Mbali’s Diary @mbaliart - Tumblr Blog

Haven’t been happy for a very long time and I can’t keep faking smiles anymore. I just can’t.

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Sunflowers. I love sunflowers.

Too many things eating away my peace of mind

Honest to God there’s nothing worth living for.

Have you ever felt like if you die now not much damage will be done. I mean those who cry will cry but kuzodlula. 🤷🏾‍♀️

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I can feel a panick attack trying to sneak up on me.

The snake might have bitten me too.

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🙌🌊

I just want to be somebody’s favorite.

Time to go fake those smiles. 😩

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“i am in pieces”

— Theodore Finch, All The Bright Places, Jennifer Niven

Nobody’s Home.

Tired of being dismissed. They come, take and take. Until there is no more left to take. Then they leave. I stay behind, messed up and broken. Gathering all those pieces of my lost soul trying to rebuild myself into what I think might be worthy of love this time around.

Some of them stay away forever. Which is the preferred option. They all take a part of me with... and the few that return bemuse me when they do. Silly me I think they’ve returned home to me to return that piece of me... help me to return to me. But as it turns out nobody’s home. There’s no one to return to. Broken inside.

Trying to take deep breaths so I don’t get a panic attack.

Not a good week

It’s a new month, but the week introducing it isn’t pleasant at all. I hope this isn’t how March is gonna be. 😩

I got myself a book. How dope. 😊

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I’m so used to doing me, for me, by me. I don’t know if another human is what I need at the moment... especially if the effort to keep me in one’s life is bare minimum /mediocre.

I’m getting in routine. I’m waking up early. I make breakfast now, I go to most of my classes. I complete my assignments early. I read more. Spend less time on my phone. Small wins, but wins nonetheless. I’m gonna celebrate that.

I know this is a shout into the void... but I’m trying this online journaling. It’s good. We are progressing. ✨🌻

The theme for this coming academic year is “we’ll find a way.” 🙏🏾

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