LUNA.

I had a journey with ING, it’s one of my best experiences, it’s a solid one, my growth came from them, ING was really my safest place, I left ING with a lot of regrets, a lot of things that I supposed to do but didn’t do and Blueberry actually happened.

I left ING that I had only one desire when I found my new work: to FIND PEOPLE THAT I CAN BE BELONG WITH, THAT I CAN MAKE MY WORK FRIENDS MY ACTUAL FRIENDS.

I found them. And maybe, that’s it. I didn’t pray for much stability or even a growth. Blueberry was just a biggest lesson for me that I can’t really find friends in the workplace. You can’t truly find one from them after-all it’s a competition, maybe you can find one in there but maybe it’s not for me. It was a solid 1 year experience, it’s exciting because of those people. But yeah, realizing it now, that’s the only purpose why I stayed there. For them. Because the moment that I felt not belong to them, that I felt neglected by them due to what happened to me, I felt that they didn’t really care at all, I’m just belong because I’m okay, I’m performing well but during my lowest lowest moment of my life. Where are they? None. Alone.

And maybe that’s the reason why God removed it. He removed me to Blueberry because it’s not healthy anymore. He gave me a lesson. Blueberry was a lesson for me. Now, it’s making sense.

This moment of waiting. June, July, August, first week of September. It’s really the lowest part of my life so far. I didn’t even know how we survived that time. But, it’s true: kapag kailangang kailangan, ibibigay niya. Totoong totoo ‘to kasi during those times, the exact what we need, dumadating. Tamang oras. Tamang pagkakataon. Hindi ako pinabayaan kahit pakiramdam ko noon, iniwan ako. But, it’s not really the thing. It’s the devil speaking to me because: He saw something really great in the future. Imagine giving up, if I am not being relieved by God’s grace, i might not able to face what I’m facing right now. Thank you Lord for sending graces since then. It’s really your divine protection.

God actually made one of my dreams come true; to have my own place. He made it all possible before I’ll lose Blueberry. He prepared it already because He knows I’ll be working from home to the work he’s about to bless me.

He made me experience Thailand, to travel, to ride on a plane, another dream come true he fulfilled because He gave me something to look forward to when I regain work again.

God didn’t let me go through final interviews and even ended easily at the first-second stages because He knew that if things progresses I’ll accept it early on. He actually considered from then on my attitude and how I think. If all rejections didn’t happen, I wouldn’t learn. That everything happened because it needed to happen to make way to all the things that meant to happen that I’ll be beautiful when it’s the right time. And indeed, it is very beautiful.

2019, I talked to my manager saying I wanted to pursue my UIUX path, because I love designing, but he said, focus on your development skills first, but little did I know, the work he actually prepared to me now, Is I get to design, explore and even build develop websites, which what I really love to do.

A lot of rejections from the companies and little did I know, I’ll research about them on my first day because it’s a competitor to my current company’s business: that I get to do better than those companies.

And, imagine, almost 4 months of being unemployed, and, imagine, He gave me the salary that I missed. The salary that I didn’t received, He blessed me that. Right before I accept the Job offer.

I’m actually in awe right now, that all this time God never abandoned me. He actually prepared everything. He made sure that everything will be beautiful in His time. Indeed, thank God my plans didn’t happen because what’s happening now is actually 1000x better what I just want for me. I was ready to settle to just anything before but God made a way to make it. It His all grace.

I kept thinking before that I got the employment kay ING on the same day and first interview because of Luck, but all along, it’s not. It’s really His grace. All this time, my career journey is about His grace. Up to now, my 7 years of employment journey is about Him, and I wanted it to be for Him.

September is really my redemption month. Is my favorite month. Imagine I got first employment Sept 10, 2018, i resigned to blueberry at May 22, 2025. I started my first day today, September 22, 2025. You are really something, God. It was you, all along.

My prayers is that, I hope I can do things right. And serve him more. That I have a secured mind and heart to finally take good care of His gift and blessings. That I can also share it everyone. That I can also be a blessing to the other people. That when time comes that I fix my finances, I get to help others as well. To show praises to Him.

And lastly, a letter to the past and future Xy:

What you went through was big, it was real, it was painful. It was dark, but It’s worth it right? It’s meant to happen anyway for you to learn your lessons. For you to wake up, for you to make things right after. I’m proud of you and I will always be. You ticked-off some of your dreams already, in this stage, there’s a lot of prayers answered always remember that. It will serve as a reminder that you are doing a great progress. Don’t forget to look back to see that you’ve accomplished many things already. And, always thank yourself for that.

To Xy tomorrow or in the future,

I hope you know what’s the biggest secret of survival: it is to Pray and Trust. It will always that. God loves you so much not to abandon you. You may not understand things spot on but in the near future, it will be. I pray that you give back to the most deserving one of this. I hope you never stop praying and thanking God everyday. That when you get to face rock bottom again, know that Waiting season is the best season because you get to feel and learn a lot and when it’s harvest time; it’s a real harvest time. When waiting season is coming, know that, it’s not just something good, but it’s something best always for as it aligns with God’s will and direction. Know that, God will always be your best friend, your backup. Never forget that. I hope you guard your mind and heart to protect and handle God’s blessings accordingly. And, know, everything will always be okay and be better in God’s time. And always make sure you back yourself up. And your future self will always thank you for and proud of you.

FIRST DAY @ HeyApril // ETG

First day done today 🎉🥳

Today was really a fulfilling one, working from home without even a hassle, finishing at early shift it’s very convenient that I still have so much time afterwards! And realizing that I get to do still what I want to do before, to actually research, design, suggests and develop. A manager that doesn’t monitor you from time to time but trusts you that you can do your job.

Indeed, a Thank You Lord for making me wait for this. It’s all making sense why wait is necessary and why I even need to go through those rejections from those companies because little did I know those companies that rejects me and ghosted me i’m actually researching about them now.

THE WAR IS OVER 😭😭😭

This is so unexpected. Ibang iba gumalaw si Lord. Ibang iba ka talaga. I’m writing this to remind myself in the future that God is really in control of everything. He’ll give you the exact desires of your heart according to His perfect timing. God will never do something that won’t make sense in the future. The long wait is really worth it.

Grabe yung peace nung interview na’to. Imagine, I didn’t prepare anything for this interview yet God sent me the right people, the right timing. It’s really challenging for me this season, but now, I finally saw the light. I finally realized that what was lost is meant to be replaced by something doubled. Hinding hindi mo nga ako pinabayaan Lord. Umaapaw yung blessings ngayon. I’m praying that I get to protect your blessings, I get to learn how to give value to them.

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Dear Lord,

Thank you sa plot twist ng 2025. Thank you kasi never kang nagfail sa mga promises mo, my life was a mess but all throughout, hindi ako naka experience ng hunger, na kahit minsan hindi namin alam san kukuha, at pag kailangan na, naibibigay mo. May dumadating pa rin, mahal na mahal mo nga ako Lord. I know nawala si Night, Lord pero alam ko po may dahilan ka kung bakit. At magtitiwala ako kahit hindi nagma-make sense. At alam ko lahat ng ito ay dahil sa’yo, galing sa’yo, kaya Lord tulungan mo ko, i-guide mo ako, yung puso at isip ko to honor you more out of this blessings and gifts. It’s really indeed not luck it’s BY YOUR GRACE. By this employment, I pray that I can get to honor you more and serve what’s my purpose. I pray that I can bless others as well.

What happened was meant to happen cause you know if that didn’t happen, I won’t move. You removed all people because You know something or hearing something that I do not know.

Thank you Lord kasi hindi lang ako yung bliness mo pati buong family ko, employment lang hinihingi ko so that I can help my family but Lord pati sila bliness mo kasi alam mong ayaw mo kong mag carry ng another burden. You broke the cycle for me so that I can start new and fresh. Indeed, Lord. Iba ka talaga mag-mahal, sobra pa sa sobra, umaapaw. My prayers will always for you to help me be the person that you want me to be and to take care of your blessings well. To finally step into better me.

To my baby night,

Having a black cat is one of my dream. I’m so lucky that na nakilala kita, nakasama kita. Napili natin ang isa’t isa sa kahit sobrang iksing pagkakataon. You’re so pogi, so lambing, matakaw nga lang ng sobra parang palaging hindi pinapakain. But nonetheless, I’m so glad i get to take care of you even for just a year.

You came to last Sept 4, 2023 and you left me Sept 4, 2025. Exactly 2 years. I’m sorry I didn’t able to know what’s the cause of your death, I’m sorry I’m unemployed and somewhat neglected you or your needs, my baby night. But I know alam mong nahihirapan si meowmy, alam mong if alam ko lang, ilalaban ko yung hospitalization mo kahit anong mangyari pero you didn’t let me see the signs, bigla na lang. Pero bago ka tuluyang nawala, inintay mo ko. Nagpaalam ka pa rin, sinave mo energy mo hanggang ma hold kita.

Maraming maraming salamat, night. Ako, si meowdy mo, at lalong lalo na si stormy, sobrang happy kami na nakilala ka namin. Na napasaya mo kami.

Run free my baby. We’ll be okay. I’ll take so much care with Stormy. Gabayan mo kami always. Magkikita na kayo ni Lolo Edgar mo sa heaven. Say hi for me, okay?

It is starting to magnify. To be louder. I’m starting to vomit. I don’t want it. I’m trying to fight it.

I am starting to feel scared, to get anxious. I’m so tired. I’m so done with the phase of rejection after rejection but now, i’m so tired of ghosting, they make you believe that they will reach out earliest possible, but they won’t. They will ghost you. They won’t say any word. They will left you hanging. I’m so tired in this phase. I know, thank you Lord for the opportunities that I get to be interviewed because it’s for me, I get to improve and improve. But Lord, this is so tiring. I’m so done waiting after waiting after waiting, i feel so empty Lord. I’m so tired putting much efforts to things that weren’t meant. Ayoko na po Lord. Pwede po ba tama na po? Alam ko may tinu-turo at chine-change ka pa, pero Lord, pagod na pagod na po ako. Gustung gusto ko po ng pahinga, gusto ko na po ng assurance, gusto ko na po ng stable. Gusto ko na po ng saya. Gusto ko na po ng sigurado Lord. Okay lang po ba skip na tayo dito Lord? Promise Lord I’m learning na po. Gusto ko na po maka-bangon, gusto ko na po tumayo, napapagod na po ako sa madadapa, babangon, madadapa babangon madadapa cycle Lord. Over na po ako dito. It is really breaking my heart. Yung stress ko po Lord sobra sobra na po eh, nasusuka na ako sa bawat application, eto na lang po ba ako Lord? Chasing opportunities over opportunities? Hanggang kelan pa po Lord? Matagal pa po ba? Isang panalo lang po Lord oh. Isang plot twist, isang good news, isa lang Lord.

I’m out of words today, but. i am so tired.

Tired waking up every morning thinking what now? what’s next?

Tired of madadapa tapos babangon tapos magsisimula nanaman sa simula.

Lord, please hear my prayers.

Lord, I badly wanted to be hired by this company. But I guess, I need to let it go. They said that hiring process is just faster because they value employees and know that they have other applications. But what happened Lord?

My heart really wanted there. But, maybe it wasn’t Your plan Lord. And, i’m letting it go now. Maybe this wasn’t it. Baka may better ka pa, na akala ko lang yun na yung better. May plano ka pa. May para sakin. May hinahanda ka pang galing sayo at may dahilan ka. Hindi ko pa man makita ngayon, in time, i will understand. And i will surely thank you for that. I know You will bless me to what aligns to your plans for me. And it’s for the better. Kung galing sa’yo, walang makakapigil, hindi ko kailangang pagpilitan at pagtuunan ng worries.

May darating. May pangako ka. May para sakin. Kasama kita, sapat na. Hindi lang sapat, sobra pa. Tulungan mo ako palaging maalala na kasama kita, at lahat ng ito may dahilan ka. May nagiintay na mas mabuti at mas tama para sakin na galing sayo.

If this setbacks, challenges are meant to lead me to you. Okay lang Lord. Panaluhin natin yung relationship ko sayo.

I had breakdown this morning. Feeling like i’m being forgotten by God. I kept on asking for Him to comfort me and hug me today. Before the day ends, my boyfriend asked me to go to his unit and have a dinner with him. He even gave me oreo ice cream randomly.

I felt like it’s God. God is sending me comfort through my boyfriend everyday. I’m getting goosebumps how is this happening.

Hindi ako mag-isa. Hindi ako napagiiwanan. Hindi ako pinapabayaan. Hindi ako kinakalimutan.

Thank you Lord for the life of my boyfriend. We’ve been through a lot, before that we mostly fight and most of the time breakup, but right now? By your grace, it’s stable enough. Thank you Lord for giving me a boyfriend that I didn’t know I needed. Right now, we are facing life together, and I know what’s happening is a preparation for our future. I know everything will be worth it in Your time.

I’m sorry for breaking down earlier Lord. Sometimes, things are getting out of hand for me, i’m tired. I’m really tired Lord. I wanted to get back for my family, for my loved ones. I want to make our life better. I want to provide again but I know I can’t really give freely if I alone is not okay within, I know that’s what teaching me. Help me to be myself again Lord, the one that keeps seeking You. The one that keeps calling your name and aligning your plans. I pray Lord God that I will be employed before August 2025 ends. I wanted to align in your plans but dear Lord please grant my heart wishes for my family and for me to honor you more by blessing others. Please help me seek you and trust you even more.

Thank you Lord for a focus day. It’s kinda quiet today compared yesterday but I still thank God for giving me a day to focus on my skills to prepare myself for the coming days.

May God help me retain the knowledge i acquired today. I pray Lord God that help me to focus more on finding Your purpose and just trusting that You have a better plan coming sooner.

First things first, I wanna thank God for this today. As I’ve said to myself, I’ll start finding one thing a day to be grateful for. But, yea, I got a lot of phone interviews today, most of the companies are being my application and actually contacting me, maybe it’s hiring season already, but I feel like i’m being seen and considered already (from before ((july)) that no one’s even calling me and my applications are auto rejected or just being viewed), I know God is making something. I have this peace and belief that everything will workout according to His plans, grace and goodness. I know He will not forsake me, He brought me here for a reason. And believing and trusting Him made me this far. It’s unexplainable peace that is within but I know i’m guided and surrounded by Him.

I know this is just part of the first steps and I still many things can happen along the way, the ghosting phase after the phone interviews, the not being selected for next steps, the failed exams but I know God will make a way if it’s His will. It’s not about me, how great I am, but how great He is and His plans. It’s always Him who can do things possible. I sometimes feel incapable but I know and I will make a way to do my best of things.

I can’t understand what I’m feeling, i’m at peace because I know God can turn all of this worries and anxieties into one of His great stories.

But, I’m sure something changed within me.

I failed one exam again that I wanted to be hired to, I used to question God “why” and hate him, but right now, i said to myself and to God, “then, maybe Lord this isn’t this yet. you are protecting me. you’re still in the process.” Now, i understand and trusting that it’s a no, it’s just a not yet from Him. Not yet until i get to understand myself first, not yet until i can recover from burnout, not yet until i can do my best again, not yet until i can get myself backed up again, He is giving me time. He is changing my character for me to handle what’s coming, to finally change the patterns, no one is rushing me.

Today, I decided to always find one thing. THAT ONE THING. Before I sleep, one thing I want to thank God for. I realized that, shifting pov and how I think matters, that I don’t dwell what wasn’t happen that I wanted to, that I want to find what’s still good, what i can focused on.

Maybe this is God’s way of saying,

“I’m giving you the time to rebuild yourself. To re-learn yourself. To finally forgive yourself, from things that you didn’t do, what you did, forgive yourself for being weak, forgive yourself for feeling that you are enough. Because for me, your love to me is enough. Just seek me and ako na ang bahala sa’yo.”

I’m the only one rushing myself, but there’s always a time to get back up again. Life happens, adulting happens, it’s a part of life. But really, what’s the purpose of all of it? What’s the purpose of why i’m living? Still in question. But right now, I want to seek more of Him. I will understand it more as time passes by. What matters now is i’m walking with faith, faith in Him.

I know there will be a lot of tests but it will always be a testimony of how great God is. He brought me here alive for a reason. I hope I can find that reason one day.

Unemployment? This is just a phase. This is just temporary. If there’s one door closed, one will open. I know, i know that all will workout. My story is not done yet. Still beginning. I’m still being hone to who i’m supposed to be, i’m still young and God has best plans for me.

So, I’m choosing to be kinder to myself. If I can be kind to others, why can’t I for myself? I deserve that same treatment too. I am also a human being. I am my own backup and God.

Lord, ikaw na po ang bahala sa’kin. Pinagkakatiwala ko na po sa’yo. Guard my heart and mind. I wanna live by Your purpose. Someday, I know I will understand your plans. Lord, i’m excited what’s ahead. Help me be capable of those, help me to be able to handle them well. And may my mind and heart reminded that it’s you, it’s always you that matters. You have reason, you have plans. I am letting go the fear because I’m entrusting this all to You. Peace started to come in because of faith. Thank you Lord i can just run into you anytime i needed to. Hold me, guide me, shape me. Forgive me from all the things I did and what I can do but help me do what you want me to do. Open my eyes and heart to You more. Someday, I know I’ll rejoice and I won’t stop shouting and thanking You for not leaving me. Lord, alam ko ipapanalo mo ako sa tamang panahon pero sa ngayon tulungan at samahan mo akong ayusin yung sarili ko para ma enjoy kung ano man yung parating.

🎬 I Still Believe (2020)

I was moved by this movie. It’s a real life story.

- We may not understand God’s way or plans but there’s always a reason. I’m still speechless but it really moved me. Still contemplating, maybe i can’t put all of it into words. But God moved my heart.

- He can make all the impossible possible we just have to believe.