Great concepts, terrible execution

“Actually, you look like prep school Barbie. I’m just Barbie’s friend.” is a great line from Nudge. 

I’m not an expert, but I don’t think you’re supposed to give dogs coffee.

Max II’s “Now everything gets doubly interesting” line is so cheesy. 

I checked a name search website and there are actually people with the first name “Zephyr”. Oof

J.J. begins the pattern of potentially interesting characters who are never fully fleshed out and then disappear never to be seen again because James Patterson is incapable of giving information on more than 5 characters to his ghost writers (I’ll leave which 5 characters up to your imagination). 

Why is the Voice helping Max cheat at school? 

“After Max saved the world, most of the regular people would be gone” - Angel looking forward to humanity dying off is really strange. Why does this characterization have to be what carries through the series?

The Voice telling 14 year old Max “You can’t stay children forever. People grow up, have kids of their own. Think about it” is many layers of creepy. 

That Jimmy P. thinks incest isn't incest if the siblings are adopted is also many many layers of creepy. 

Now Anne asks what Erasers are, not back at the hospital when Max mentioned that they could eat agents as a snack?

“If you’re ever feeling a lack of middle-aged white men just pop into the Capitol. Not so much the House of Representatives, which has a bit more color and texture, but the Senate - jeez. Yes lets have more testosterone running the country.” - the House of Representatives is almost 3/4 men, still not much texture there. 

Is the Vietnam Wall the last place Nudge ends up using her psychometry? I don’t recall her power ever being mentioned after this. This scene also indicates that her power is always on, which is a scary thought. 

I would vote for Nudge as president. 

It’s an awfully big coincidence that Iggy’s parents just happened to be on the news.

This Sam guy was supposed to be nice and normal, but he pulled a “you’re not like other girls” on Max for eating an ice cream sundae.

Seriously that is a crazy number of bedrooms. Why would a single woman live in a house that just happened to have that many bedrooms? 

“This is a kid who could break a man’s ribs with a well-placed kick, but she was almost trembling as she approached the horse” - Yeah, that’s cause horses are animals that can break a man’s ribs with a well-placed kick. If it came down to a bird-kid vs horse fight, I’m not sure I’d bet on the bird kid.

Oh god Total just spoke, there’s no going back now. I can’t believe his first word was “Putz”. I guess he is from New York.

And the readable pages from The Institute have mysteriously disappeared because godsforbid any mysteries are ever solved or that James Patterson has to keep track of previous information for his ghost writers instead of retconning everything constantly.

Why is Max not more concerned about the readable files disappearing?

“For the next hour you’re going to be our chick” -  Why the actual fuck is this line in a YA novel written by a middle aged man. The implication might go over some younger readers heads, but seriously WTF.

“Can we say sexist” is exactly the kind of response that an out-of-touch middle aged man would think a 14 year old girl would have to being threatened like that. 

Fang gets an A+ in bystander intervention, but why was “Rowr” the onomatopoeia chosen for growling? 

“So glad you’re having fun Maximum. While the world burns.” Way to be a buzzkill, Voice. Wasn’t it just last book the Voice was espousing the value of fun? 

Angel not telling Max that Total could talk because “he’s actually not that interesting” is hysterical. It reads like something a fan rewrite would come up with to roast Total, but nope, it’s an actual book line. Really sets your expectations at an appropriate level.

Jeb was able to block Angel from reading his mind, but Anne managed to actually trick Angel. This woman has crazy skills. 

Actually, maybe Anne has mind control abilities of her own, that might explain why Max was the only flock member having doubts about the extremely suspicious situation. Cause Max has the Voice in her head so maybe she can’t be influenced as easily as the others. 

At least they’re not flying robot werewolves yet

I get that flying Erasers were supposed to up the ante, but they make no sense (even by this series' standards). We know the flock has special bones and lungs to be able to fly, air sacs even, and different blood, but Erasers don’t have any of that that. 

Fang hiding his injury is very classic Fang (and very classic fanfiction)

The Voice ought to teach first aid classes.

Jokes aside, the Voice sometimes detracts from Max’s character by reducing her from a leader in her own right to a conduit for it’s orders. Also there’s no way Jeb wouldn’t have taught them first aid.

“Our parents are missionaries” is a little absurd, but honestly not a bad explanation for a very large, clearly not biologically related group of kids. Fundies would adopt a flock of children and then make the eldest daughter act as a mom

The doctors are honestly handling the whole bird-kid thing really well. 

The FBI agents, on the other hand, are not

The interview scene is hilarious, especially when you remember the flock are 6-14 years old. 

“Captain Terror” is not any weirder than Gazzy’s actual name.

“I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened.”

Max’s response to being called out on the missionary claim is gold: ”No? Well, for Gods sake, don't tell them. They'd be crushed. Thinking they're doing the lords work and all.”

“Dean looked at me, I dunno, as if a hamster had just snarled at him“ - I'm not sure what this expression would be but it’s a fun mental image.

Max’s “life isn’t fair” rant is simultaneously a big mood and horribly cringely edgy.

Anne is scary good at manipulation. 

The sheer number of times Fang is referred to as Max’s brother in this book makes their romance deeply uncomfortable.

Anne ignoring Max’s joke about how two agents would be a “snack for an Eraser” should honestly have raised more red flags. You don’t have to know what an “Eraser” is specifically to get the implication that the flock has some nasty people after them that maybe you’d want to know more about. 

The Voice being able to induce hallucinations (of Eraser-Max) is really something that should have come up more. The implications are terrifying

School’s Out Forever is off to a weirder start than I remembered. The tone definitely doesn’t seem to quite match either the first or second half of The Angel Experiment. It seems lighter, and pays less attention to the flock’s mental state (Max could barely stand being in a veterinary clinic in the first book). While in The Angel Experiment the plot was focused on finding Angel, then on finding The Institute, this time there isn’t really a central goal holding things together. 

There are some excellent lines, and the idea of the plot is interesting, a sort of parallel to Max getting help from the Martinez family in the first book, this time illustrating how Max’s reluctance to ask for help was somewhat justified. Unfortunately the plot doesn’t flow very naturally, and there are so many retcons and interesting elements brushed aside. 

...your appearance can change (but it won’t affect the plot in any way)

Oh boy this bit where Max sees Nudge with straightened and highlighted hair and realizes “she has the potential to be gorgeous when she grows up” did not age well. Nothing “scruffy” about natural hair. 

“Fang’s hair had been cut short except for one long chunk that flopped over in front of his eyes” Fang definitely has emo hair. 100%. This boy would have had a myspace account for sure. His blog ought to have been at least 10% more edgy selfies and song lyrics. 

A tutu would be perfectly practical as long as Angel wore it over her pants. Max just hates fun.

Nudge wanting to be a scientist who studies the ocean and works with National Geographic is another bit of cool characterization that doesn’t last or get brought up again. Sure kids change their mind about careers constantly, but it’s really interesting she would consider being a scientist. Not like she had a lot of great scientist role models.

Wait a minute, the stylists gave Angel cornrows? They gave Angel cornrows but they straightened Nudge’s hair? How does that make sense?

It’s spontaneous power development time! At least Angel’s underwater breathing gets used later on.

Hundreds of Erasers? Hundreds? How is the school even feeding them all? Let alone growing them? 

Not sure what’s more upsetting, Jeb being Jeb, or Max kissing Fang (who is basically her adopted brother). 

Hacker guy probably has the right idea staying away from anyone implanted with a tiny chip.

“We were finally about to have our questions answered” god I wish that were true. 

Nudge’s psychometry is so cool, it sucks that it’s not used more often. I can only remember one more time that it gets brought up when it should be a major useful ability, and something that changes how Nudge perceives and interacts with the world. 

TBH Nudge gets all the coolest/most interesting characterization and then it’s just dropped.

The cat with human eyes and fingers is so cursed. I want an AU where they adopt finger-cat instead of Total. And give it a gun. 

There were at least 2 bird kids at the Institute that they freed. And we never find out what happens to either of them do we? 

“You really hurt me. I wouldn’t hurt you. Not like this.” Riiight, that’s why Ari was smashing Fang’s head against a rock until Jeb had to stop him from killing Fang. Maybe he wouldn’t kill Max, but he’d kill any of the other Flock members. Pre-death Ari isn’t sympathetic, it’s really only after he dies that he grows an interesting personality.

And here we have the introduction of Total, who can jump 16 feet in the air. If only that was the extent of his powers...

These files contradict the previous info about the flock’s parents, and the info we get later in the series. James Patterson really hates keeping track of things. Now Fang’s parents are in their 30′s, Iggy’s mom is alive but his dad is dead. And what’s even the point of all this bait-and-switching?

Honestly what do I expect from a man who can’t even keep track of Max’s hair color.

Not even the Ouija boards and taxi cabs sleep

I don’t think it’s ever explained why The Voice encourages Max to have fun. Or why it speaks in such a weird way. Definitely doesn’t align with the later “The voice is Jeb” and “the voice is Angel” explanations. Jeb is a jerk, but he doesn't talk like a robot

Here begins Angel’s decent to the dark side. Really should have taken the time to teach her why it’s not okay to influence people

The fucking Ouija board spells “SAVE THE WORLD MAX”, who is controlling the Ouija board?

“Gosh, you’re, like, famous” is such a hilarious reaction to Max being talked to by a Ouija board. 

The Voice is so goddamn creepy sometimes. 

So a sign on a taxi led her to an ATM card? This is somehow even weirder than the Ouija board

Also who made the password “mother”? Max is 14, that’s kind of a weird choice for a password. 

Also also how did Angel even know the password? And why even have the flock guess the password if some mysterious force was just going to give it to Angel?

Thinking about the logistics of controlling taxi signs and Ouija boards is so funny

Garden Tavern, the restaurant with the snooty waiter Max upended a bowl of olive oil on, appears to be the name of an actual, if closed, restaurant in New York. I wonder if they were closed due to bird related problems

Very convenient that this “makeover fest” came right as soon as the flock needed disguises. Not sure if deus-ex-makeover-artist or if this is meant to be part of some conspiracy.

In which the flock eats a lot of street food

I didn't even know knish was a thing before this book

The flock searching for their parents plot is so weird. The current information is that Nudge's parents were told she died, Iggy’s mom is dead, Angel and Gazzy’s parents sold them to the school, and Fang’s mom was a teen who was told he died. But some of that ends up contradicted, even though it was obtained through mind-reading.

“’A teenager, jeez,’ he said with disgust, ‘She was probably a crack addict or something’” -  Fang’s assumption that teen moms are all drug addicts is extremely ironic, considering how the series ends. 

“Maybe not, Maybe she was a nice kid who just made a mistake. At least she wanted to actually wait the nine months and have you” - Somehow Max isn’t making things better, managing to throw in some low-key anti-abortion sentiment, and assuming that teens are always able to choose whether or not to go through with pregnancy. 

James Patterson clearly has Opinions on teen pregnancy. Sir you are a middle aged man, stay in your lane.

 The difference in how the different members of the flock take to the city is interesting. Nudge is enthusiastic, wanting to experience everything, Max is non-nonsense, trying not to get distracted and to focus on the mission, Iggy is uncomfortable, being less able to rely on sound in such a crowded place.

“something about the clown caught my eye”... Waitafuckingminute, is the clown an Eraser? Or at least working for the School? Some School employee had to dress up like a goddamn clown to spy on the flock? Amazing.

“School day only” at the zoo? Well that’s convenient, and ironic.

This chapter has a lot of food descriptions. James Patterson must have been hungry (just not for sauerkraut, because clearly he has no taste)

Oh man, it’s subway tunnel hacker guy time!

So the School has tech that can put images and sounds into someone’s brain, but they can be picked up by a hacker’s laptop in a subway? And appear as if they’re being transmitted from the person they’re seen/heard by?