McMet Office - Its Scotland's Weather

Who will GUARANTEE fairer weather for all Scots? only the SNP...!

First big ‘Storm of Scotland’ 2017 - turns out to be drizzle.

This will be disappointing for everyone wanting more local controlled weather, fairer weather and more progressive weather... 

The McMet Office still predicts another Scottish Storm in the summer, but it will not be the previously anticipated ScotPuff2.  Its more likely a continuation of the same warm front experienced elsewhere down south.

The McMet Office is currently developing some sad-face emojis  to use with future weather reports.

McMet Office 2016 Awards

This years Gassie Lassie is Leslie Riddoch.  She won for outstanding weather related grievance mongering.  Congratulations to you and your gaping blowhole Leslie.

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Bio: Leslie is a pretendy Scot from Ireland where she learned grievance creation at a early age.  Following the Easter Uprising in 1916, a young Leslie (then just 31) moved to Scotland to try her hand at the new medium of Wireless, where she knew her visual appearance would be no handicap.  After decades of pretending to be interesting, in the late 1930s she began to openly shill for the SNP, having taken a like to their pro-Hitler/anti-British stance.

She has continued to act as a Propaganda Mistress for the SNP since that time and puts her almost 100 years of grievance manufacturing to everyday use in Scotland.  She still struggles with her grotesque appearance but bravely puts 45% of her ‘pan’ in her avatar photo-spot.

McMet Reacts to ‘Weather Jibe’

Immediate Release

The Scottish Office of Fairer Weather is deeply offended, on behalf of the Scottish people, by the Centre for Policy Studies (CPS) issued report stating that independence for the Scotland would “entail significant economic risk”.

Scotland is an advanced country not anything like - like Greece!  Serioulsy, GREECE, Greece which is... well we dont mean to be mean, its a nice place but its no Scotland!  Ok, that sounds bad.

Press Coverage

No - McMet only means to point out that with a glorious track record of achievement in philosophy - ok that also might sound bad... Greece has had some philosophers too.

However, the analogy that an independent Scotland would be Gree... er,  less that a great power is baseless!  Scotland is KNOWN for innovation and success.  Scotland’s capital led modern thought for years... it was even known as the Athens of the .... wait....

What we are trying to point talk about is our WEATHER - forget the rest In a Post Independence Scotland our WEATHER will be nothing like Greece, exactly as a recent report by the CPS... wait!  Stop that line right now.....!

McMet makes Weather Fair

McMet Office condemns the suggestion that Scots are (as no one actually said - but they might as well have) "too wee, too poor or too stupid to make our own weather"!

Supporting the Scottish Weather Service the Furst Meenister made the following statement:

“The Scottishy Nationaly Party has a LONG history of being a ‘fair weather friend’.  In its early days as the clouds of war darkened over ‘Britain’ the SNP was instrumental as a fair-weather friend of the then Reich.  Hoping to keep Scotland’s skies clear of Nazi bombers and promising to keep a union-flag burning in the hearth for any Germans that might want to come in from the cold, the SNP was certainly a fair-weather friend to so-called ‘Great Britain’!

“So the SNP need NO lessons from Wet-minster on how to keep Scots skies clear.  Oor weathermen (in the McMet) make oor weather, JUST like oor economists make oor economy! So there.”

press statement -- press statement -- press statement -- press it into her mouth

Furst Meenister Acts

Having provided Scots with lots of sunshine - H.E. Nippy La Sturgeon has also acted to ‘Save the Solero’, also introduces the Surgeon wiener option...

Pat M’Tadger O’Dwyre McMP

Meet the New McMet Officers

Pat is new to the McMet and the McMP for Prestwicky-Stonybridge.  He will serve as chief FOG (Fionne O’Grievance) Officer for Scottishy McMet.

He is reputed to have detailed experience suiting him to now be a FOG Officer for the Scottishy Guvernment’s McMet Agency - he grew up around isobars and incidentally hates the UK... [That should read “hates the UK’s weather record” no?]

In fact Pat is steeped in weather.  Fog surrounds his early years (first in the Republic of Ireland, then (apparently) Northern Ireland and latterly - Scotland) and is often found lying thick over all of his qualifications.

Sporting a quaint Irish accent, Pat is able to bring much to Scotland from the Irish experience of creating weather control in adverse conditions, including: cloudy accountability, shady accounting and breezy security.

“Sure tiz myi deloight ta be here in myi adapted home - the Scattish Repooblic.  Oiny ting Oi can dou to bring aboute the end of Wetminster’s rain in Scattland, Oi’m happy to obloige - to be sure”

Pat will also be responsible for coordinating the McMet Office’s weather control work with that of the O’Met O’ffice of Eire.  The Irishy Guvernment has had NO issues in exercising complete control over the Republic’s weather.  As such the FM’s expectation for Scotland’s weather is that it too shall become as rain free, storm free, utterly begin, perfectly calm, really quite warm & dry, sunnier than the UK, fair & fairer and more stable weather .... as Ireland. 

Georgie Kedgeree McMP

Meet the New McMet Officers

George (no relation) Kedgeree McMP is one of Nippy La Sturgeon’s best new assets.  He is a former Home-eck (Home-Rule-Economics - which is economics that requires zero maths or arithmetic) teacher at Edinburgh’s Mount-Girls High School.  As such he brings key skills, including book-cooking and offal-opinion preparation, to the McMet Office.

A long-time proponent of Fair & Farier Weather for Scotland, Georgie is a former Fair-Weather Friend of the Laboury Party.  However, as a result of recent high-winds he is now the Maist Loathsome McMP. 

Charlie Dunbarlie-McFarlie McMP

Meet the New McMet Officers

The Scottishy Guvernment introduces its new McMet Meterological Personnel (McMPs) from all over Scotland.  These talented, cultured and very Scottishy Nathionally minded MPs will form the team that will wrestle control of Scotland’s weather from foreign (Englandy) haunds.  Helping H.E. Nippy La Sturgeon, FM of All the Scotlands, to fulfill the promise of not just fair weather - but fairer weather.

Charlie Dunbarlie-McFarlie is McMet Person for North Leithy & West Porty.  Before becoming a McMP Charlie was a local guvernmenty employee cum SNP Group Secretary cum Class-War Reenact-er.  He has run his ain business - stitching the word “Yes” onto Saltires - which he purposefully ran at a loss (in order to prove his anti-capitalist cred).

Charlie was the recipient of an Edinburgh Cooncil grant for “Maist Artistic Failure - in the Small Business/Saltire Modification Category”.

Charlie is also a social media expert having spent many a night tweeting under his various hobby names such as: @DavidCameronIsACunt, @RedToriesRule, @RealJimMurphy and @IWillNeverSwearAnOathTaeTheQueen.

More Patriotism Needed - if Weather is to Improve

Some may say “patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel” but in the case of critics of the SNP’s record - that IS unpatriotic. 

Talking down the achievements (or at least the targets, - the goals?  Ok - the statements?) of the Scottishy Guvernment is clearly unpatriotic. 

Ok our Weather Control Standards have not yet been met.  Bet that is no reason to single out the McMet Office!  The School Attendance/Truancy,  Pupil Performance, Literacy, NHS Waiting Times, Health Outcomes, Hospital Staffing, GP Practices, FE Education Numbers, Graduation Levels, Universities Incomes, Elderly in Care, Long-Term Care Placement, Child Support, Child Poverty, Infant Mortality, and a couple of other, targets - have ALSO FAILED.  So picking on the McMet Office just seems mean.

Moreover, just as those pointing out the failings of the Scottishy Guvernment in the realm, say, of pupil performance is Talking Down Scotland’s kids, so attacking the absence of any meaningful control of the Scottish weather - yet! - is also talking-down Scotland’s Weather.

How do critics expect sunny days ahead - if some people insist on looking at the rain, fog, clouds, haar, etc.  How are we expected to feel warmer about our wee Scotland - if negative-Nellies point out the actual temperatures!  AND how can we feel dry if moaners harp on about the fact that it might be raining.

There ARE times when it has been sunny, warm and dry - thanks to Scottishy Guvernment Weather Policies.  THAT is what PATRIOTIC, and REAL Scots are concentrating on.

Cut it oot!

On behalf of the Scottishy Guvernment the McMet Office urges you (in the words of Her Excellency the FM) to Cut it OOT.

The sooner we leave behind the negativity of Wetminster, the sooner we too can have the kind of Anti-Blusterity weather enjoyed by the likes of our friends in Greece. 

McMet Office Role in New Salmond Plan

Scotland’s Real First Minister, His Excilelency Lord Salmond, has announced formation of a plan to end English rain in Scotland.  Rain comes over the borders of Scotland - mostly from the UK landmass or UK waters.  HE the R.FM has outlined how to halt that.

Ending the (biased) Met Office, the Scotland Office (of Statistics), the British Weather Police, and all other Wet-minster agencies that have - for decades - been complicit in rain from England, will be abolished.  Scotland’s leading Fairer Weather experts like Mme Riddoch, Ms Black & assorted other fish-housewives, will be tapped to help create fairer weather.  This will be done through new Scottishy agencies that will offer yo all young Scots what they most want a taste of...  more sunshine.

Shipping Forecast Changes

The McMet Office has now been given the go ahead to start to change the shipping area designations - to reflect the SNP vicories in the Referendumb and the recent election.

The process will take some time - as consultation with all 56 MPs is difficult (due to some of them not having home phones or computers).  Still, already we know of the following changes:

Forties will become 45s

Rockall will become Secret Oil

Trafalgar will become Bannockburn

Fair Isle will become Fairer Isle! 

It is likely Sole will become ‘1 Seat Each’

Auld Joke!

How does the old joke go: “What’s the difference between a doctor and God? God doesn’t think he’s a doctor!”

Seems that the opponents of the SNP are circulating a new version centered on Her Excellency, the Furst Meenister.  Just becauae she has now stated that she will save the NHS in Wales, NI and England as well as Scotland (and lest be clear a 1% rise in spending IS saving the NHS (as opposed to a claimed 4% rise in England & Wales - that’s a myth!).

Sent to Save Us...!

But its NO JOKE to hear our Leader offer to do for the rest of the country what she has done foe Scotland...  (At least no one seems to be laughing anyway!)

So if authorized by the FM the McMet Office - Whether Scotland - stands ready to assist in assuming control of forecasts, tracking, targets and implementing New Weather Standards for all the the UK.  The cast-tin promise , nae the guarantee, of more sun, warmer rain and a short snowfall ONLY if requested to celebrate Palestine Freedom Day on Dec. 25th.

But Apart from that....!

Ok - but apart from the socialist-utopinaism, the blame-mongering, the mismanagement, the phony-balony massaged public statistics, the lies and the street thuggery... What On Earth do the ‘Oilistans’ of Scotland & Venezuela have in common?  Nothing, not even their weather!

So - comparisons of the two are well wide-of-the-mark.  The fact that the opposition note with dismay that Presidenté Maduro’s escalating nationalist agitprop — including the unveiling of Venezuela’s longest flag — comes as he faces accusations of mishandling the economy, has nothing to do with the Furst Minister’s failure to meet any spending, health, education or economic targets for Scotland.  Flag sales are through the roof...!

The constant blaming of America for all the economic woes of the Oily Republic is nothing like the real acts of sabotage by Westminster against Scotland.  Everything from unfair weather to really unfair weather is not made in Scotland - but comes across Scottish borders.

What IS the same is the tissue of lies being told about lovely, lovely Venezuela and lovely SNP Scotland. (And its likely MI5 & 6 in both cases!).

Allegations of bully-tactics by the Venezuelan government are as unlikely to be true as those same allegations made against the Scottishy Guvernment.  Similarly, claims that the Caracas government is filming opposition members to track their electioneering and to intimidate them are also preposterous - and not happening here under the Crackers Scottishy Guvernment.

Their utopia, like ours, is democratic, open and not at all “retributiony”. 

So the only think truly in common is the fact of being bullied by evil overlords.

When we are free of our bully - we will have the same kind of state-inspired control as our friends in Venezuela.  Then we too will be able to set fairer weather conditions - especially for out poorest un-umbrella’d folk.  And Scots will bask in just the sort of sunshine that the people of lovely, lovely Venezuela do now.