First big âStorm of Scotlandâ 2017 - turns out to be drizzle.
This will be disappointing for everyone wanting more local controlled weather, fairer weather and more progressive weather...Â
The McMet Office still predicts another Scottish Storm in the summer, but it will not be the previously anticipated ScotPuff2. Its more likely a continuation of the same warm front experienced elsewhere down south.
The McMet Office is currently developing some sad-face emojis to use with future weather reports.
:-(
McMet Office 2016 Awards
This years Gassie Lassie is Leslie Riddoch. She won for outstanding weather related grievance mongering. Congratulations to you and your gaping blowhole Leslie.
--END--
Bio: Leslie is a pretendy Scot from Ireland where she learned grievance creation at a early age. Following the Easter Uprising in 1916, a young Leslie (then just 31) moved to Scotland to try her hand at the new medium of Wireless, where she knew her visual appearance would be no handicap. After decades of pretending to be interesting, in the late 1930s she began to openly shill for the SNP, having taken a like to their pro-Hitler/anti-British stance.
She has continued to act as a Propaganda Mistress for the SNP since that time and puts her almost 100 years of grievance manufacturing to everyday use in Scotland. She still struggles with her grotesque appearance but bravely puts 45% of her âpanâ in her avatar photo-spot.
Leslie is single.
McMet Reacts to âWeather Jibeâ
Immediate Release
The Scottish Office of Fairer Weather is deeply offended, on behalf of the Scottish people, by the Centre for Policy Studies (CPS) issued report stating that independence for the Scotland would âentail significant economic riskâ.
Scotland is an advanced country not anything like - like Greece! Serioulsy, GREECE, Greece which is... well we dont mean to be mean, its a nice place but its no Scotland! Ok, that sounds bad.
Press Coverage
No - McMet only means to point out that with a glorious track record of achievement in philosophy - ok that also might sound bad... Greece has had some philosophers too.
However, the analogy that an independent Scotland would be Gree... er, less that a great power is baseless! Scotland is KNOWN for innovation and success. Scotlandâs capital led modern thought for years... it was even known as the Athens of the .... wait....
What we are trying to point talk about is our WEATHER - forget the rest In a Post Independence Scotland our WEATHER will be nothing like Greece, exactly as a recent report by the CPS... wait! Stop that line right now.....!
Ok what we are trying to say is.... Oh never mind.
WET-MINSTER - Talking Scotland Down... again!

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SEVERE CONSEQUENCES WARNING
ISSUED BY THE MET OFFICE
The Metaphorical Office of Signs & Statistics today issued the following Severe Consequences Warning.
âConditions are unhealthy for fair-minded as High Pressure mounts on inhabited areas across Scotland.
Large Gas-Bags with considerably quantities of hot (and moist) air have been falling in recent days.
Travelers, residents and especially vulnerable groups (such as the easily excited and the gullible) are advised to avoid areas of âForwardâ pressure until the freak weather has passed.
End of Severe Weather is expected in early September - although it is expected that some showers will continue to rain-on, they will become increasingly irrelevant.
Long-term outlook - Brighterâ
End
WEATHER ARCHIVE
McMet makes Weather Fair
McMet Office condemns the suggestion that Scots are (as no one actually said - but they might as well have) "too wee, too poor or too stupid to make our own weather"!
Supporting the Scottish Weather Service the Furst Meenister made the following statement:
âThe Scottishy Nationaly Party has a LONG history of being a âfair weather friendâ. In its early days as the clouds of war darkened over âBritainâ the SNP was instrumental as a fair-weather friend of the then Reich. Hoping to keep Scotlandâs skies clear of Nazi bombers and promising to keep a union-flag burning in the hearth for any Germans that might want to come in from the cold, the SNP was certainly a fair-weather friend to so-called âGreat Britainâ!
âSo the SNP need NO lessons from Wet-minster on how to keep Scots skies clear. Oor weathermen (in the McMet) make oor weather, JUST like oor economists make oor economy! So there.â
END
press statement -- press statement -- press statement -- press it into her mouth
Furst Meenister Acts
Having provided Scots with lots of sunshine - H.E. Nippy La Sturgeon has also acted to âSave the Soleroâ, also introduces the Surgeon wiener option...
So now Scots can still âsuck itâ under the SNP! Whether its war - or thereâs âa nip in the airâ!
Pat MâTadger OâDwyre McMP
Meet the New McMet Officers
Pat is new to the McMet and the McMP for Prestwicky-Stonybridge. He will serve as chief FOG (Fionne OâGrievance) Officer for Scottishy McMet.
He is reputed to have detailed experience suiting him to now be a FOG Officer for the Scottishy Guvernmentâs McMet Agency - he grew up around isobars and incidentally hates the UK... [That should read âhates the UKâs weather recordâ no?]
In fact Pat is steeped in weather. Â Fog surrounds his early years (first in the Republic of Ireland, then (apparently) Northern Ireland and latterly - Scotland) and is often found lying thick over all of his qualifications.
Sporting a quaint Irish accent, Pat is able to bring much to Scotland from the Irish experience of creating weather control in adverse conditions, including: cloudy accountability, shady accounting and breezy security.
âSure tiz myi deloight ta be here in myi adapted home - the Scattish Repooblic. Oiny ting Oi can dou to bring aboute the end of Wetminsterâs rain in Scattland, Oiâm happy to obloige - to be sureâ
Pat will also be responsible for coordinating the McMet Officeâs weather control work with that of the OâMet Oâffice of Eire. The Irishy Guvernment has had NO issues in exercising complete control over the Republicâs weather. As such the FMâs expectation for Scotlandâs weather is that it too shall become as rain free, storm free, utterly begin, perfectly calm, really quite warm & dry, sunnier than the UK, fair & fairer and more stable weather .... as Ireland.Â
In his free time Pat runs the Scottish homos for Home Ruleâ group known as âSeparatist-But-Equalâ where he uses his native tongue: Irish Gaylick. âMâTadger is an auld gaylick nameâ he explains, smiling and winking as he speaks.

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Georgie Kedgeree McMP
Meet the New McMet Officers
George (no relation) Kedgeree McMP is one of Nippy La Sturgeonâs best new assets. He is a former Home-eck (Home-Rule-Economics - which is economics that requires zero maths or arithmetic) teacher at Edinburghâs Mount-Girls High School. As such he brings key skills, including book-cooking and offal-opinion preparation, to the McMet Office.
A long-time proponent of Fair & Farier Weather for Scotland, Georgie is a former Fair-Weather Friend of the Laboury Party. However, as a result of recent high-winds he is now the Maist Loathsome McMP.Â
âI am so cliver, that its a wee wonder I have not been mair than just a Home-Eck advisor and newspapery personality up till nooâ said George. Adding: âanywan that dosenae listen tae me is an eejit. I WILL make giud on oor FMâs promise tae huv FAIRER weather fur Scoatland. Its aw a matter oâ Eck-onomics - and Iâham an eck-spert in that!â
Charlie Dunbarlie-McFarlie McMP
Meet the New McMet Officers
The Scottishy Guvernment introduces its new McMet Meterological Personnel (McMPs) from all over Scotland. These talented, cultured and very Scottishy Nathionally minded MPs will form the team that will wrestle control of Scotlandâs weather from foreign (Englandy) haunds. Helping H.E. Nippy La Sturgeon, FM of All the Scotlands, to fulfill the promise of not just fair weather - but fairer weather.
Charlie Dunbarlie-McFarlie is McMet Person for North Leithy & West Porty. Before becoming a McMP Charlie was a local guvernmenty employee cum SNP Group Secretary cum Class-War Reenact-er. He has run his ain business - stitching the word âYesâ onto Saltires - which he purposefully ran at a loss (in order to prove his anti-capitalist cred).
Charlie was the recipient of an Edinburgh Cooncil grant for âMaist Artistic Failure - in the Small Business/Saltire Modification Categoryâ.
Charlie is also a social media expert having spent many a night tweeting under his various hobby names such as: @DavidCameronIsACunt, @RedToriesRule, @RealJimMurphy and @IWillNeverSwearAnOathTaeTheQueen.
âFur me, its aw aboot denyin the ried tories an ither seat and usin up the expenses that the ried tories wid huv. Iâm gettin right rich and right drunk - FUR SCOATLAND - ya bastards!â
More Patriotism Needed - if Weather is to Improve
Some may say âpatriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrelâ but in the case of critics of the SNPâs record - that IS unpatriotic.Â
Talking down the achievements (or at least the targets, - the goals? Ok - the statements?) of the Scottishy Guvernment is clearly unpatriotic.Â
Ok our Weather Control Standards have not yet been met. Bet that is no reason to single out the McMet Office! The School Attendance/Truancy, Pupil Performance, Literacy, NHS Waiting Times, Health Outcomes, Hospital Staffing, GP Practices, FE Education Numbers, Graduation Levels, Universities Incomes, Elderly in Care, Long-Term Care Placement, Child Support, Child Poverty, Infant Mortality, and a couple of other, targets - have ALSO FAILED. So picking on the McMet Office just seems mean.
Moreover, just as those pointing out the failings of the Scottishy Guvernment in the realm, say, of pupil performance is Talking Down Scotlandâs kids, so attacking the absence of any meaningful control of the Scottish weather - yet! - is also talking-down Scotlandâs Weather.
How do critics expect sunny days ahead - if some people insist on looking at the rain, fog, clouds, haar, etc. How are we expected to feel warmer about our wee Scotland - if negative-Nellies point out the actual temperatures! AND how can we feel dry if moaners harp on about the fact that it might be raining.
There ARE times when it has been sunny, warm and dry - thanks to Scottishy Guvernment Weather Policies. THAT is what PATRIOTIC, and REAL Scots are concentrating on.
Cut it oot!
On behalf of the Scottishy Guvernment the McMet Office urges you (in the words of Her Excellency the FM) to Cut it OOT.
The sooner we leave behind the negativity of Wetminster, the sooner we too can have the kind of Anti-Blusterity weather enjoyed by the likes of our friends in Greece.Â
Donât you want every day to be like living in Greece? Then cut oot the moaning!
McMet Office Role in New Salmond Plan
Scotlandâs Real First Minister, His Excilelency Lord Salmond, has announced formation of a plan to end English rain in Scotland. Rain comes over the borders of Scotland - mostly from the UK landmass or UK waters. HE the R.FM has outlined how to halt that.
Ending the (biased) Met Office, the Scotland Office (of Statistics), the British Weather Police, and all other Wet-minster agencies that have - for decades - been complicit in rain from England, will be abolished. Scotlandâs leading Fairer Weather experts like Mme Riddoch, Ms Black & assorted other fish-housewives, will be tapped to help create fairer weather. This will be done through new Scottishy agencies that will offer yo all young Scots what they most want a taste of... more sunshine.
The Plan is called Plan Solero. HE Lord Salmond wants the Tories to Suck It!Â
Shipping Forecast Changes
The McMet Office has now been given the go ahead to start to change the shipping area designations - to reflect the SNP vicories in the Referendumb and the recent election.
The process will take some time - as consultation with all 56 MPs is difficult (due to some of them not having home phones or computers). Still, already we know of the following changes:
Forties will become 45s
Rockall will become Secret Oil
Trafalgar will become Bannockburn
Fair Isle will become Fairer Isle!Â
It is likely Sole will become â1 Seat Eachâ
Look for additional changes when the shipping forcast is devolved to the new state broadcaster; SNPB.

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Auld Joke!
How does the old joke go: âWhatâs the difference between a doctor and God? God doesnât think heâs a doctor!â
Seems that the opponents of the SNP are circulating a new version centered on Her Excellency, the Furst Meenister. Â Just becauae she has now stated that she will save the NHS in Wales, NI and England as well as Scotland (and lest be clear a 1% rise in spending IS saving the NHS (as opposed to a claimed 4% rise in England & Wales - thatâs a myth!).
Sent to Save Us...!
But its NO JOKE to hear our Leader offer to do for the rest of the country what she has done foe Scotland... Â (At least no one seems to be laughing anyway!)
So if authorized by the FM the McMet Office - Whether Scotland - stands ready to assist in assuming control of forecasts, tracking, targets and implementing New Weather Standards for all the the UK. Â The cast-tin promise , nae the guarantee, of more sun, warmer rain and a short snowfall ONLY if requested to celebrate Palestine Freedom Day on Dec. 25th.
Forward to Fairer Weather for all!
But Apart from that....!
Ok - but apart from the socialist-utopinaism, the blame-mongering, the mismanagement, the phony-balony massaged public statistics, the lies and the street thuggery... What On Earth do the âOilistansâ of Scotland & Venezuela have in common? Nothing, not even their weather!
So - comparisons of the two are well wide-of-the-mark. The fact that the opposition note with dismay that PresidentĂŠ Maduroâs escalating nationalist agitprop â including the unveiling of Venezuelaâs longest flag â comes as he faces accusations of mishandling the economy, has nothing to do with the Furst Ministerâs failure to meet any spending, health, education or economic targets for Scotland. Flag sales are through the roof...!
The constant blaming of America for all the economic woes of the Oily Republic is nothing like the real acts of sabotage by Westminster against Scotland. Everything from unfair weather to really unfair weather is not made in Scotland - but comes across Scottish borders.
What IS the same is the tissue of lies being told about lovely, lovely Venezuela and lovely SNP Scotland. (And its likely MI5 & 6 in both cases!).
Allegations of bully-tactics by the Venezuelan government are as unlikely to be true as those same allegations made against the Scottishy Guvernment. Similarly, claims that the Caracas government is filming opposition members to track their electioneering and to intimidate them are also preposterous - and not happening here under the Crackers Scottishy Guvernment.
Their utopia, like ours, is democratic, open and not at all âretributionyâ.Â
So the only think truly in common is the fact of being bullied by evil overlords.
When we are free of our bully - we will have the same kind of state-inspired control as our friends in Venezuela. Then we too will be able to set fairer weather conditions - especially for out poorest un-umbrellaâd folk. And Scots will bask in just the sort of sunshine that the people of lovely, lovely Venezuela do now.
Viva El Scocia del Sol!