the boys are back, baby

      “uh, no?”

      “sorry, sorry. not EVERYTHING, just most things.”

       “we could turn, but then they’d have a hospital of zombies just bumping into each other, and they definitely wouldn’t be able to set us free without freaking the FUCK out about us killing others in town, so i doubt you’d get to live your zombie dreams,” he said, clearing his throat, flashing a quick glance at jamie’s shirt and grimacing. “i have a distinct memory when i was a child of a dog puking in front of me and it kind of looks like whatever we’re hacking up now. but his vomit was from spaghetti, so maybe not. where’s the blood stuff coming from? throat OR stomach?”

      “makes sense. but at least the people out here who do kill aren’t just going and RIPPING out people’s throats out with their hands to eat. pretty sure cannibalism is still off many of our charts. like, i don’t know about you, but i’d probably resort to eating tree bark and pine needles before i go for someone’s thigh.”

        “come on! be nice to her. she’s a kid, i mean, imagine me as a kid. if you discourage her she’ll just wanna go against you. just leave her be and she’ll settle down, i did. it’s not like you ALWAYS hated everything, right?”

      “when have i NOT been alright? i think i’ll be fine as long as i don’t get bored. then everyone else is going to be paying for that.”

      “well, just starting off, they definitely don’t. i mean, i didn’t get to see my parents change, but let’s say in a hypothetical situation the little old lady who lives at the end of the street who brings you cookies every other saturday was bit and turned. the cookie schedule wouldn’t stick and she wouldn’t stick to being nice to us like it would with most people, after say, a regular change in their life happened. i mean, they’re dead and their old morals are ERASED. even if they did understand, they wouldn’t know it’s wrong. you have to be taught that kind of shit.”

       “nah, arella loves you. i mean, you guys ARE family. even if you think she hates you or whatever, she’s probably super worried. you’ve known her longer than anyone else, right? that’s gotta earn you some points in her book. what are you so worried about?”

       “hmm, i don’t know if anyone out there is waiting for me either. i’ve done my time annoying them, so now it’s time to not think of whatever sexy bunnies you are thinking of and learn some new skills to take to the grave. chances are we aren’t ALL going to die in here so now we just need to make an impression and our legacy will live on with the survivors.”

       “lola bunny never tickled my fancy, it was all about WILE E. COYOTE. i was the roadrunner and he was always coming at me. it’s still there though, you know, cause you’re SIXTEEN, GOING ON SEVENTEEN. that’s really the only song i know and it’s only that part, but i am much past sixteen, but sixteen was a good year. maybe if we don’t die, we could learn to dance instead. collect ration cards for our troubles, y’know? i bet you’d be good at tap.”

      “you going to be good, jasp?”

      “well, they’re not here and they feel nothing! and they, they,” cut short, maverick doubled over and hacked away, his poor lungs already having been worked to the brink. finishing, he took a deep, shaky breath and wiped his mouth on his hand, “they wouldn’t be sick.”

       “my fever dreams use to be weird ones about cartoon characters, but now it’s the dead and showtunes i haven’t heard in years. do you have anything to get my mind off the sound of music soundtrack?”

      “what? besides vomiting blood and dripping through a new t-shirt always? or were you talking about something else? i’m just kind of DRAINED, is all. a good nap should do me good, so don’t worry about me, you’ve got more on the line, anyways. how YOU feeling?”

      “it’s hard being human. i bet it’d be easier as a zombie, y’know, just CHILLING, walking around, being careless, being dead.”

      “i’m invincible, baby! good to see a FAMILIAR face around here, though. it would have been a sadder way to kick the bucket without your constant bullying in my ear.”