I Hate Everyone

Can you believe Elsa married Honeymaren wow gay rights

YO THIS GIRL JUST STRAIGHT UP CAME OVER TO MY LITTLE TABLE AT THE FOOD COURT IN THE MALL AND KNOCKED MY SHIT OFF OF IT CLAIMING I WAS HAVING SEX WITH HER DUDE. I ALMOST GOT INTO A FIGHT WITH A HEAVY SET RACIALLY AMBIGUOUS WOMAN. HER BOYFRIEND WAS THERE AND CAME OVER AND THEY STARTED ARGUING ABOUT HOW I WASN'T REALLY THE GIRL AND IM LIKE BRUH, MY LOADED FRIES THOUGH. I WAS PISSED. I MADE THAT GIRL GET ME ANOTHER LOADED FRY AND LEMONADE AND TOLD HER TO LEAVE HIS WACK AS IF HE MAKES HER ACT LIKE THAT. ESPECIALLY IF HE DIDNT EVEN HAVE MONEY ON HIM TO BUY ME ANOTHER LOADED FRY KNOWING DAMN WELL HE WAS PARTIALLY RESPONSIBLE TOO. THERE IS A MORAL TO THIS STORY AND I FEEL LIKE I'D BE DOING ALL OF YOU A DISSERVICE IF I DID NOT SHARE IT: ALWAYS COUNT YOUR FRIES. COUNT OTHER PEOPLES FRIES. COUNT ALL FRIES. BECAUSE I WAS ALMOST DONE WITH MY LOADED FRIES. IT WAS ONLY LIKE FOUR FRIES LEFT. AND I GOT A WHOLE NEW ONE FOR FREE BECAUSE THOSE TWO WEREN'T SMART ENOUGH TO LOOK ON THE GROUND AND COUNT FOR THEMSELVES. THIS IS A TRUE STORY AND I AM CACKLINGGGGG

he knew he knew exactly what he was doing

SLOW CLAP

I had to reblog it twice

sORRY BUT THIS IS AMAZING

It’s from The New Yorker. It’s satire.

in math i use this thing called the guess and hope method 

why do women’s clothing designers believe that girls do not need pockets

It’s so they can sell us bags

I’m like 5% German, 20% french, 73% Russian, and like 2% milk.

children playing it fucking real

*organizes life at 3am*

All because of you guys! ❤️

Some of you guys are so nice and sweet! Some of y'all? Demons

you know when you’re motivated but like, in the wrong way?? like “i’m ready to do all my laundry and clean the whole apartment and do dishes and vacuum and -” like ok champ that’s great but why don’t we focus on those two projects due monday first

This is my humor to a T.