Mavaka

I am not brave.

I am the lingers of the storm that has longed past.

I realized that nothing had changed, the storm that lingered under my skin still shook, and rumbled. And cracked.

I thought it was you -- and in that spilt moment--

I knew,

I knew I still loved you.

I did one for me, and it turns out I am not my fathers child.

even when i don’t wish too,

and that, darling. 

I felt helpless. Lost in pleasure and pain of another shuttering release.

In the way, most men do.

My legs trembled under his touch.

My core Shook from his mouth.

There was no rhyme or reason.

Simply. Tears.

further. further.

I trace the rivers of her veins;

higher. higher.

to the peak of everything, to her heart, her soul.

Her heart and mind; but never about the true loneliness she feels--

I am the Shield maiden on the mountain; quiet, ready, listening. it is sea, and earth.

Gods; 

She dresses up for her lovers in front of me. She tells me what she does with them. What she wants them to do, What they wont do. 

She temps me, tells me and lets me know, she could never reciprocate my feelings -- only because she wouldn't know what to do with another girl. its too weird for her. Too complicated. 

What is supposed to hurt most?

The fact that my love for her was gravely misplaced-