agitated by the stillness
Action, activity and life. Living in the moment and having your heart pound is an interesting kind of feeling to experience. The shallowness of breath yet coupled with the sparkling of eyes, a combination some might find strange. Why willingly put yourself in danger when you could have peace of mind by staying in one place for example?
He would have lived on adrenaline if he could. It coursed through his veins almost every other day. Now, all he can do is yearn for that rush that used to be oh-so familiar. Being hyper-focus, seeing stars shining brighter, then the euphoria coupled with the feeling of lightness. He believed that was the best time of his life. When he could act on impulses during adventures like it was second nature, that was truly bliss for him.
Unfortunately, these days, his heart rate is too steady for his liking.
Living in the Matrix gave certainty, security even. Intruders or hostilities coming in Matrix was laughable. No one would glitch through reality just to come for him. No matter who even, hostile or now, Not now, not then. It was a “peace of mind”. When you know the environment inside out and all of its quirks, no anxiety was to be found when walking the same paths and routine everyday. A calming conventional built in days, maybe even hours.
However, there was not one moment when he felt like a part of him shattered. Dramatic, but the lack of stimulation was absolutely loathsome to him. How could one sit with stillness after living a life conditioned to action?
And what could he even do about it? Climb on the smooth surfaces of the block and jump off the place? Break the break-in reality world?
He tried and failed, numerous times.
His gloves could not grip on anything to climb. Not to mention, his body was all glitched up. Having one eye and missing his lower arm unfortunately posed challenges.
It felt like a prison rather than being in his own element. When there’s nothing to take your mind off things, you’re forced into this state of self-reflection and restlessness. Suddenly, his inner voice and the sounds of his memories became the loudest thing rather than the thunderous roars of spaceships or the pounding of his heart.
It was uncomfortable to say the least. Not to mention, the sickening irony.
Why did he go on these risky adventures so much? What was his goal in life even? When could he be free again? Who was there to blame for this? The list of questions went on and on.
Maybe, it was time to nap.
He would have never thought he would think that.
[sorry its been really long since I wrote anything so expect mistakes and it to suck probably]
