Waste of Space

"Wrap it up, Caez. We’re done here." Kylo walked to the outer edge of the area where they had been training. They'd spent a good portion of their session relearning many of the basics of fighting with a lightsaber. Since Caez had shown very little improvement with using said saber in the heat of battle, Kylo decided it was important that they practice more. Normally, they would have been dragging out of sheer boredom, but Kylo permitted them the use of a real saber so they would, once again, get used to being cautious with an ignited blade. He was also well aware that they’d be more alert if they used the real thing to practice with. It felt redundant to Kylo, but there were only so many times he could stand watching them discard the saber for a blaster in the middle of a fight. He knew they had the skills necessary to wield the blade, but they weren't confident with using it. He was determined to fix that. Caez was now gathering their things from the area, while haphazardly twirling the handle of the saber in their free hand. Perhaps they were becoming too confident with it.

Ren sighed through his nose, and scolded them, “Fast way to lose a hand.”

Caez scoffed and set the saber down while they pulled on their boots, “Sure. Because I’m that incompetent.”

Caez kept working their boots onto their feet, half halfheartedly hoping he wouldn’t continue to scold them. They were almost too tired to torment him any further. Almost. Of course, he must’ve sensed that, “You’ve had your moments.”

“Shut up.” they huffed and stood, tossing the saber flippantly in the air, and catching it again, “I’m much more adjusted to the handle. See?”

It took everything in him not to force pull the saber out of their grip. Caez was notoriously reckless, yes, but that was usually only with themselves, or other people. He’d known Caez to be very careful and particular about the things they had been given since they joined the Order. They’d always kept their uniform and cape impeccably well kept, and they even still had the first blaster they’d been given as a recruit. Caez wasn’t tossing their fairly new lightsaber around because they were careless. They were doing it to annoy him; and annoyed he was.

Still, Kylo remained unmoved by the display. He watched as they twirled the saber even more carelessly, tossing it over their shoulder and overall just making an absolute ass of themselves. He imagined the possibility of them accidentally igniting the saber mid-toss. He almost even enjoyed the thought for a half-second before feeling guilty that the it had even crossed his mind. God forbid they actually DID lose a hand.

“What? Is this bothering you?” Caez teased, shaking the saber in his direction playfully before tossing it up again. Only this time, the saber flew higher up than they expected, and when they leaned back to catch it, their hand slipped and the butt end of the handle socked them straight in the eye with a painful thud.

“SHIT.” they cursed, holding their injured eye as the saber clattered to the mat below them. The eye was immediately red with tears and swelling. Caez clenched a fist in front of the socket to put pressure on it in a desperate attempt to lessen the immediate pain, when suddenly, a strangled noise to their right caught their attention.

They looked up at Kylo in bewilderment, “What?”

His face was screwed into an awkward mask of pity and humor, but as soon as Caez glared at him with their reddening eye, he broke into a wide grin, and let out a unexpected laugh. The sight alone was so alien to Caez. They stared at him, mouth agape, before straightening up, “You’re laughing?”

“Serves you right.” he grinned and crossed his arms, still chuckling under his breath, “That’s going to bruise.”

Caez was dumbfounded. After all the time they’d had the misfortune of keeping Kylo company, they’d never done anything that warranted such an uncharacteristic reaction from him.

“You think that’s funny!” they raised their voice and snatched the saber off of the floor, “You’re unbelievable! Don’t laugh!”

Of course, this only made him laugh more. He at least had the decency to try to silence himself by covering his mouth with his hand, but his eyes and laugh lines betrayed the smile underneath. As fake-offended as Caez was, they were just trying to maintain a level of indifference towards how endearing the display was. It was disgusting. When did this man become so painfully human?

Caez stole one last glance at the odd, yet charming way his face contorted around such an unfamiliar expression, and turned to leave, “Okay, let’s go.”

Kylo followed closely, shamelessly admiring the nice bruise that was starting to collect under Caez’s eye. Some lessons were best learned the hard way. He laughed under his breath.

"I'm not surprised that you keep company with the worst people."

Caez waved a goodbye to Rhell and turned to look at Kylo, "You mean YOU?"

He scoffed. He shouldn't have been surprised. Caez was notorious for befriending some of the most questionable people in the Galaxy. Why would Rhell or Kii be any different?

"Your poor taste in friends doesn't extend to me." He motioned for them to follow as he began to make his way down the corridor, "Who else has your best interests in mind?"

"I could name a handful of people, actually. None of which have tried to kill me either." They shrugged.

They heard him sigh. It'd been so long since the training incident, yet Caez refused to indulge him with any ounce of forgiveness.

"You've also never provoked any of them to do so." He argued.

"You want to get into this again? You're really not doing yourself any favors, Kylo." They groaned, "What business is it of yours who I spend my free time with anyway?"

"It's important that you don't allow anyone to distract you from your training." He answered, "You're drawn to trouble. We can't afford anymore set backs in your progress."

Caez laughed, "I get it. You're jealous."

"Don't get ahead of yourself."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you never seemed to be bothered by my 'set backs' when YOU were the distraction?" They continued.

He didn't respond. His pace quickened just enough for Caez to notice, and they grinned.

"I knew it." They teased, "You don't like to share."

"Enough." He grumbled, slowing down to a halt.

"I thought you seemed a bit pricklier than usual when I started spending time with Amira, but wow-" they smugly crossed their arms, "You really are jealous!"

The words had barely left their shit eating grin before Kylo clamped a large hand around their mouth, digging the skin of their cheeks into their teeth, "I said ENOUGH,"

They ripped his hand away before glaring at him, "Maybe I'd spend more time with you if you didn't fucking manhandle me all the damn time!"

"Learn to hold your tongue-" he gritted his teeth and started to head off again, Caez dutifully following, "And maybe I won't lose my temper."

"I'll believe it when I see it." They grumbled.

“Caez, stop!”

They whipped around suddenly, and saw the familiar figure dressed in amber running towards them. No. No, not this dream again.

They wanted to scream, to run away, anything. Anything than relive this nightmare.

Instead, as they had so many times before, they ignited their saber and lunged after the man. His face was blurred, warped. Unrecognizable. He dodged, obviously surprised, but immediately blocked their next swing with his own teal lightsaber.

Caez knew this routine so well. They wished they could wake themselves up. Ignore this old vision. There was nothing they could do but watch as the fight continued and ended with the burning heat of the teal blade piercing their chest.

Caez gasped in shock, and grabbed onto the unfamiliar man to keep from falling over.

“I’m so sorry…’ he cried into their hair, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me…”

His words were merely background noise as Caez silently screamed through the pain. They were dying. Dying again. This was how it ended. They’d wake up any moment now.

But their eyes didn’t open. The pain didn’t dwindle as it had so routinely done before.

No. No.

The man was pulling away from their embrace. Caez begged themselves to wake up as the teal blade in their sternum turned into an unmistakable red.

Their breath caught, watching as the unrecognizable man dressed in brown slowly shifted into a face they had grown so familiar with: Kylo.

“Thank you.” his voice barely above a whisper; his lightsaber burning straight through them. His expression was pained, and relieved. It was so wildly unfamiliar to them.

Through the pain and sudden shock of the change of scenery, Caez noticed they were standing on a long platform over a deep, mechanical pit. They realized the hand on Kylo’s cheek was not their own. It was much larger, worn with age. This was someone else’s vision…

Ben!

Caez awoke with a jolt. Their heart thumped loudly in their ears. It took them a few seconds to realize they were laying safely, unscathed in a dark bed. Their hands were trembling as they shifted, trailing their hands across the sheets to confirm that they were, in fact, awake and alive.

They frowned. This wasn’t their bed.

Oh.

They sat up quickly. That’s right. They’d fallen asleep in Kylo’s room, and without his permission. He was going to be pissed, if he wasn’t already.

Before they could attempt an escape, they saw him sitting on the bed next to them. Their stomach dropped for a split second before they realized he wasn’t looking at them.

He was sitting on top of the sheets, fully clothed, boots and all, and his back against the wall. With his legs stretched out, hands relaxed in his lap, and his chin pressed against his chest, Caez concluded that he had fallen asleep like that.

Caez’s heart rate slowed to a normal pace. He’d let them stay there. Even after all of his protesting, he didn’t force Caez out after all. While they were grateful that he’d let them rest without interruption, they felt incredibly guilty that he wasn’t able to sleep comfortably in his own bed because of them.

Then, a suspicion. Was that why that dream Kylo had been forced into their reoccurring nightmare? He seemed so out of place. Had they somehow been projecting their dreams over to him, and vice versa? They’d never slept close enough to a force user to know for sure that that’s what had happened, but Kylo had accused them of projecting their thoughts unintentionally in the past.

There was only one way to find out.

They sat up on their knees, and cautiously leaned closer to him. As quietly as possible, they raised a hand to his temple, praying to whatever gods that he wouldn’t wake and catch them in the act.

They’d never done this before. They’d tried, with lower ranking recruits, but hadn’t been exceptionally successful. Ren had done it a hundred times, and then some, so it couldn’t be that hard, could it?

Damnit.

Any attempt to focus was a failed one with Caez. It didn’t take long before they were no longer trying to use the Force to read his mind, but instead brushing the hair away from his face. He looked disheveled. The red light on the wall played with the shadows on his face, and for a moment, Caez could have sworn he was someone entirely different.

Come to think of it, they’d never seen him so at peace. It was such an awful cliche.

This is inappropriate, they thought, admiring the soft heave of his chest as he breathed, I should go. Shouldn’t be staring at him like a creep.

The thought slipped their mind completely as their fingers ghosted over the lines on his cheek, and he flinched.

MISTAKE.

Kylo had gripped Caez’s wrist and turned to face them so quickly, they jumped. His piercing glare was oh-so familiar, and Caez had suddenly forgotten why they had been so enamored by his sleeping face in the first place.

“What are you doing?” his voice was hoarse and quiet. He wasn’t fully awake.

“Nothing, I’m-” they tried to pull back, but he held them in place, never blinking

“What. Are you. Doing.” he demanded.

“I was just…” they swallowed, and looked away, “I think I saw one of your dreams.”

He blinked, and slowly let go of their hand, “Why do you say that?”

Caez pulled their legs out from under them and leaned against the wall next to him. Their mouth was suddenly very dry.

“I-” they couldn’t get the words out at first. They cleared their throat, “Who’s Ben?”

There was a sharp inhale from Kylo before the room fell into a dark silence. He didn’t move or look away for what felt like hours. Caez shifted uncomfortably before shaking their head, “No, I’m sorry. I should go.”

They started to move off the bed when Kylo placed a hand on theirs cautiously. They glanced at it, before looking back at him. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from his lap.