scared;

Isaiah resisted the urge to roll his eyes, his nose twitching slightly with annoyance as Maya snapped at him. The last thing he wanted was for her to turn on him and starting acting like Nora, or worse, Noa. The more Noa pressed him to be a good, reliable man and father, the further he ran from her. He didn’t want to run from Maya. She was always perfectly tanned and he oftentimes day-dreamed of wrapping his fingers around in her long, brown locks. Something about her made his heart flip in a familiar yet exciting way, which is why he sucked down the nasty words he wanted to retort with and instead answered a quick, “Sorry, I’m sorry.” He threw his hands up in defense, taking an apologetic step towards her, “I want the clean piss so I can start this…probie…job. Carrington said he’d get me in as long as I passed the drug test and I was gonna, I really was!” He lied, “But then I went out to celebrate last night and got stupid.” Isaiah gently ran his fingers over Maya’s arm, a playful smirk falling into his lips, “I’ll look hot as a fireman, won’t I? Please, My. I’m only asking you this one time.” 

Isaiah’s mouth twitched as he hid a smirk. While he and Maya hadn’t made anything official yet, they’d been spending a ton of time together and flirting nearly nonstop. Still, he hadn’t received the best news this morning and to say Isaiah was feeling crappy and angry was an understatement. He wasn’t quite in the mood to deal with anyone, though he’d make an exception for her. “Ah, no, I don’t think so,” Isaiah sighed, his eyes lingering a little too obviously on Maya’s body, “Unless you can get me a clean urine sample so I can pass my drug test tonight.” 

-

Oh yeah, I was out late last night and must’ve just forgot to check off meals for today. My bad. I’ll be in in’a couple. Save me a spot. 

Hellooo Maya…

Sorry. ‘M just having a shit day.

That’s more like it. 

–Huh? I’m in the middle of a set. What do you want?

Mmmm... No. You’re not gonna speak to me like that, so I’m going to walk back in and we can try this again. 

“Half the fun is not remembering though,” Isaiah admitted, shrugging his shoulders, but ultimately letting it go. It wouldn’t make a fun vacation if he got into a fight with the one person he came all the way to Hawaii for. 

As Maya walked over to her closet, Isaiah realized how much he under-packed. It wasn’t until the last minute that he decided he wanted to come anyways, and after begging Gage to buy him a ticket, Isaiah just shoved a bunch of shorts and a few decent t-shirts into his suitcase and called it a day. He wasn’t even sure what he’d wear to the bonfire later, but if worst came to worst, he’d just go shirtless. Though he’d been drinking and abusing drugs, he’d also been working out pretty heavily and he was getting pretty ripped. A large part of his ego was rooted in his appearance, and he liked being a pretty boy who could get any girl he wanted at any given party. His body count was climbing up pretty close to the fifty mark, which was a little shocking seeing as he’d go through phases of being panicked and unable to finish, but a majority of the time he was hammered, able to get it up, and selfish in the bedroom. He was most certainly the type of guy who’d tell you he was going to retrieve you a towel once you were done fooling around together, and leave you upstairs at the party as he went back down to play another round of beer pong with his friends. Isaiah was problematic. Moreover, he was just a problem in general, and a part of him knew whatever he and Maya got into wouldn’t end happily. None of his relationships ever had before. 

“I’d play dress-up for you, but I legit packed nothing, so,” He folded his arms across his chest, picking at some of his sunburned, pealing skin on his shoulder as Maya laid out a few different outfits.

Isaiah wasn’t the kind of guy who got excited over seeing girls in different clothes, but he always remembered what Noa wore when they conceived the triplets. He wished he didn’t think about her then in that very moment, but he did. She’d been so nervous and thrilled for their hotel rendezvous that she wore this black, lacy matching bra and panties set for Isaiah to see her in. Looking back, he was so stirred up to see her in it then, but now, it seemed so corny. At the type of parties he went to, he was surprised if the girls were even wearing underwear. Before he could spiral any more about Noa or begin to wonder what the triplets were doing, Maya snapped Isaiah back into his reality. His charming, warm, inviting reality. 

“Yeah, I can unhook it with my eyes closed and with one hand actually,” He played, “I’m kinda an expert.” He attempted to unhook her top with only one of his hands, got suddenly nervous and failed miserably, “Alright, maybe not an expert yet.” Isaiah caved and used both of his hands, brushing Maya’s hair from her back so he could get the top part unhooked too. Her body was perfectly tanned and the part that had been under her bathing suit top was so pale white that it was cute. Isaiah was sure her butt looked pale like that little girl who was on the popular sunscreen bottles and he smiled to himself at the thought of it. “I can leave if you wanna change…” He said. He wasn’t really sure why he said it, because a big part of him wanted to stay. “Or, you know, you might need help with other stuff and I wanna help you pick out the best outfit so I’ll just…turn around? Yeah. I’ll just turn around.” 

“You know,” Maya started. They were back to back at that point. He had just unhooked her bathing suit top, and it was only hanging on by the straps that went over her shoulders. Her bikini bottoms were still on, and she held her hands over the jewel on her necklace. It was a necklace her father had given to her for her thirteenth birthday. It was her last gift before her entire world changed, and she still had it. Oliver always questioned why, but she loved it. It reminded her of simplicity. Of good things. Of life before the worst of the world’s sins. “You know, I don’t mind if you see me naked,” Maya said. She was timid at first, but then she dropped her bikini top, embracing her tanned, toned body. “I’m not embarrassed by my body.”

That wasn’t a complete lie. Maya wasn’t embarrassed by her body, but she was insecure. She was nervous to be seen in absolutely nothing. The worst parts of her life were connected to her naked, vulnerable body, and trying to embrace her body for what it was, now being an adult, was incredibly difficult. One thing she knew for sure was that if anyone got the opportunity to see her naked, she would want to give that opportunity to Isaiah. It wasn’t that he had earned it, necessarily, but she did trust him. There was something about him that, as wild as he was, still held innocence. And it was the same sort of innocence Maya had. It was like there was little-Isaiah still living inside of him, needing help, needing to be protected. Maya felt little, still. She felt like a little girl, and she thought Isaiah still felt like a little boy sometimes. 

She picked her white sundress up off the bed, and started to pull it over her head. She wondered if Isaiah was looking yet, but she pulled off her bikini bottoms anyways and nearly flashed herself in the mirror by throwing her bathing suit bottoms up to her hand from her foot. “Okay, look” Maya said. “I actually really like this. It makes me look a lore more tan than I am.” Maya met Isaiah’s eyes through the mirror. “Do you like it?” She posed and raised her eyebrows at him, playfully. “You can’t even tell I’m not wearing any underwear.” She made a playful face. “Should I put some on or should this just be our little secret?” Maya giggled and for a moment, thought of Ollie. He’d be there in the morning, and then all of the teasing Isaiah would have to end. If Oliver was to show up, he didn’t need to see his little sister like that with Isaiah, of all people. “Come here,” she pulled him over to the mirror so she could look at both of them. “You’ll gotta wear khaki sorts and light color top if you really wanna look like we’re going together...”

When a drunk and high Isaiah ran away with Casey’s car and got mugged, Nora put him in the 12 Step Program of AA. She was disappointed. He’d even heard her one night in her office, talking to Casey about how Isaiah was the youngest of her children to ever have to go to AA meetings. He worked the program, he did, but he worked the program and also would get drugs at the churches where the meetings were held simultaneously. Some would argue that going to meetings were where you really found those down bad with drugs and alcohol, and when Isaiah was ready to relapse (which was almost instantly after his runaway trip), he had plenty of older friends he’d made through AA who were willing to hook him up with their dealers and suppliers. He liked to drink, a lot. He liked to abuse a plethora of drugs, a lot. But he didn’t think he had a problem. So as Maya pitched the bonfire ultimatum to him, Isaiah got a little offended. She was his friend, a good friend, Hell, maybe even a best friend as of lately, and the reason they were growing closer was because Maya wasn’t stepping in to play Mom or Protective Girlfriend. She was just Maya and she didn’t care if Isaiah had a beer when they went out to the diner together. He really hoped she wouldn’t start caring now. 

“Agh…alright,” He sighed, “I won’t go too hard.” He wouldn’t pick up a drink right away for her. Plus, he didn’t get a lot of air-time on The Fosters and he was sure if he was drunk he would - which he absolutely didn’t want. 

As Maya invited Isaiah up to her bedroom, he felt a little flutter of excitement in his stomach - his annoyances with her in the moments before quickly fading away. He had made a mental note to himself that they were staying in the same house. If anything, maybe they’d just end up cuddling or something. Isaiah liked the idea and he blamed the joy and sunshine of Hawaii for his softness again. Even as Maya held his hand, he felt tenderness towards her. It was something he hadn’t experienced in a while, and so though Maya was talking and talking as they hurried up the stairs together, Isaiah wasn’t paying much attention to anything besides his feelings. He was a little bit like the Grinch, and unsure of how to deal with his heart growing. Isaiah was also pretty used to just zoning out when girls talked too long. It was a habit from years ago of sitting at the dinner table when all of dance girls would get home from practice and get leftovers together and chat really loud while he’d be there doing his homework.

“Mm…” Isaiah raised his eyebrows, snapping back into his body as Maya opened her bedroom door and he took a lot at it, “Hell yeah. It is nice. You can tell Nora doesn’t hate you.”

It was awfully romantic, and it already smelled a little like Maya’s perfume. He glanced over at the bed and pictured the two of them in it and he had switch his gaze to the window to prevent himself from getting a hard-on. 

“So…do you know where I can find some rocks around here?” Isaiah grinned, playing as he turned back to face Maya, “Just asking for a friend.” 

Maya did take to notice Isaiah’s alcohol habit. It reminded her of her mom, but if she was honest, she didn’t have a super clear memory of her mom. After a while, she stopped thinking about her. Which led to forgetting. Which led to not remembering. And at this point, she didn’t quite care about her mom. But seeing other people drink, especially heavily, made her feel like a little girl. It reminded her of her mom. Which meant she was thinking about her, and Maya didn’t want to think about her. Maya wanted to consider her dead or locked up like her father. She couldn’t believe her mother would run away and leave all three kids at home with him. With that monster. Watching Isaiah drink meant that he’d eventually leave, and if Maya could prolong his inevitable disappearance, she would. She didn’t want to give him an ultimatum, per se, but she did want to have boundaries with him. Boundaries were something she was working on, especially lately. 

“I mean, you can have a drink or two,” she said. “I’ll drink too, but... you know. I want you to wake up in the morning and remember it. And not be hung over.”

Standing in her bedroom with Isaiah sent a rush of anxiety through her chest. They went on a couple dates to the diner. They had watched a movie or two together. She held onto him in the ocean, skin touching skin. However, standing gin a bedroom with the door closed was a lot more intimate. Her face ran hot as she looked over to him staring out the window. He asked about where to find rocks, and she rolled her eyes. “Shut up!” She retorted back, giving him a playful smack on the arm. She noticed his hesitation to look towards the bed, and she must’ve been thinking the same thing he was... She wanted to see what he looked like on his back on that bed. What he’d be like with a little less clothing on. They were both half naked anyways. Maya’s neck ran hot thinking about it, and her stomach twisted when she thought about him pinning her up against a wall and kissing her. 

Taking a quick breath, Maya stepped away from the terrace and over to the closet where she had hung all of her clothes. It was going to be quite warm and with the fire there, she didn’t want to have too much clothing on. She laid out a few options on her bed. A white sundress. A yellow dress that hugged her in all the right places. A skort and a tank top. A pair of denim shorts and a halter top. A big t-shirt she would wear with spandex shorts. She shook her head and put that one away again. The last thing she pulled out was a simple, black romper. “So what are we thinking? What are we feeling? Do I need to play dress up?” Maya asked. She didn’t really want an answer from Isaiah. She only dragged him up there to tease him a little more. She didn’t honestly care about his opinion, but showing off her body to him was an opportunity she wasn’t going to miss. “I’m gonna play dress up.” 

There was a point in his life after Ruthie died where Isaiah wouldn’t even step foot in bodies of water. It made him sick to look at it or to drive over bridges where it was underneath. If he heard a stream running in the distance, he’d get nauseous. It was bad for a while, but as he came to Brooksville and the memories of his father murdering Ruthie faded ever-so-slowly, Isaiah found his way back to the water. Echo Beach made it easy. It wasn’t like the stream where Ruthie died. Echo Beach was large. It roared. Standing up on Whoops Ledges was exciting. It was as thrilling as it was chaotic. It was a vastness of water as far as the eye could see, and for some reason, that helped ease Isaiah’s fear. He’d never forget on the anniversary of his first year in Brooksville, drunk as a bat, and flinging his body off of Whoops Ledges, butt ass naked, after a football game with his other varsity buddies. Ever since then - Isaiah liked the way the water made him feel. He tried not to think too much about Ruthie, but she’d creep back in every so often. Luckily, the only thought on his mind in Hawaii’s beautiful waters was Maya. Well, Maya and also how freaking cold the water was. She dunked them both under the salty waters, and playfully whispered in Isaiah’s ear as he forked back his wet hair with his fingers. He exhaled, smiling as she slowly made her way out of the water. And yes, he obviously looked at her butt again. Isaiah had had a weird sex life since he and Noa lost their virginities to each other. Some nights - he’d mess around with three girls at the same party. And other times, for months on end - he couldn’t stand being touched. If he went to a therapist regularly he’d be sure she’d say it had something to do with his past trauma and father, but he never went. He was an adult now, and though Nora really wanted him to, he wouldn’t listen. “Ah, hey!” Looking at Maya now, Isaiah was feeling a little different. Perhaps it was the Hawaiian sun, or the fact that her boobs looked extra perky in her bathing suit, but he felt like he wanted to keep her around. “Hey…” He trotted through the waves and up the beach to her, “Are you going to the bonfire later? After dinner? We should go…together…yanno if you want.” 

Boys were so simple. With a little bit of teasing and a little bit of skin, Maya could get them to do just about anything she wanted. Of course, with Oliver around, things would be harder. He always tried to protect her, and it was understandable as to why. They had both been hurt a lot as kids, and they wanted to shield each other from any more unnecessary hurt. Maya knew Oliver wouldn’t approve of Isaiah, but what he didn’t know wouldn’t kill him. Besides, he wasn’t there yet. Isaiah did, in fact, catch back up with Maya, and she pretended to look shocked. “I wasn’t planning on it,” Maya said, looking down the beach. She contemplated Isaiah’s offer for a moment, and her mind only thought of the fact he may be drunk off his ass by then. “How about this,” she offered. “If you promise me you won’t be drunk off your ass, I’ll go with you... We can go together.” 

But part of her wasn’t even happy with just making plans to meet up later. She didn’t have many friends in the house, and the ones she did were off, being in love or were Mollie and Noel. She glanced over to see Kylie and Joey sitting on the porch of Travis’s house, so it looked like Isaiah’s plans were hacked as well. “Come up to my room,” Maya said, turning back to Isaiah. His lips were extra pink and looked extra plump that afternoon. “Help me pick out an outfit to wear.” Before he had the chance to protest, she grabbed his hand and started dragging him off to the house. “You’ll have to show me your room later,” she bit her bottom lip, still holding onto his hand. “Mine has these big windows that overlook the beach and a little terrace. You can’t really walk out on it, but if you open the window, it’s sorta nice. There’s really light, sorta sheer curtains that make the room just so dreamy...” She trailed off, knowing Isaiah didn’t really care. 

Isaiah remembered the exact moment he found out everyone was going on a trip to Hawaii. He was sitting on the couch in the basement, scratching his balls and scrolling through Instagram, when he overheard Noa mention something to Brooklyn about packing and making sure they had all of the kids sleep sacks. She had failed to even ask Isaiah if it was okay if she took the triplets to Hawaii, and he knew if the situation was switched - she would’ve had a meltdown. He figured he’d stay home - he’d party, drink and sleep away the time everyone was away, that was, however, until he found out Maya was going on the trip to Hawaii too. It wasn’t that Maya was the controller of Isaiah’s life or anything like that, but they had been spending some time together lately and a trip to a beautiful island with a beautiful friend sounded…nice. It sounded like a change of pace from the destructive spiral of a life he’d been stuck in and he even admittedly liked the idea of spending time with his kids in Hawaii too. Maybe he could put Maverick on his back and hike up to a waterfall, or teach Collie and Layla how to drink water from a coconut - as the plane landed in Hawaii and Isaiah made his way down to the beach, the possibilities really did seem endless. He even found himself…smiling. In an instant he was playing catch with Joey, then Joey and Maya, and in the next - Maya was taking off down the beach. Isaiah would be lying if he said he didn’t look at her butt as she was running. Her shape was real nice. She tossed the ball up the beach and taunted Isaiah, to which he grinned, “What am I gonna do about it?” He took one look at the water and knew, “This is what I’m gonna do about it!” Then he grabbed Maya and flung her over his shoulder as he carried her and sprinted into the fresh, salty Hawaiian waters. 

Hm? Oh, no, I’m okay. I’m just…thinking of my mom and dad. With every happy, exciting moment I have comes that creeping reminder that they won’t be there to celebrate with me. It’s heavy, but it’s….alright. I’m still living in my engagement dreamland. I don’t think anything could really ruin my mood too much right now.

I bet he’s never said that. You’re just thinking it up in that brain of yours. You don’t know what he “thinks.” 

You know, maybe I don’t, but if you’re feeling comfortable enough to tell me, I’m not going to stop ya. We all have stories. Some day I’ll tell ya mine.