Here doing onam shopping with my mom with the guy wrenching reminder that I wont be home for it yet again another year

I genuinely want to cry because how much I hate men. I had a shitty day because he hasnt properly texted me for like 2 days and also today because he 'fell asleep'. Ok and you woke up and you have been liking posts which was posted like 2min ago but you cant lift a finger to text me back?? I literally send him a post about my favourite content creator ranting about his writing because i know he likes writing. But like what if it was an actual reason? Idk but im so annoyed. Im more annoyed at me for basing my self worth and happiness over him and we havent even been speaking for that long. Like whats wrong with me that i feel beautiful everytime he texts me but feel ugly the moment he stops. I hate myself more than i hate him for not texting me back. And then my father literally hung up the call in the middle of a conversation out of anger. Like who do you think you are and what gave you the fucking balls. And now my grandfather shouted for no significant reason because our food delivery person made a little mistake? Ughhhh like its not that deep please chill and have a little respect. Im so done with men and their fragile little egos and their loud mouths and their shitload of audacity.

Gang is it bad that i felt sad he slept early and we couldn't talk more so I stalked his entire letterboxd so i can keep learning new things about him.