Maya at 37

My fiance and I have a roommate. He is a friend of aforementioned fiance who had fallen on hard times. I am getting increasingly frustrated with him living here.

He is an alcoholic. He isn't a mean drunk but he drinks all day ,as well as loudly plays VR games and uses voice chat. He is crashing in our living room so you can imagine how fun that is for me. He doesn't work and doesn't help around the house unless specifically asked to do things. He lives here,he should be able to clean up his piles of trash without me asking. He is 28 and I'm not his mom.

Also he really fucking stinks. I'm not trying to be rude but he showers once a week max. He doesn't wash his face or brush his teeth or wear deodorant in-between showers either. He doesn't change his clothes and he has been wearing the same pair of socks for about a month. His face and hair look dirty. He has greasy armpit stains on his shirts. I am genuinely shocked he feels fine going out in public like this.

Also his body exudes an alcohol stench. It comes out in his sweat and in his breath. Also I try not to make the mistake of using the toilet after him. His almost exclusive alcohol diet makes the bathroom smell like Satan's diaper.

I feel for him, I really do. He grew up in an abusive household and suffer from depression and ADHD. But so do I. I had to claw my way out of my hole. I had to force myself to get help and get on medication. I'm not saying medication is the right path for everyone,but damn he needs to try something. He seems to think he can overcome his ADHD. He has told me he can control it. I live with him and I can say 100 percent positively he cannot.

It's been over a decade since I have used this blog. I'm an entirely different person,living an entirely different life. I now live in Oregon with my fiance,3 cats,and my Golden Retriever. I'm going to be 37 this month. Somedays I feel 27,some days I'm feel 47.

How can I condense a decade into one tumblr post. How can I describe the pain,growth,trauma,love,and experiences ?

Quick recap: I started this blog at age 25 when I still lived in England. I was struggling with my weight and relationship. We broke up by the end of the year. I moved back to California, then I ended up in Oregon. I was hit by a truck walking home from work,moved in with my fiance,experienced PTSD, started antidepressants, developed adult onset type 1 diabetes ,almost died from a DKA,was rediagnosed with ADHD,and loads I am forgetting.

I think I lost sight of who I am along the way and I'm exhausted. I also gained a massive amount of weight. I am now 275lbs,and that is after losing 30lbs.

Animal Crossing is my new obsession( sorry Pokemon). I got it for Christmas, and I am hooked. Also, for the first two weeks of owning it, was responsible for a large chunk of my inactivity. To be fair, I was technically the one responsible; I could have put the game down any time I wanted. But it is so damn addictive.

This past week or so I have been playing a lot less. I have also decided that I am not allowed to use my game until evening/night. This is to ensure I actually get some activity in my day, even if its just to do some cleaning. A daily walk or workout would be preferable. Playing towards the evening makes it into a treat, something to look forward to after a job well done.

Also, this is beneficial in helping me get a job. Searching/applying for a job is the only way its going to happen because,as far as I know ,the good people of England don't give away jobs. Though ,admittedly, that would be pretty rad. 

I've kept to my diet fairly well, though I really messed up over the weekend. I had two cheat days, which were more of a feast than a treat. Every other day I've stayed under 1700 calories, and most day under 1600. I decided to have one cheat day a week, and to aim for it not to be a binge.

Today I woke up to a frantic email from my mother. I won't get into too much detail, as it's personal, but it involves family issues. Oh, and I was accused of lying. It hurt my feelings, and made me angry that I could be hurt from half way around the world.

I had a few bad hours, and did end up crying, but I stuck to my diet and only had one cigarette. To me this is a big deal; self medicating is a major problem for me. I also stayed close to my 1600 calorie goal(went over by about 22), and managed to eat healthy. I was also able to email my mom back,and defend myself like an adult,rather than ignoring the issue at hand.

One of my biggest downfalls is takeout,which seems to be a staple of the English diet. I used to have no problem gorging on fish and chips, Indian, pizza, or Chinese. Usually our orders contained a main,as well as a few sides. And on more than one occasions dessert. I turned down the chance to get delivery tonight, and my guy and I got healthier food from the market.One day I will treat myself to some unhealthy stuff, but since it is so soon into my diet, I would take it as a set back.

I've never been skinny,and I'm not sure I want to be, but at 25 being overweight is tiring. I'm really sick over being self concious, and not being able to wear what I want. Sure, there are cute clothes that come in my size, but I don't feel brave enough to rock them. Also, I'm so unfit it's a joke. I only get of the couch to charge my 3ds. Constantly feeling like crap has motivated this change.

A few days ago I brushed off the ol' calorie count account to keep track of my eating and exercise. I also decided to start this blog to keep track of my progress and, hopefully, connect with others who want to motivate, lose weight, or are just interested in what i have to say. My goal is to eat between 1600-1700 calories a day, and try to exercise 3-5 days a week. Also no coffee or soda for me , from now on I'm going to try to stick to green tea and water. Oh and I'm 5'8 and weigh just shy of 190lbs.