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I want more Beldaruit+Qifrey stuff that doesn't shy away from the tension between them.
Like. Beldaruit loves Qifrey. There's no question of this. Just as there's no question that Qifrey's life is undoubtedly better because Beldaruit took him in, and he obviously respects him a great deal. But Qifrey has never been able to fully trust Beldaruit, and for good reason.
Beldaruit believes that the benefits of the Pact and the Principles outweigh the harm they do. He believes that exceptions can be made, but as we see from his reaction to Custas, only up to a certain point. He did not become close friends with Vinnana, the Wise in Principles, by accident. As much as he's willing to bend the rules, there is a hard line he is not willing to cross, a limit that he tried to instill in both Qifrey and Coco for what they should seek out. He thought it was a good thing when Qifrey stopped looking for answers about himself. When he starts having doubts about Qifrey's intentions, he goes behind his back to try and lure Coco away from him, and even tells her all about Qifrey's nightmare backstory to convince her he isn't safe.
There's a reason why, when Qifrey thinks about who gave him the strength to keep going as a child, he thinks only of Olly. Notably, Olly also has doubts about Qifrey, but he handles them by talking to Qifrey directly and trying to have a conversation about it. He understood as a child that Qifrey giving up on his search was something to be worried about, not relieved. And Qifrey knows that Olly is someone who would accept him with all his secrets and baggage - he does not have that reassurance with Beldaruit. Rather, he knows that one of the reasons he was allowed to stay as an apprentice was because there was no sign of forbidden magic found on his body - if the Silverwood had been discovered back then, would Beldaruit still have taken him in?
Imagine having to keep such a huge secret about yourself from your parent. One that other people have been ostracized and lost their homes and livelihoods for after having it exposed. Your parent sympathizes with those people, sure, but they always affirm that such consequences are unavoidable. Necessary, even, for society to continue to function. And you have to keep going about every day knowing that you are also carrying that same secret, and that every ounce of care and affection they show you hinges on them not finding out. Sure, the possibility exists that you would be an exception. That they would love you enough to not care. And then they make another comment about how tragic it is that someone else was exposed for the very thing you're hiding, but the law is the law for a reason after all, and you just grit your teeth, stay silent, and let the gap widen between you a little further.
One thing that keeps me awake at night is that chapter 38 strongly insinuates that Beldaruit knows about Treefrey situation. Chapter 59 suggests that Beldaruit knows more about Qifrey's secrets that he lets on.
And I think we all agree that all of Beldaruit's cards are not on the table yet.
I do wonder if he wanted Qifrey to become his apprentice because he figured out the tree-situation early. Or maybe he figured out what happened to Qifrey after Qifrey was already living in the Great Hall. In any case he never talked about this with Qifrey.
As you said, Qifrey was allowed to become a witch because there was no sign of forbidden magic on his body. Beldaruit admitting, even to Qifrey only, that he knows the truth would only show more hypocrisy and problems Witch Society has.
And yet when Coco is hurt, Qifrey goes straight to Beldaruit. He asks Beldaruit to have an eye on her. After Easthies' accident during Siver Eve arc, Beldaruit wonders where Qifrey is because Beldaruit knows he can rely on him.
Like. They care for each other. They respect each other. They seem to understand each other perfectly and at the same time they seem to not understand each other at all. I need more Qifrey-Beldaruit moments chdkfbjdbdkddnjddh
Ah yes, the 'Bel already knows about the tree' theory... I can't deny that the hints are there, but I always hope it isn't true. If he knows that Qifrey's life is on the line and is still framing his search for answers as a dangerous thing that should be discouraged, I'd be really upset with him lmao. Although considering that he's so staunchly against mixing magic and healing that he won't even let Riliphin learn how to make a poultice for his bedsores, it would be in character for him to want Qifrey to give up on finding a cure for himself in favor of just continuing to manage his condition quietly. :') Wonder if he'd still feel that way if he knew the exact lengths Qifrey has to go to in order to stay alive...
That said, I do think it's pretty unlikely for him to have known from the start. Qifrey is, as far as we know, the first attempt at this specific kind of forbidden magic - he slipped under everyone's radar because no one knew it was possible, and so didn't know what kind of signs to look for. Bel was also fairly young when he took Qifrey in and wasn't a Wise yet, so it seems like a stretch that he would have just guessed 'Silverwood parasite' off the bat. Seems more likely to be something he pieced together over their many years of living together, particularly after it fully sprouted at the Tower of Tomes and Qifrey had to start worrying about it being an on-going problem.
Also I feel like it's exactly because Bel and Qifrey largely understand each other that they can't fully trust each other lmao. They both know that where the other's priorities and exceptions lie, and they know where they agree and disagree on those things, so when they clash they choose to act around one another rather than try to talk and compromise.
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Many months ago, after a very rough week of bombings I was going through local chats of my hometown where tired and scared people were arguing with each other out of pure exhaustion. Main question you could see them asking in different ways was «Is it going to be this bad forever now?». We’ve had bad bombings before, but not like this and definitely not like right now. Before we used to have 1 or 2 days of quiet in between; they usually happened at night and when they happened in daylight we would joke about our bombing routine being disrupted. But gradually it turned into every type of weapon the whole day every day with breaks lasting hours at maximum instead of days. Air raid used to mean something: you hear an air raid, danger, air raid is over when the danger is over (with the exceptions of very fast weapons like ballistic missiles that we’ve often heard exploding before an air raid could turn on). Now, when air raid is just never-ending, it doesn’t really matter, you can’t be alert the whole day.
And one message in those chats has stuck with me. Some guy said: «We’ve all seen what Russians did to Mariupol, Bakhmut, Huliaipole. Move as far as you can and forget this place like a nightmare».
Forget this place? I couldn’t get this message out of my mind and thought about it while looking at everything as if for the first time, trying on this perspective.
Flowers waiting for spring in front of every apartment building, residents plant them and tend the gardens on their own, just to have a pretty communal yard (explosion). My usual route to school and another one we used to take when we got bored of the main one. My best friend and I have never ran out of topics to discuss while going to the school and back. We stood near her house for so long when going home because we couldn’t stop talking (drone buzzing). This is where my friends and I tried to smoke cigarettes for the first time when we were teenagers and thought that adults are crazy for doing this by choice (drone going down). This is where I almost won an e-book in a quiz many years ago and I still remember the right answers I didn’t give because I was scared to make a mistake (explosion). Books my parents bought me when I was a kid and jokingly asked me not to read them so fast this time (bombs in the air). My childhood plushie I’ve had almost my entire life, can’t imagine it in a different bedroom, he’s a homebody and a proud local (explosion). Pizza place where my friends and I celebrated end of the school year. My dad burned his hand here with a hot plate on my birthday once. The food was good (artillery somewhere far away). Listening to music in the backseat and looking at my favorite view in the entire world. One turn and we’re home (all clear).
Forget this place? This is the only place worth remembering.
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tutorial !! on how to make a belt pouch from some old pants that will be able to hold a brick or two without ripping
examples: (both r about 23cm × 20cm)
start tutorial 》》
you'll need:
•old pants/shorts
•scissors
•needle and thread/sewing machine
•safety pins/sewing pins
•anything for closing, like buttons, clips or zippers
•stuff for decorating: patches, pins, studs etc.
-
to start we will disassemble our pants, you will harvest from its corpse:
•two rectangles from the ass of the pants with the asspockets (the size of these rectangles decides the size of ur pouch)
•two pieces of the waistband both about 15cm in length
•a piece of fabric as wide as the other two panels, length depends on ur preference, this part will the the closing panel of the pouch
for all of these please take seam allowance into account.
hem the top edges of your back and front panel and all edges of your closing panel. i used double straight stitch on the sewing machine to match the stitching present in the pants.
now you will attach the closing panel to the outside of panel that will be the back of your pouch (see image).
you might be confused that the outside of the panel is the inside of the pants. this is because the pocket on the back panel will be on the inside of the pouch. and thus the outside of the pants become the inside of the pouch. (also you can see that the closing flap looks different from the first picture, this is because i decorated it alr. so just ignore that)
then attach your belt loops, first attach the "front of the beltloop, facing down, to the place where you also joined the closing flap and rectangle together. then fold the beltloop back and sew the other side slightly lower than the top. this will prevent it from bulking too much and pressing uncomfortably into your waist.
now place your front panel on top of your back panel, and sewing it wrong sides together. this is because we will turn it inside out after.
now turn your pouch inside out and sew along the edges to help keep its shape and keep it sturdy.
you can attach a closing to the pouch, like buttons and buttonholes, i went for a clip and loop mechanism this time. if you prefer a zipper i advise putting it in when you hem the edges at the start of the project.
and now you can decorate! if you want a tutorial on how i do/plan all that, lmk if that would be helpful or interesting in any way.
Russian activism is much closer to what a large part of Western audiences are used to than Ukrainian activism or the genuinely heroic and compassionate actions Ukrainians take. That's because Russian activism often shares the same element of privilege that much of Western activism does.
The recent example of the Russian couple holding up an no war sign during a marriage proposal on top of a tower is probably the clearest example of this. It's the kind of thing that easily fits booktok aesthetics and inspires edits where people imagine themselves in that moment, while completely ignoring the fact that it didn't actually help anyone or change anything. In terms of real impact, it's on the same level as posting a black square on Instagram.
There was no attempt to raise money for actual aid or direct people toward organizations that are genuinely helping.
It's simply a nice gesture — an activist version of "let them eat cake", where having a beautiful, symbolic moment matters more than creating real change.
It's a form of privileged activism where actually changing the situation isn't the important part.
The actions of Ukrainians during a genocidal war are the complete opposite. They're focused on actually saving lives, which makes the contrast even more obvious by showing what genuinely helps and what doesn't. For people who are invested in this kind of activism, acknowledging that difference would require rethinking their own beliefs, so it's often easier to simply ignore those actions instead.
Another reason for this is that these Russians are living peacefully in other countries, in circumstances much closer to the everyday lives of Western audiences. They're simply easier for them to relate to than Ukrainians living through war.
I've also often heard Ukrainian activists say that they have to think very carefully about how to communicate with this part of the Western audience. For many of them, almost everything is considered "outside of politics" and the war is reduced to "two presidents having a conflict". Because of that, even lectures about Russia's cultural genocide against Ukraine have to be framed in ways that won't upset people who insist on separating Russian culture from politics, even when that framing directly contradicts the reality of Russia's actions against other nations.
Honestly, it reminds me of how many of these same activists reacted to the protests in Iran.
People whose lives are in danger don't have the luxury of focusing on big beautiful gestures. For them, activism is about survival, not about creating aesthetically powerful moments.
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