Did You Even Loved Me?

"Mientras otras se fijan en tu físico, yo siempre me acordaré de tu cumpleaños, de tus cosas favoritas, que tienes la sonrisa más bonita y las cosas que te gustan hacer."

It’s not the break up that hurts most. It’s the post trauma that follows it. It is waking up and checking your phone for the message that isn’t there anymore. It’s like starting your life over and you have no idea where to begin.

I got my heartbroken by someone I never even got to call mine. I felt like a idiot for months. Humiliated. Ashamed. Until one day my therapist told me: “He gave you permission to love him.” And he did. And no matter how many times I try to share myself into believing it was never love…it always comes back. I did love him. I still do. It’s not pathetic that I allowed myself to fall for someone who made me feel safe. It was beautiful, and one day it will be beautiful again.

I would’ve been fine if you told me you didn’t want me anymore. But instead, you watched me try to make our relationship work alone. You waited until I was putting everything I had into you for you to tell me you didn’t want us. But I guess it’s my fault for falling for it.

In a weird place where I’m not waiting around for you anymore but if we were given the opportunity to try again with the healed version of ourselves I would take it.